Odetober Day 1 : Poison/Fear

Somniphobia and other painful self indulgences

 

Poison; Fear

[I Hate That Guy]

 

 

Fear is a poison that eats your soul.

Fear of loneliness, fear of inadequacy, fear of loss.

Fear of the fear itself becoming a self fulfilling prophecy.

 

 

Wonwoo was locked away in his studio. He’d been pretending to write but he was locked in a battle with his own mind. Writers Block was killing him softly and leaving him bloodless and cold.

 

He wasn’t afraid of his fans, his company or the general public, he was only afraid of one thing. Letting Mingyu down.

 

The man looked at him like the sun shone out of his and that was what scared Wonwoo more than anything else. His fear of embarrassing himself, of laying himself too bare, of exposing his innermost feelings was a poison creeping through his veins and straight into his soul.

 

He remembered a time, a while ago, when Mingyu first started working for him. Mingyu had disregarded his stress and taken him to the beach and inspired almost every song on his debut album. Now he was trying to write his fourth and it was expected to be released to acclaim and applause.

 

Success.

A blessing and a curse.

 

Expectation.

A weight on his shoulders to either force him to transform under pressure or be crushed forever.

 

“Wonwoo?” The voice called out softly, he knew Mingyu would be trying to not disturb him, he also knew the man was about to roll in like a hurricane. And he did. Tall and golden, suited to perfection in bespoke Armani, a tray of coffees balancing precariously like paint waiting to splatter his suit like abstract artwork. “Wonwoo?” He called our again and when the idol stood up Mingyu hastened towards him. The smile on his face spread broad and wide and Wonwoo jumped over the couch and grabbed the cup tray just in time to save the two thousand dollar suit from disaster.

 

“Thanks for the coffee Gyu,” Wonwoo said and Mingyu’s eyes sparkled as he took one from the table where they’d been safely deposited. “Can you show me what you’ve done?”

 

No, Wonwoo wanted to scream, no I can’t.

 

I have nothing.

I am nothing.

I’ve done nothing.

 

 

He tried to smile awkwardly but it didn’t work. Their intimacy was as revealing as it was protective and Mingyu saw right through him.

 

“You’re having a hard time,” he said and it wasn’t a question.

 

He opened his arms and Wonwoo crawled inside them. He wanted to fold himself up and climb inside Mingyu’s skin, to live warm and secure, to bathe deep in his smile.

 

Mingyu didn’t say anything else. He didn’t need to. He sat and rocked the man in his arms like a baby until his sobs turned to sniffles and finally to silence.

 

 

“Everything will be fine Wonwoo. Let’s take a break from this place.” Mingyu stood up and handed Wonwoo his notebook and pen. He grabbed the coffees with the other and held tight to Wonwoo’s hand as he led him down the corridor of the company building. The coffees wobbled and seemed ready to fall but Wonwoo didn’t care. He imagined them spilling all over Mingyu, how disappointed and embarrassed he’d be, his lips drawn into a pout while he squatted and mopped up his mess. He’d seen it a thousand times before, his love was almost famous for his dropping and spilling, and a wide smile soon turned into a giggle.

 

The dark clouds were starting to clear again and Wonwoo silently gave thanks to whatever of fate brought the clumsy giant into his life.

 

Fear. A poison.

 

Not so frightening if you have the cure in hand.

 

 

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Comments

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crisstar132 #1
Chapter 8: That grind Drabble though 😭
-icedmatcha #2
Chapter 9: if you wrote an avatar au i would actually cry in happiness
valmydude
#3
Chapter 9: :>
valmydude
#4
Chapter 7: beautiful!
bluequartz_a
#5
Oh my yes.