I supposed that it was true when they said how humans tend to do something against their own words or do the opposite of what they are told. I, for instance, was like that. You could ask Yewon and Sowon-unnie about it and they'll say the same thing-- that I'm the exact example of those kinds of people. I'm one that'll do something even though I'm told not to do so. Ever heard of the famous saying? That forbidden fruit tastes so much sweeter? I didn't know the phrase up till Yewon had pointed it out on me. How I'm someone who enjoyed doing something I'm told not to do. It's a point, that I, of course, am pretty in denial about.

I'm a scaredy-cat. I admit, so don't tell Sowon-unnie, okay? I'm sure to receive a lot of teases if she ever knew about it. But yeah, I'm that kind of person. I'm scared of risk and uncertainty. There's no way in hell that I would try to do something without any reassurance, there are far too many risks, and I am in no way ready to face all of it.

But as I dropped Hyun by the daycare, and told Yewon about going to take a look at Yerin. I supposed she was right to point it out again. That I'm someone who does the exact opposite of what I was told. In this case, however, I didn't go against anyone else's words, I went against my own.

I'm sure there's something called to it, to that behavior, but I am in no mood to play psychologist here. Don't blame me though! There are just far too many things going on in my head and thinking of a simpler term to my behavior is not on my priority list.

Was it the temptation? I remember one time when I attended one of Yewon's bible lessons, about how Eve had eaten that forbidden fruit offered to her, even while knowing that she shouldn't. As for me though, I could presume that the forbidden fruit was Yerin, and my emotions represent that snake that tempted Eve into eating that forbidden fruit. But as for my case, emotions aren't something that had tempted me, it was something that had pushed me to take that forbidden fruit, hopeless and stupidly.

A wise man once said, never let your emotions get in the way of making the right decision. But can you really oppose something that's somehow your inner demon? Is there a chance to fight off against an emotion that could cause you insomnia, restlessness, and nervousness all at once? Is it possible to oppose something as strong as love?

Those were my very same thoughts as I continued driving. It was like the more I drive forward, the more I'm rushing towards that road of predetermined pain along the way and uncertain happy ending. I imagine that such actions of mine will prove the hypothesis of earlier-- that humans tend to go against their own words. That despite knowing how bad it'll turn up, we still moved on towards that direction. I supposed it was stupid, but I'm crazily doing it as of the moment.

I knew how painful it was to be left behind. I know what it felt like to be rejected by the world. I had already experienced it beforehand and I had enough dose of the pain that love could have caused. I knew and that's why I swore to protect myself in seclusion. It had taken me years to build such an impenetrable wall. Piece by piece I had put all those bricks o cold face just so I could stop intruders in entering my heart.

But in the end, as I parked my car in front of that familiar apartment complex, I knew that I too like Eve had chosen to eat that forbidden fruit. That I had chosen to jump at that dark pit full of uncertainty, and that I was the one to break those walls I had built to protect myself. I had rushed over the road of uncertainty and pain on my own accord. And as I entered that door, I knew then that there's no turning back. That the pain and loneliness that I'll feel in the end will be blamed to no one but myself. It wasn't because Hyun had cried, nor was it because Yerin was bedridden sick right now. It was simply because I chose to take that risk-- It was simply because I chose to stay by her.

I had chosen to break my own walls and open my fragile heart for both of them to enter. I let them in despite knowing that if I was ever left behind again, then the pieces of my broken self will be far harder for me to glue altogether. Because I chose to jump right down the cliff without any parachute and assistance despite knowing that there'll be nothing but the stone-cold floors w