Jung Yerin 

I don’t want to live, what should I do

Without you in my life

It’s better to act like I don’t know

Because like this the sadness is driving me insane

They say that there was a certain point in our lives in which we chose to give up everything. We came across a challenge that will make us stop and think for a moment, "Is it really worth it?" Then you'll look in front of you, those long seemingly endless stairs suddenly felt longer, and every step you take becomes heavier. It's suddenly harder, and you'll have to take a break to think whether you'll stay or continue.

It would be a lie that there was never a point in my life that I came to such a conclusion; to stop.

It was as if you're always at the bottom, and hard work is only taunting you. And so I wonder as I listen to this song, what was Jonghyun thinking when he wrote this piece? Was it the pain that he was trying to convey? Was his songs the message he can't relay?

This song made me doze off a little as I waited while listening to some music, and I couldn't help but feel a sting when 'that' verse ring to my ears with his voice. The sadness indeed was driving me insane, and I suddenly didn't want to live.

That was what I thought when he first said those words to me, "Y-You're pregnant?" His voice was shaky, and his eyes kept darting back and forth. All my expectations for him were gone like a bubble when he did so, and I was ready for the worst when he took that shaky breath.

"Abandon the kid." He looked at me with so much determination, yet his voice quiver when he finally faced me.

All I saw was vulnerability and fear but more importantly, I can no longer see love from them. His eyes were clouded by all the worst possible scenarios that he forgot that the baby he wanted to abandon was the fruit of our love and promises of facing the future together. But then and there I knew that promises are meant to be broken in one's breaking point.

I can still remember the look on his face when I told him about our child and the words he told me kept on ringing in my ears whenever I close my eyes, it was as if he was mocking me and I can no longer feel the love we once had.

"Let's break up." That was my reply. Because back then I knew, that our love simply wasn't enough to get through that thickness in our life.

"Promises are stupid..." I mumbled as I let that one tear fell from my eye, letting go of that sad nostalgia alone in an empty hall.

"Of course. Promises are meant to be broken after all." Just, I never expected that someone will see me at my down point. 

"S-SinB..." All I could do was call her name in surprise, quite unsure of what to do. I didn't want her to the side that side of me, in fact, I never let anyone but myself hear such disheartening words, afraid what she'll say. 

But instead, all I got was her kind laughter. The way she smiled at me showed no signs of pity or pretension; just that kind empathetic smile she was always ready to show