/AN: Another lame *ss update from my phone because I couldn't sleep. Welp, I hope someone could enjoy this./

In between. You are my in between, the gray to the white and black world I convinced myself, the threshold I'm walking into everytime I cross another chapter of my life, the tree Odysseus clung on to to be spare of Scylla's and Charybdis' wrath, the interstice I wish I could go into when I had too much, I was so sure you are my in between.
Two decades, I believed in that for two decades. You're the person I hate and love so much but right now, right now seeing you with another, I am sure, I am sure that I love you more than I hate you. You were never my in between, but yes, you are the gray to my white and black world, my threshold yet you were also in every chapter of my life, my tree yet the Scylla and Charybdis in my life, my interstice. You, you are my everything. I wish I had realized it sooner but would that change a thing? Would I be the man you're clinging on to now? Would I be the man holding your hand? Would I be the man you are looking that way? Would I be him? No. No. I wouldn't and I couldn't because I was never a man to begin with and you, you wanted a man.

Three years? Five years? How many years was it? Does it matter? I guess it doesn't because in that five years, damn, three years, you love me, but I, I ed everything up because I am a freaking blackhole, anyone who would dare to be close with me, would succumb into the pain I am experiencing, and because of that I broke you, I shattered you. I'm not going to lie, I wanted you back because I'm selfish, because I needed you but when I remembered how I broke you and how he fixed you again and made you happy, I took a step back. I am not winning you back even if I can, I am not breaking you again. I will suffer alone because that's what I deserve.

Two christmases. This would be the second Christmas I wouldn't see nor hear anything from you, so what does a lonely person like me do? Drink until the alcohol numbs the pain. I collapsed in the bar that I forgot the name of, when suddenly someone approaches me.

"Wake up. Lady? Wake up