It’s pretty weird.

Is it the character? Or is it the feelings? But the urge is too strong that it’s too difficult to handle. It has gone beyond my logic or habit. It’s strange.

“Jaewook,” I heard my manager say.

“Huh?”

“I’ll go home now. Don’t forget the wrap up party tomorrow,” he said, rumbling with his things getting ready to go home.

“What time will you pick me up?”

“I’ll tell you tomorrow morning.”

He put on his jacket and walked to my apartment door.

“Alright. Thanks,”

“Welcome. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said while going out of my apartment.

And there I was left alone. Wondering what I should do. These thoughts—or feelings, I guess—have been bugging me ever since we’re done filming. I did everything I usually do after a drama or a movie ends. I make a distance from everyone involved and purposely meeting with my old friends. To me it is necessary to release from the character—to bring ‘Jaewook’ back. But never once I felt the urge to see my partner every now and then. The worst after-effect I had was when it felt like I was still living in the setting of the story, or following the habits of my character without me realizing it. But it’s almost never about the people. Definitely not the female counterparts. But now I only want to see Min Young. Or is it Sung Deokmi? Did I fall for a fictional character? Have I gone mad?

I looked at the clock, it was 10 pm. I think I can go out for a bit. Let’s see if a night walk can help me clear my head.

*

I saw a door in front of me and started to curse my feet. How did they move without my consent? How did I get here? Let’s just go back, Kim Jaewook. She may not be home anyway.

Click

Wait. The door knob is turning. Is it opening?

“Oppa?”

***

Am I seeing things? Is this Jaewook oppa in front of my door right now?

“Hi,”

Wait. He talks. Let’s try asking a question once just to make sure.

“What are you doing here?”

“Um, I. want to see you?”

I looked down and thought, is this a hallucination again because he’s saying things I wanted to hear?

“Are you going out?” he asked.

Alright. Now this seems to be real. Get a grip, Minyoung-ah. Don’t say things you shouldn’t say.

“Yes.” I said, finally found my voice again. “Just to the minimarket, though.”

“Ah, I see.”

Now we both stared at each other, not saying a word.

“May I go with you?” he then asked.

“Uhm.. Sure.” It’s not like I can say no anyway.

We both walked to the elevator together. Wait, is it the first time? We walked to my apartment together a few times with the writers to discuss about the script, but it was never me and him only.

Ding

The elevator door opened and he waited for me to come in first. It was empty, but I put on my mask out of habit. He seemed to realize that and did the same thing beside me. Did he not put on the mask on the way here before? Let’s just hope that there was no reporter outside.

“Minyoung-ah,”

Damn it. Why does his voice, his tone when he called me could be that alluring?

“Yes?”

“Don’t you find it weird to see me here?”

“Uhm… Yeah, I guess?”

I saw him putting his right hand on his face before saying, “I’m sorry if it’s uncomfortable for you.”

“Well, not really.. it’s okay, actually.”

It’s more than okay because I’ve been wanting to see him for no reason but great job for still making a straight face while answering, Minyoung-ah. The years of acting pay off.

He got silent again for some time, looking down while still putting his hands on his jeans pocket. It’s starting to get a little bit uncomfortable so I thought I needed to say something.

“Want to drink?”

“Sorry?”

Okay, Park Minyoung. Bad choice of question.

“I mean, I didn’t mean going to a bar or anything. Just a can of beer or two in the minimarket.”

“Ah, sure. I don’t bring my car anyway. I don’t have to drive later,” he said.

“You don’t? So how did you get here?”

“I walked,”

“Walk? Here? From your house?”

“Yeah,” he said, smiling awkwardly.

Now it’s really weird. Did he purposely come to my house, by foot? But his apartment is half an hour away by car.

“So, what did you plan to buy?” he then said.

“Huh? Oh. Beer,” I said, trying to smile. “I ran out of them in the fridge, so, yeah.”

“Have you been drinking a lot?” his tone went up a little.

“Well… not a lot. But recently I need a can or two to sleep.” I said honestly.

“Did something happen?”

He sounded concerned. This was not new, because he’s been very attentive—by my standard, he could be nice to just anyone though—during filming until the end. I could even say that we grew close. I could freely share my worries and he did too. I didn’t realize how much his presence meant to me until I felt his absence. We haven’t been in touch ever since the shooting ended, and I knew he must’ve wanted to release the Ryan Gold out of him. I knew because I needed to let go of Sung Deokmi, too. But I couldn’t seem to lose him in the process. I lost count of how much I opened his contact in my phone but never really called. Did I miss him?

“It’s just.. Something has been bothering me lately.”

“Is it work?”

“Not really? I don’t know. It’s supposed to be just work, though.”

“Want to share about it?”

I smiled without knowing. This situation is like going back to where we were. And it’s comforting me so much. Then I looked at him.

“Doesn’t this feel like we’re still working over the drama?” I said.

“What does?” he said, furrowing his brows.

“This. Talking about what bothers us and whatnot,”

He smiled a little. “Yeah, right.”

“We did talk about a lot of things, don’t you think, Oppa?”

He paused for a moment before answering. “Yeah, we did.”

It was silent again for a moment before I saw him pointing his finger on a place.

“Is that the minimarket that you’re going?” he said.

“Ah, no.” I said. “It’s the closest but it’s always too crowded. There’s another one a little further from here,”

From then we started to talk about how our managers are doing, our stylist and the team. They have grown close to each other too, since our schedule matched a lot during the shooting. It turned out that they still had drinks every now and then.

“It’s there, Oppa.”

He looked at the store and frowned a little. It was not that popular minimarket that he might be thinking.

“This is just a small local store. The owner is an old lady who doesn’t watch much TV. She didn’t even realize that I am an actress the first time I got here. But she’s very kind. She let me hide in here from time to time,” I said, opening the sliding door.

“Ahjumma!” I said, opening my arms to hug an old lady sitting on a chair near the cashier. “How have you been?”

“Aigoo, uri Minyoungie. I’m good.” She said, hugging me back.

“Nice to hear that. I ran out of beer,” I said grinning to her.

“It’s on that shelf as usual. You came with a handsome young man,” she said, whispering the last sentence while pointing her chin at Jaewook oppa.

“He’s an actor. Didn’t you watch my latest drama?”

She put her hand on looking surprised before saying, “Is that Ryan Gold?”

I laughed at her and nodded. “Oppa, let me introduce you to this beautiful lady.”

He walked closer and extended his right hand. “Annyeonghaseyo. My name is Kim Jae Wook,”

“I am Kim Hyeja. I’m only in the second episode because I watch it late but I really like your character as Ryan Gold,”

“Thank you,” he said, smiling.

“I’ll take the beer, ahjumma. Oppa, can you talk with her for a little while? She is lonely these days,” I said.

“Sure,”

***

The store was that classic one that reminded me of my high school days. And looking at how Minyoung talked to the owner, it seemed like she’s a frequent.

“So, are you visiting Minyoung’s house?”

“Ah, yes.”

She reacted to my answer with a smile, but still staring.

“Uhm, it seems like she comes here a lot?” I said, looking at Minyoung who walked here and there around the small store.

“Well I won’t say a lot, but she definitely comes here at least once a month.” She said.

“Ah, I see..” I said. “Do you live here with your kids?”

“Nope. I’m all alone. They used to live here but they need to move out of town for work. That’s why they made this store for me to make me feel less lonely,”

“They’re good kids,”

“Yeah, they are. They made a lot of trouble when they were young but after their father passed away and left me here, they seemed to get a grip,”

She got that motherly smile that made people feel peaceful. I wonder if that was also the reason Minyoung came here.

“By the way,” she said. “It’s the first time for her to bring a friend here,”

“Ah, really?”

“A guy, to be exact. Or shall I say you’re not just a friend?” she said, smiling.

“Ah, we’re not like that ahjumma.” I answered quickly. “Besides, I came unannounced when she was about to go here, so probably she just felt bad if she left me alone.”

“Really? Well, if you said so.”

I tried to smile to her response.

“But is it okay for you two to walk around like this? Won’t there be gossips or something?”

“Hopefully not,”

“If you just want to drink, just use my small backyard. I’m afraid there are some reporters outside,”’

“Thank you, ahjumma. But it will be bothersome for you.”

“No, really. I’m closing anyway. Old woman like me got sleepy at this hour. You can just use it and lock the back door from the outside. I can use the front door later to open it in the morning,”

“But..”

“What is it?” Minyoung said, her hands packed with beers and snack.

“Ahjumma said..” I tried to answer while taking the cans from her and put them on the table.

“I said you can use my backyard if you want to drink,” the ahjumma cut my words. “It won’t be safe outside, right?”

“Ah, you don’t have to do that ahjumma. We might disturb your sleep,” Minyoung quickly answered.

“Nah, you won’t. You’re not some teenagers who got drunk after a can or two. I’m closing now, just use it. It’s not like it’s your first time using it. Then lock the back door as usual,” she said, scanning the things Minyoung brought before putting them in a plastic bag.

“But..”

“Here’s the receipt. Just put the money here. I’m too sleepy to count and all, okay?” she said, locking the door of the store then walked inside.

“Ahjumma..” Minyoung said.

“Don’t forget to lock the back door, Minyoung-ah,”

And then she left us there. We both froze before I decided to say something.

“Actually… I’m fine, Minyoung-ah. I came unannounced not knowing what you’re up to. I can just walk you back home. I don’t want to ruin your night,”

She stared at me when I said it. Did I say anything wrong?

She sighed and then said, “Okay, then. I thought you wanted to chat,”

“I do,” I answered a little too quickly. “But I don’t want to disturb you either,”

“You’re not,” she said. “Honestly, the backyard is not a bad idea. Sometimes I chat with ahjumma there, too.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Uhm.. I’m okay,”

It’s difficult to read her expression. Did she mind but she felt bad after knowing I walked here? But I sure still wanted to be with her.

“Okay then,”

She smiled a little before looking down and took the plastic bags. “This way,”

I followed her to a door near a fridge and there was a small backyard. It was just grass and a big tree, I was guessing this must be where ahjumma’s grandchildren would be playing.

“Ah, right. The chair,” she said suddenly. “Oppa, would you please take the plastic chairs at the cashier counter?”

“Sure,” I said, walking back. There was one the ahjumma was using and some others were stacked on the corner. It must be for those who wanted to drink outside.

When I came back with the chairs, Minyoung was looking at the sky. She was pretty even without her makeup. I remember whenever we went to her house with the writers, she would casually get rid of her makeup during our discussion. She would put her hair in a messy bun exactly like she did to her hair now. Her look right now was.. captivating. This is Park Minyoung. I know that I have no longer seen the Sung Deokmi in her.

“Oppa?”

Her voice woke me up and she stared back at me.

“Sorry. The chairs,” I said, lifting it up a little for her to see and walked to her.

“Thank you,” she said. She sat right after I put one chair beside her.

We were just sitting there, each of us taking a can of beer and opened it right away. I took a big gulp. All the walk and the awkwardness before definitely made me thirsty.

“So, is this your secret place?” I asked.

She laughed at the question. “Maybe? Ahjumma is such a great person to chat with. I release a lot my stress here,”

“I see. Looking at how much beer you buy, I almost thought you release stress by getting drunk,”

“No way!” She said, slapping my left arm. She looked a little awkward after doing so but then continued, “What kind of person do you think I am… Of course beer and some soju are great since I’m an adult but that’s that.”

I couldn’t help to smile looking at her reaction. She seemed to loosen up more now. I wondered what she really thought when she saw me in front of her door earlier.

“Uhm… how about you? Where is your secret place?” she then asked.

“Me? Well… it’s more of something I do. I don’t think I have a specific place that I go to release stress,”

From then we just talked about us and I couldn’t help to be amazed at how many layers of Park Minyoung was opened for me tonight. I thought we were close enough but never this close. I couldn’t wait to see more sides of her that I have yet to discover. Also this kind of comfort and peace that she brought me was priceless. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She’s got so many expressions that I didn’t see in her as Sung Deokmi, and her flushed face coming from the beer… it’s beautiful.

Minyoung took her phone out of her sweater pocket and looked surprised.

“Oppa, it’s 2 am already!” she said almost screaming.

“Shhh, Minyoung-ah. Ahjumma is sleeping,”

“Ah, right.” she whispered, it’s cute how she did it.

“So, time to go home?”

She pouted at my question. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Okay then. Let’s clean up and go,”

We both stood up and I put the chairs back in. When I came back she already put all the empty cans inside the plastic bag.

“This way, oppa.”

Apparently the back door was behind the big tree. I followed her then she opened the door. We both came out and she secured a padlock from the outside.

“Let’s go,”

“Let me take that for you,” I said, taking the plastic bag she was holding.

It was only a brush of our hands but it tickled my nerves. What am I? A teenager?

We continued talking on the way to her apartment, but when we got to the elevator she stopped talking. I did, too.

Ding

It felt like we got here too fast. I felt like it’s not enough. How was I going to do when I certainly would want to see her again? What reason could I use to have a time like this again? I couldn’t keep coming unannounced hoping for her to open her door for me.

“So,” she said when we got to her front door. “I think I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?” I said happily. Did she want to meet me again?

“Yeah, tomorrow. The wrap-up party. Remember?”

“Ah, right. Yeah,”

It’s not like she would want to meet me again if not for work. Then tomorrow would be the last time?

“Oppa,”

“Yeah?”

“I honestly don’t know how and why you could come up here—walking, even—to see me. But I had a good time. Thank you,” she said smiling.

See? I still want to see that smile. A smile she made just for me, not for the commercials. All these days when I accidentally saw her face in the ads I felt happy. But it’s totally different from meeting her in person.

“Minyoung-ah,”

“Yes?”

“Let’s date.”