With that sugar and smoke rings

It was funny she had to love herself when the world apparently didn't.

Seulgi sighed after sending another old man who was being a nuisance, ordering her to microwave his hot bar. Seriously?

She was a daughter and a sister in her family, and she was also a human being so how come she was treated this way?

She could barely look at the customers, afraid they might hurt her in every mocking way she could never imagine.

Joohyun was already concerned about her part-time work but she had no choice.

Even though sometimes Seulgi wished she could quit her job.

Studying and working at the same time was tiring for her and nowadays she was the one who often forgot to text the other beforehand. She was tired enough because of her studies and her body ached because of her part-time work, and yet she couldn't tell that to Joohyun. So Seulgi would always just tell the older girl she forgot to text and apologize until Joohyun accepted her apology.

Seulgi never blamed Joohyun for all that. Because she knew Joohyun was going through the same thing. It would have been much better if she herself was the only one who suffered and yet, the world could be horribly cruel sometimes.

Now it was April, the month when the cherry blossoms bloomed. April was always Seulgi's favorite month but this year, it was her least favorite.

Her midterm was coming up and she had zero confidence in herself.

She never told Joohyun about it but ever since first grade, her grades started to slowly go down and Seulgi didn't know what to do about it.

Time always seemed to fly by and she was desperately trying to catch up.

She already has given up hope to get into college with the early decision so she had to give her all in the CSAT, which frightened her more than anything.

She closed her textbook with a sigh and looked at the cash register and the time blinked '9:45'.

Seulgi decided to pack her bag to get ready to go home. After ten minutes, the next shift came and Seulgi bowed at her fellow worker and immediately texted Joohyun.

I finished my shift.

Usually, she would have called her when she got home but she didn't want to risk falling asleep as soon as she walked into her room. So Seulgi called while riding the bus on her way home.

Her phone vibrated as soon as she got on the bus and slumped on her seat.

"Good work today,"

Seulgi smiled at the voice that always managed to cheer her up. Although Joohyun sounded just as tired.

"You too."

"Were there any jerks that make me regret not smacking?"

"There was this old man who wanted me to microwave his hot bar. As if he had no idea what a microwave was." Seulgi replied, recalling the old man but now she could barely remember his face.

Seulgi laughed weakly hearing Joohyun snort in annoyance. "That bastard. Seriously, old people think they deserve to be served as a baby."

"I know. They always cut in line and jaywalk whenever they want."

"I'm definitely trying that when I'm sixty."

"Don't." Seulgi groaned. "Then I would have to stop you from doing that and even thinking about it makes me tired."

She could hear Joohyun giggling on the other line. "Right." The older agreed. "Then let's be the sophisticated old couple who peacefully cross the road when the traffic light is green and wait in line no matter how long it is."

Seulgi leaned her head against the window and lazily smiled. "I would like that."

"So.. I guess today is the last day we call each other?" There was a tinge of regret and hope in her voice and Seulgi wanted to think Joohyun was hoping for her to say no.

"I guess?" The younger shifted from her seat, feeling the heavy backpack aching her shoulders. "Or maybe.. We could call again tomorrow?"

Seulgi held her breath, afraid she might get rejected but instead, smiled when she heard a relieved sigh from the other line. "Yeah. I'm busy but I think I can manage."

Seulgi smirked, suddenly forgetting the aching on her shoulders. "You sure? You know I hate being a burden. I guess we could-"

"No!" The bear laughed hard by the older's desperate objection making the bus driver chance a glance at her but she couldn't care less.

"You sure? I received a text from the other day from a certain hamster that said you almost tore your upcoming assignment papers."

The younger heard Joohyun curse in the other line. "I should really reconsider having Wendy as my roommate."

"You know you don't mean that."

"Yeah." Joohyun agreed with a heavy sigh. "I have to move to another campus next year so I should enjoy this."

Unlike normal college students, medical school students have to attend college for six years and Joohyun even has to move to another campus after finishing her sophomore year.

"It enough I have to attend college for six years," Joohyun grumbled. "And now I can't even see my other best friend."

"I didn't know you have that much affection for Wendy." Seulgi teased. "Maybe I should tell her. She'll be so thrilled I bet she'll even pass out."

"Don't," Joohyun said firmly. "I'm still mad at her for telling you about my frustration on my cursed assignments."

"Why does the world like to torture us so much these days?" Seulgi muttered. "It's hard enough for me I can't even hold your hand."

There was a slight pause and Seulgi had to check if she accidentally pushed the end button. "Joohyun?" Seulgi said softly. "Joohyun Bae?"

"I know," Joohyun replied with a barely audible whisper. "I miss you too."

Seulgi slumped on her seat. "Two weeks."

"Two weeks." Joohyun agreed. "And I'm coming right back as soon as the last test is over."

At the word 'test', Seulgi felt her mental state crumble. "I hate tests." She grunted in disgust. "And even hate is an understatement."

"Seven months!" She heard Joohyun squeak. "Only seven months left, right?"

"We won't know for sure," Seulgi replied weakly. "Who knows? Maybe I'll have to retake the CSAT."

"Then I'll wait for you." And Seulgi knew she meant it. Yet she never wanted to make Joohyun wait for another year.

"I can't." Seulgi sighed. "It's frustrating I'm not enough to handle all this."

"It's not you who's not enough," Joohyun said softly. "This country is just.. cruel."

"It's like everyone is brainwashing me, 'You need to do better! You need to be better!" Seulgi mockingly said with a robotic tone.

"I really hate that you feel that way when it's not even true."

There was another pause and Seulgi wanted to say that she was okay.

But she could never lie to the older and the younger knew lying always make things worse.

"You remember when I said there'll always be people who look down on you?"

"How could I ever forget your wonderful life lesson, Joohyun Bae?"

"And me telling you the only way for you to endure that is to realize you're much more than they think you are?"

"What is the use, Joohyun?" Seulgi rubbed her tired eyes with her palm. "What is the use when nobody thinks I'm enough?"

"I think you are wonderfully incomplete and rightly perfect," Joohyun answered. "I'm always here to say that."

"But you're not here." Seulgi snapped. "I'm here alone."

Then Seulgi realized how stupid she was. She wasn't the only one who was alone. Joohyun was also alone without her.

"I'm sorry." The younger apologized. "I'm being selfish again. I'm so sorry."

"Junior year is tough. I understand." Joohyun reassured her but Seulgi never felt more guilty and terrible.

"Still that doesn't mean I can snap at you."

"That's true." Joohyun agreed. "If you were here I would have made you another torture. What a shame. But you still have that bear costume, right?"

Seulgi finally laughed and shook her head. "Never again I'm going to even touch that bear costume. I swear all the people in the city know about it."

"Yerim spread the words?"

"Yerim spread the words," Seulgi repeated in agreement. "Typical Kim Yerim."

"So then, what are you going to do to make up for me?" Joohyun said with a hint of anticipation. "Surprise me, Seulgi Kang."

"I'll think of something." Seulgi frowned, trying to think of a nice surprise. Maybe she should send something?

"I'll be looking forward to it." The older giggled. "Now get some sleep. You're almost home, right?"

"I'm getting off the bus next stop."

"Okay."

"Okay." Seulgi hesitated, pondering whether she should say 'Good night.' like she always did. But she still felt bad about her faults.

"I love you."

It had been a week since they didn't say that to each other. Of course, they would quickly say 'Bye, love you.' or 'Call me when you get there, love you.' and so on. But this time it felt different. Saying those three words perfectly still made her feel jittery and made her heartbeat get faster by the second.

Another pause made Seulgi want to jump out the window in panic.

"It was sudden, wasn't it?" Seulgi awkwardly laughed. "Sorry. I should have-"

"I love you too." Joohyun interrupted. "And god I wish I could go see you right now."

"Two weeks," Seulgi said, a little more hopefully.

"Two weeks."

"I'll wait for you," Seulgi said as she got off the bus. "Maybe I should drink some strawberry shake tomorrow while waiting."

"It won't taste the same without me." Seulgi laughed by the older saying it so confidently.

"I know." Seulgi agreed in amusement. "Strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you."

"I love you too," Joohyun answered. "Goodnight, Seulgi Kang."

"Goodnight, Joohyun Bae."

.

"What are your plans for college?"

Her junior homeroom teacher, who was the same homeroom teacher the previous three juniors had, asked as he inspected the files of her record and grades.

For the first time, Seulgi wasn't happy with the coincidence.

"I want to go to Seoul." She replied with little confidence. "Any major would be fine."

Her teacher grunted as he flipped through her files and Seulgi winced when she saw the graph of her mock test grades going downward.

"Your grades had been dropping after you got your part-time job." He raised an eyebrow as if he made a very sharp speculation. "What do you think about that?"

"