‘’ I don’t think he likes me, Minho, ‘’ Jonghyun realized as they walked out of the school’s gym.

‘’ And you care because? ‘’ the tall brunette threw back with a cocked brow.

‘’ It’s not that I care, ‘’ he rectified, ‘’ It’s that I don’t understand why he’s acting so cold towards me. ‘’

‘’ Again, why is that an issue? Just ignore the guy. We didn’t even know who the he was till the beginning of this week, ‘’ Minho pointed out.

Jonghyun frowned, eyes set on his best friend’s profile. ‘’ Well he is my roommate now and I don’t want to feel uncomfortable around him. ‘’

Minho’s head turned, finding the smaller one’s eyes. And then it hit him. ‘’ Aaah, I see what’s going on, ‘’ he mused, smirk stretching the corners of his lips.

‘’ Eh? ‘’

The brunette chuckled as he saw the utter confusion on the blonde’s face. ‘’ You’re so used to everyone liking you that you can’t accept that someone might actually not like you. ‘’

Jonghyun’s eyes widened briefly before his growing frustration took the wheel. ‘’ Are you listening? ‘’ he immediately reproached. ‘’ I have done nothing to the guy so why wouldn’t he like me? ‘’

‘’ Are you even listening to yourself? ‘’ Minho retorted, put off by his friend’s logic.

A huffed sigh was all the answer he offered as they reached the dorms. The area was still very quiet since the two boys had gone to train an hour before sunrise, a habit they had picked up last year once they had realized their bi-weekly P.E. classes weren’t going to give them the physiques they wanted. Their discipline and hard work had indeed payed off, giving them both well-rounded muscular bodies.

‘’ I’m sure Kibum’s already hogged the bathroom by now, ‘’ Minho grumbled as they continued their walk down the hallway.

‘’ Have you ever thought of jumping in the shower with him? ‘’ Jonghyun proposed matter-of-factly.

Giving him an alarmed look, the brunette all but yelled, ‘’ Are you ing nuts? ‘’

‘’ No, ‘’ Jonghyun answered calmly. ‘’ Just think about it. It would save water plus it could help you guys bond and make peace. ‘’

The blonde kept his laughter tightly locked in as he watched the other open and close his mouth like a fish out of the water.

But Minho soon regained his composure and gave him a taste of his own medicine. ‘’ Actually, that’s not a bad idea, Jjong. Why don’t you try it with Jinki? ‘’

The image only made the smaller one wince. ‘’ I’m pretty sure he’d cut off my and I’d very much like to keep it thank you. ‘’

‘’ Or maybe that would relax him, you know, you two under hot running water… ‘’

Minho cackled at his friend’s dumbfounded expression. ‘’ Like you said, great bonding experience. ‘’

‘’ We’re not an epic duo like you and Kibum, unfortunately, ‘’ Jonghyun swiftly spun.

Minho clicked his tongue, annoyed because he was unable to think of a good comeback at this point. They eventually reached the door to his dorm and he entered after a quick bye slipped out of his mouth.

A few more steps brought Jonghyun to his own. A sudden feeling of nervousness settled in his stomach, but a quick mental kick was enough to bring him to open the door and enter. He was left no time to gear up and plan his next moves as his eyes instantly fell on his roommate sitting on the living room’s couch, laptop on his lap.

He watched as the brunette’s eyes darted up to settle on him for a brief second before they went back to his screen. Waiting a few more seconds for the other to at least say hello, he stayed still, but nothing came. Jonghyun sighed, but before he could let himself feel defeated and go on with his day, he decided to walk up to the brunette.

‘’ Good morning, ‘’ he said as energetically as he could, strings pulling at the corners of his mouth to support his words with a smile.

‘’ Good morning, ‘’ Jinki deadpanned, gaze unmoving.

A clench settled in the blonde’s jaw at what he felt was a total lack of manners.

‘’ What’s so important you can’t even look up to greet your roommate, huh? ‘’ he snapped before snatching the laptop from the other’s hold.

Before Jinki could protest, the blonde’s eyes found the screen’s content, his stomach churning with discomfort at the sight. He immediately regretted it.

‘’ I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, ‘’ he apologized as he handed back the device.

‘’ Well yeah, you shouldn’t have… ‘’ Jinki echoed, visibly distressed. ‘’ Are you that mad I didn’t say good morning? ‘’

Jonghyun recoiled into himself as he realized how childish he had been acting.

After a few seconds, he said, ‘’ Well I mean… it’d be nice… ‘’ He tilted his head downwards, making his bangs fall over his eyes. ‘’ I told you I’d like for us to get along… ‘’

Jinki’s eyes widened, his heart racing inside his chest despite his minds protests. ‘’ I didn’t think you really meant that… ‘’

Jonghyun looked up instantly and the surprise on the other’s features was all the answer he needed to believe him.

 ‘’ Why would I lie? ‘’ he asked, confused.

It was Jinki’s turn now to look away, leaving a moment of silence to settle uncomfortably between them.

‘’ It’s just that… you’re… Kim Jonghyun… ‘’ Jinki finally found the courage to say.

Jonghyun cocked an eyebrow. ‘’ And? ‘’

‘’ And that’s it, ‘’ Jinki instantly answered. ‘’ You don’t need to be talking to me.’’

Jonghyun frowned. ‘’ But I am, so can you please drop the cold act now? ‘’

‘’ I wasn’t acting cold… ‘’ Jinki slowly refuted.

‘’ Yes, you were. All week. And it was really annoying. ‘’

Jinki stared at him with a frozen expression. ‘’ A-annoying? ‘’

‘’ Yes, ‘’ Jonghyun reiterated before impulsively making his way to the couch and flopping down beside him.

‘’ Why are you looking at the Seoul Institute of the Arts’ website? ‘’ he asked as the thought came back to the forefront of his mind.

Jinki’s body stiffened at the sudden proximity between them. He hadn’t gone without noticing how nicely the white tank top the other was sporting hugged his upper body and now the distraction was even worse.

‘’ Cause that’s where I want to go next year, ‘’ he managed to share, despite his turmoil.

‘’ You already know? ‘’ Jonghyun exclaimed.

‘’ Yeah… it’s like the best arts university. Don’t you want to go there too? ‘’

The implication that was lodged in the other’s question made the blonde even more uncomfortable.

‘’ I don’t know… ‘’ he sighed as he hunched over his knees, elbows setting against them.

‘’ What do you mean? ‘’ Jinki asked before he could get scared enough not to.

Jonghyun took a deep breath, quietly debating on whether he should open up on the subject or not. But when he straightened and met the other’s worried eyes, he didn’t feel like he could hold back anymore.

‘’ I don’t know if I want to go to uni, ‘’ he quietly shared.

The brunette’s eyes widened for a few seconds before he regained control over his initial shock. ‘’ What would you do then? ‘’

Jonghyun stilled, the question catching him unaware. He had always been so focused on figuring out if he should go or not that he had never really thought of what he’d do if he didn’t.

‘’ Well… I don’t really know, but… All I’ve ever wanted to do was compose and sing so that’s what I’d do I guess… ‘’

‘’ I think that whatever you do … you’ll be successful. ‘’

Jonghyun’s eyes ran across Jinki’s face as surprise lightened his own, but all he could see there was truth.

‘’ For someone who was acting so cold, you sure do have a whole lot of faith in me. ‘’

‘’ I haven’t been hiding under a rock, ‘’ Jinki indicated. ‘’ I’ve heard you sing your stuff and it’s amazing, that’s all. ‘’

Jonghyun didn’t think the state of shock he was in right this instant could get any stronger.

‘’ Thank you, ‘’ he could only say.

Jinki slowly nodded. ‘’ You should probably take a shower now. Classes are about to start soon, ‘’ he conveniently reminded as he tried to keep his eyes off the other’s partly covered chest.

Jonghyun frowned again, unsettled by the constant twists and turns in the other’s behaviour.

‘’ Okay… ‘’ he complied nonetheless, getting up and heading towards the bathroom, unknowingly leaving a bothered Jinki behind.

***

Jinki had sincerely thought that Jonghyun would’ve gotten back to his senses and not bothered talking to him again, but every new day that passed proved him to be wrong. Jonghyun always initiated conversation, even if it was just to wish him a good day. Jinki still couldn’t help but feel awkward every time he was in the other’s presence, but he tried not to come off as cold like the other had so blatantly pointed out.

Nevertheless, the brunette was still on his guards. He knew himself too well. If he started becoming too excited by the prospect of being friendly with the blonde, he would be doomed. There was a reason the universe had kept them apart all this time and now, he had to tread lightly not to undo the order that clearly needed to be maintained.

Because Jinki wasn’t just afraid to be in the presence of the most popular person in the school. He was also afraid of his feelings for that said person. It had been something that had been boiling inside of him since the first time he had heard him sing. He had managed to convince himself at first that it was only pure admiration, but with each passing year, he had slowly accepted that it was deeper than that.

The fluttering of his heart and the lingering gazes he couldn’t help give out every time he had been in his presence had forced him to confront the nerve wracking and painful reality of his feelings for the other. He had tried to get rid of them to no avail. It seemed like his mind and his body had chosen that one man without his conscious consent and all he could do now was live with that choice knowing it would never be reciprocated.

It was one thing to read tragedies and see the beauty in them, but it was another to actually be living one. Because that’s how it felt to him; a tragedy. He had never had an easy time being comfortable around people and connecting with them and his untold preference was just making everything even more complicated.

Those were the thoughts that were once again going through his mind as he was lying down on his bed, eyes closed as the music going through his earphones blocked him from the rest of the world. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice the door opening. It was only when he felt the mattress sink that his eyes flew open in shock.

They immediately fell on the blonde who had just taken a comfortable sitting position before him, legs crossed and arms resting on his thighs. A sweet smile was dancing on his full lips, the sight making the brunette’s body burn up.

He immediately tore out the earphones from his ears after having hit the pause button and straightened so that his back rested against the bed’s headboard.

‘’ What are you doing? ‘’ he immediately asked, unable to hide the feeling of panic that had seized him.

A breathy laugh stumbled out of the blonde’s mouth, making Jinki even more tense.

‘’ Relax, ‘’ he said. ‘’ I just wanted to see what you were doing. ‘’

That did nothing to help the brunette relax. ‘’ Why? ‘’ he instantly inquired with a frown.

Jonghyun rolled his eyes at the other’s always present guardedness. ‘’ Why not? ‘’ he threw back with some defiance.

‘’ Because you have plenty of friends you can check up on, ‘’ Jinki squarely pointed out.

‘’ Well for your information, I don’t have plenty of friends, ‘’ the blonde rectified, feeling a little frustrated by the other’s dismissiveness.

‘’ You’re always hanging out with so many people, aren’t they your friends? ‘’ Jinki objected, confused.

‘’ No. They’re… ‘’ Jonghyun paused, thinking. ‘’ Acquaintances, ‘’ he found as he stared back at the brunette.

‘’ Huh… ‘’ Jinki pondered. ‘’ But still, you have friends you can check up on, ‘’ he reiterated before he looked back at his cellphone.

‘’ I don’t want to talk to them right now, ‘’ Jonghyun shared, his eyes also settling on the other’s phone.

‘’ Am I that much of a bother? ‘’ he sharply voiced.

Jinki looked up and was surprised once again by the anger he could read on the blonde’s face.

‘’ No, you’re not… ‘’ Jinki said, feeling his stomach churn with guilt. He didn’t want Jonghyun to be mad at him, but again, he couldn’t help but try to protect himself.

He put his phone on his nightstand and brought his attention back to the man in front of him. ‘’ So… what’s up? ‘’ he awkwardly asked, cringing internally as soon as the words left him.

Jonghyun’s sudden burst of laughter only added salt to the wound. ‘’ Is that how ninja school taught you to make small talk? ‘’

Jinki felt heat rush up to his cheeks as an acute sense of embarrassment trampled him. His eyes flicked downwards to his legs as he silently waited for the other to tell him how much of a loser he was.

But that insult never came.

‘’ I’m just messing with you, ‘’ Jonghyun reassured as he gave a light push on the other’s arm. He was unsettled by the glimpse of humanness he was seeing and became suddenly scared that the brunette would completely shut off on him because he had decided to make fun.

‘’ It’s fine. I know I’m not good at conversation, ‘’ Jinki acknowledged as he finally pulled himself out of the dark hole he had started to fall into.

‘’ It feels like you’re not really interested in having conversations in the first place, ‘’ Jonghyun noted.

Jinki sighed despite himself. ‘’ It’s not that… ‘’

Jonghyun naturally inched a little closer, waiting for the brunette to continue, but no other words left him.

‘’ What is it then? ‘’ he finally encouraged, genuinely curious to know more about the mysterious person before him.

Jinki still couldn’t answer right away. His eyes just stared at a blank spot as the imminent fear of opening up paralyzed him. No one had ever shown interest in him and now that someone was, it had to be the one who scared him the most.

He knew he was going to overstep the boundaries he had set for himself if he answered truthfully, but he also felt like he couldn’t lose this chance to get closer to the blonde or at least to have another honest conversation with him like they had had a few weeks ago.

‘’ Speaking to people… ‘’ He carefully started as his heart thrummed in his chest. ‘’ It… it scares me… ‘’

‘’ Oh, ‘’ Jonghyun expressed for lack of better words as he found himself astonished by the revelation. He had genuinely thought the other just didn’t care.

‘’ Well I can’t say I’m also dealing with that right now, but, during the first year here, it was very hard for me to approach others… ‘’ he shared. ‘’ I was intimidated by all these cool kids, ‘’ he went on with a small laugh. 

‘’ Yeah well you quickly became one of the cool kids when they saw how talented you were, ‘’ Jinki completed as a bite of resentment ate his core.

‘’ I honestly think part of it was chance. Like I’m not more talented than most people in this school. It’s just that I became friends with one kid that was super confident and then he introduced me to other people and so on and so forth… ‘’

‘’ That’s bull. ‘’

‘’ Excuse me? ‘’

Jinki watched as confusion and anger came together to twist the blonde’s expression into a scowl.

‘’ There wasn’t any chance in what happened. You’re definitely unmatched talent-wise, it was just natural that you’d shine so much. It was bound to happen, ‘’ he explained with a passion he rarely exhibited.

‘’ You know there are like four majors, right? ‘’ Jonghyun brought forth. ‘’ And there are brilliant people in all of them. ‘’

‘’ Yes, I know there is. I still stand by what I just said, ‘’ Jinki replied emphatically.

Jonghyun fell silent for a few seconds, dumbfounded once again by the other’s strong opinion about him.

‘’ What about you though? ‘’ he flipped to get the attention off him and to further satiate his growing curiosity about his roommate.

‘’ What about me? ‘’

‘’ You spend so much time reading and writing stuff down that I’m sure you’re pretty talented yourself. ‘’

‘’ That doesn’t mean anything. ‘’

Jonghyun frowned. ‘’ Well hasn’t anyone told you so? ‘’

The other shrugged. ‘’ Teachers have said good things, but it doesn’t really matter. ‘’

‘’ Why not? ‘’

‘’ Because I usually come to despise what I create, ‘’ Jinki quietly admitted as his chest tightened.

‘’ Well that makes two of us. ‘’

The brunette’s gaze travelled back to his, his dark eyes shining with surprise. ‘’ You don’t like your compositions? ‘’

Jonghyun shook his head. ‘’ Most of the time, no. But people seem to enjoy what I come up with so that’s what keeps me from just throwing them away. ‘’

Jinki stayed silent, too stunned to respond.

The blonde broke the ice again with another laugh. ‘’ See? We actually have something in common. ‘’

Jinki held back his impulse to disagree and simply looked back at the other in awe, feeling himself fall even harder for him.

***