“You know what, Shin Nana? You should start listening.”

          I clench my jaw. TA Han is standing awkwardly nearby, and I’m looking at the edge of Professor Jung’s table in front of me.

          “I believe the conclusion would be better worded with—”

          “Nana, I know you are a very bright student.” Professor Jung removes his glasses. “But we’re a team right now. And we have to discuss for the best outcome. We can’t do that if you keep insisting—no, forcing your beliefs, without knowing the grounds.”

          I blink twice, and my chest starts to feel stuffy. I’m this close to have a breakdown. I just pulled an all-nighter to edit the presentation. And he responded this way?

          The final is eight days from now. I take a long breath silently, and look at Professor Jung in the eyes, with an aching heart. “I understand. Let’s go through the slides again together.”

          “Very well.” he wears his glasses back. “Should’ve done this earlier without the unnecessary debate we just had.”

          I’m walking out from the professors’ building an hour later with zero energy inside of me, but at least the material we have to prepare has been improved.

          The professor’s words linger inside of my head. Me? Listen? I know I’m sometimes hard-headed, but I thought I had it under control. I thought I was getting better…

          “Hey, Nana!”

          I look up from the ground, and see Bokyung and Woojae, my classmates, waving at me. I look at them a bit awkwardly, since I’m not that close to them. “Hi.”

          “Fighting for your competition! I don’t know you’re participating in this.” Woojae points at his phone. Was something posted online?

          “Huh, I’ve known though! Some time ago a professor announced that she’s going to the finals. Were you skipping class that time?” Bokyung slaps Woojae’s arm. “Anyway, Nana, good luck! You’re so cool.”

          I grin, and thank them both. After they left, I sit on a bench and check the online students’ board. A message of support from the dean is just posted, along with the details of the finals. People have already sent me cheering messages, and I smile weakly. This makes me happy.

          There’s a message from Yumi, and I thought it’s something related to the competition, but apparently she wants to borrow a book and asks me to meet at dinner time. I haven’t had any chance to eat something good lately because of the preparation, so I quickly agree to see Yumi later.

*

          Yumi tells me to meet at a diner near school, and I need to go through the crowded entrance to get to the second floor where Yumi is at. I see her waving from a table at a corner, and approach her. “Why are we sitting on a 4-people table? There are so many people inside who don’t—”

          Yumi smiles enigmatically, and before I could ask her the meaning I feel a strange aura coming closer from behind. “SURPRISE!”

          These three responses of my body happen in less than three seconds: shuddering, turning around, and going weak on my legs. Sehun and Jinho were the culprits, and Jinho is holding a tiny cake with a single lit candle stuck in the middle. The three of them are cheering while I have my mouth open, and Yumi helps me to sit properly. “We got you good!”

          “Oh my God.” I cover my mouth with my hand. “You guys—how—”

          “Blow this first.” Jinho commands, and I hesitantly do as I was told.

          “But wait—what are we celebrating?” I furrow my brows.

          “Our groupmate is competing, we have to support her this way!” Yumi claps.

          “Aigoo. Guys, you don’t have to.”

          “You’re having a hard time. Jinho says you have panda eyes in class.” Sehun says. I have no energy to glare, so I just shake my head.

          “Anyway, we’re so proud of you.” Yumi hugs me tightly. “It’s next week! We really want to go but it’s in Chuncheon, on a weekday as well…”

          “Ey, no need to. Just wish me well. This is more than enough, actually. Thank you so much, guys.”

          “Group hug!” Jinho commences, and Yumi and Jinho cover me in a tight embrace, with Sehun following suit a bit hesitantly.

          “What is this? We never did group hug before.” Sehun asks. Jinho makes a ‘just do it’ expression, and we stay like that for a few more second. I giggle, and pat each one of them.

          “Thank you, really.”

          We continue to eat dinner, and Yumi and Jinho go to the counter to order some coffee for us. I’m left with Sehun, and there’s a few seconds of silence between us. “So the final is in Chuncheon?”

          “Huh? Oh… Yeah.” I slowly answer. Right, Chuncheon is where his family resides. Should I talk about it?

          “That’s where I come from though.”

          “Right.” I nod. Great, he brought it up first. “Anything to recommend?”

          “Hmmm.” he folds his arms on his chest. “The food, of course. There are great tourism spots, but will you have the time?”

          “Doubt it. Professor Jung already talked about leaving right after the schedule.” I shrug. “Maybe it will be just the final venue for me.”

          Sehun chuckles slowly. “Too bad. Maybe you’ll get to explore next time, right now just focus on the finals… Remember, I promised you a meal if you win.”

          I scoff. “You’re acting like you’d feed me gold!”

          He has a serene smile on his face while looking at me, and I suddenly don’t know how to act. “You can do it, Nana.”

          “Thanks.” I smile, trying to keep myself composed.

*

          The days passed like a flowing wind, and suddenly I find myself sitting in the waiting room for the presenters with TA Han and Professor Jung next to me. TA Han looks calm, and Professor Jung doesn’t even look bothered.

          “Loosen up, Shin Nana. We’ve prepared so much for today, your hard work will pay off.” Professor Jung tries to motivate me. I force myself to smile, and feel my lips getting dry.

          I excuse myself and go to the toilet. My stomach is twisting and my heartbeat is rapid. This isn’t my first time being in a situation like this, but I have yet to find a way to ease myself from being this nervous.

          I check my phone, and I have a hoard of support messages from my family and friends. I’m calmed by those for a few seconds, but then the anxiety comes again. It goes around the same cycle for many times.

          There are messages in the community service group chat, and I open it.

Choi Yumi: Nana!!! Fighting!!! I know you can do it!

Choi Yumi: (cheering sticker)

Kim Jinho: Nana, I’ll see you in class bringing the trophy (emoji)

          I laugh silently. Only Sehun hasn’t said anything... He might have not seen them.

          As I’m typing a reply, a sticker pops out, and it’s an animated bichon frise puppy waving a pom pom. I blink to see the sender. Sehun? A big smile decorates my face and I stare at the moving sticker. This is not safe to be this cute at this time.

          The three of us simultaneously comment at how cute the sticker is, and I thank them for their support. I put my phone back in my pocket and inhale deeply. Okay. I can do this.

*

          I’m vacantly looking at the gradually filled seats in front of me, and I feel a drop of cold sweat sliding down my nape. It’s finished, but why am I still like this?

          TA Han sits next to me bringing a bottled water, and he sighs. “For the tenth time, Shin Nana—drink something.”

          I haven’t said or drunk anything after we exited the presentation room, and now we’re waiting for the announcements in the main hall. Professor Jung is talking to the other professors near the food table, and TA Han looks bored.

          The presentation went—how should I describe it? Did I do well? My memories are already blur. I spoke clearly and answered all the questions though. The judges’ faces were the thing that made me uneasy. Especially the one in the middle—I thought he was going to swallow me alive.

          I take the bottle and dunk half of it in one gulp. I didn’t realize I was that thirsty.

          “Professor and I are going back to Seoul right after this, we have a meeting next morning.” TA Han informs me. “You can rest and leave tomorrow. Or you should roam around the town and leave at Sunday. Tomorrow’s Friday, right.”

          “Ah…” I blink. Going around would be nice, but alone though… I’ll just sleep and go home next morning.

          What am I going to bring home though? What kind of result will I get tonight? My stomach aches again, and I look at the watch. Fifteen minutes until the announcement.

          The awarding ceremony is started and my throat is getting dry. Third place goes to a university in Busan...

          “The second place goes to… Jaeyi University!”

          It doesn’t get straight to my head right away. Why are Professor Jung and TA Han standing up? “Shin Nana.” Professor Jung whispers. “Let’s go.”

          I’m coming up to the stage with an empty mind, and Professor Jung pushes me forward to receive the plaque. It’s presented by the scary judge from before, and he gave me a smile. “You’ve worked hard. I think you’d be a successful someone later in life.”

          I finally beam widely, and thank him. The camera flash, shutter clicks and applause send a rush of adrenaline in me, and I’m looking at the plaque and framed certificate on my hands. I did it.

*

          Professor Jung and TA Han really went back right away, and I decide to just go back to the hotel. As I walk out from the building, personally I feeI could’ve done better, but second place is still a good thing in a national competition.

          I’m walking slowly, replying to messages from my friends and a few calls from my family who are congratulating me. I struggle not to smile widely seeing the messages I receive, thankful for their support. It’s night time, and the street outside the venue is still crowded with people getting off from work and cars nearby.

          Yumi and Jinho is having their own party in the group chat with stickers, and I shake my head. Someone is missing though… Well, maybe he’s busy.

          My screen suddenly changes, and someone is calling me. I almost stop on my tracks seeing the name. Sehun?

          With a racing heart I slowly accept the call, and clear my throat. “Hello?”

          “Hey, Nana. Congrats. I saw it on the student site.”

          I smile widely, and look up at the night sky. “Oh, words travel fast. Thanks.”

          “You’re still in Chuncheon?”

          “Yeah. Oh, right, we went to the restaurant you suggested! It was nice. Thanks for the recommendation.”

          Sehun chuckles. “Glad you all liked it.”

          I’m in cloud nine right now, having him call me like this, but I notice the noise around his voice, and grow hesitant. “Um… You seem to be outside. Are you busy?”

          “No, it’s okay.” he immediately replies. “I promised you a meal. What do you want to eat?”

          “I finished second though…”

          “Does it matter right now?”

          I'm having jitters all over my body. “Nice, I’m getting free meal. But I can’t think of any... I’ll decide after I go back to Seoul.”

          “You haven’t had dinner, right? What do you want to eat now?”

          “Are you going to give me recs again?” I laugh. “I don’t feel like eating. I think I want to sleep.”

          “Oh, too bad. I want to eat dinner with you, though.”

          I blankly look at the front. I stop walking and adjust my bag on my shoulder. “You—”

          “Turn around.”

          I’m clasping my phone on my hand as my legs stiffly move. No way.

          Sehun is walking towards me with a small smile on his face, and the sound of car honking and vehicles passing are suddenly silenced inside my mind.