Kim Doyoung and I did not get along.

We have known each other since middle school as I was best friends with his twin sister Dohee but despite that we did not get along. Dohee was sweet most of the time whereas Doyoung was the complete opposite. He was conceited, cocky, and a .

I couldn’t get through a day without him making a smart remark towards me or vice versa.

Dohee has tried for years to get us to like each other and has basically given up. It just wasn’t going to work. We couldn’t even be in the same room without glaring at each other.

By senior year Dohee was onto other things.

“Why don’t you two just already?” She comments during a fight and one of our stare offs. Which causes both Doyoung and I to scoff.

“As if I’d ever touch him.” I remark.

Doyoung sends me an offended look but shoots back. “You think I want to touch you? no I don’t.”

“Good, we actually can agree on that.” I throw back. “Besides, Kangjoon is way better looking than him.”

Doyoung scoffs. “As if he’d date you, you practically stalk him.”

I shoot him a look, did it really appear that way? “No one asked you. How about you do us all a favor and go to your room?”

He clicks his tongue annoyed. “This is my place, how about you leave?”

I let out a long sigh. “Dohee can you get him to stop?”

Dohee sighs and shakes her head. “Why can’t you two just get along? It’s been years, all I ask for is for my best friend and my brother to get along.”

“It’s impossible with her.” Doyoung jabs at me.

I roll my eyes. “Can I punch him in the face?”

“Try it.” Doyoung urges me.

My fingers form into a fist and I raise my arm but the front door opening causes me to pause. I drop my arm as Donghyun and Kangjoon enter the house.

Doyoung scoffs at my sudden change of demeanor and flops down on the couch now that he was being ignored. The two of us have never gotten along. That wasn’t for lack of trying on my part either.

When I first met Doyoung back in middle school he was fine. It wasn’t until later that year when he finally struck a nerve for the first time. I was over at Dohee’s place and Donghyun had brought over his friend Kangjoon for the first time and I instantly was smitten. 

And Doyoung easily found out. “You’re too ugly for him.” He stated bluntly and every ounce of courage and confidence I had in that moment depleted. Dohee wasn’t there when he said it either and she seemed unsure whether to believe me when I told her for she didn’t think her brother was that mean.

But he was.

Ever since that day I’ve not gotten along with him. I soon grew used to his ways and finally started fighting back and that brings us today.

My crush on Kangjoon was still growing strong despite the fact that there was no way he was anywhere near in love with me. I should just be grateful he knows I exist. Both him and Donghyun were college students now and I rarely saw either of them.

It was their spring break this week and by some lucky chance it matches up with our high school’s. So they were going on a trip to Jeju Island for three days and because of Dohee I was invited to go along with them. 

Unfortunately Doyoung would be going too.

“Are you guys ready?” Donghyun smiles innocently. It’s crazy to think that he’s Doyoung’s brother. He was super sweet, so was Dohee. And then there was Doyoung.

Kangjoon smiles too causing my whole body to feel jittery. God I get to spend a whole week with him, I am so ing lucky.

Kangjoon has the looks of a model, so much in fact that that’s what he’s pursuing in college. So to be frank I didn’t necessarily qualify in any way looks wise to stand next to him as a lover. As much as it eats away at me Doyoung was right, I was ugly. Maybe that’s why Doyoung irks me so much to this day, his words from middle school have haunted me and will continue to for the rest of my life.

I lower my gaze off of Kangjoon’s figure. I would never be good enough for someone like him.

“Yes we’re ready!” Dohee cheers nudging me forward to grab my suitcase.

I shake my head, stupid me for thinking I would ever be good enough.

I plaster a smile on my face ignoring Doyoung’s gaze that was for some reason focused on me. I drag my suitcase out behind Dohee and to the back of Donghyun’s car. 

I smile at Kangjoon as he takes my suitcase to slip into the trunk before moving around to sit in the back of the car. Dohee joins me making me scoot over into the middle. The door opens on the other side and my eyes meet Doyoung’s as he gets in. I roll my eyes letting them face the front as he slips in beside me.

It’s only an hour drive to the airport Soyeon, you can tolerate sitting next to him for that long. You’ve lived having him as your best friend’s brother for years now. This is a piece of cake.

Kangjoon and Donghyun slip into their respective seats, Donghyun driving, while Kangjoon was in the passenger seat. After making sure we’re all buckled in and ready to go Donghyun starts the car and we are on our way to the airport.

Shortly into the drive Donghyun and Kangjoon start to make small talk while Dohee’s got her headphones in watching her favorite Chinese group WayV’s latest music video.

“Did you ask Mina to come?” My ears pick up on Donghyun’s words. Mina? I hadn’t heard that name come up before?

Kangjoon laughs awkwardly. “Yeah of course.”

“Is she coming?” Donghyun smirks towards Kangjoon.

He smiles smugly. “Yes.”

Donghyun playfully punches him on the shoulder. “Get some.”

My heart sinks, my fingers join together nervously. There was someone he liked, and she was coming to Jeju too?

I hear Doyoung scoff, was he going to make a smart remark and embarrass me? “Can you guys not talk about that? Turn on some music.”

Kangjoon snorts at Doyoung’s comment amused. While I silently thank the heavens his comment wasn’t directed at me. “What’s wrong Doyoung? Haven’t got any in awhile?”

Donghyun hits Kangjoon signaling for him to stop. I glance at Doyoung to see his reaction and I catch him mid eye roll.

I do have to admit it was annoying of them to talk like that, especially with what Kangjoon just asked Doyoung. They weren’t friends, it wasn’t something to you ask a friend’s brother.

I honestly lost some respect for Kangjoon with that comment, even if it was towards Doyoung.

“What?” Kangjoon laughs towards Donghyun. “I’m just joking, besides it’s not like we are little kids anymore. We’ve all had some experiences by now.”

I bite my lip slightly embarrassed. I was not experienced whatsoever. But I would never let them know that. Dohee was the only one who knew that.

I felt Doyoung shift beside me and he sighs clearly annoyed. “Now you’re generalizing people, not everyone is you.”

Kangjoon sighs. “Doyoung, you nag too much.”

I glance at Dohee who was shaking her head at the two’s argument.

“Can I have the aux cord?” Dohee speaks up trying to get off the tense subject.

Donghyun quickly tosses it back to her, probably hoping she’d quickly drown us all out with music. Soon enough the car is filled with music and everyone is silent again.

I relax once everyone seems okay, or well not everyone. Doyoung still seemed peeved but that was kind of him 24/7.

When we are almost to the airport my ears pick up on a beautiful voice. One that was echoing IU’s voice in her song Dear Name. I glance over at Doyoung who’s forehead rested against the window of his door. His lips were moving, the voice coming from him.

My eyebrows furrow, I never knew he could sing?

My eyes dart away, of course he was talented. Dohee and Donghyun were too. Donghyun with acting and Dohee with drawing. The Kim’s were a talented family.

My mind reels back, but I can’t help but feel bad that I didn’t know he could sing before this. Regardless of my hatred towards him I really knew nothing about him other than the fact that he was Dohee and Donghyun’s brother and that he was an . Or the fact that he kept to himself and his friends at school.

It makes me feel really bad.

I hated him and I had never really given him the chance all because of the words that spilled out of his lips that day. I shake my head, it’s his own fault.

 

-

 

At the Jeju airport when we exit the terminal a girl runs up to us flinging herself at Kangjoon. I stop in my tracks, my god was she beautiful. There was no way in hell I could compete with that.

“How was your flight?” She speaks her eyes glimmering as his arms slip around her waist.

“Could you move?” Doyoung’s voice comes from behind me causing me to tear my eyes off the couple to glare at him. He clearly had enough room to walk around me but he just wanted to with me per the usual.

“Could you ask nicely?” I growl back.

He nudges past me his shoulder bumping into mine.

“.” I mutter underneath my breath. I can’t believe I felt something like sympathy for him earlier.

I stomp after him to give him a piece of my mind whenever Dohee stops me. “Are you okay?”

I send her a bewildered look. “Huh? Why?”

She gestures with a nod of her head towards Kangjoon and the short brunette who I’m assuming was the Mina girl Donghyun was referring to in the car. I blink once or twice, I honestly forgot about them because of my ongoing rage towards Doyoung.

Anger flares up again as I see him shoving his AirPods into his ears not too far away from us. I turn back to Dohee. “Yeah I’m fine, right now I just really want to punch Doyoung.”

She laughs. “Okay good, everything’s normal then.”

I couldn’t help but snort. Yeah, I guess it is?

My eyes trail back over to Kangjoon and Mina. Donghyun has moved to stand in front of them and Mina was no longer pressed to him as close as possible. Oddly enough seeing this doesn’t hurt as bad as I thought it would?

Maybe it was just because of the disappointment in Kangjoon’s actions this morning?

I move to sit next to Dohee in one of the seats, apparently we were going to have to wait while the three of them catch up before we leave. I sigh slightly annoyed my eyes moving to Doyoung who was glaring at the three, he too seemed annoyed that we’d have to wait. His eyes flicker from them to Dohee and I and the two of us just stare each other down. Dohee elbows me and I shake my head moving my focus to her phone she had held out towards me.

 

-

 

We make it to the vacation home before dark. After being smashed in the back of a taxi van with Dohee and Doyoung I proceed to crawl out of it, my legs numb from being pressed into the back of Donghyun’s seat.

Just from the car ride alone I could already tell Mina was an airhead. She was very bubbly too. Not what I was expecting Kangjoon’s type to be. But then again to be honest I didn’t know Kangjoon that well either.

I liked to pretend I do. That the times I would see him at Dohee’s place in between the waves to greet me and Dohee and the occasional times we’d run into each other at the corner market were the real him. 

He always seemed so classy and sleek, super nice and innocent throughout high school. But after this mornings conversation and the way his hand was not so innocently (but discreet nonetheless) slipping between Mina’s thighs at dinner I knew that was just a persona he had put on. Seo Kangjoon was just like any other boy.

I sigh to myself, maybe I too was generalizing like Doyoung had mentioned earlier. Or maybe I judged people too soon? Maybe I fell in love with the image of someone? How shallow was I?

After dinner is over Donghyun makes the announcement that we are all going to a beach party at one of his and Kangjoon’s college friend’s house tomorrow night. That he wasn’t taking no as an answer. So to be prepared. I retreat to my room after that to set out an outfit.

I choose a simple floral romper, I sit it out on the end of my bed and sigh. Everyone here has their own rooms thankfully. Right now I really just wanted to be alone.

I slip out on the patio once everyone’s gone to bed and sit down resting my back against the small footstool that was sat in front of the chair. I let my legs fold up so I can hug them to my chest.

I really wasn’t different was I? I too liked people based off looks? Am I special in any way?

It was hate on myself time.

Who even am I? I’m not good at anything, I have no idea what I want to do when I graduate? I am ugly.

Just as I’m about to let my first tear drop my eyes catch on a black figure coming up from the beach. My eyes widen and I jump. Who was that? The closest residence to us is a couple miles down the road, who could it possibly be?

I jump up looking for something to defend myself with whenever Doyoung’s voice interrupts my panicking, my hands landing on a potted plant. “Relax idiot, no need to murder me tonight.”

I let out a long sigh of relief and fall flat on my . “God dammit Doyoung, you scared the out of me!”

He laughs noticing I’ve fallen straight on my . “I can tell.”

I roll my eyes at him quickly standing up. .

He sits down in one of the beach chairs on the patio and stares up at the night sky. Silence forming between us. I debate going back inside to go to bed but I wasn’t tired, and if I go to bed now I think my self-hating will start all over again if I’m alone.

So I sit down in the chair across from Doyoung’s and stare up at the night sky as well. You couldn’t do this back home in Seoul. The stars were nowhere in sight because of the lights the city put off. So being able to actually see the stars is breathtaking.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” Doyoung speaks up. My eyes dart to him surprised he’s talking to me.

“Yeah, it would be nice if we could see it more often.” I murmur back my eyes flitting back to the stars.

I hear Doyoung hum in agreement. “Are-are you okay?”

I glance over at him, his eyes are watching me carefully. Like he wasn’t sure how I’d react. And honestly I wasn’t sure myself, why was he suddenly asking this?

“Why?” I ask him.

“You seem upset?”

I swallow the lump in my throat. It didn’t seem like the best idea to admit to my worst enemy that I hated myself but honestly being able to tell someone who wasn’t Dohee felt like it could be helpful.

“I just-I really hate myself.” I say softly.

I hear Doyoung scoff. “Because of Kangjoon?”

I shake my head. “No.”

Doyoung rolls his eyes. “Don’t lie to me. I’m not idiot.”

“No Doyoung you are,” I sit up turning my body to face him. “If you think that my entire life revolves around some boy think again. I genuinely hate myself. I hate myself so much.”

From across the patio I can’t see Doyoung’s expression much, only that his wide innocent-like eyes are wider than usual.

“Why?”

I turn away from him. “I don’t even know who I am?” I swallow thickly. “All I know is that I’m so ing shallow. I fell in love with someone just based off of this persona I imagined up? Just based off their looks.” I pause as a tear slides down my cheek. “I have no talents whatsoever, I have no idea where I’m going in life. I am so ugly.”

“You aren’t ugly?” Doyoung repeats.

I scoff loudly. “Doyoung you said so yourself.”

He blinks standing up. “When have I ever said that?”

I murmur. “In middle school. It doesn’t matter, what you said was true.”

Doyoung sighs. “No it’s not. Soyeon, you are beautiful. I promise.” I glance at him as he awkwardly rubs at the back of his neck. “I think I remember the time I said that. I honestly didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just angry and said what came to mind first.”

I turn away from him.

“And you aren’t the only one who falls in love with people based off of looks. Everyone has.” He hums. “It’s normal.”

I wipe at my tears. “Here I am having a mental break down in front of my number one enemy and he’s giving me advice. God I’m such an idiot.”

Doyoung laughs lightly. “You still have time Soyeon. Don’t hate yourself. I for one think you are very talented. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but you are a very good talker.”

I glance over at him, he sits back down on his chair. “I don’t know how many times you’ve convinced Mr. Park to not give us homework. That’s a salesperson if I’ve ever seen one. Or maybe even a CEO?”

I laugh lightly. “Really?”

He nods quickly. “Yeah, I’ve been on the other end of your arguments and sometimes it’s hard to keep up a fight when you’re so good at talking.”

I snort and turn away to look back at the stars. “Thanks Doyoung.”

I honestly wasn’t expecting this out of him?

Maybe Doyoung wasn’t as much of an as I have thought?

“If anything it’s me that doesn’t have any talents.” Doyoung speaks up.

My head whips towards him. “What?”

He sighs and repeats himself. “I don’t have any talents.”

I send him a confused look. “What do you mean? I heard you singing earlier today? You sound pretty damn good.”

He seems embarrassed that I heard him. “Yeah but where will that get me? Do you realize how many people want to be singers out there? There’s no way I’ll make it.”

I scoff. “I think you’d have a good chance.”

“I’m not so sure.”

I bite my lip. “Can-can you sing a little bit for me?”

Doyoung seems surprised at my request. “Really?”

I nod. “Yeah, I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t.”

He takes a few deep breaths and starts slowly. His voice from earlier in the car starts up again with the lyrics to Ariana Grande’s Breathin’ and I think to myself, the lyrics somewhat fit the situation that had just occurred. I wondere