[the description is a mash-up of lyrics from songs on Alessia Cara'a album 'The Painf of Growing']

These days, I make my bed just to lay in it again. These days, I'm my own best friend. I'm a product of the who's, when's, and how's.
Those who let go and those who stuck around. I don’t know who to trust.

I won't tell you I'm lonely. I just get comfortable and hide behind these walls. I cry more than I want to admit but I can't lie to myself, to anyone. Someday I won't be afraid of my head. Someday I will not be chained to my bed. But I can't shake off the little things, they're harder to manage.

You don’t know what sadness means until you're too sad to fall asleep. And you don't know what happy means if it’s only in your dreams. It's hard to find the silver lining in the bittersweet. The bad can always get better, but the growing pains still keep me up at night. Should I blame it on the growing pains or blame it on me?

I'm sorry that I've been emotions galore. This feeling's hard to ignore.
Can you blame me for wanting a little bit more?
I used to wonder about you. What it would be like to love you.
But now I know you inside and out. We can't run away from the comfortable because it's inevitable in love.
It's time we make way for the comfortable because love is already comfortable in us. 

When did you fall out of love?
When did you run out of love for me?
When did you forget this girl next door?

I used to wish you knew I loved you when you knew you loved me.
Really wished I knew you sooner than my 20s. Now I wish we could grow up, but it's no fun that way.
So we treat love like it's a Nintendo game where nobody wins. 

It's hard to sleep sometimes with no one by my side. Just take your time to recover because a sad face doesn’t go away that easy. It’s easier said than done. But I do my best to find the sense in it because the more the days go by, the more I spend with myself. I'll shake hands with myself one day and realize the benefits of independence. I'll find my footing on my own and I'll be good as gold. It's all out of our control and all we know is that we don't know. But I can do better, do better alone. And that will do.