"lucky you . You have jackson to accompay you  on Friday to the ball . Anyways 'I noticed that you both became extra sweet these days I guests he's making up to you for being so busy last month huh " yewon says as she munch her lunch .

"You mean , jackson is extra sweet to her -not both of them because this friend of us seems like shes just going with the flow and doesn't care at all "eunha unnie points out and I saw yewon chuckling as she nods her head in agreement .

I want to glare at them but ended up sighing knowing that they are right.

'am I that obvious?'

"oh yes you are that obvious " eunha unnie utters and  I immediately look up with a furrowed brows 'wait did I said it out loud ?'

"Nope . You didn't say it out loud but we can guess what's in your head just by looking at your facial expressions tsk tsk " yewon answered that made me  realize how bad i am at controlling my expressions 

"You're so down lately sinb-yah. You know you can tell us everything . " I looked at them and saw how genuinely worried they are and I feel guilty for making  them worry but I don't know if I am now ready to tell them everything..

Or maybe I just don't know how to tell them

"Is it about jackson ? Are you two alright ? . You're acting weird lately . eunha unnie and I noticed that these days you looked like you are just forcing yourself when jackson is around . I mean it looks like you're just forcing yourself to smile whenever he waited for  you at the parking lot when our class ended, or whenever he did sweet things to you- we noticed that youre just forcing yourself to reciprocate or to respond . I mean we can be wrong so we're asking you now -because if you may ask unnie and i, it doesn't  look natural like before and we feel that there's something changed  . sinb-yah is everything alright ?"

I shake my head slowly as I think of what she said. am I really    just forcing myself ? 

I'll admit that I felt it too I feeI feel that there's something changed  . I can feel it too .Since that night when he found out everything , I'd appreciated how jackson kept his words that he will forget everything . He treated me  like there's nothing happened and acted like I didn't cheated on him but Ive noticed that he became extra sweet and caring just like what yewon and eunha unnie noticed . He's treating me  like how he treated me when we we're just started our relationship. He'd always gave me flowers Everytime he picked me up from school , He's now trying to spend all his free time with me  , and lastly ,he's now putting more efforts to be close with my friends -wich is yewon and eunha unnie .    

He's now doing those things that he never did before but after all that effort that he is putting into our relationship right now- I still cant  bring myself to feel the same way as before. I can't feel the same excitement , the same happiness , and that tingling sensation that I felt before. He's treating me extra especial yet I don't feel especial at all. 

"Eunbi- yah trust us " Eunha unnie utters with worried look and because of that I got the urge to tell them everything and so I did.

And when I'm done telling them everything that happened to our relationship - eunha unnie speaks

"So it means that he's trying to bring that spark in your relationship again . So tell us, who is that person that made you realized that whatever you have with jackson is not that strong " I look at eunha unnie whos now finishing her lunch       

And when she notice that I'm looking at her with a puzzled  look she swallowed her food before she speak again 

"What ?" She ask with a shrug "I always thought that jackson and you doesn't really fit to each other "

"And how can you say so ?"

She slightly push the now empty food container away from  her "well jackson is a nice person and I agree to that but you both obviously have an opposite characters . and another one- did you forgot how many times you  called us just because jackson stood you up or canceled your date on last minute ?. He tends to prioritized a lot of things than you. And I noticed how he'd never asked for your opinion and always the one to decide. He never even asked you if your ok with -that or this- he will just decide right away and won't care about your opinion or feelings . He's not that sweet to you at the first place only now " 

I want to defend jackson since he still my boyfriend after all but I can't- because I actually realize that unnie is right

I look down once again ..he's so different. ..

different from her .

"Is it Jung yerin ??" I immediately lift my head again at yewon to the mention of yerin's name and I want to slap myself when I saw a smirk formed into their lips

"So it's yerin "

"N-no "

"Tsk just so you know .. even if you deny it ,we still have this feeling that it's her "eunha said while giving me a teasing smile.

Well I know that there's nothing that I can hide to this goblins and sooner or later they will figure out so  what's the point of denying it?- so I just sighed once again for nth time and nodded

"AsA we're right " I want to smack them for being so loud

"But if you're wondering how we figured out that it's yerin well ... Let's just say we saw how you looked at her with uhmm longing ?? " I cringe with her choice of words but she put her hand infront of my face to stop me from denying it or from saying something ,so  I stay quite .

"And we noticed that She's avoiding you these past few days ,and she also suddenly stopped bothering you and it all started the same time you start acting weird or started looking so down so we figured that maybe  something happened between the two of you " she explained 

"So what are you now ? A detective or something ? " I smirk them . I want to praise them for being so observant but I don't want to put more air on their head .

"It's just obvious you know " 

"But you know what , you need to sort out your feelings sinb . Are you still inlove with jackson ? Or you're just holding back because of the memories you have with him ?." Yewon stated while looking at me

"And are you sure that whatever you feel for yerin are just all infatuation ?? Or you're just afraid to take the risk??" Eunha unnie added while smirking at me .

-----------++

I am laying at my bed as I try to get some sleep . My body are tired but I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about what eunha unnie and yewon said .

Im not sure.  I can't answer them because I'm not sure and it's frustrating me. 

I fished my phone under my pillow when when it vibrates.

I let out a sigh when I saw that it's jackson. He's calling me .

[Hey baby , did I disturb you'r sleep ?" He ask on the other line .

[Hmm but it's fine ] i answer him with a weak voice

[Sorry , I just want to hear your voice and actually I called because my friend jaebum asked me to come with them right now because they want to hang out so I want to ask if it's ok with you if I go out with them tonight? I promise to be a good boy ] he said in a sweet voice . I should be happy because he never do this before - asking the opinion of each other  about something is not what we use to do before.

But surprisingly I suddenly feel irritated.

"   Why are you asking me ?" I ask him while trying to hide the irritation in my voice.

"Well. Uhmm you're my girlfriend so it's natural to ask for your opinion right ?"

"But asking my opinion or asking for permission forom me is something you dont usually do jackson . Why do you suddenly doing this ?" 

"Why do I feel that you're mad ? Isn't a good thing ?? Look I'm trying my best to do everything to fulfill where I'm lacking in this relationship . I'm trying to be a better boyfriend here for you " he said and I can sense that he's getting irritated too but he's trying to hide it. 

I ssigh as I try to calm myself . I don't want it to end in an argument. I'm not in the mood for argument's to . This conversation are giving me a headache.

I don't mean to hurt him or anything. It's just that when he do tthings that he doesn't usualy do, itdoesn't feel natural - i feel like he's a trying hard .  

Don't get me wrong , I really appreciate all his efforts and I can see how much he's trying to fix our relationship and how much he's trying to change himself ..

It's just that .. I don't know .. I don't know what to feel anymore .

I feel guilty because I should be the one who needs to do the efforts of fixing our relationship because I am the one who cheated ...

But I really dont know why I am feeling this ..

I feel like it's not just my fault buti can't just blame him .

I'm confuse. 

[I'm sorry . I didn't mean it. Thank you for informing me . ] I said while massaging my temple.

I heard him sigh on the other line [I'm not just informing you baby . I'm asking if it's ok ]

[A-ahh yeah ofcourse it's ok .Go ahead , don't drink too much ok ?] 

[Ok. Thank you . I love you sinb ] he said in a weak voice.

Im trying to find the excitement and the warmth that I'd always felt whenever he told me loves me .

I'm trying to find the adrenaline rush that I always felt whenever I hear his voice .

But I can't feel it anymore .

I feel nothing .

Like what he said is something ordinary.  

I sigh once again [I love you too . Goodnight] that's all I said before I end the call .

I love you too .

i always say those words with extra excitement in my voice but now ... 

It feels dull and ordinary .

 We only talked for a few minutes but I felt like it drained all my energy .

Then something clicks on my mind.

I'm calling him before right after I'm done talking with yerin so maybe that's why I'm still hyper as I talked to him because that's yerin's after effects to me . 

Her silliness were making my mood better .     

Or maybe I'm being extra sweet to him before because I don't want him to suspect anything ..

And now that I ended my relationship with yerin I feel like I suddenly don't have anymore reason to be extra sweet to him .  

'he's your boyfriend, that should be enough reason for you to be sweet to him.'      mind argued.

I just stared at my phone after the call .

'can I call her?' I unconsciously said to myself .

I know I don't have any reasons and I don't have the right because I am the one who ended our relationship but I want to hear her voice .

I can't deny it anymore ..

I miss her . I miss her voice . I miss her silliness . I miss her laugh . I Miss everything about her .

I'd tried to distract myself but I always ended up thinking of her .

Im once again lost in my thoughts and the next thing I knew , I'm already calling her number .

My hands were shaking as i put the phone beside my ear . I'm nervous .

'what should I tell her ? Tsk '

I'm about to end the call and just forget about it but I suddenly heard a voice on the other line.

[Who is this?] It's not yerin's voice. Someone answered the call.

I immediately look at the screen to make sure that I  dialed the right number .

It's yerin's number . But who is this?? Why did she have yerin's phone ?

[Hello ?] The girl on the other line said 

I suddenly feel irritated again . I'm more irritated now than when I talked with jackson awhile ago .

[Where is yerin ?  Why do you have her phone ?] I ask sternly

[Who is that ?] My heart skipped a beat when I heard yerin's voice e on the background

What are they doing ?

Why are they together ?

Why did she have yerin's phone ?

Why did yerin let her answer ther personal call ?

And why am I so curious and annoyed ? 

[I don't know duckie]but as soon as I heard her called yerin 'duckie' my nervousness and curiosity suddenly fades and my blood suddenly boils     ..

Duckie ..?? Really ??

[Tell to your duckie that it's sinb and tell her to come to my apartment right now or else I will go there and kick both of you ] I said before I quickly ended the call .

I didn't bother to hide the annoyance in my voice .

I'm here Torturing myself and regretting  all my decision ,while you're there flirting with others , really yerin??

Tsk tsk .

---------------++ '