SinB sighed and lay down on her pillow, her hands gathered on her chest. The vulnerability she felt right now was nearly painful in how raw and exposed she felt before. Technically she hadn’t listed what happened, mostly to protect herself from breaking down in front of Sojung, but she also didn’t feel strong enough. Sojung’s answer didn’t make sense to her, in fact, from a logical standpoint, it was the most accurate way to get better, she didn’t want to accept it.

But humans are fickle and are armed with overpowering emotions. It wasn’t that easy to get better.

“Even if she gives me a solution, how can I hold myself to do it?”

She sighed and rolled over, covering her eyes in the crook of her arm. The reason why SinB had decided to speak wasn’t actually because she had come to a solution but rather an impasse. Yewon had come over in the time that Sojung had been away. Think.

“Think of it this way SinB. We, your current friends, are detached from your past. Take for example, people who express their sorrows on the internet, they are able to tell complete strangers what’s wrong rather than their immediate family.”

“I never understood that, and please, Yewon I don’t want to talk about it.”

Yewon huffs a small breath and holds SinB’s hand, SinB refuses to let their eyes meet so Yewon had to settle with just simple skin contact to convey her feelings.

“It’s a removal of a direct interaction. The other people don’t know any other story than your own. We can be that for you SinB ah.”

SinB looks down at the ground, still avoiding Yewon’s eyes as she continued.

“You might be thinking, ‘oh I can’t tell her, what if she responds the same way? What if I get hurt again?’ But I can promise you SinB, that I really won’t. I’ll only know your side, and I’ve only ever taken your side. You need to realize than we’re here for you.”

Funny how that matched what Sojung had suggested, people.

Finally, SinB opened , dry and heart still palpitating.

“I-I get it. I’m sorry if I made it seem like I don’t trust you guys.”

“We’re okay.”

“I-If I had to say a reason, i-it’d be that I don’t trust myself.”

Yewon squeezed her hand.

“Then trust in me that trusts in you.”

SinB cracked a grin, recognizing the cheesy often-used phrase in life and drama; yet it fit.

“And if you think I might not be able to handle it, maybe you could tell Sojung unnie first. Or maybe even Yerin unnie. They’re older, and perhaps have more experiences in life to help you out.”

“After all that, you’re bailing on me?”

Yewon smiled softly.

“No. I would never bail out on you, you’re a precious friend, but I know that it feels better when you know someone else, someone who you can say is smarter than you, tells whatever it is you need to hear, gives better reassurance.”

SinB scratched her cheek a little nervously, calming down as she recognized that Yewon wasn’t pushing her anymore.

“But you know, I spent more time with you than Sojung unnie or Yerin unnie, is that still fine?”

“I’d like to be the one you go to first, but that’s not always the best case. Besides, I think you relax more in here than outside, and the one person in here other than you, is Sojung unnie.”

SinB hummed.

“We all have a reasonable wall around our hearts. We have to make sure we get the right ones inside okay?”

“Y-yea, thanks.”

“No problem, once you’ve figured out what you want to do, what you want to happen, then tell us when you’re ready. Yuna unnie makes really delicious lasagna you know?”

This brought a smile to SinB’s face, whether out of relief that the heavy conversation was over, or that mention of good food, or perhaps she had been released somewhat from her pressure, Yewon wouldn’t know.

“I’ll have to try it then.”

Speaking of lasagna, SinB sat up as her stomach growled. Most likely, the conversations and her emotional strain had burned through all her energy and now her stomach was demanding more.

Sowon glared at the camera, dressed in all black for a Halloween special, she had the be as menacing as she could. The set had carved pumpkins, and for authenticity, most of them were real pumpkins that really got hand carved at the request of her cameraman. She had a small thought to ask him whether he absolutely needed to make the whole studio smell of pumpkin pie with the ‘real’ candles lit up inside them as well. All about that authenticity, yay.

“Take five.”

Slowly walking to her resting area, she finally sat down after spending three straight hours in these ridiculously tall heels. Including her height, these heels put her well over two meters, the director stood on a small block to get better angles and in Sowon’s own opinion, such tall and skinny heels were more painful and scary. Who in the real world would ever dress like this besides the extremely rich and extra? Marketing aside, Sowon looked in the mirror, her reflection showing equally dark makeup on her face.

If she had gone home with this makeup, SinB would probably have a heart attack.

“Sowon.”

She looked up; her manager was handing her phone to her. Did someone important call? Checking her messages, it turned out SinB was asking her about a mini get together with her friends who wanted to celebrate Halloween. Scary movie night? Sounded great, horror was one of the most interesting genres in her opinion, but the way SinB had multiple messages asking whether she liked horror or not seemed to show that SinB wasn’t such a big fan.

Replying that she didn’t know her schedule yet, Sowon smiled a little as SinB returned a sulking emoji but added a ‘fighting!’ sticker afterwards.

“Everyone on set!”

School wasn’t too stressful, with the fall spirit and Halloween coming up, the art buildings were decorated beyond recognition. Being part of the photography major meant that her classroom and practice studios were also decorated. Professor Jessica had talked about how to utilize shadows to emphasize the level of spook, but also how to use shadows in general. The simple stuff that SinB was used to working with already, having been studying the art for so long on her own.

Looking down at her semi-blank notepad, SinB stretched her fingers a little, slouched a little further in her seat. The university setting was clearly different than her high school life, only the smaller discussion courses were in tighter classrooms, but even the tables and chairs were high end. Why was it that being here was making her uneasy then?

Was it the people? But she had always had a slight aversion to people, it just got worse after…everything she supposed. She had mustered the confidence to be friendly here, it was a new life, supposedly. And yet, her past kept chasing after her.

“SinB student? Class is over now, were you paying attention?”

“Ah! I’m so sorry!”

Jessica just chuckled and told her to pack it up.

“The next class is going to start whether you leave or not after all.”

“I’m sorry again!”

SinB hurriedly got out and took a seat on the nearby bench. This was the bench that Eunha had last approached her at. A thought in her head told her that if she saw Eunha again, she should confront her. But the more cowardly side of her, just wanted to run away.

“SinB?”

SinB looked up, slightly wary as she had just been thinking of such things, but a smile appeared as it turned out to be Sojung. Dressed in a huge hoodie that went all the way down to her knees and sweatpants, SinB had to grin at the mess Sojung looked to be, although Sojung probably had her life in better order than she did.

“Hey unnie.”

“D-id you just finish class?”

Sojung sat down next to SinB, placing her book bag down. It seemed heavy, depending on the version, some old historic plays had thick books with other people’s analysis in them, just thinking about the critical theorizing Sojung had to do had SinB’s brain spinning.

“Mm, unnie, did you stutter just now because we’re outside?”

“N-not really.”

Sojung timidly returned SinB’s smile, it wasn’t like she could just tell her that she kept up the stuttering outside so that no one could suspect her.

“If you say so unnie, do you have time? We could go get a coffee together.”

“We can do that.”

SinB led the way, cheerfully chatting to Sojung about how Yewon wanted to have a small get together just to have good food and a good time and how Yuna sunbae had then decided to have a horror movie viewing to match the theme of the holiday. Of course, Yewon said that if SinB didn’t want it, she would do her best to convince Yuna otherwise. Not wanting to be a party pooper, SinB said it was alright to watch it and was then tasked to ask Yerin if she wanted to come as well. Of course, it was possible that Yuna would’ve run into Yerin first, so she just kept that in mind.

“But like, to be honest, I can’t really take horror very well.”

Sojung chuckled a little.

“I figured as much, you kept asking me about it.”

“And you didn’t respond! I was so offended!”

Yet she was grinning, so Sojung played along.

“I’m so sorry! But I actually can handle horror.”

“Great! I call dibs on sitting next to you then.”

Sojung just smiled as SinB then went up to the counter, ordering her coffee. She was sure energetic for a person who looked like the world was ending just moments earlier. When she had seen SinB, and debated whether to say hi or not, SinB was lost in thought, her eyes were unfocused and expression blank. But when she called out, SinB quickly smiled at her. Well trained in the art, Sojung could tell that SinB’s smiles directed at her, were mostly genuine, but once in a while, it’d be a fake one.

“Aren’t you going to order a coffee unnie?”

“Hm? I already had a cup earlier; I should stop before I get addicted.”

“Eh? Then why’d you agree to come here with me? We could’ve just chatted on the bench.”

“I figured if you were asking, that meant you’d want it.”

“True. Unnie is so smart.”

“No, I’m not, since I can’t tell what you’re thinking.”

SinB hesitated, feeling Sojung getting serious from how all her previous stutters were gone. Placing her coffee down and wrapping her hands around them, SinB breathed evenly.

“It was Yewon who told me to talk to you.”

“I figured as much.”

Sojung patted SinB’s head, softly her hair.

“But I didn’t ask you that, so thank you for telling me.”

“Did you want to ask me something else?”

SinB froze as another voice called her name. Sojung reflexively took SinB’s hand.

“SinB? Are you going to run away from me again?”

Eunha stood beside SinB, but not in an imposing manner. Sojung sat up straighter, sometimes, if you puff up, you can become more intimidating, such was nature’s way.

“What do you need from my roommate?”

“Ah, hello. It’s just, I was friends with her. And I just wanted to know why she was avoiding me.”

She didn’t know? Impossible. With the way SinB reacted, the whole school must have known. Then, why wouldn’t Eunha know? Unless she was lying?

“You two don’t look like friends.”

Eunha sighed a little and retreated backwards a little.

“Fine. SinB ah, I haven’t changed my number, so I’d appreciate it if you gave me a call.”

Sojung watched as SinB’s eyes darted to her cell phone. Did she still have her number? Still, Eunha had left them alone.

“Should we head home now?”

“U-unnie, don’t you have class?”

“It’s not mandatory. Come on, I’ll walk you.”

SinB quietly followed behind, letting Sojung hold her hand. Geez. Why was she so weak?

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