Woojin wanted to cry. Not like shedding a few small tears and just calling it a day, but like actually bawling his eyes out till they were red and puffy. He wanted to cry ‘till his chest was heaving up and down and he struggled to even get a word out. He wanted to cry till he satisfied, but he couldn’t do that.

 

He was supposed to be the one who took care of the others, the one who was supposed to absorb all the emotions from the others without it affecting his own emotions. He was supposed to be the happy one, the one the others could rely on when they were sad. 

 

But now he felt broken. The pillars that had held him up since debut now slowly crumbling, and with the way things seemed, they were due to collapse soon.

 

Nothing was going his way. He was messing up the smallest things during practices, singing slightly off tone, and loosing his focus far too often. Everytime the matter was brought up by another member, he would just smile and say that he was tired. That always stopped any further questions, and to that, Woojin was glad.

 

It wasn’t like he was lying, so there really wasn’t a reason to feel guilty about it. He was tired, but not due to loss of sleep; he was tired of life. He was tired of the struggles he had to go through on his own. Sure, he could always talk to the others, but that would ruin his self-proclaimed reputation. 

 

He was just so tired, and wanted to just.

 

Stop.

 

“Alright, that’s all for practice! Good job everyone!” Chan said to the others with a smile. The members all cheered, splitting up and grabbing their stuff before heading to their dorm. Woojin let out a sigh as they all left, dragging his feet towards the back of the room, grabbing his phone and water bottle. He sat against the wall, mindlessly scrolling through his phone, mentally marking down things he would have to do when he got home. 

 

He was exhausted, and it didn’t help that he had so much left to do. 

 

“Hey, Wooj.”

 

Woojin tilted his chin up from his phone screen, bangs damp from sweat, covering his eyes slightly. Chan stood in front of him, a chocolate bar in hand.

 

“Hey.” He said softly, forcing a small smile. It required so much effort, but he had to smile or chan would suspect something was wrong and then Woojin would end up having to explain everything to him. He was certain he would start bawling if he did so, and that was something that definitely could not happen.

 

“What’s up?” Chan slid down next him, unwrapping the bar and snapping it in half. He offered the other half to Woojin, who took it with gratitude.

 

“Nothing really, how you doing?” Woojin bit into the chocolate. He hummed, listening to Chan ramble about his thoughts on the comeback and seeing Stays after being away from shows for so long.It always made him happy to hear how excited Chan was about everything, but for some reason, today just didn’t feel right. Woojin’s mind wandered as Chan continued to talk, horrible thoughts flooding his head.

 

Chan was just amazing. He was talented, knew how to get along with others, and cheered everyone up. He was such a wonderful person, and sometimes it made Woojin wonder whether he was real or not. The amount of skill Chan had sometimes made him feel so insecure about himself. He would never be able to be like him. He would never have the same skills as him, and would never be handle the things Chan could.

 

What are you, compared to him? It’ll always be like that, and it’s not something that you can change. You’re worthless, worthless, worthless, worthless-

 

“Woojin? Hey, Woojin,  are you okay?”

 

“Huh?” Woojin looked up, wide eyed. His eyes scanned Chan’s worried face, not understanding what was going on until he felt moisture drip down his chin.

 

He was crying.

 

.

 

“Hey, hey. What’s wrong?” Chan scooted closer towards him, reaching his hands to gently cup Woojin’s face. He tried to avoid Chan’s hands, urging his legs to get up and run, but his body wouldn’t even move. 

 

As soon as Chan’s hands made contact with his cheeks, he felt all the bottled emotions escape his body. His body shook as tears began to stream down his face faster and faster. He needed to stop, but he couldn’t.

 

Chan could feel his heart clench as he watched Woojin unravel in front of him. His hands moved from Woojin’s cheeks, now wrapping around the others body and pulling him closely in a warm embrace. He could feel Woojin shake against him, his shoulder now damp with the elders tears. He wanted to tell him that it would all be okay, but decided against it. He just held him tighter, allowing Woojin to let all his emotions out.

 

Once Chan was certain that Woojin began to calm down, he pulled away from him, staring into his eyes.

 

“Talk.” He said, and so Woojin did. He spilled everything; from feeling inferior and worthless, to how he felt that he was dragging everyone down. He revealed everything,  and although he was sure that he would regret in the near future, it felt good to finally release the things he kept hidden away.

Chan  as Woojin spoke, occasionally nodding to signify that he was still listening and taking in everything he had to say. He could feel his eyes water slightly as all of Woojin’s feelings directly hit his heart. He felt horrible knowing that Woojin had kept all of this away from the rest.  It made him angry at himself, for not making it clear that Woojin could express himself in front of the rest of the members.

 

Woojin let out a shaky breath as he finished speaking. He stared at his lap, picking at the flakey piece of skin that stuck out from the side of thumb. He felt warm, and slightly uncomfortable from the amount of information he had just let out to Chan. He felt as if maybe Chan was weirded out by everything, as the other didn’t even say a word since he opened his mouth.

 

“Okay.” Chan finally said, abruptly standing up.

 

“What?” He croaked, voice dry and sore from talking and crying so much.

 

Without any further explanation, he pulled his phone out from his pocket and phoned what seemed to be their members, judging from the amount of noise that could be heard.  

 

“Oh? Hi there!” Felix finally answered, the other members yelling in the background.

 

“Hey, I need you to do me a few things.” Chan explained in English, leaving Woojin completely confused. He may have some understanding of English, but he was far from fluent. Chan continued to explain a series of things to Felix, pacing back and forth. Woojin heard a noise of affirmation from Felix, before Chan hung up and walked towards him again.

 

“Let’s go.” Chan held out a hand for him to grab onto, which Woojin accepted, using him to hoist himself up. Woojin was about to release Chan’s hand, when he felt the other grip it slightly tighter. He wasn’t expecting him to continue holding his hand, but he wasn’t complaining either. It was odd. He liked the feeling, but it was odd. Their hands fit far too perfectly, the feeling of their hands clasped together just felt too normal. Woojin said nothing though, silently following Chan back to the dorm, hand in hand.

 

The air outside was cool, the ground damp from rain showers. It was quiet, no one out in fear of getting caught in the rain. It was nice, walking hand in hand with Chan. Woojin felt at peace and truly wished for this to never end.

 

“Is there something you want to do?” Chan asked, swinging their intertwined hands slightly. Woojin pursed his lips, thinking. There were many things he wanted to do, but there were also things he needed to get done before he had any time for leisure.

 

“Nope.” He finally answered, biting his tongue. He actually did want to do something. He wanted to spend some time alone with Chan, doing whatever, whether it be eating icecream together. His heart desiring the oddest things now that they were holding hands, but he couldn’t just tell Chan what he wanted, it would be too odd, and maybe Chan would think of it weirdly and the nicest moment of his life would have come to an unwanted end. He didn’t even realize how he felt about Chan, everything that could be the smallest inconvenience to his lifestyle or career being pushed to the back of his. Now that he actually had the time to think, he was surely falling for the other. And at this point, there was no trying to escape the thoughts now that he had acknowledged it.

 

“Hm? Really? Surely there’s something you want to do? Anything that would make you happy, name it.” Chan asked again, and this time Woojin actually thought it over. Doing something for his own fun wouldn’t be a bad idea would it? 

 

“Ice cream. Let’s have ice cream together.” He finally decided after a moment, adjusting his hand in Chan’s grip. The humidity causing both of their hands to become slightly clammy, but neither of them seemed to mind.  

 

“Alrighty then. What flavour?”

 

“Strawberry.” Chan reminded him of strawberries. He had no explanation for it, but it may have begun from when Chan had had pink hair. The colour suited him very well, and he found himself constantly thinking about Chan’s hair following that time.

 

“Alrighty, I’ll get some for you in a bit. Anything else?” 

 

“Nope.” 

 

“Alrighty. As soon as we go inside, I want you to do something for me with no objections alright?” Chan smiled softly, the two nearing the location of their dorm. Woojin nodded, not questioning what Chan had in mind. He thought it would be best to trust him with whatever he had in mind. Surely he wouldn’t want anything bad for him.

 

“Okay so, I want you to get rid of all the clothes you’re wearing and just sit in the bathtub. I’ll join you after a bit. Oh and choose a bath bomb or two while you wait.” Chan instructed, grinning. Woojin’s ears turned a tinge of pink when he mentioned taking his clothing off. It wasn’t something unusual at all; they saw each other clothless all the time at the dorm, and even showered together when they were tight on time due to schedules, so why on earth was he embarrassed now? 

 

The two finally arrived at the dorm. The company was only a 10 minute walk away, but for some reason it felt exceptionally longer. Chan ushered Woojin upstairs, repeating what he said before running out again, telling him that he would be back in 5 minutes.

 

“Hey, hyung!” The members greeted, all huddled around their TV. Felix got up from Changbin’s lap waving at Woojin.

 

“I got the bath ready, so you can head on there. The water should be nice and warm!” He said, and to this Woojin smiled.

 

“Thanks Lix.” He walked over, ruffling the others hair. Jisung looked over to Woojin, pouting jokingly.

 

“I want attention too!” Jisung said, putting his hands on his hips mockingly. Woojin let out a chuckle, ruffling his hair affectionately as well. 

 

“Alrighty, you too.”

 

Before he knew it, he was swarmed by all the members, everyone wanting a hug or a kiss from him. It was quite cute, actually. Everyone wanted to be loved by their ‘Woojin hyung’ and it honestly made him feel warm and fuzzy. He loved s so much and would honestly do anything for them. He felt that he didn’t deserve them, and always wished he could do so much more for them. They were his family, his home. 

 

“Woojin! Didn’t I tell you to get into the bath?” Chan chuckled, raising an eyebrow. The other members cheered as they saw bags of what Woojin assumed was fried chicken.

 

“Woojin hyung gave all of us hugs and kisses!” Jeongin chimed, hugging Woojin tightly one last time before running towards the chicken, the rest of the members following him. Chan let out a laugh, causing Woojin’s heart to skip a beat. He never realized how pretty Chan’s laugh was, and would do just about anything to hear it again and again.

 

“Okay, while this keeps them distracted, get into the bath. I need to put this into the fridge and then I’ll join you.” Chan lifted up a bag with ice cream tubs.

 

Woojin smiled, getting up and going to the bathroom. He closed the door behind, leaving it unlocked. His took his clothing off, tossing it into the hamper and dipped a foot into the tub. He let out a hum, the water a nice temperature. He got in completely, sinking till only his head was sticking out of the water. He felt so relaxed, the water soothing his aching body. He closed his eyes for a bit, taking in the wonderful things that had happened today. What did he do to deserve all this? It almost seemed like a dream.

 

“I’m coming in!” Chan called from outside the bathroom door.

 

“Alright!” Woojin said back. Chan opened the door, wearing a bathrobe and holding a small bottle.

 

“This is lavender oil,  and it’ll be a nice addition to the bath water.” Chan explained, putting 3 drops in, swirling it around to let it mix into the water. The bathroom smelt lovely, and the scent calmed Woojin down even more, if that was even possible.

 

“Nice, right?” Chan smiled, removing his bathrobe. Woojin hummed in response, sinking even further into the tub. He could hear Chan chuckle, his heart leaping slightly. It was such a beautiful sound.

 

Chan got into the water, sighing in content as the warm water embraced his body. The two sat in silence for a bit, enjoying each others presence and the warmth of the water. 

 

“Hey.” Chan broke the silence. Woojin opened his eyes slowly, smiling softly.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Grab the shampoo for me?” Woojin did as he was told, the water sloshing around with each movement. 

 

He felt Chan move closer to him, stopping till they were less than and inch apart. 

 

“What are you doing?” Woojin asked, trying to keep his tone from reflecting his nervousness. This was totally normal, so why on earth was he feeling so self conscious now. 

 

“I’m going to wash your hair for you, now close your eyes.” Chan said, opening the cap of the shampoo bottle. Woojin swallowed, closing his eyes as he was told to. His day was filled with him being told what to do by Chan, and the oddest part was that he did everything he was told to do without questioning anything. He shook the thought away, focusing on what would happen now. He would question and over think all of his actions later.

 

Chan squeezed a generous amount of the shampoo into his palm, closing the bottle and putting it to the side before lathering it slightly between his hands. Woojin’s breath hitched as he felt Chan’s hands come in contact with his scalp. The shampoo was cool, but nice. It smelled like strawberries, which Woojin found quite funny. 

 

Chan’s fingers worked like magic, kneading gently and lathering it all over his head. He hummed as Chan rubbed the hairs at the back of his neck. It tickled, but the feeling of Chan’s fingertips on his skin was wonderful.

 

“Feel nice?” Chan whispered. Woojin nodded, opening his eyes slightly and looking at Chan. He looked happy, he felt happy.

 

“Alright, next.” Chan grabbed a bottle of body wash and a soft loofah. Woojin raised an eyebrow at him, smiling. His cheeks hurt from smiling so much, it had been a long time since he had genuinely smiled this much. 

 

“You know I can wash myself, right?”

 

“Yeah, but shush. Let me do this for once.” Chan scooched even closer to Woojin, there being nearly no space left between them. He was about to open the bottle, but set it down again.

 

“Wait, I want you to close your eyes again. Just for a bit.” Again, Woojin shut his eyes, his eyelashes fluttering slightly. Chan smiled as Woojin did so, leaning towards him.

Then, he kissed him. Not on the lips, because that would moving ahead far too fast, but his chest. The part right above Woojin’s heart. He lingered there for a bit, smiling against Woojin’s skin as he felt Woojin’s heart rate increase. 

 

When he deemed that it was enough, he moved to peppering soft kisses all around Woojin’s body, making sure every part of him was loved.

 

Chan wanted to love Woojin, he wanted to give him the world. It tore his heart to know how much the other had been going through, and he was determined to fix everything up and let Woojin know that he would be here for him, that he would know longer have to endure everything on his own now that he was here.

 

Chan stopped his administrations of kisses, moving back so he could look at Woojin, who had a faint blush dusting his cheeks. His ears were pink, the one thing about him that Chan found the cutest. It was nice to see Woojin in such a vulnerable state, the elder usually so composed and alert. It made him want to wrap him in blankets and hide him away from the rest of the cold, heartless world.

 

“Wooj?” 

 

He opened his eyes, shaky eyes looking right back at Chan’s. 

 

Chan smiled softly, eyes trailing towards Woojin’s lips, hesitantly moving his face forward. Woojin caught the hint, closing his eyes and closing the remaining gap between the two.

 

And they kissed.

 

It was heavenly. Their lips fit each others perfectly; just like how their hands fit together perfectly. To Woojin, Chan’s lips felt amazing. They were soft and plump, wet from the water. Neither of them were experienced kissers, but that didn’t matter. They enjoyed it.

 

The two separated, breathing heavily as they stared into eachothers eyes. Chan wasted no time in reconnecting their lips, sighing as they made contact.

 

They separated again, Woojin bursting into a fit of giggles.

 

 “What?” Chan asked, grinning. Woojin shook his head, adjusting his body so it was a bit more comfortable.

 

Chan rolled his eyes mockingly, grabbing the neglected body wash, lathering it against the loofah and using it scrub Woojin’s skin gently. 

 

“Are you feeling better now?” Chan asked, rinsing the suds off Woojin’s body. 

 

“Have been ever since you let me cry into your shoulder.” He smiled, leaning forward and kissing Chan’s cheek. 

“I’ll make sure you won’t have to bottle everything up and just burst someday.” Chan promised, sticking out his pinky finger. Woojin snorted, interlocking his pinky with his and sealed it with a press of their thumbs. Chan grinned like a child as their little promise was sealed. It was quite childish, but Woojin found it adorable.

 

“I’ll count you on that.”

 

The two finished up their bath quickly, the water having long lost it’s warmth. Their fingertips had become raisins from the time they spent in the tub, but that was okay.

 

Helping each other dry off and changing into warm clothing, the two head towards the living room, smiling to themselves as they found the rest of the members cuddled together.

 

“Yah, who the eats fruits with pizza? Pineapple is sweet, pizza is savory. The two cannot combine.” Jisung argued, earning a wack from Felix. 

 

“Mate, if you actually gave it a chance you would find that it tastes gre-”

 

“Hyung you’re back!” Seungmin waved enthusiastically, ending Jisung and Felix’s pointless argument. Jeongin sprang up from Hyunjin’s lap as he heard Seungmin greet them. 

 

“Can we finally have the ice cream now?” He asked, earning a chuckle from the leader. 

 

“Yep, let’s watch a movie while we’re at it.” 

 

“I call Love, Simon!” Minho said, lunging towards the remote. Jisung grabs it before his boyfriend, sticking his tongue out at him. The two bicker for a few more seconds before Felix  interrupts.

 

“Wait, so, are you guys dating now?” Felix asked, raising his eyebrow. Everyone had their eyes on the two, awaiting an answer, which was pretty obvious to them, but they needed verbal confirmation.

 

Chan and Woojin looked at each other, unsure as to what they should say. Finally, Woojin decided to speak, taking control for the first time today.

 

“Yes, yes we are.” 

 

The whole room cheered, screaming nonsense. Chan beamed with happiness as Woojin said that. Beautiful dimples appeared on both cheeks, eyes formed crescents as he enveloped Woojin in a hug. 

 

“I love you so much.”

 

“Love you too. More than you can imagine.”

 

Woojin wanted to cry again, but not for the same reason as he had wanted to at the start of the day.

 

He wanted to cry because he was finally happy,he felt complete. The weight that had been lugging itself behind him was finally gone. 

 

He no longer felt broken, the cracks that had been formed in the past now began to mend. He felt happy.

 

He was happy.