First I just want to say that this came to me in literature class when we talked about poets from my country during the war era and the poem was so beautiful in my opinion, I couldn’t resist, unfortunately, it is not translated

 

 

Four seasons 

 

Winter

It was the first time I saw you. I saw your face, I saw your eyes, your nose. I saw you curse as you dropped your things into the fresh snow. I couldn't believe anything could make me feel so warm in such cold weather, yet there you were.

It has snowed for a few days now. Not a lot, but bit by bit, snow softly fell on everything and anything. The sidewalks were hidden under the white carpet, masking the layers of ice spread all over. Jiwon thought it would be a good idea to go or a walk. He needed some new inspiration, desperate for new ideas. It's been a long time since he had a block like this, he couldn't put a single line on the paper. Not even a little squiggle, because he wouldn't know where to go with it. His mind was drained from past projects but he needed to spit out ideas like he was on a treadmill. He got more and more worried with each day he spent on the balcony, coffee in one hand, pen in the other, staring at the blank paper and the blank paper staring back at him. Usually, he was able to pour his heart out when he was sitting out there, no matter the weather or season. He'd look around, he'd look into his soul, into his heart and there it was. 

A quick walk in the park, that should fix it. Jiwon went out looking for inspiration, hoping the world covered in snow would bring some fresh ideas into his head. He stopped by the lake, he walked by the river, he saw the birds and observed the trees. He watched the ice-skaters and visitors, families and couples. He tried and tried but his mind stayed blank. More so, he focused on his freezing hands and cheeks. The wind hit him sharply and it started to snow again. He took it as a sign and turned around to go home. 

The world seemed like a whole different place when it snowed. Everything was so quiet and calm, even with traffic not so far away, you didn't pay attention to it when you had snowflakes on our eyelashes and on your hands and on your coat. It was like the rest of the world didn't exist. Jiwon felt the creative part of his brain and heart start-up once again, painting a new image. Excitedly, he hurried home, passing by the same lake and people, seeing them differently now.

His eyes stayed on the snowy pavement, stopping when he saw a brown scarf laying on the ground. He didn't give it much attention, until he heard a few swears, coming from nearby. His eyes frantically looked around to see the source of these obscenities, he grabbed the scarf and noticed a young man picking up papers and notebooks from the snow. Without thinking twice, he approached him, the guy didn't even notice him. “, might as well rewrite all of this, oh God, it's so wet now,” he mumbled to himself, searching for remaining notes that were scattered around. He knew he was missing some of them. 

Jiwon almost forgot about the scarf he was holding, he was so charmed. He had no idea by what though. Something just magnetically brought him to this person, desperately digging through the snow. He snapped back when he felt drops run down his fingers, the warmth of his hand melting the snow on the scarf. “Excuse me, I-I think you might have dropped this,” he approached him, cursing himself for saying it so quietly, he probably didn't even hear him. Why couldn't he even get it out of himself properly? 

The man finally stood up straight, turning around to see who was talking to him. It was the first time Jiwon saw his face and he understood why he couldn't tear his eyes away from the moment he saw him. There was something about him he couldn't put his finger on. The man looked at him and Jiwon was suddenly staring into the deepest eyes he saw. He was so charmed by his eyes alone, but his skilled eyes quickly picked up on the little details on his face, his worried look, his curved lips, red cheeks, his messy hair sticking every which way. He was in a rush this morning. His nose, it was perfect for his face. Everything lightly covered in the fresh snow. A little voice in him told him that he found what he was so desperately looking for.

“Can I help you?” the guy asked, his expression changing in a whim. From a worried look into a welcoming smile, Jiwon felt like he was melting. It seemed so stupid to be this blown away by basically nothing but he never wanted the feeling to stop. His hands weren’t cold anymore, no, they weren’t. It was the most genuine smile he saw in a while and he wished the man would never stop smiling. He saw the little spark in his eye when he looked at Jiwon, he wasn’t sure but wanted to believe there was something. 

“I think... you dropped this,” he handed him the scarf but didn’t look away for a second, he couldn’t, he didn’t want to. There was something so human and pure about his smile, his eyes, Jiwon wasn’t sure if he was seeing clearly. The man took the scarf, their fingers touching briefly as he did. His heart skipped a beat as the man smiled so gently, seeing the scarf is really his.

“Oh, it’s so wet now. God, I can’t even put it around my neck, I’d get so sick. But I will get sick without it too. I can’t miss any more classes though, I’m already in so much trouble. Jesus, thank you! Thank you for the scarf though,” he trailed off, thanking Jiwon in the process. He seemed so stressed and out of place, his mind was skipping from school to the man who found his scarf to missing notes to the cold wind. In the process, he didn’t even notice it started snowing again. “I... I am Hanbin by the way. Feel like this is kinda in place since you’ve had to hear about my whole attendance,” he chuckled and cautiously put out his hand, giving Jiwon that kind smile once again. He shook it, introducing himself too, noticing how cold Hanbin’s hand was. He wondered how such a warm person could have such cold hands. 

“What time is it? Oh, oh it’s already so late, I might as well skip class. This is such a terrible morning I-... Oh all of my notes are wet and... Hey do- do you want to maybe go get coffee?” Jiwon had trouble keeping up with the thread of thoughts, he was caught off guard by the question at the end. “I mean this is my favorite scarf after all,” Hanbin twisted the scarf in his hands, looking down at it tenderly. He seemed so gentle and delicate, standing in the middle of the park with snow falling on him and his school papers, looking so all over the place and radiating such nice friendly warmth. This is it, Jiwon thought. He found his muse.

 

Spring

It was the beginning. Although it was new and we were both so careful, you, you, you, that's all that was on my mind. I think it was the same for you. We couldn't think straight. It was gentle and loving. Tender confessions. With every kiss I could have sworn I saw a new flower bloom.

Hanbin held Jiwon’s hand tightly as he dragged him through the field, stepping over fallen branches. “Slow down!” Jiwon laughed, pulling the other boy back, catching him into his arms. Hanbin laughed softly, making Jiwon’s heart skip a beat, it was the sweetest laugh he had heard. 

Hanbin couldn’t get enough of the feeling he had when Jiwon wrapped his arms around him. He always ran his hands through his hair or his back. It made him feel like the only person is the world. He snapped back into reality, putting a pause to the sweet moment. “We’re still not there.” Jiwon didn’t know where he was taking him. But the journey was worth it, he didn’t even care. Seeing him smile and pull him through the fields and between the trees, their fingers intervened, Hanbin rubbing Jiwon’s hand with his thumb gently. He laughed quietly, feeling silly that something so innocent made him feel so weak. He wouldn’t change it for the world. 

“We’re here!” Hanbin excitedly ran forward to get a better look at the lake. He stopped a few steps off the shore, barely making himself stop before falling into the water. He turned around to see Jiwon approaching slowly, taking his sweet time. Hanbin sat into the fresh grass, looking at the water coming uphill, a little closer to him but never quite reaching him. The air was fresher than in the city, filled with a sweet floral scent. The flowers bloomed around, creating a sea of colors all around them. 

Hanbin only realized Jiwon finally came by when he snuck his hand around his waist, pulling the sitting boy closer to him. He felt a swarm of butterflies going wild in his stomach. He laid his head on Jiwon's shoulder, getting overwhelmed by his cinnamon scent. It was almost too good. They stayed like that for a few minutes, mesmerized by the tiny waves on the calm lake, birds singing them a song in the background. The world was theirs. 

Jiwon was getting lost in the scenery, up until he felt a little unexpected kiss on his shoulder, feeling Hanbin’s breath on his neck, sending shivers down his spine. “Aren't you hot in this?” Hanbin asked, tugging on the sleeve of his hoodie. 

“A little.”

“I think you'd be hotter without it,” Hanbin chuckled, giving him a cheeky look. Jiwon looked at him just to see goosebumps on his arms.

“Are you trying to flirt or are you just cold?”

“A little bit of both.” Dramatically rolling his eyes, Jiwon pulled the hoodie off himself, handing it to Hanbin who gladly took it. He searched for something in the grass, seeing as it fell from the pocket. “A pencil?” he asked curiously, handing it back to Jiwon.

He took it, twisting the dull pencil in his hand. “In case I get inspired at the wrong time.” Hanbin pleaded him to draw something, anything. With curious eyes, he watched Jiwon fish something out of his pocket, a folded paper. He was surprised that he came prepared. ‘Draw that duck,’ he pointed at a little bird in the middle of the lake, swimming in circles. “Okay but like... close your eyes. I can't just do it like this,” he laughed, straightening the paper on his thigh. Hanbin only heard the sound of the pencil moving against the paper quickly, leaving marks and doing moves he couldn't do even in his dreams. A duck, he wanted him to draw a duck. So stupid, he laughed, out of all the things. 

“Are you done?”

“Almost,” Jiwon barely mumbled, lost in the art process. He almost forgot to answer, his eyes planted on the subject. he didn't want to take long with the sketch, shading in the last details. “Here.”

Hanbin opened his eyes just to see the paper folded in front of his face once again. “So dramatic for a duck.” He took the paper, opening it slowly because he felt Jiwon looking at him with big eyes. His eyes ran up and down the drawing, feeling the blood rush into his cheeks. “You're so dumb, that's not a duck.”

“That's the thanks I get?”

“Oh come on, you know it's,” Hanbin stopped, holding the sketch up against the setting sun. He studied every line, every shade, how he drew his eyes, his lips, his nose, every little detail was there, details he didn't even notice about himself. “It's incredible.” Jiwon's hands snuck around his shoulders, pulling him back into his chest. Both of them laid on the fresh grass, looking up at the passing clouds and orange-painted sky. Hanbin held the paper close to his chest, Jiwon's fingers his hair. It felt so right, lying in his arms. He pushed himself up on his elbows, looking over the boy next to him. His eyes closed, he looked so peaceful, so... so happy, a tender smile resting on his lips. Before he could stop himself, he brought his hand up to his face, his fingers running over his jaw and lips, stopping there for a while before sliding down on his neck. 

“What?” Jiwon softly asked, opening his eyes to see Hanbin over him, reading his face, every curve, every freckle. His eyes looked so lost in his own. The corners of his mouth rose up, his hand reaching out to grab Hanbin's face. Hanbin couldn't form a single comprehensible thought. His mind was fully occupied with Jiwon. He wanted to kiss him, making those lips his. A little voice was stopping him but a big wave telling him to go for it. Should he, should he not, he wondered. He tried to count to three but before he could even reach two he found himself bringing himself down to Jiwon, feeling his lips on his own. 

 

Summer

It was the peak. We were ready to do anything for our love. You once drove us to your parents' cabin somewhere in the woods. You had me and I had you. I could feel the heat and passion from every kiss and every touch, we held nothing back. 

Hanbin helped himself up on the fence, his back facing the forest. Jiwon came back from the cabin, handing him a thick blanket, “I'm not cold.”

“But you will be in like five minutes,” he laughed, sitting on the couch placed on the patio. It was a warm summer night, the kind when you don't want to go back inside, no matter how late it is. The sun was already long gone, being replaced by a shining moon and many, many stars. Hanbin managed to turn on a few dim lights just so they could see each other. 

“Did you find anything in there though?” 

“Just like... some wine.”

“Oh don't even mention that!” Hanbin laughed, rubbing his forehead at the memories that came with Jiwon mentioning that stupid drink.

“What happened?”

“I... Last time I drank wine... You know, there's tipsy, there's drunk, wasted and then there's whatever the I was that night,” he groaned, covering his face with his hands. 

Jiwon just laughed, imagining it. He grabbed a bowl of strawberries from a table inside on his way in, placing them in his lap. He popped one in his mouth, giving Hanbin a cheeky look. He knew they were his favorite, no one could touch them. But he did and the boy couldn't do a thing about it. “I guess you'll have to deal with me sober then.”

“Oh, that's going to be a long night then,” he rolled his eyes, trying to provocate Jiwon. He stood up, calm as ever and made his way to the boy, stopping between his legs and biting into another strawberry. He gave him a thirsty look, grabbing his sides before claiming those lips, those lips that he longed for the whole night. Hanbin unwillingly raised his hands up, up around Jiwon's shoulders. He tasted sweet. Fresh. Like strawberries. He didn't know whether it made him crave strawberries or Jiwon more. 

“You know very well you love long nights with me,” Jiwon whispered before trailing the softest pecks down Hanbin's jawline, neck, stopping down at his collar bone. Hanbin let out a silent sigh, running his fingers over his lover's shoulders. He did, he knew he loved those evenings. He couldn't think of the last time someone made him feel as many things as Jiwon did. Who made him laugh so much, made him long for every kiss, every touch, made him feel butterflies over and over. It was gentle, it was shy, it was loving, it was greedy, it was everything he wanted it to be. He couldn't believe it was real. 

“Don't you want to put a shirt on?” he asked, feeling as the night was getting colder. 

“Wouldn't that just be a waste of time?” Jiwon winked at the boy, with that cheeky smile that made Hanbin's knees weak. 

Before he could actually say anything, Jiwon's attention went straight to the berries, stepping away so Hanbin couldn't reach them. If he could, he'd for the whole night. There was something so incredibly fun about it, about his look. “Give me one!” Hanbin whined but didn't sit up from the fence once. 

“What will I get in return?”

“The world.”

“You know you're my world. I’ve already got that.” 

“You're not sweet-talking your way out of this!” he yelled after him, hiding behind a smile. A smile Jiwon would love to see, it was his favorite. ‘My world,’ rang in his ears. He wanted to hear it again, he wanted to feel what he felt again. 

Jiwon couldn't resist any longer, giving up the berries. “Say ah,” he told Hanbin before bringing a strawberry up to his lips. 

“Can you even try to do this more soft-core style?”

“Probably not.”

“That's great,” he laughed, finally taking a bite. It was the sweetest thing after all this teasing. Up until Jiwon kissed him again. That was the sweetest.

 

Jiwon draped the blanket over them, covering their shoulders and bringing Hanbin closer. He laid on his chest, settling himself on the couch, drawing circles on Jiwon's collar bones. One kiss, another one, a few more, he gave Jiwon all the kisses he could, from his lips to his neck to every place he could reach. He loved the look on his face. He never wanted to move one bit, Jiwon's hand resting on his thigh. “I think I'm falling in love,” Jiwon whispered, looking over at the forest.

“With who?”

“With the world.”

Autumn

It was the fall. The leaves fell, the whole world seemed to just stop and go to sleep. You told me the opposite. You told me you wanted to wake up from this dream, as beautiful as it was. The world longed for the summer that was long gone and I think that was the case for you too. Our summer was gone. And it was time to put what we had to rest, no matter how much it hurt.

“I mean I don't... This is so hard. But... I think we should say goodbye.”

Jiwon sat on the bench, trying to process what was happening. He didn't understand, he didn't want to understand what he was saying. Say goodbye.

“Jiwon listen I...  I guess we could make it work but-”

“Would you stay if I asked you to?”

Hanbin fell silent. He looked into Jiwon's deep eyes, those deep eyes. His head started to hurt from trying to keep in all the tears. He promised himself he would stay strong, for both of them. His nose itched, the kind you feel when all your emotions are about to spill out. He brought his sleeve up to his eye, wiping away what came out. He shook his head. No. He wouldn't stay. “Then there’s no point.”

“I just... I just want you to know. This was a dream. This was such a ing dream but I have to wake up.” He felt the tear drip but didn't care enough to stop it. He came closer to Jiwon, holding his hand. He felt like this is the least he owes him. 

Jiwon tightly held his hand. He didn't want to, it was almost like a reflex, he did that the past months and it came so naturally. When he noticed, he immediately let go. He didn't want to make it harder than it was already. Although he didn't understand. He didn't understand a single word. But whatever he felt, he knew he had no right to make him stay, to bind Hanbin to him, to beg. To plead. No. 

Hanbin sat down next to him, trying to look into his eyes but they were planted on the ground, looking at the freshly fallen leaves moving in the wind. “I... Jiwon. Look at me.” And he continued when he did. With one more tear wetting his cheek. “You have so much love in you. So much love to give and that love wasn't meant for me. It wasn't, no. I can't give you back what you gave me. And you deserve it. You deserve the world.” Silence. Hanbin got choked up on his tears, hating that so many of them were falling out. No, no, stop it. They weren't supposed to. Jiwon didn't even feel like crying. No, he felt empty. He deserved much more, maybe that was true. Maybe it was the reality but it wasn't one he wanted to explore. Would he rather live in a lie? Perhaps. Would it hurt more than this? He didn't know. 

“It was a dream. It was a beautiful dream, an illusion, maybe a beautiful lie. Jiwon, I don't know. But I need to wake up from this. But I want you to know... You gave me so much. I will never forget it. Never.” Jiwon's heart refused to accept that this was a moment he was living through, that this was the reality happening at the moment. No. It hurt so bad. 

“Never?”

“Never.” He felt a tear fall on his hand, squeezing Hanbin's hand one last time. He let go, feeling like he let go of so much more than just a person. Memories, time, dreams, illusions. He looked up at Hanbin and smiled. Goodbye. Goodbye, they said. As much as he wanted to say something more, anything, he couldn’t. His body didn’t allow it, feeling so empty and broken he could barely turn his neck to see Hanbin leave. 

But he wanted to thank Hanbin. For letting him know. Maybe a hurtful truth is better. He didn't know. But what he had left, memories, he didn't want to spoil them, ruin them. For him, they were something special. No, he won't touch them with these awful feelings. He wanted to remember their dream for what it was, not what it could've been. The memory of them being happy, he didn't want that to be a regular memory, no, it was special, it was sacred for him. It held so much value. He looked at Hanbin. He was leaving. He wore his favorite scarf. Jiwon sighed. He pulled out a folded paper from his pocket and a pencil from his coat. 

 

Winter
It was winter again. But this time, I wasn't searching for inspiration. I had plenty. Ever since we parted ways years ago, I learned how to reach deeper into my heart. You showed me feelings I don't think anyone ever could. I still think about our days together. Thank you. 

Jiwon's pencil moved around the paper, sketching whatever came to mind. His coffee has gone cold and he was getting lost in his thought process. The music they played in the café rang somewhere in the back of his brain but he paid it no attention. His mind was focused on the sketches and doodles on his paper, some crossed out, some out. A logo, a logo for a stupid IT company. That's where his creativity and talent went now. 

The seat in the back of the café was basically his. The baristas knew him by name and knew his regular order by heart. So often he would come and sit when he needed to change the environment of his balcony, sit in the back of a nearby café and work and scribble away until he was satisfied with the results. Looking at the paper, he saw a few decent ideas, hoping the client will like them too.

“Mind if I sit?”

Jiwon looked up and his heart stopped. He forgot about his work as soon as he saw those deep eyes again, that nose, pink lips, messy hair. Hanbin. After all these years, he was there. 

“No, of course not.” Jiwon pulled all his papers and pencils away from the table, making more space. They weren't important right now. Hanbin sat down with his own drink and the same gentle smile Jiwon remembered from years ago. He was afraid it's going to be awkward silence the whole time. 

“It’s nice to see you. Five years, right?”

“Five.”

“God, that seems like a lot, doesn't it? And you don't look like you've changed one bit. How... how have you been doing?” Hanbin himself couldn't believe they met again. Was this the café where they went the first time they met? It probably was, he remembered sitting by the window. He forgot he was in a hurry, he forgot about his plans. 

Jiwon looked at the logos. How has he been doing? It took him some time to find joy in painting when Hanbin left. Or was it painting that put him back on his feet? He knew brushstrokes were the only love that won't leave him. “I...have been good. Life's good now,” he said with a little smile, looking out to see the snowy park, it was snowing again today. Life's good, life's okay. 

“You working on something new now?”

Jiwon twisted the sketches in his hands. “I mean it's not the creative work of my dreams but it pays the bills.” Pause. Hanbin wasn't even looking at him, he was staring into his coffee, there seemed to be something on his mind. What was he thinking about, Jiwon thought. “What about you?”

“Oh, I'm great. Life's really treating me better than it should. Jiwon, I-... can I ask you something?”

Jiwon's heart shrunk in size. It was a question he hated, so so much. Hanbin's mind still looked puzzled. “Sure.”

“Right after we ended things. You put out a cycle. How did you call it, four seasons? That's right, isn't it? I-... I saw it in the gallery when it was out. Those... those weren't just random locations you painted, right?”

Jiwon tried to hide his little smile. Hanbin knew very well those were not just random locations. He could draw them with his eyes closed right now if he had to. After their separation, he spent so much time on them. They helped him heal. They helped him understand, come to terms with everything. He knew every brushstroke by heart. They weren't just ordinary landscape paintings for him. When he looked at them, he could feel those feelings again. He enclosed those precious memories in that cycle, all his emotions, he mixed them into the paint and created trees and skies and snow and grass. He looked at them and felt the love, the hurt, the passion, the anger, the joy. He put it all in the paintings so he wouldn't have to feel it all alone no more. And people liked it. People felt with him, people understood. “Art's up for interpretation.”

“It radiated such... happiness.”

“I guess sometimes it's better to create what you're missing.” He wasn't sad anymore. But it was important to create something that would bring the viewers joy and delight, peace of mind. That's what he wanted to put out at that moment, it wasn't his phase of raw, abstract art. Art was his joy and love and life partner and he wanted to present it that way. 

“It was breathtaking.” A wave of delight overcame Hanbin. He remembered all those sketches Jiwon used to do, everywhere and always. It would annoy him sometimes but watching him get lost in his art always strung something in his heart. He still had some of the sketches Jiwon have him. He never had enough of a gut to throw them out. If nothing, this is the part of Jiwon that remained with him. Hanbin knew that it wasn’t the only part. He can try and pray but those memories and feelings will never go away.  He cherished them, he wouldn’t want them to disappear.

“Because you shared those memories and feelings with me.”

 

“You're still wearing that scarf,” Jiwon pointed out, tugging on it lightly as they left the café. It was like their first winter. Yet again, it was snowing lightly, covering everything in a thin snow blanket. 

“Yeah, it... it stayed with me since.”

The walk through the park was pleasant. They laughed and remembered their times together, both content with what had happened. It was careful and soft, both cautious of what they said. “Are you seeing anyone?”

“I mean love comes and goes.” Jiwon's eyes were planted on the ground. He dreaded the question a little bit. Yeah, he had some people come into his life but there was no one like Hanbin. There wasn't a muse. But that's okay. Because he taught him how to look for inspiration in yourself instead of others. 

Hanbin didn't answer. Jiwon debated looking to see if he has a ring or not. He did. A delicate golden ring on his finger. It didn't hurt him, it didn't even surprise him. It was a chapter ended for him.

A few minutes later, they found themselves at the end of the park. Time to part their ways. 

“It was so nice seeing you.”

“You too.”

Hanbin took a deep breath and took Jiwon's hand. “Thank you.” Jiwon didn't understand. “I don't know if I've said this before but... thank you for those months.” Jiwon still didn't understand but he looked into those eyes again and he suddenly did. He saw everything he needed and it brought a smile on his face. You're welcome, he thought. He never thought a look could say so much. Hanbin took the smile as an answer.

“Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.” With that, Hanbin gave Jiwon one last kiss. He brought his hand to his cheek and wondered, how in such cold weather, a person could make him feel so warm. 

 

 

 

Thank you for reading!! Hope you enjoyed it, would very much like to hear your thoughts and ideas, or pairings you’d like to see next! Literally anything!!! Leave it below if you’d like, would be like super tight!