The four of them were lounging around the waiting room as 200 excited moomoos filled the seats to their fanmeeting. As usual, Wheein was playing a game on her phone, her best friend snacking away at the food table, and the two oldest were bickering about something in one corner of the room. Although they were quite a distance away, she could feel one of them staring intensely at her back, almost burning a hole through.

 

She knew who it was.

 

Recently, things had gotten a little awkward between them because she began to realise her growing feelings for her unnie. In the past, when the rapper acted greasy towards her, she could easily push her away or roll her eyes, but these days, she doesn’t know how to react. Helplessly, she either turns into a stuttering mess or scurries away as her heart thumps loudly in her ears and a darker shade creeps onto her already-pink cheeks.

 

She didn’t want to admit that she likes the attention.

 

She is painfully aware that that’s how she treats everyone – it’s her natural greasiness. She is just overly friendly and sometimes touchy when she’s nervous, heck, she’s even publicly admitted it a few times. Which is why Wheein has spent the last few months convincing herself that all those concerns and attention she got from her meant nothing more than how close friends would treat each other; those subtle touches and late night texts were exactly the same as what she does with Hwasa – this is nothing but a silly, one-sided crush.

 

*buzz*

 

The vibration from her phone snapped her out of her trance. She refocused her attention onto her game and sighed when she saw the words ‘game over’ splattered across the screen. Once again, she lost the game due to her mind wandering off to a certain blonde. She grunted as she tossed her phone onto the couch, frustrated with her inner turmoil.

 

“Wheein-ah, you’re still not fully recovered right? You need to stay hydrated.” A familiar voice startled her. She looked up to see her crush extending a bottle of water to her. “Here, drink up.”

 

“Oh, thank you…” She had been feeling under the weather because they were caught in the rain during their school festival performance a few days ago. Although she was well on the road to recovery, Moonbyul was still worried for her since her immune system was on the weaker side amongst the four of them.

 

“Byulyi-unnie, I need to stay hydrated too, can you grab me a bottle as well?” Moonbyul rolled her eyes at the maknae, half-smiling at her teasing tone.

 

“Here.” She simply replied while tossing a bottle across without aiming.

 

“Oof, that hurts.”

 

“A ‘thank you’ would suffice.” She retorted.

 

“2 minutes till show time, girls.” One of their managers called out from the hallway.

(At the fanmeeting)

 

“Let’s go up front, shall we?” Solar moved to the centre of the stage and the other members followed suit.

 

Hwasa was already playfully posing for photos while Wheein was still struggling to get her mic to function properly. Upon noticing this, Moonbyul subtly swapped her own mic with the younger girl’s and rushed towards their manager for a new one. It shouldn’t even be that big of a deal because it was the most logical solution since Moonbyul stood the closest to the staff members.

 

Wheein reasoned in her head as she fought to calm her thumping heart.

 

It was gestures like these that warms her heart. The rapper must have been paying close attention to her every move to even notice tiny details like a malfunctioning mic.

 

It took Wheein a few seconds after that (and maybe Solar’s voice) to regain her focus.

 

“1, 2, 3, I say………” The leader looked over to Moonbyul when she realised the missing presence and dragged out the note as long as she could, eyes widening as her breath thins out.

 

“Unnie, hurry up!” Hwasa exclaimed as the crowd giggled.

 

“Sorry, sorry, my mic wasn’t working.” She chuckled awkwardly as she re-joined them on stage.

 

“Mama, mama, moo~ Hello, we’re Mamamoo.”

 

When their gaze locked during the introduction harmony, Wheein gave her an appreciative smile, one which was reciprocated with slight nod and a sincere grin.

 

Things went accordingly to their usual fanmeeting. The fans responded quite well to the interesting recounts they shared about their last video shoot and of course, no fanmeeting would be complete without the loser crew teasing their glorious leader. Since today’s session was a longer one, they got to include a few games as well as photo time with the fans before concluding with a short ‘ask me anything’ corner.

 

While the managers were packing up the toys and costumes from the table behind, the members refused to give up their mics and were prompting their fans to start a conversation with them. It is well known that they love their fans and would do anything to prolong their fanmeeting sessions, even if it was at the cost of their managers’ wrath.

 

“Have you eaten?” A fan shouted from the back row.

 

“Not yet! We’re actually going to have some food now!” Wheein responded with just as much enthusiasm.

 

“Yeah! We’re going to her house for a party, because our baby just moved into her new home!” Hwasa interjected with a big grin. She was most definitely excited for food, alcohol, and more food.

 

This caused a loud ruckus among the fans. They had so many questions about how Wheein’s house looks; what they were going to have at the party; who was invited etc. Unfortunately, their fanmeeting had come to an end and Solar gave Moonbyul the cue to wrap up.

 

“Don’t worry everyone, we’ll be sure to upload a group photo onto our fancafe tonight, keep an eye out for it!” The rapper reassured their fans, then added in a softer voice. “If we don’t get too drunk.”

 

“Yah, we might have minors here!” Solar slapped her arm in a playful manner.

 

“Oops, sorry. I meant we’re getting drunk on strawberry milk, hehe.” She flashed her famous nose-wrinkling smile. “Okay, this has been…”

 

“I say, Mama Mama Moo~”

 

“…Mamamoo! Thank you for coming!” Everyone took a bow except Hwasa, who struck a cute praying mantis pose for the cameras.

(At the party)

 

It was around 10pm when the other guests decided to call it a night. Although the Mamamoo members had no schedule the next day, RBW staff members still had to work at the office. After bidding their goodbyes, Yongsun suggested that they should watch the movie they’d been putting off for months.

 

“But Yong, we ran out of food and drinks!” The rapper whined.

 

“Come on, you’re not a baby, we can survive 2 hours without those things. Besides, aren’t you the one who’s been pestering us to watch this movie??”

 

“Yeah but, what’s a movie without snacks???”

 

“I have to agree with Byulyi unnie.” Of course, Hyejin was the one to voice out when it came to food.

 

“Byul-ah, you’re being inconsiderate. You know our Wheein-ie is on a strict diet, do you want us to stuff our faces in front of her?!”

 

Moonbyul gasped in response. “Using Wheein as an excuse? Now that’s just unfair. I’m sure she won’t want us to starve, do you, Wheein?” She pouted, a sight reserved mostly for their members.

 

“I mean, we did just finish 3 boxes of pizzas and 4 whole chicken an hour ago…”

 

“Exactly, an hour ago, that was so loooongggg ago.” She countered, in a matter-of-fact tone.

 

“You’re going to turn into a pig at this rate.” Yongsun’s reply earned a snort from their maknaes.

 

“Heh, I’m sure you’d still find me cute then.”

 

“Yah, stop being weird.”

 

The bickering went back and forth for a while before Wheein dragged her best friend out of the room.

 

“Thank god, I was wondering when you’d leave.” She muttered, putting her shoes on.

 

Wheein remained quiet until they were out the door, wearing a frown on her face. She had not confide in anyone ever since she realised her feelings for the rapper, hoping that this crush would just fade away in due time.

 

She knew wholeheartedly that the company decided to push Moonbyul and Solar together because the fans liked seeing their interactions, but how much of it is actually fanservice when they bicker like an old couple even in private? Sometimes Wheein wanted to remove herself from events completely because she’s afraid of what she might do or say when her jealousy gets the better of her. She usually has her emotions in control and it’s been such a long time since she felt so attracted to anyone, but the fear of a slip-up still lurks in the back of her mind. Sure, she’s had some crushes here and there, but they were just initial attractions that would often dissipate after she got to know the person a little better. It wasn’t a lie when she mentioned on that one variety show that her crushes are always reciprocated, but is that the case with Moonbyul?

 

“Are you going to tell her?” The question caught her off guard and she almost tripped over her own feet.

 

She stopped in her tracks, causing the other to do the same.

 

“What do you mean?” She asked softly, refusing to make eye contact.

 

“Jung Wheein, don’t you dare play dumb with me. I’ve known you basically your whole life.”

 

“Fine.” She sighed, eyeing at the bench next to them. Hyejin understood her signal and proceeded to take a seat.

 

“So?”

 

“Ugh.” The shorter of the two hid her face in her hands. “I can’t.”

 

“What do you mean you can’t?”

 

“I mean, there’s no point in telling her. She seems happy with Yongsun-unnie… How can I ruin that for her?” She exclaimed in a defeated tone, body slouching while she rested her arms on her knees.

 

“She’s happy with you too, you know.” The brunette leaned back into the chair and crossed her legs. “And besides, how do you know they’re together in that way?”

 

“I don’t, but Byulyi-unnie smiles differently when she’s with her… And seeing her glow like that, it… It makes me happy too.”

 

“You’re so blind I want to get you actual prescription glasses.”

 

Wheein gave her a questioning look.

 

“Wheein-ah, you can’t assume that they’re together and eliminate your chance altogether. Who knows, maybe she likes you too.”

 

“You’re funny.” She mimicked Hyejin’s posture. “Right now, whether she’s with Yongsun-unnie or not, she’s happy, that’s all that matters. And… and I like our dynamic now, we can fool around on stage, have fun teasing Yongsun-unnie and all those shenanigans.”

 

Hyejin stayed silent, encouraging her to let it all out. It was clear that she had been bottling this up for some time and she was glad that they were finally having this talk.

 

“There’s no point in telling her.” She repeated. “It would be selfish for me to tell her how I feel.”

 

“How so?”

 

“It’ll ruin what we have. Why would she need to know that I like her? So that she knows she’s good enough for someone to fall for her? You only tell someone you have a crush on them if you’re expecting them to reciprocate the feeling.”

 

She frowned as she tried to articulate her thoughts.

 

“Confessing to Byulyi-unnie would take this pain off my chest, sure, it’ll make me feel better, but by doing that, I’m also being inconsiderate towards how she feels. What if… What if my confession makes things awkward between us? What if she hates me for harbouring these romantic feelings for her? I like how I am when I’m with her, romantically or platonically. Her presence alone, lights up the world for me. I mean, have you seen how she genuinely laughs at everything? How can someone so pure and perfect exist??”

 

She let out a heavy sigh.

 

“She’s just such an easy person to be with, you know? But to tell her that I like her and want to be with her just because I like the way she makes me feel, wouldn’t that make me a selfish person?”

 

Her voice was almost shaking. Even if Hyejin was her best friend, she rarely opened up like this. She hated how vulnerable she feels whenever she shares her bare feelings.

 

“I wouldn’t risk anything in the world to jeopardise the close bond we have now.” She added in a smaller voice.

 

“If you’re asking so many ‘what ifs’, let me ask you this. What if she feels the same? What if she sees you in the same light as you painted her in? What if to her, you’re this pure and perfect being? What if she’s holding herself back because of these same exact thoughts? Aren’t you then depriving her of a chance to be with you? Aren’t you giving up on what this could blossom into?”

 

Hyejin puffed.

 

“Love is complicated. It’s selfish and selfless at the same time, it’s a whole grey area that only the bravest could survive. Maybe it won’t work out, but seeing if it does, will be the best adventure ever. Besides, Byulyi-unnie would never shun you away for this, she treasures you too much. She’s not someone who would throw away years of friendship because of a confession, trust me on this.”

 

Wheein kept quiet, her mind going over what Hyejin just said.

 

“Look, you wouldn’t get a closure if you keep this to yourself… And knowing you, it will definitely eat you alive.”

 

She took her face in both her hands and gently turned towards her. Even when Wheein averted her gaze, she could clearly see how her lips tremble, desperately holding in the tears that were b in her eyes.

 

“Look at me.” She pleaded.

 

It took another plea for Wheein to finally give in. She looked like a wounded puppy and all Hyejin wanted to do was wrap her in a blanket to keep her safe from the dangerous world.

 

“You, Jung Wheein, are one of the most selfless people I know, and mind you, I know a lot of people.” She tried to lighten the mood of the conversation. Thankfully, it worked and that earned her a weak smile from the other girl. “You’d rather carry this feeling you have for Byulyi-unnie to the grave, because you think she’s happy enough right now. You said you’re happy just because Byulyi-unnie’s happy. You also gave me the last piece of fried chicken just now. How much more selfless can one get?”

 

Wheein was full on laughing at this point, the tears she was trying so hard to hold in were flowing freely down her pink cheeks.

 

“Stop worrying about being selfish for once in your life.”

 

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?” She slapped her hands away to dry her tears. “How do you always find a way to cheer me up?”

 

“Because we’re soulmates.” Hyejin flashed her a triumphant smile.

 

*buzz* *buzz*

 

She finally realised that her phone had been vibrating for the past few minutes. When she took it out of her pocket to check, she was confronted by a sea of message bubbles on the screen.

 

Byulyi unnie (10.10pm): Hey, Wheein, where did you and Hyejin go??

 

Byulyi unnie (10.10pm): We were talking and suddenly you were gone. Did you decide to get us food and drinks? :D

 

Byulyi unnie (10.11pm): Yong says she wants strawberry milk, she’s not gonna drink more. I’ll have whatever you’ll be having tho, it’s been a while since we last drank together. Tonight, we’re gonna drink till we drop!!

 

Byulyi unnie (10.11pm): Wait a min, you shouldn’t be drinking too much because you’re still recovering from your cold. It’s okay, you can watch me drink, I promise I’ll be on my best behaviour :’)

 

Byulyi unnie (10.13pm): Reply me when you get this texttttt

 

Byulyi unnie (10.14pm): Wheein-ahhhhh

 

Byulyi unnie (10.15pm): We’re waiting for you guys to start the movie.

 

Byulyi unnie (10.17pm): Please pick up, where are you???

 

Byulyi unnie (10.18pm): None of you are picking up our calls, are you okay?

 

Byulyi unnie (10.18pm): Oi, are you guys okay?? Please, you’re scaring me. Where are you????

 

Hyejin managed to peek at a few of the messages. “Yikes, she sounds worried. I guess we have to tell them what we’re doing. Wait, what are we doing?” She raised her eyebrows.

 

“We’re getting food and drinks from the convenience store down the road.”

 

“Oh! Let’s go then, the spicy chicken feet is calling to me, I can hear them whispering in my ears.”

 

She got onto her feet and pulled the shorter one up.

 

“You’re… feeling better right?”

 

“Yeah, thank you, I forgot how perceptive you are.” Wheein brushed off the loose leaves from her sweatpants.

 

“Tsk, Wheein-ah, when will you learn that you can’t hide anything from the almighty Ahn Hyejin?”

 

“I take it back, you can it.”

 

“No, what, I accept your thanks! But you can thank me by paying for drinks!”

 

“Fine, it’s the least I can do anyway.” She gave her best friend the side-eye, a small smile plastered on her face.

 

“Aw, I love you too, and I will break Byulyi-unnie’s legs if she breaks your heart.”

 

“Yah, don’t do anything crazy!”

 

“Okay, okay, let’s go!” She walked ahead, ever-so-excited about food.

 

Wheein followed behind as she typed on her phone.

 

Wheepup (10.21pm): Sorry to worry you, we just went to the convenient shop to get some more food and drinks. We’re not even there yet and Hyejin’s going crazy over chicken feet, do you or Yongsun-unnie want anything in particular?

 

Byulyi unnie (10.21pm): THANK GOD, I was this close to calling the police!

 

Byulyi unnie (10.22pm): Nah, I’m full just by looking at you.

 

Byulyi unnie (10.22pm): Haha, jk. Get us some kimchi pancake if they have… Or else just get whatever, I trust you know our taste :D

 

Wheepup (10.22pm): Okay. See you soon :)

 

Byulyi unni (10.22pm): <3

 

“Yah, you coming or what?”

 

She looked up into the direction of the voice and realised that she was falling behind.

 

“And wipe that stupid smile off your face.”

 

Wheein tucked her phone back into her pocket and quickened her pace, smacking her arms as she ran past her best friend.

 

“Yah!!” Hyejin squawked and chased after her, their giggles echoing throughout the neighbourhood.

 

When they both stepped through the door, Moonbyul ran to them and gushed about how she imagined the worst, explaining why they shouldn’t run off without a word next time. Yongsun, on the other hand, wasn’t as worked up because she knew that they were perfectly matured enough to take care of themselves.

 

“She’s just overreacting!” She yelled from the couch, her attention fixated on the screen.

 

In agreement with their leader’s statement, Hyejin gave Moonbyul a judgemental look, eyeing her from top to bottom.

 

“Sorry, it won’t happen again.” Wheein pouted, using her best aegyo voice. Although she could be oblivious at times, she was certain that her unnie was blushing.

 

“U-um, here, let me help you with those.” With that, the blonde took the bags and arranged the food on the table.

 

“You’re pathetic.” She overheard the eldest mutter in an amused tone.

 

“Shut up.”

 

She was glad that no matter how her unnie felt, she could still escape by using her aegyo card. Apparently, she wasn’t doing a good job at hiding her satisfied smile because her best friend muttered the same words before heading towards the couch.

 

Halfway through the movie, Wheein’s eyes wandered around the room to check up on everyone. She had to blink a few times to adjust to the darkness of the room.

 

Suprisingly, Hyejin was fully engrossed in the movie with an almost-empty plate of chicken feet in front of her. She looked over to the other end of the couch to find Yongsun hugging her bunny plush toy, head leaning against the arm rest with her eyes closed. She had a feeling that their leader wouldn’t last the entire movie since she had a solo schedule on top of their busy group activities. Seated between Yongsun and her was the one and only, Moonbyul.

 

Wheein didn’t know whether to be thankful or nervous that the rapper chose to sit next to her. Being this close to her crush was suffocating and electrifying at the same time. She couldn’t focus on the movie at all because for one, Moonbyul smelled amazing, and two, she was gorgeous and adorable. Although Moonbyul had seen the movie before, she still reacted to everything as if it was her first time.

 

This time, her eyes must’ve lingered a little too long because the next thing she knew, Moonbyul was staring back at her with a raised eyebrow.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Seeing that her cheeks were starting to heat up and she was struggling to formulate a reply, the blonde moved closer to repeat her question.

 

“Wheein-ah, are you okay?

 

Maybe a little too close.

 

It was as if she was whispering right next to her ear.

 

“Y-Yeah, I just…” She gulped. “I need a drink.”

 

“Water or…?”

 

“Soju, I need soju, lots of soju.”

 

“Cheeky.” Moonbyul tapped her nose in a greasy manner. “You’re not fully recovered yet.”

 

“… I’ll be fine.” She pouted with furrowed brows.

 

“And I believe you, but I’m just worried for you.” She looked over to the table, contemplating. “How bout this, I’ll mix you a drink and you can have that for the remaining of the movie.”

 

“Fine.” Wheein knew better than to argue with her unnie, especially when she was only doing so for the sake of her health. If she wanted to survive the night, she needed a strong drink. “Make it a strong one please.”

 

“I’ll make it with love.” The rapper snickered, earning her a slap on her arm. “Alright, alright, since this will be your only drink.”

 

Wheein had a warm smile on her face the whole time she was watching Moonbyul craft her a cocktail. Maybe just for tonight, she could rely on alcohol courage to actually do something about her feelings. If all things fail, there’s always the alcohol to blame and they can pretend nothing ever happened.

 

That's when she decided to down the drink she just received.

 

“Yah!” Moonbyul yelled in a hushed voice.

 

“What? You said I could only have one drink, and this is one.” She gave her the most innocent smile in return.

 

“You’re unbelievable.” She snatched the empty cup from her hand and placed it back on the table. “Guess I have no choice but to stay close to you in case you start feeling sick again.” She scooted closer and sat lower so that she could rest her head on younger girl’s shoulder.

 

This was the opposite of what Wheein wanted. She wanted to remove herself from this embarrassing situation yet also wanted it to last forever.

 

She heard a soft snort from her best friend’s direction and when she looked over, Hyejin only rolled her eyes at her before reverting her attention to the movie. She did, however, catch a glimpse of her smirk.

 

It was about 30 minutes later when she began to feel light-headed. Maybe drinking it all in one go wasn’t such a good idea after all. Her heartbeats were drumming in her ears, even louder than before, and she was having a harder time looking away from the girl next to her. Her brain was telling her to focus on the movie, but her body wasn’t responding.

 

Panicking, she tried to roam her eyes around the room, to focus on anything but the blonde. She feared that she might do something stupid if her eyes lingered any longer. Yongsun was still in dreamland but this time, Hyejin was also fast asleep. She must’ve really liked the movie to have invested her time watching almost the whole thing.

 

“Byulyi-unnie?” She called out softly. Since she was too afraid to move, and the older girl was resting against her arm, she wasn’t sure if she was asleep.

 

“Hm?” Came a weak response.

 

“Oh, I thought you were asleep.”

 

“I was about to doze off.” She sat up, rubbing her eyes in a very adorable way.

 

“Shall I turn the movie off?”

 

“Hng…” It was Moonbyul’s turn to look around the room. “I guess so, they’re all asleep and I’m sure you’re tired too. It’s almost ending though.” She yawned.

 

“Yongsun-unnie slept through the whole movie, I’m sure she’ll pester us to watch it again anyway.” Wheein giggled, already imagining it in her head.

 

“You’re right.” She chuckled softly, knowing exactly what she meant. “Are you heading to bed then?”

 

“I… Um…” Her eyes darted over to the plush toy Yongsun was cuddling. “I can’t sleep.”

 

Since she is an only child, she had always needed someone next to her to fall asleep. She never really knew why; maybe it was the loneliness of being an only child. When she became too old to share a bed with her mum, her sleepovers with Hyejin became more frequent. That is, until they became idols and got too busy. In substitution of that, her best friend suggested that she get a plush toy instead, which was the one Yongsun had her arms wrapped tightly around.

 

“Huh? Why not?” Moonbyul turned her head to follow her gaze. “Ahh…”

 

“Maybe I’ll watch another movie.”

 

“Don’t be silly, you need the rest.”

 

“I know, but I can’t sle-”

 

“Cuddle me instead.”

 

“W-what?” She gawked. The rapper had said it in such a soft volume that Wheein thought she might have misheard her.

 

“Cuddle me instead.” She repeated, this time a little firmer and more confident than before.

 

Maybe it’s the alcohol in her system; maybe she wasn’t thinking straight; but at that moment in time, she did not have it in her to say no.

 

“Okay.”

 

She immediately leaned forward to wrap her arms around Moonbyul’s waist, her head pressed against the other’s chest. Her clumsy movements pushed her backwards and if it weren’t for the rapper’s quick reaction, they would’ve bumped into Yongsun.

 

“Oof, be careful.”

 

“Sorry.” Her voice muffled as she hid her face in Moonbyul’s chest, embarrassed at their current position but too committed to move away.

 

The taller of the two wiggled around to find a better position, one where they can cuddle without accidentally knocking into the other two members.

 

“Better?”

 

She nodded.

 

“Alright, now no more excuses, good night.”

 

For the first time in months, she had no trouble sleeping. She wasn’t overthinking; there weren’t any ‘what ifs’ scenarios in her head; she was fully living in the moment, hoping that it wasn’t a dream or her intoxicated mind playing tricks on her. And for the first time, she had hope that the other girl feels the same about her. Just maybe, she’ll finally work up the courage to confess to her when she’s sober. Her unnie deserves a proper confession.

 

She tightened her arms a little, whispering a ‘good night’ as she dozed off to the sound of their beating hearts.

 

(Moonbyul’s POV)

 

She had been laying wide awake for the past hour, her mind still trying to compute where she got the courage to do what she just did.

 

*buzz*

 

Who would text her at this hour? She fished for her phone as subtly as she could, to avoid waking up the cute girl in her arms.

 

Queen Hwasa (12.03am): You do know she just needs someone next to her to fall asleep right? Cuddling as an excuse? Das gay af

 

Moonstar (12.03am): Shut up

 

She heard the other’s phone buzz and didn’t need to look over to the maknae to know that she was grinning. Knowing well that the other girls will be teasing her endlessly tomorrow, she turned her phone off and tossed it aside. She needed to savour this moment for as long as she can.

 

Maybe tomorrow, she will finally have the courage to tell Wheein how she feels.