This was supposed to be only a variety show like hundreds times before. Super junior left their dorm after lunch and traveled to the television studios. They are a bit tired because they already had a dance practice and then they have singing lesson to practice for their new album. They arrived and few fans are wanting there and want a picture or an autograph but soon they walked inside and headed in dressing-room to change their clothes and to get their make up done. Everything is fine, the members are joking and laughing while getting ready and then walked in the studio where they sit down around a table. There are two comedians who are MCs of this show. 

 

Super junior has no idea who is the young girl because she is new comedian who has really huge success. The girl turned to them from a cameraman who was speaking with her and now the cameras are on. The girl smiled widely but then gasped in shock and covered with her palm.

 

“Omo! Yesung-shi I thought that there are too Shindongs for a while!”

 

Yesung stopped in tracks and doesn’t know how did she mean it.

 

“You know that you are getting chubby again?”

 

Yesung flinched as if he was hit by a bullet but then force himself to smile. Other members want to  lynch her right on this place because saying something like this to Yesung?! Everyone knows about his crazy diets during which he goes without eating properly for many weeks and she purposely kicked him right in the painful spot. 

 

Yesung fixed his hair with slightly shaking hand and gulps few times to push his breakfast back where it belongs.

 

“N..o, no I didn’t know.”

 

He hates himself for his shaking voice but he wants to just run away from here to shove his fingers in his throat to vomit all the food which he ate for lunch. The second comedian started to speak to get away from that terrible comment. He is older and did few shows with Super junior before. He knows which questions and jokes are appropriate and he also knows that especially Yesung is very sensitive around jokes and comments about his appearance.

 

The show continues and no one speak about the stumble which occurred on the begging. No one has idea what is going on in Yesung’s head. He is repeating her comment in his head again and again. He is getting fat again. He worked so hard on being thin but few months of eating properly and exercising ruined everything. His friends and Super junior coaxed him into gaining some weight and now they see him as a pig for sure. He is counting calories in his head and thinks about the food which is slowly digesting in his stomach. Yesung looked around and jealousy and anxiety is starting to eat him from inside. Cute Donghae and Ryeowook, Siwon and Hyukjae with their muscular bodies, Heechul and Kyuhyun with their charisma. And then there is him. Useless man who is slowing down rest of his group. 

 

Leeteuk is sitting next to Yesung and keeps glancing on him from time to time because he is worried. He worked hard on making Yesung to eat and now this ruined it. They can’t let Yesung to go back to his old habits. It was terrible to see Yesung fading away in front of their eyes. Leeteuk is leader of Super junior, he has to help to s who are like his brothers. 

 

Suddenly everyone’s attention turned to Yesung.

 

“Could you show us some of yours famous dance?”

 

Yesung gulped and shakes his head no.

 

“Sorry but my back hurts …”

 

Yesung said and put his palm on his back to make his story look more truthfully. The voice in his head is yelling on him that if he gets up then the whole country will see his fat so he thanked to God when they don’t force him. The members know that the MC’s comment left a deep wound on Yesung’s self-confidence but they can’t leave, they need to finish the recording first. 

 

Heechul has his own mission to embarrass the rude comedian but also feels that Leeteuk is giving him clear signals to stop being mean to her. Heechul decided to ignore the leader so he will be scolded right after they get back in their dorm but for now he doesn’t care. The young comedian is trying to fire back something funny on Heechul but she has no chance. He is unstoppable because being rude to any member of Super junior is the same as being rude to him. After one more hour the recording ended and they head back in the dressing-room. The older comedian is hurrying behind them to apologize but Yesung quickly disappeared into restrooms to avoid him. He closed the toilet lid and sat down because his legs are terribly shaking. He hears that someone entered the restrooms so he is quickly trying to calm down because he can’t cry in front of them. Yesung got up and flushed the toilet. He sneaked out of the restrooms and went in the dressing-room. Other members are changing their clothes or play with their phones so he silently started to change his clothes too. He is praying that no one will notice him and luckily the other members are too worried to speak with him. They are looking on each other and send silent messages between them because they need to know what is going on in Yesung’s head.

 

Super junior got in their van and heads home. Yesung put on earphones so no one will speak with him and then they arrived home. Leeteuk unlocked door of their dorm and then members hurry inside. Yesung hurries in his bedroom before someone can stop him and closed the door. Silent tears are running down his cheeks and Kkoming runs to his owner. Yesung doesn’t even look on the small puppy and runs in his bathroom which is connected to the bedroom. There is hidden a bathroom scale and Yesung pulled it out. He is staring on it and then took off his shoes and most of his clothes and only keeps his jeans and shirt on. Yesung hesitantly stepped on the scale. He almost screams because he has really gained five whole kilos since last summer. Five kilos! Yesung fell on his knees and crawled into corner. He squeezed in a gap between bathtub and under sink cabinet and finally breaks down. Yesung is silently crying and feels so much internal pain. He started to gag and feels like he is choking. 

 

Meanwhile Ryeowook and Siwon are cooking dinner downstairs in the kitchen and the others are nervously pacing around the living room. Yesung is alone in his bedroom and they know what it means - he went back to his old habits so he is probably hovering above toilet with fingers shoved deep in his throat. Leeteuk can’t stand the silence and got up from couch. He goes upstairs and knocked on door of Yesung’s bedroom.

 

“Yesung, are you okay.”

 

Leeteuk opened the door after a while and sees no one. He takes few steps to door of the bathroom and knocked on the door.

 

“Yesung?”

 

Yesung inside gasped in shock. No, he can’t lie to Leeteuk! What should he do?!

 

“I am having a shower!”

 

Yesung quickly the water and hopes that Leeteuk will leave. The man is standing outside the bathroom and wants to run inside to save Yesung.

 

“Can I go inside?”

 

There is silence and Leeteuk got scared. Did Yesung faint? Is he hurt? Leeteuk needs to know and opened the door. The bathtub is empty and then he spotted the small singer sitting there and hugging his knees. 

 

“Yesung … did you vomit again?”

 

Leeteuk kneeled down in front of him and put his hands on Yesung’s bony knees. Yesung shakes his head no and hides his face in his hands. Leeteuk sighed and turned off the shower. Then he grabs a towel and soaked it in cold water. 

 

“We will calm down now, okay?”

 

Leeteuk is gently washing Yesung’s tearstained and red face while humming a soft melody. Yesung is still sobbing and shaking a bit but Leeteuk makes him feel a bit better. Rest of Super junior is eating dinner downstairs and tries not to run upstairs to eavesdrop. They finished eating and then went in living room. Heechul some movie but no one is paying attention to it because they are worried about Yesung. 

 

Leeteuk washed Yesung’s face and then went in his bedroom to grab some comfortable clothes for him. He takes a pair of grey sweatpants and green hoodie with little turtles on it. Leeteuk helps Yesung with changing his clothes and then grabbed him under armpits and pulled him up on his feet.

 

“We will have a dinner, okay?”

 

Yesung weakly shakes his head no and Leeteuk wrapped his arm around Yesung’s small waist. He is leading the crying singer downstairs and they head in the kitchen. The creamy sweet corn soup is still warm so Leeteuk only needs to pour it into two bowls. One is for himself and the second one is for Yesung. He added a bit of crispy croutons on top and then put the bowls on the dining table. Yesung is sitting there with hands in his laps and looks like a kicked little puppy. Leeteuk smiled and eats first spoon of this Ryeowook’s delicious soup but Yesung is only sitting there and doesn’t touch the food. He smells the scent which makes his mouth watering but he can’t bring himself to eat it. The soup is full of fat like his body and he can’t let this enter his stomach. Yesung gags over feeling of fat which is growing up on his stomach and creates double chin for sure. 

 

Shindong doesn’t want to be silent in the living room so he got up and went in the kitchen. He sat down next to Yesung and frowned. They can’t allow Yesung to go back to his eating disorder. 

 

“Do you think that I am angry because she sees me as a fatso?”

 

Shindong slowly wraps his arm around Yesung’s petite shoulders and smiled a bit.

 

“Come one. Don’t listen to such mean people. You should listen only to us because we like you.”

 

Yesung stares on the soup in front of him and sniffled. Maybe that she was mean but she was right. What if other people see him as fat too? His thighs are disgusting and his is huge. Yesung hides his face in his hands again and starts to cry. Leeteuk sighed because this will last forever. Ryeowook hears that his favorite turtle hyung is crying and sneaked in the kitchen.

 

“You are gorgeous. You are the best singer in our group, no one can dance so crazily like you and no one takes better selfies than you.”

 

Ryeowook wrapped his arms around Yesung and tightly hugs him. He can’t stand to see his hyungs being sad. Yesung is crying more and the other members gather in the kitchen. Ryeowook gives a bowl of soup to everyone and they sit down around the table.

 

“Please, eat something. Do it for us, do it for people who love you.” 

 

Yesung is watching them eating and after a while picked up his spoon. He defeated anorexia before and he can do it again. He only needs to focus on the nice things which is life offering to him and on his family who is supporting him during every hardship. Yesung dipped the spoon in the soup and brings it to his lips. The voice inside his head is yelling to stop eating but he fights hard to push the voice away. Yesung swallowed and lifted his head only to see that others are staring on him. Yesung weakly smiled and then takes another sip of the soup. His friends are smiling on him to encourage him and Heechul opened the fridge and pulled out container with mint ice cream with pieces of chocolate which they will eat as a dessert. Leeteuk glared on him for pushing more food to Yesung, that could scare him. Heechul put the ice cream in smaller bowls and everyone takes one. Even Yesung grabs one of the bowls and eat first spoon off the ice cream. Suddenly he got up and they got scared that he is going to cry again. To their surprise Yesung only opened the fridge and pulled out a can of whipped cream.

 

“Does anyone want some too?”

 

AN: My mean sister will arrive home and she is always making fun of me because I am not so thin as she so I used it for writing this short story.