CHAPTER 20
SONG NOEUL

"Call me crazy.. but I thought a lot about making you mine. Mine as in.." he took out something from his pocket.

A box.

"This used to belong to my mother. It has been passed down from her mother," Hoseok began as I stared his family's heirloom - A ring. "I am serious about you. Thus, this is the only way, I felt, to prove you that my feelings for you are real and sincere."
I couldn't speak. Words couldn't be formed. My brain couldn't help but trying to register what was happening.

Hoseok was proposing to me.

He smiled, shifting his gaze to my hand. He lingered from my hand to my ring finger, holding it ever so gently.  Delicately.  "I don't want you me doing this as a form of apology  of what happened, but I want you to think how serious I was when I told you that I love you."

Heat crept up my face as those words he said came out so easily. I had been always pushing him away despite his persistency, but this for the first time since I didn't have the urge to fight it through. Was it because I had accepted him fully as who he.. is?  "Hoseok... I.."

*ding*dong*

I glanced to where the sound came from. I glanced to the clock that was on the wall it was already 8:30 pm. "Oh no," I muttered and turned to Hoseok, "You have to hide," I told him. No. There is no way that own family could see Hoseok here. I pushed him towards the bathroom, "Stay here until I get Ahreum back to her parents."

"Parents? Your-"

"Just stay, please. I beg you," I pleaded before I closed the bathroom door.

Heading outside, my brother and his wife had already made their way in on their own. "Hey," I smiled awkwardly. "Ahreum was just asleep," I said. "I'll get her out."

"Let me help you," Soojung insisted as she followed me.

"No, I'm alright," I replied but she stood behind me as soon as I entered my room. Glancing to the bathroom, I noticed Hoseok actually was trying to take a peek at the situation. "OH! I'm GOOD!" I accidentally yelled out when the sound of a mess happening in my bathroom. I could only guess one thing, Hoseok probably tripped and fell somehow.

SHOOT.

"Is there something in your bathroom?" Soojung was carrying Ahreum as I was about to pass the baby bag to her.

"Oh," I pretended. "Some cat probably," I lied, stupidly.

"In your high-rise apartment?" Soojung began to question. I always hated lying and especially lying to a woman like Soojung. We, women, have this instinct that is so powerful, that often it could be always true. Soojung walked towards my bathroom and I chased after her.

"Unnie, unnie," I panicked. "There's nothing-" Soojung opened the door, I felt my breath hitched but Hoseok was nowhere to be found. Glancing to the reflection mirror, I could see him hiding behind the shower curtains. Thank God. "-See... I told you," she glanced to the floor, where my toiletries were. "Probably some wind then," I said and finally turned her away. "Okay, I think I suggest you and my brother leave because I have work tomorrow and I missed half day today," I purposely changed the subject. I turned around to see Hoseok wanted to exit out from the bathroom but I signaled him to wait.  

"Is everything okay?" My brother began to ask while he was waiting at the front.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"By the way, Noeul," For the first time since that day, I finally locked my gaze with my own brother. My upset didn't make me angry at him. It made me scared of him. Scared of the entire relationship falling, scared of what I imagined would come true. The denial in me grew so strong, I felt myself breaking. My brother's gaze was wavering and I felt something heavy began to work its way up to my heart, pulling me down despite it thudding so heart against my chest so heavily. I blinked. He exchanged glances to Soojung who had bags under her eyes. That was when I realised, she had just recovered from crying.

"I want you to know that this, this decision is ours and it's mutual. We decided to file for divorce."

My hands that hang by my side slowly clenched into a fist. The worst came true. It came true. It came ing true. My eyes got teary.

"Noeul," Soojung took a step to comfort me but I stopped her.

"Leave," I said.

As soon as they left, I closed the door and rested my forehead against it. I sighed. Giving it a few moments letting them leave my apartment, I finally turned around and rested my back against the door. My back slid down as I found myself seated on the floor. So many secrets to bear, resolved but painful to bear. My eyes grew teary as I thought of it. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I looked up and saw Hoseok standing in front of me. I hated how he always found me in this situation. He saw a side of me which I chose to hide. I told myself I wasn't weak, but I am. "I'm a family person," I began. "If they're happy, I would be too. What you ask of me earlier... I don't know how to respond," I blinked and a tear fell. "My family's broken, I am too. I don't know if I could make you happy if I am with you."

He leveled himself down along with mine, squatting in front of me. He smiled, his dimples showed. Hoseok was being adorable at this moment, my heart skipped. "There's a reason why God put out a path to you - to make you happy," those words felt like a stab into my cold heart. "To make you whole again, to make you feel loved and believe in it like you always hoped for people. God is kind, never unfair," I felt the arrow in my heart began to melt with warmth. "So whatever happens to you, giving you a burden.
God doesn't want you to feel it alone, He puts me there with you, to share. I'll be your pillar of strength, a comfort with full of hope and a love that will never die."

"You're too nice. I'm not good enough for you."

Hoseok pulled me close into an embrace. My face buried into his chest as I broke down. "Funny how I thought the same thing of myself to you," he chuckled. His chest was broader than it seemed, the scent of his mild cologne intoxicated my senses. He made me feel smaller when he hugged me like this. I broke down yet again into his arms as I cried out loud. The feelings that pained my aching heart, I cried it out. It affected me, a reality that slapped in the face. It wasn't my relationship but it was a relationship that I looked up to. A relationship that I had thought forever was embedded in it.

It felt like hours went by, I didn't know how long Hoseok was holding me in his arms. I rested my head weakly on his shoulder as he held me close with his back against the wall. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry about?" Hoseok repeated the question that I had said to him, earlier as I glanced up to him and he smiled. "You're not in wrong. You're upset, disappointed."

"I'm weak."

"We all have weaknesses," He said. "Life is full of ups and downs," he reached out for my hand and intertwined with mine. "It may be down for you, but I feel like its ups for me. I know that you are still affected by this, but Noeul, this won't change the fact that I love you."

"Don't make it sound too cheap."

"I love you," He said. "Those three words, I will only say it to you. I am serious about it and for the first time in my life. You made me feel that way, so... I really want to make you mine," His voice sounded so husky in my ears that I peeled myself away from him.     
I turned to him and showed my hand to his face. Wiggling my fingers, I tried to smile despite my swollen eyes. "What you said, earlier. Pillar of my strength - Do you promise that? Because I may need a lot from you."

Hoseok looked surprised to my sudden question. He straightened his back and his hand reached out for mine. "Of course. I promise."

"Promise a comfort with full of hope?"

"Of course," he smiled.

"And a love that will never die?"

Hoseok smiled as he took out the ring that he had kept inside his pocket all this while, putting it into my ring finger, "A love that will never die."

My face would be red by now. For Hoseok to be here, at my worst times - no doubt, I felt a sense of comfort with him. My cold heart that I had been pushing away began to slowly melt. Brother's marriage is a failure because he was stupid. I won't be the same. I won't be like him. I tugged his hand towards me, making him fell forward. Holding his cheeks, I let my lips crashed into his.

And sealed my happiness with him.