Jisoo remembered that night, on one particular weekend when she experienced her first traumatic event in her life. She was the second-year student in the university, and her friends asked her to 'guard the door' when they were partying in the dorm. Students were not allowed to make a commotion in the dormitory, and partying was an illegal activity. But you know, rules were made to be broken, and nobody really cared about it and still did it as long as they kept it hidden and safe. And to make it safe, they needed a guard. And since she had been a minor at the time, she was the one who had to be the guard dog.

It's supposed to be just like another weekend day. Jisoo had got used to doing that and never really mind it because she wasn't a party person herself. She preferred to spend her weekend to finish reading some books while watching a game show on TV in the student lounge on the ground floor. And this should be a normal sight for everyone, because that's where she would always be every weekend, whether there was a party or not, besides being in her room. That's why Jisoo was always confident, greeting everyone casually, including the guards. What was different that day was, the guards had decided to check on the floor of her room.

And she was panic, and she did something stupid to obstruct them. What she did was, she broke the protective glass of the fire alarm box and turn it on. The next thing she knew, she was at the guard post and was interrogated for the entire night. It wasn't that the guards were scary or what, but the interrogation took two days and two nights and she literally didn't sleep the whole process. She was scared and she was lost because she couldn't protect herself. And what made it even worse, none of her friends were willing to defend her too, even though she had sacrificed herself to cover up their weekend party.

Then suddenly she was in the dean's office. The atmosphere here was far more chaotic and tense than the guard post at the university's dorm. She tried to hold back her tears when the people ignored her complaints, that all the photos in circulation were taken without her knowledge, that this was not her fault, that, yes, she was wrong for violating the ethics between lecturers and students, but it's not something that harmed anyone. The proof was that they remained professional while on campus, so professional that no one knew about their relationship until Baekhyun decided to reveal it to everyone.

"You are a woman, Professor Kim, an educator. You should be able to take care of your life, at least you can try to hold your in front of your students. This has happened once, how can we possibly believe that this will not happen again? What a shame."

The words were so harsh that it hurt her. It was hard to believe such accusations came from the mouth of a scholar. She wasn't a ual maniac, she'd never considered her students like some kind of prey. She had the honor of being an educator, she's not what they had accused her as.

"We have no other choice, Miss Kim. You are removed from all your structural positions at the university. That means you will no longer hold the position of Head Deputy of IRO and Chief of Associate Professor Department as of today. I am waiting for your resignation letter as soon as possible, meanwhile, you are terminated from all campus activities effectively immediately. "

She shut her eyes, hoping this was only a dream. She couldn't have everything and lost it all in a day. Life must be joking with her, but it's not funny.  

And that secret camera video, it's the worst nightmare. And the worst of the worst that happened, she could remember every detail that happened that day as if all this had just happened this morning. It was clear crystal; the whisper of his voice on her ears, every touch and every caress of his on her body. She was disgusted, even though she had showered repeatedly and cleaned her body of the remnants of that memory, but she could still remember it entirely. It really tormented her. She was disgusted by herself.

When she woke up, her eyes were wet. She gripped the bedsheet tightly, and her head drooped on the side of the bed. The floor of the room felt cold even though she was sitting huddled on the carpet with the thick bedcover all over her body. She had been sitting by the feet of the bed since she came there. Resting her head by the tip of the mattress, she didn't eat anything and refused to open the door to anyone. The most painful was probably when her father came and knocked on the door, but she didn't have the confidence to open it. It's too sad because in one part it hurts herself to see her dad hurt when she refused to see him, but in the other part of her, she just couldn't face him. She couldn't face anyone because it was too shameful. She was ashamed to herself that she couldn't bring herself to see them.

Now she only knew what it was like when those people chose to die at a time like this. She could feel how shame was eating her out slowly, but deadly. She just couldn't even face the world anymore, she didn't have the courage and confidence to do it again.

She had lost everything. Her job, her life, her carrier was destroyed instantly, and she hardly saw any reason for her to continue living. Until she thought of Yixing. Every time she thought of dying, Yixing always came to her head. For the past seven months, he had the best thing that ever happened in her life. He was the reason for her happiness, he was the reason that made her believe that she had a beautiful future. And now he'd been the only reason why she still wanted to stay alive.

Oh, Yixing. How she missed him so much. She had no idea how long she would continue to lament her life like this, she only knew that she didn't want to come out. Did Yixing look for her? She never took his call, so he probably never knew where she was. And even though she told Sehun not to say anything to him, she admitted that there was a part of her that hoped that Sehun wouldn't listen to her words and told Yixing where she was. Even though she couldn't face him eventually, at least she wanted Yixing to know so he wouldn't worry about her.

A knock on the door snapped her out of her reverie. She heard Sehun's voice behind the door and she closed her eyes and rested her head back on the mattress. She didn't want to talk to him.

"Jees? Are you awake? Can you open the door?" 

She didn't reply to him. He knew she wouldn't, so she had no idea why he kept asking her the same question over and over again. 

"Jisoo, I'm going in now. I'm gonna break the door, so don't stay too close from it." Despite the intention, Sehun's voice was so calm to be called a threat. And Jisoo could tell that it wasn't a bluff because Sehun never did that. When he said he wanted to do something, he would do it. And that's how she knew he would really break the door. But it didn't mean that she would yield and opened the door for him. He could do anything he liked, it's his apartment anyway. She pulled the thick blanket to cover her head, did nothing to converse. She was too weak to respond, she just wanted to curl by the feet of the bed.

SLAM!

She slightly flinched as Sehun kicked the door open a few moments later, but keep the blanket still covered all over her body. She could feel that he walked up to her and crouched beside her, just close enough to touch her, but did nothing for some good moment. It was until she heard him saying 'I'll be outside, call me if you need anything', she realized that he was actually by the door and he was talking to somebody else. And this somebody right beside her was definitely not him.

Her heartbeat raced erratically in an instant.

"Baobei,"

It was him. Oh, God. It's him.

And her heart skipped a beat.

"Baobei, talk to me."

Jisoo squirmed to his touch. All the tears in her eyes started to break in a second, she couldn't face him. No, not like this. It's too humiliating. She buried her face to the mattress when the cover was slipped from her grip and Yixing pulled it just right on time before she could get hold on it.

"Look at me." Yixing her hair to have her face visible to his view, and Jisoo turned it to the other side and buried deeper to the mattress.

"Go away," she yanked her hand back when he grasped on it.

"No, I won't. You know I won't." he retook her hand, and this time he held it tighter. "Talk to me, ei, please. Look at me." 

Jisoo couldn't do this. He sounded so sad, and she couldn't bear to hear him begging as if it's for his life. But she couldn't face him. She wished he would just let her go because she didn't have the confidence to look at him. She begged him to let her go, but all her efforts to squirm out of his grasp were useless because he had the power and he got a hold of her hands to pull her away from the bed.

"No, Yixing. Leave me alone." She dropped her head down low, eyes shut tightly. It was too depressing. She missed him so much but she couldn't even see him. She really hated herself to be this weak.

"Look at me, Baobei, look at me." Yixing let go of her hands and cupped her face with his hands, "Through thick and thin, remember? I promised to stand by you through thick and thin."

 ... through thick and thin ... 

She did remember that. She was the one who proposed the premise the first time, and now he threw it back to her because it was what they promised to each other. And only because of these words, she slowly opened her eyes, and she looked at him for the first time in days. His eyes were brimmed with tears and it broke her down.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to mess up. I'm sorry."

And he took her to his embrace and held her tight. "It's fine. It's not your fault." He s his arms to her waist and pulled her close to him. Jisoo broke into a heavy sob, s her hands to his neck and to his arm and clung to him for her life. Fingers curled on the back of his shirt as she cried her heart out for the mental pain that she felt for the past days.

It's nice to be with him again. Even with only his presence alone, it was enough to let off the steam that she had bottled up inside. And she stayed there for she had no idea how long, at least until her sob subsided. He her back gently, with no words to say. There was only a heartbreaking silence. 

"Don't do this again," Yixing said on her ear after a while, he rested his cheek on her head and tightened the hold of his arms. "You hear me?" 

Jisoo didn't react, she had no idea what to say or what to do. But the main reason for her silence was because she didn't quite believe herself that it would never happen again. Maybe because she had been showing the best side of her to him for the past months, he'd seen the strongest part of her and she wanted to be the great and strong Kim Jisoo in front of him. And for some reason, the her now was the worst and she hated to show this part of her to him. She hated to look weak and hopeless in front of him.

"If you want to run, you run to me. But don't run away from me, I can't always know everything, Baobei, I can't always know if you're okay or not," he said again, with the tone much even softer than before. He took a deep breath and she could hear him sigh from the back of her head.

"I'm sorry," she only said.

"Stop saying you're sorry, I told you it's not your fault."

But she was really sorry. She was sorry for not taking his call, she was sorry that she ran away from him, she was sorry that she messed up, and big-time this one. She was sorry that he had to get through this because of her, and maybe even tried to clean the mess that she made. She was sorry for making him mad, and she was sorry for everything in general.

She rested her head on his shoulder, tilting up and took a deep breath while she leaned her face to his neck. She curled on his lap to feel the warmth that he brought with his body as he wrapped her with his long arms, the scent of him calmed her down. Why didn't she meet him sooner? She had this question in mind. Things would be so much better and easier if they met much earlier, like six or seven years earlier. If only she hadn't refused her parents' suggestion to join them in Beijing after she graduated from her master program, they might have met each other there one way or another. 

She imagined a series of possibilities of their first meeting in her head. Maybe Yixing had just returned from his study in the States and started working in his father's company while she started to apply for some lecturer position in a university in Beijing. Maybe they would meet at the New