~*~

"Juli?" 

Jaemin had been coming back every hour to check on me. Staring at the ceiling of my room as I lay on my bed, I fought the urge to respond to his sweet and gentle voice.

He sighed deeply behind the door. "Lili, I know you're there..." he paused for a few seconds before continuing, "of course you have to be there, I heard your footsteps earlier...and I know you can hear me, I hope." He paused for another few seconds, "You know I tend to be anxious about small things, and I apologise for that, but I'm really worried now, I haven't seen you out of your room for almost a week."

Really? What day is today? When did I last eat? Or drink? Or take a shower? When did I last sleep?

"Everyone in the house is worried. They thought you would only listen to me, and I hope they're right. Please at least tell me what's going on, or.. or say something. Whatever you're going through, you know you're not alone, right? Mai and Renjun are here, I am here."

I found myself sitting on the bed, trying to open the door, and receive a warm hug from him. But upon realising what my action might have caused him, I stopped my hand from getting to the door knob.

I don't want to accidentally burn him or anyone else in this house...

Again.

My ability, this curse that I have inside of me, I can't control it. It responds easily to my emotional state. 

Last week both Mai—my step-mother— and I agreed that I should give the high school in the facility a second chance. Since I always failed to keep my emotion in check, things always got ugly. For a second, I thought I could finally handle it, but I was wrong. Someone made me really upset and I quickly ran home, afraid that I would cause an earthquake or water bursting out of the faucet. 

At that time no one was home except for Renjun. 

He quickly ran down from his room because he felt a cool breeze inside the entire house. He knew what was behind it, more like who was behind it, because it was a normal thing that happened in the house. He comforted me and the breeze was slowly going away. He insisted that I told him what happened. As I was telling him, I got too carried away with my own feelings that I started to feel angry. 

He suddenly pulled away from me abruptly and groaned. 

He was crying.

I didn't know what to do.

Part of me was blaming him for crying and guilt started to build up inside of me. Seeing him cry made my heart tear apart. 

Afraid that I was going to do more damage to the house, especially to Renjun, I quickly exit the house. 



 

"Just so you know, I won't be tired repeating myself." Jaemin said. "I know you're in pain. I wish I could take that away from you,... I wish I could-" 

I couldn't do it, I couldn't stand there and continue to listen to his words, let alone opening the door and give in just to cause a havoc.

Biting my lips, I stifled the pain and all the possible emotion that would flood me.

It seems that it took so much time to get rid of the guilt that I felt towards Renjun. With Jaemin saying these to me, I kept recalling the memory, and the guilt always came rushing.

"Go away, Jaemin." My voice came out faintly out of my mouth.

"Oh thank God!" Jaemin cheered. "Lili, please come out. We're so worried about you. Renjun-"

"Jaemin," my voice became steadier, "stop."

I couldn't really tell him what I really wanted to say, to tell him that I am actually in so much pain and confusion, anger and guilt, fearful and anxious, but I really couldn't say it or something catastrophic will happen.

The stronger my feelings get, the more the damage will happen. I once burned Mai's garden. All that I remember was I was crying and the next thing I knew her once beautiful blooming flowers became ashes on the ground.

Walking back to my bed, my palms were sweating and a warm feeling constantly heating my arms. A burst of intense energy was filling my gut, slowly spreading to heat up my entire body.

"No, no, no, no, no..." I stared at my palms. 

The curtains of my window were moving. 

I had to get out of the house.

I quickly grabbed my hoodie and opened the window. I climbed over and managed to get down. 

As I ran, my chest were getting heavier, but I ran as fast as I could, as far away as possible. 

Then I climbed over the hi