“10…”

Seulgi smiled enthusiastically as they began the countdown for 2018. She looked around at her members and then at the fans sitting in the audience, seeing multiple banners with bright colors spelling “Red Velvet”. She noticed some banners with her own name and felt her cheeks hurting as she was smiling too much. She let out a small, relieved breath and just couldn’t stop smiling. This was what she had wished for all the time, the moment where she and her four members, friends, even sisters, could actually stand at the new year show and be happy about their input for the year.

Sure, she still thought it was bittersweet that they got here because of a stupid dating scandal. But everything happens for a reason and she believed that this was just destiny trying to give her a little push on the way to their success. It took four months, but now people were starting to actually like their music because of what it sounded like. People started stanning the group because of their talents and who they were as persons. People started accepting them and showing them love, and Seulgi couldn’t have been more happy that she didn’t stop trying even with all the hardships getting thrown at her and her members. They needed that little push from the dating scandal, but after that it’s just been the five of them who made sure they worked hard enough to assure that the fame wasn’t just temporary. And they made it work.

“9…”

A small chuckle came out of as a past memory appeared in her little head. It was at the end of April, when she and the girls were preparing for “Red Flavor”. She was the last on left in the studio, recording her part of the song when Youngho, Sicheng, and Taeyong suddenly walked into the room. Apparently they were going to start recording their comeback song as well and oh boy, did she angry that evening.

“Is that your comeback song?” Taeyong asked with a teasing smirk as Seulgi walked out of the singing booth.

“Yeah, why?” she shot back and saw his lips form a thin smile.

“Nothing,” he shook his head. “Sure that it’s going to do well on the charts?”

“Yong,” Youngho muttered, indicating for him to stop.

“Are you asking yourself that?” she clapped back and turned directly to the exit, not wanting to deal with that guy anymore.

“Isn’t it obvious to see I was asking you? Or are you too stu-”

“No, no,” she interrupted him and turned around before opening the door. “Please keep your stupid to yourself.”

“8…”

Well, the song did make it to the charts… After a little while. Her smile changed to a small frown as she recalled the night before their release. She was so stressed out that night, fearing they wouldn’t succeed. And the risk of having to disband soon was a thought she was so scared of coming true. That night, she went out to buy cigarettes for the first time in a year, fortunately she didn’t light any at that time… Or any more than two…

However, that was better than ten in a day, and she just had them in case her anxiety would get worse than it was. But that only resulted in her sitting alone in her room, downing about four bottles of beer. It wasn’t something she was proud of, she wasn’t proud of choosing cigarettes and alcohol as a solution to end her problems. That only lasted temporarily anyway but even if she felt calm for a short second that was better than nothing.

“7…”

She wasn’t planning on relapsing, she told herself strictly last year that she wouldn’t relapse. Never again. But as the dating scandal broke out she couldn’t help herself from lighting up one cigarette, just one more, and then one more. One drink or two on top of that. What was she supposed to do?

She always told herself that if she wanted something, she was going to work hard for it. But even if she worked hard she just couldn’t get it. Was she really that talentless? Worthless, even? Was she just another woman that needed a man to become successful? She was so disappointed in herself, how come her life turned out to be like this? There was such a big taboo about these topics and she couldn’t have gone to see a therapist even if she wished and wanted to, that would only cause more hate and people would be even more disappointed in her for “not accepting the beautiful gift of life and be grateful”.

“You’re still young, you should be happy and live life. Just put a smile on your face.”

Why was it so hard for netizens to see that they were human too? Why was it so hard for the whole country to just realise that depression wasn’t something to be taken lightly, that it was, is, and will always be a big topic that should be taken seriously.

“6…”

Seulgi stood on the tip of her toes, peeking above the few heads in front of until she saw him. The small smile came back to her face as she saw him goofing and laughing around with s and other friends. This guy was unbelievable. Besides the hate from the dating scandal and the fear of having to disband, he was al