Lisa yawned for the fifth time, she spent most of the night tossing and turning in her bed as she tried to shake off the uneasiness that nagged at her. Dreaming of palace guards storming into her room with an angry Kim Yang-Hwan dragging her outside and cutting her head off didn’t help either. 

She’d been cooped up inside the study most of the morning. Chaeyoung had been true to her word about meeting by the pavilion to re-apply the ointment. Lisa had to admit it was weird seeing her without Jisoo tagging along. 

“You look like sh*t, how’s Jisoo-shi?”

Chaeyoung had always reminded Lisa of sunshine and summer -- the perfect embodiment of both, and yet here she was … 

“I’m going to assume that meant I look awful?”

Lisa mentally kicked herself -- she needs to stop this habit of using words invented 500 years from their time period. 

“Sorry.. I get carried away sometimes, I keep forgetting this isn’t Thailand.” Lisa was getting better at making up excuses  “I meant to say you look tired than usual, but yeah… I guess you could put it that way.”

Chaeyoung smiled wistfully, her hair was down and it kept getting in the way as she wiped off the dried ointment on Lisa’s side. “She’s… fine… better is what I wanted to say.” She let out a deep sigh “Better is... what I want her to be.” 

Chaeyoung hated this. She’d always believed herself to be an effective physician. She knew she wasn’t that great … there were a lot of better physicians out there in the Kingdom but hell, she always tries her best to ensure her patients were well taken care of. Granted, there will always be people who were too far down the line to be saved, a lot of those were from poor families from neighboring villages when she was still an assistant at a village clinic. But... Jisoo was the exception, will always be the exception for her. Somehow, fate thought otherwise. 

Lisa looked on in amusement, Chaeyoung was the type of person who had a hard time hiding what she felt. She could read a couple of emotions flash across her face as she stayed silent, unaware she had stopped midway, her hand still on Lisa’s side. 

“You can tell me whatever it is that’s bothering you Chaeyoung.” Lisa placed her hand on top of Chaeyoung’s slowly, careful not to startle her. 

“I appreciate that… “ 

“I mean it.”

“I meant what I said too…” Chaeyoung sat upright, giving Lisa’s hand a playful slap. She wanted to tell someone so badly, but… 

“Look... if you’re worried about me telling every person I bump into, your precious secret -- don’t. The only other people I talk to is you, and the crown prince. Yong-Min clearly hates my existence, if you count glares as conversations then yes… add Yong-Min to the list.” 

It was good to finally hear Chaeyoung laugh. “I think your missing Kim Jennie from your list.” her left eyebrow raised in jest as she took note of Lisa’s reddening cheeks. “Look, I’m sorry for thinking that about you.”

Lisa nodded, hoping she’d tell her more. It was Chaeyoung’s call if she wanted to, she knew she shouldn’t press her to open up about something as sensitive as this. 

She heard Chaeyoung putting her things away in a little basket she brought along with her. “Jisoo’s sick…” she had turned her face away from Lisa, “She’s …. She’s very sick and I …. I’ve been…”  Chaeyoung choked, burying her face in her hands as the tears she tried to stop, spilled. She hated how easily her resolve crumbled when it comes to Jisoo. She tried to swallow down the pain and guilt that rose from her chest, snaking its way around her heart -- making it hard to breath.  She gave of a sound halfway between a wheeze and a choked laugh. “I hate myself more and more each day Lisa. it… kills me ..inside everytime I see her in pain. I … I … just want a way to take all that pain from her. I ask the Gods every night … let it be me. She doesn’t deserve any of this. She’s such a sweet sweet girl and… “ She was shaking her head roughly, laughing bitterly as the tears continued to fall. 

Lisa held her in a tight embrace, tracing small little circles on her back as her delicate frame shook, making her look smaller, hot tears staining Lisa’s hanbok. Chaeyoung burrowed further into Lisa’s neck, clinging to the other girl’s shoulders. 

“I’d take it all away in a heartbeat Lisa. Oh how I’d take it all away… “ 

They stayed that way for a while, Chaeyoung wishing it was her -- over and over again as she cried. Cried until there were no more tears left. Lisa said nothing, just kept on with the circular motions against Chaeyoung’s back as she hummed. 

Chaeyoung froze, “I’m sorry.... I … your clothes, it’s wet… “ trying to push herself away from Lisa’s embrace. 

“Shhh…” Lisa tightened her hold, “Why don’t you tell me more about Jisoo… We can worry about that later.”

She could feel Chaeyoung smile against her neck. “I will, but if anyone sees us like this…” She could only imagine how it looked like to someone who didn't know the context behind such an intimate scene, how scandalous it might have looked to the judgemental eyes of Joseon nobility.

Lisa pulled away at around the same time as Chaeyoung, both laughing at how awkward it might have been if someone walked in on that tender moment. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to do… I kind of , I mean I’m not good at this comforting thing.”

Chaeyoung’s eyes were red and puffy, “you did great for someone inexperienced… “Laughing as she sniffled, wiping away the remaining tears off her face. “I’ve overstayed my visit. You don’t know how hard it was to explain why I needed to see you and take you away from your important task, to the crown prince’s entourage. I had to state a hundred reasons to pass by their watchful gaze.” She gave Lisa a sad smile. “Come visit me sometime, I promise I’ll tell you everything. I forgot how it felt to have someone to share your burdens to. The Joseon Gods stand witness at how I’ve tried to keep it all to myself for so long.” 

“You don’t have to keep it to yourself anymore Chaeng.” Lisa returned the smile, “I’ll be here if you need anyone to talk to.”

Chaeyoung’s face lit up at the mention of the new nickname. “Thank you.”

The pounding on the door pulled Lisa from her thoughts. 

“Agasshi!”

Was it lunch already?

“Lady, Agasshi Kim Jennie requests to speak with you.”  

Lisa’s blood rushed to her face at the mere mention of her name. Lisa quickly hid the book behind the containers at the bottom shelf, ensuring it wasn’t visible to anyone who didn’t know about it’s hiding spot. Lisa moved to the door, satisfied that nothing looked out of the ordinary. She made a mental note to ensure Jungkook doesn’t find out. He and Yuan made it clear -- no visitors, especially Kim Yang-Hwan’s daughter. 

----------------------------------------

Lisa was met with a serious Jennie as soon as she slid open the door

“Can we talk?” Jennie’s brown eyes were unreadable,

“What do we need to talk about?” Lisa played it cool, she was still upset at the way Jennie dismissed her the last time they met, not that it mattered to anyone but her. 

Jennie rolled her eyes in annoyance, “I’m not here to play your little game of dominance Manoban. Let’s take a walk in the forest, shall we? Your attendants, and you -- is eating up what little patience I have left.” 

She her heel as soon as she finished. Giving little time for Lisa to close the door and sprint after her, nostrils flaring in irritation.

---------------------------------------

They took the same path through the forest, keeping their distance from each other. 

“You said we needed to talk, now talk.” 

Jennie stopped in her tracks long enough to answer “not here, just a little further.” before continuing.

Lisa was too emotionally taut to object and followed suit. The foliage grew thicker as they continued. Jennie looking back every five minutes to ensure Lisa was still there. The path had long disappeared beneath fallen leaves and overgrown grass. For someone as small as Jennie, it took Lisa some time to catch up to her pace. Jennie’s sudden stop made Lisa bump into her. 

“Oof…”

Jennie took her hand and tugged her forward before she could recoil from the impact. Lisa wasn’t prepared for what happened next. If she thought the clearing from before was beautiful, it didn’t compare to what she was seeing now. She’d be lying if she said this wasn’t breathtaking. There was a small waterfall, flower’s of all shapes and colors in different hues filled the banks. The air was thick with their sweet scent. Jennie was pulling at her, guiding her to a little clearing beneath huge trees providing relief from the sunlight. She sat on the grass, motioning for Lisa to do the same. They both appreciated the view in silence. 

“I don’t know why you took me here to talk when all you’ve been doing so far is being silent.”

Jennie didn’t answer, silence was beginning to become their thing. 

“Look, I’m tired of playing mind games with you Kim Jennie, if you plan on staying silent the whole time, leave me out of it. I’m leaving.”

Jennie hand’s shoot up, holding onto her own forcing Lisa to sit back down. 

“Stay…” Jennie’s voice hitched, “i'm sorry about yesterday... “ 

Lisa sat back down, fully aware of Jennie’s hands on her own. A lot of things were running in her head and yet she can’t focus on any one of them. Jennie was looking at her with the same pleading eyes when they first met. Lisa had too many questions she wanted to ask.

“I needed time away from the palace. This…” Jennie gestured at the waterfall “is my hiding place when everything becomes unbearable.”

“I don’t understand why you’re telling me this Agasshi.”

“Can we drop the formalities? My ears are fed up with that title.” 

“I still don’t know why we’re having this conversation… Jennie.” Lisa was surprised at how easily her name rolled off her tongue.

“Does everything have to make sense to you Lisa?” There was something in her voice that made Lisa look back at her. Jennie’s eyes softened, sunlight brought out the tiny little flecks of gold, making them stand out against dark brown.

“Only when it’s something I really want.” 

Jennie was still holding on to her hands, her skin burned where her fingers lingered. 

“What do you want then?” her voice was huskier than usual, her eyes half closed as she bit her bottom lip. Lisa was acutely aware of the sudden shift in the atmosphere, Jennie was looking at her lips intently and Lisa found herself holding her breath they closed the distance. 

Lisa stopped herself -- eyes closed, lips barely grazing Jennie’s. Her breath hitched, she was suddenly afraid of opening them, afraid that if she did she’d be back in that small dingy study, afraid that this was all a dream. Jennie’s soft hands grazed over her cheeks lightly, fingers like feathers as she pulled Lisa closer. 

Her lips brushed against hers, softly. Lisa could feel Jennie smile through the kiss, lingering just long enough for her to inhale her breath, and feel the warmth of it on her skin. Lisa tried to pull away slightly, but before she could, Jennie wrapped her arms around her neck -- kissing her back. 

This wasn't like the other kisses she'd had back home. Every kiss she had before this felt sloppy and forced. Jennie's lips were soft and moist, tasting of sweet honey and tea. The heat rose in her cheeks, sending down delicious waves of indescribable feelings down to the pit of her stomach. Is this what they refer to as butterflies in your stomach? The kiss felt firmer, more determined. Lisa seeking to chase down that elusive, invisible current that flowed between them in this moment. 

“I’ve always wanted what I can’t have Jennie… always.” 

A/N Dont forget to vote for Blackpink in the TCA's! Have a great day ahead!