I. So if you love them, let them know

I Love You Still, I Always Will

 

 

Chapter Warnings: anxiety attack, minor character death

 

It’s yours.

     The letter has two words in it. Yixing should be happy, ecstatic even, but he’s not. In fact, he’s miffed and close to feeling enraged.

     Kim Junho, his mentor and direct senior, has just passed away leaving the S Mall to his estranged son, Kim Junmyeon. The wake starts tomorrow and though he’s been hands on with the preparations, he’s also arranged a meeting with the company’s lawyer. He wanted to take the proper steps and offer Junmyeon a compromise.

     Junmyeon’s letter, however, makes things easier.

     “I can’t believe it, Kyungsoo. He just…” Yixing paces as he talks on the phone with the company’s lawyer. He sighs, “Does he even know what he’s giving up?”

     “Give him some time, Yixing. Maybe it hasn’t dawned on him just yet.”

     Yixing knows Junmyeon, more than he probably should. He knows the relationship between the father and son was not it’s best but not this. Junmyeon walked away from his father years ago. Junmyeon walked away from him.

     He expected that Junmyeon wouldn’t have wanted to do anything with the business that his father built. But Yixing did not expect this blatant rejection.

     “I’m not even sure if he’s going to come to the wake.” When those words left his lips, they sounded too affected, concerned. He didn’t mind though.

     “Do you have any plans if he does? You know how he is.”

     “I know, Kyungsoo. Don’t worry, I won't let them harm him.”

     “That’s good to know. Any how, I’ll try to draft a contract. He might not like the idea of having the company now, but I know you don’t want him to totally let it go.”

     “Thank you, Kyungsoo.”

 

ooOOOoo

 

     Perhaps this is a bad idea.

     He can see the little creases on the edge of his black coat, a result from his constant fidgeting. His hands haven’t stopped shaking since he left his apartment. The fidgeting intensifies upon seeing the amount of people that has swarmed the front the building, more specifically the reporters.

     Where are you? I’ll come for you at the back.  Yixing’s text reads. His pride would want to ignore the text but his nerves could not handle it. He rounds the funeral home and enters through the quiet back entrance.

     Yixing has been faithful to his text. He’s standing there with his black suit and slim black tie. Junmyeon didn’t even had the time to pack one so he’s attending there with his suit ensemble sans a tie or a bow.

     “Hi.” Yixing greets him curtly, and then looks at him.

     “I don’t have any explosives with me. Please stop looking at me like you’re some kind of x-ray machine.”

     “I’m sorry, Jun. I didn’t know this is how we’ll see each other again.”

     “Neither did I. No one did.”

     It’s quiet for a few tense seconds while Yixing is undoing his tie. Then he reaches around Junmyeon and the latter steps out of their proximity right away.

     “What’re you doing?” Junmyeon asks panicky.

     “Relax, Jun. I’m just giving you my tie.”

     “I don’t need it.” Junmyeon protests in words but didn’t step back when Yixing tried to hang his tie on his neck.

     Yixing shrugs, “You look better in it anyway.” He finishes fixing the tie on Junmyeon.

     Junmyeon looks anywhere but on Yixing’s direction. He’s aged well, that much Junmyeon will allow himself to admit. The infinitely deep dimples though, he’s still yet to see.

     But this is not the time to yearn for signs of happiness.

     He didn’t speak when Yixing finished fixing his tie. He makes a mental note to return the slim tie later on. He didn’t intend on staying long.

     Yixing led him to the viewing area where most people have gathered. Media has been banned insde the viewing area, no cameras in sight but Jumyeon can see some prominent reporters around. He pays them no mind, believing that they have been briefed to act formally and no interviews will be done. These people have been with his father even before he was born. He undertands that they too, need to pay their respects.

     Yixing hasn't removed his hand from his upper back the whole time. He's thankful for the comfort it brings him but there's a part in him that can't help but think of how this will translate in news sites later today. His last appearance on those damned sites was when the news of his and Yixing's break up and his decision to step down as heir of S Mall.

     This anxiety and constant thoughts of how he will look like in words, in journalist's articles, he hates it.

     Coming face to face with his father's coffin, Junmyeon coudn't control his shaking hands anymore. He remembers his face, mostly red due to his supressed anger at him during most of the time that they'll meet. But his father never raised his voice on him and Junmyeon was given anything he ever wished for. Even his decision to turn away from his father and the life his father wanted for him. Kim Junho tried to stop him, but he relented in the end.

     "Were you with him?" He asks Yixing.

     "No."

     Junmyeon nods in acknowledgement and didn't ask further as Yixing gave no other information. The latter must have understood that this is the only information he can handle right now.

     Junho looks so peaceful right now. Away from the stress of his company and pressures of life. Junmyeon closes his eyes and he remembers his father's smiling face in an instant. He holds on to it for a moment and more. Then, he steps back from the coffin.

     Yixing did his best to stay by his side but the slew of business partners and friends, and Junmyeon's aversion to them made them drift apart. But before they can totally lose contact with each other, Yixing calls out to his cousin who just arrived.

     "Jongin."

     Junmyeon turns around and he's intantly enveloped by the warmest hug. "Hey there, couz." He greets him while patting his younger cousin's back.

     "You okay?" Jongin looks more handsome as he ages. "I didn't know. I wish I could've told you sooner."

     "It's not your fault, Jongin. It was sudden. No one expected it. That's how death is. Jongin." He pats the younger by the shoulder. "Is he here?" Junmyeon asks, pertaining to Jongin's new partner.

     "No, he has a shoot in Japan. He'll be back next week." There's a hint of blush in Jongin's full cheeks. It's nice to see some kind of positivity in a place that's full of sorrow.

     "You should bring him some time. I'd love to meet him."

     "I will, couz. He's really great. He loves animals too, so he'll be great around your shop."

     "He does love you, I wouldn't expect less."

     "Hey! What do you mean by that?"

     "I'm just saying," there's a small smile forming on Junmyeon's lips now. "He needs to love animals if he has a clingy puppy as a boyfriend."

     Jongin has been a breath of fresh air from the suffocating aura. Junmyeon couldn't fully smile nor let himself be happy, but having Jongin talking to him made him feel like a certain load was lifted from his chest. The younger excused himself for awhile to get them both some water and he's left on a far side corner.

     He can still see Yixing checking him from time to time, though. His brows scrunch in worry, probably because he culdn't see Jongin near him. Junmyeon lightly jerks his head to where the water station is and Yixing understands.

     Then someone suddenly blocks Yixing's view and talks to him. "Junmyeon, how long has it been?"

     Rita from DEF network. Of course it's her. The woman has the prettiest smile but the worst personality.

     Junmyeon is about to side step her but she has more to say.

     "Come on, Junmyeon. Surely, Junho didn't raise you to be rude like that? Oh wait, he was busy raising his mall when he should be raising his son." She tuts.

     "Keep my father out of your mouth and your nasty articles." Junmyeon warns with fire in his eyes and sharpness in his words.

     "So now, Kim Junmyeon, the prodigal son, comes back to reclaim his throne? Now that your father is gone and you're sure that the mall is yours, you come back? After leaving your secrets? Is that it? You've given me quite a good content right here."

     Junmyeon feels his face getting hot. He knows that Rita wants to rile him up and make a scene so she can have the opportunity to publish her dirty words and manipulative story telling. Junmyeon tries hard to calm himself while tears are threatening to spill through his eyes. Yixing stands beside him just in time. The latter holds him by his wrist and Jumyeon turns around to face away from Rita.

     "I can have you thrown out of here, Rita." Yixing tone is flat and cold.

     "Playing knight in shining armor, Yixing? Isn't it enough to be Junho's student, you had to seduce his son too? Aren't you being to greedy?"

     "That's it."

     Jongin is suddenly by their side, accompanied by two burly guards.

     "No need to bare those fangs at me, boy. I'm about to leave anyway." Rita moves towards the exit but Yixing made sure that the guards her silently out.

     Junmyeon slowly removed Yixing's hold on him and walks towards the back entrance. Yixing follows him without missing a step.

     "Where are you going?" Yixing asks him but he doesn't answer.

     Junmyeon can't speak.

     Yixing rounds him to stop him from walking away. "You're shaking, Jun. Breathe, breathe for me, please."

     Junmyeon shakes his head. In broken sentences, he speaks, "Away. Hotel. 'm going."

     "Okay, okay." Yixing leads Junmyeon to look at him and then nods at him, showing him that he understands. He holds Junmyeon by his hand, strong but delicate at the same time. "I got you. I'll take you there." 

     Junmyeon is lead to what he assumes is Yixing's car. Reluctantly, he straps himself to his seat but he adjusts the strap so it's not closely fitting his body. He feels like suffocating. Yixing doesn't ask him anything. He already understands what Junmyeon is going through. He always understands. So Junmyeon closes his eyes and prays that they arrive fast. 

     However, after a few mnutes Junmyeon remembers that Yixing doesn't know where he's staying.

     "Where are we going?" His voice is shaking but it did not crack.

     "Your hotel." Yixing glances at him softly and then returns to looking at the road. Perhaps Yixing didn't want him to see the panic in his eyes as well but his side profie reveals most of it, if not all. He knows that Yixing wants them to arrive soon as well.

     "Oh. I didn't go to the hotel that you booked. We've already passed my hotel."

     “Damn it, Jun! Why can’t you do as you’re told for once?”

     Junmyeon hears the frustration in Yixing’s tone but he also knows Yixing’s doing his best to control himself.

     However, Junmyeon couldn’t be bothered. He’s close to drowning in his sorrow and  emotions he would rather not name and acknowledge. He grips on his seatbelt tighter, knuckles turning white, as if the contraption would help prevent his tears from falling.

     “Where—" he wanted to ask where they were going since Yixing made no move to turn back, but his voice cracked.

     “My place.” Yixing replies, understanding his incomplete question. “We’re closer there than driving back to your hotel.”

     Junmyeon did not argue for he had no energy left. He’s pouring everything to stopping the hot tears from falling.

 


I swear things will be lighter after this chapter 3

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armani-anagrammed
Hi! One chapter today [5/14]. I hope this somehow helps all of us get through today. Remaining chapters will be posted on May 22 <3

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fiqahaina #1
Chapter 4: Yeayy for jun brave decision! Im happy when they are happy..*happy tears
fiqahaina #2
Chapter 3: Finalllyyyy i found a fic that focus on sulay instead of being a minor ship!! Im so interested in it and hoping that u can finish it but of course, hwaiting!! Im loving it so far..n im hoping yixing will continue his fight to win junmyeonie heart back!.. good luck authornim. <3
purplezyx
#3
Chapter 2: I'm still at chapter two and from the start of the chapter to the end I was just holding back tears. ? Cannot thank you enough for writing sulay when there's literally a drought of their fics since forever. My heart aches but there's also that warm feeling from Yixing's comforting words and presence. Junmyeon will always be my baby irl and in fics so whenever he's sad, I can't help but be sad also. I'm looking forward to the next chapters. I hope you also stay safe dear author and take your time with this fic. ❤
kyufanny
#4
this is so guwwd ? we want more, we want more ?
It’s been so long not to read Sulay fanfic with this good quality, slice of life and just wonderful stories.. i’m so blessed , keeping up with a good work authornim, fighting!