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first encounter

walking lifelessly under the bright and flicking lights along the steets. my surrounding feels and seems so peaceful and happy.

people hanging out with their family and friends. loud laughters and conversations can be heard around me.

couples hugging and interlocking their hands together. cars passing by and winds blowing a fresh breeze.

their world seems so different from mine.

so so different and i'm jealous of it.

i stopped walking when a person accidentally bumped into me, the person bowed in apology and i only stared in returned.

only then i realised, i was standing along the traffic lights with other people waiting for the green man to appear for them to safely walk to the other side.

i watched my surroundings, such a busy street at night time.

not long after, i heard the traffic light's sound showing the green man indicating that it is safe to crossover.

people besides me are quickly rushing to get to the other side however,

i just stood there, not moving an inch, looking at nowhere with tears forming in my eyes.

a countdown started appearing,
and people are quickly running over to each sides.

then it shows a red man again.

only then i started walking along the pedestrian lane, weakly with no strength whatsoever, a person who has given up with life.

then a non stop sound of car horns can be heard along with the people screams as one citizen tried pulling me to safety, away from the incoming cars that could have hit me to unconsciousness, and i wish it did.

living in a world where you don't feel like living at all. judgemental stares and gossips the people keeps giving wherever you go. their harsh words piercing through a person's feeling. your very own family turning their backs on you.

making you feel like you've committed a crime. making you feel like you will never be good enough. when all you ever wanted was to hear a simple and sincere, you did your best.

i keep walking to wherever my feet takes me. without realising, it took me to a small community playground. i found myself staring at the small swing gently being moved by the night breeze.

my tears started flowing down as my happy memory flashed before me.

i saw my tiny self riding the swing as my father pushes it along with the breeze. my mother happily taking pictures of me enjoying the ride, smiling beautifully.

"calm down with your pushes, honey. seulgi might fall." my mother said worriedly as she stop taking photos for a moment.

"oops. sorry, i got carried away." my father awkwardly laughs as he scratches his head lightly.

"no daddy. push me harder. i wanna see the birds up there." said my tiny self pointing up to the sky, insisting my father to push harder.

"no seulgi, you're going to fall if your father pushes you more any harder, and you don't