the hands on the clock slowly move towards the hour that jinsoul waited for. a second felt like an hour and a minute felt like eternity. she laid on the bench that everyone abandoned, staring at all of the people who gathered and smiled. the couples were laughing happily and jinsoul dreaded for them to stop. she used to be like them. and she used to have a significant other whom she loved.

she rubbed her forehead, remembering all of the lies she had screamed at jungeun. jinsoul jabbed at every single emotion jungeun had, leaving jungeun at the very corner of the room. she regretted that. she regretted everything she said. they were all lies. her friends kept saying that she should just move on but how could she when her other half was gone. jinsoul wanted to have a future together with jungeun. she wanted jungeun to be happy. she wanted to be jungeun’s tomorrow which was why she went through yesterday. but now it was all ruined. she was ruined.

jinsoul felt a tiny bump at her foot. she looked down to find a ball at her feet. she leaned down to grab it and give it to whoever the owner was, but as she did, a shock of electricity bolted through her arm. a soft hand was on hers and she looked up to find the person she didn’t want to see. her hand still lingered until jungeun pulled the ball back, her eyes full of pain and sadness. jinsoul could see right through her. jinsoul was broken too but she didn’t have enough courage to say it. to say the words she wanted to say to jungeun. a simple “i love you” or “thanks” would do the trick but she wasn’t brave enough. she wanted to go through her past and change everything she had ever missed. the days where jungeun was hurting and jinsoul cared, she wanted to hold jungeun in her arms, but she was scared. so she just ignored her.

”jungeun, i—“ jinsoul started.

jungeun closed her eyes and took in a deep, shaky breath. she shook her head. “don’t. just don’t.”

and off jungeun went, leaving jinsoul’s heart in pieces.

—

jinsoul was inside of the lifeless storage room. she had a pencil in hand and a paper was in front of her. she drew randomly, not paying attention to what she was drawing. she drifted off, not realizing that she was drawing jungeun. her hand continued to go on it’s own, her sketches becoming more and more alive—more alive than she was. without jungeun she felt like she had no purpose of living.

jinsoul sighed, slamming the pencil on the desk. she tugged on her hair as she cried out in frustration. every single minute felt like hell. she needed jungeun. and she needed jungeun to know that. jinsoul grabbed her phone and opened imessage, her fingers tapping the screen aggressively.

~My Sunshine ☀️ ~

Jinsoul: i need to talk to you.

Jinsoul: please. i’m literally begging. please jungeun.

————

she waited for a reply, staring at her screen which seemed like an hour. finally, bubbles appeared and jinsoul smiled for once. she waited.

————

Jungeun: talk to me when you’re ready. you need to know your mistakes.

————

jinsoul’s typing made were audible, people outside of the room could probably hear her typing.

————

Jinsoul: i already know my mistakes and i can prove it to YOU

seen.

————

she groaned in annoyance, running her hands through her hair. jinsoul closed her eyes and laid there, kicking up her legs, resting them on the desk. she hurt jungeun that bad and she would do anything to get jungeun back. the argument they had from a week ago made them break up. jinsoul screamed at jungeun while she rested there in the chair, her arms crossed to her chest with tears rolling down her cheek.

on the first day of them being officially girlfriends, jinsoul couldnt stop saying “i love you” with little pecks on the cheek. but now? they were distant. there was no affection. or connection. they completely forgot about each other.

the argument appeared in her head. she remembered it and she didn’t want to. it still hurt her til this day because she said words that she didn’t mean. she was lying to herself. but most importantly, she was lying to jungeun.

~~~~~

“you’re really bringing up my drinking problems, huh?” jinsoul chuckled deeply, taking in a deep breath. “i could’ve left any moment in this pointless relationship, but i didn’t because i would’ve broken your heart. i was that ing nice. yet you pop up and nag, nag, nag.”

jungeun balled up her fists, she stayed in the chair that was 5 feet away from jinsoul. they were having another argument. the 4th time this week.

“do you not know how much pain i’ve been going through? first of all, i had to to care of your and my family problems. there’s a ing reason of why i drink. it’s because of this. this relationship,” jinsoul laughed, wiping off a tear from her cheek. “it makes me wonder, how did i even fall in love with you? i guess i didn’t have any standards back then huh?” she took a step forward. “it’s like some cupid came by and shot me to fall in love with you. and then it wore off and i finally realized that this relationship was all fake. you never cared for me. i never cared for you, understand?”

jungeun stared at her, the tears coming out of her eyes staining her clothes. jinsoul scoffed at the sight, her heart starting to break off piece by piece. she was saying lies. she even knew it. yet she continued.

“if we never dated at all i would’ve been somewhere better. somewhere with another person—who was better. but noooo. your ing ruined everything.”

jungeun opened to say something but jinsoul shushed her. “shut up the hell up. i don’t want to hear or see you anymore.”

~~~~~

drip. drop.

a wet substance seeped into her hand. she opened her eyes and looked down to find herself crying. she went back on her phone, texting jungeun again.

————

Jinsoul: i’m sorry.

————

jinsoul sent the text.

“i’m sorry, jungeun.” she whispered to the air.

———————>

the bright sun shone as jinsoul cracked her knuckles in class, looking at the clock every second. jungeun’s desk was right behind jinsoul so it’ll be easier for jinsoul to talk to jungeun. she cried the whole night before, entering her dorm with puffy, red eyes. her roommate, sooyoung—thankfully—was sleeping soundly on the couch with the TV still on.

the teacher continued to teach, jinsoul getting impatient as the clock’s hands ticked.

“RIIIIIIING!”

jinsoul slammed her jacket on the desk, abruptly getting up and turning around. before jungeun could leave, jinsoul grabbed her wrist. “please don’t go. i really need to talk to you.” she pleaded, her eyebrows turning into the same ‘/\’ that made jungeun’s knees weak. jinsoul knew that jungeun still loved her and she knew that she loved jungeun too.

“i’m serious, jungeun!” jinsoul cried, tightening her grip on her ex-girlfriend’s wrist.

jungeun glared at her. “let go.”

“not until you sit down with me and actually listen to what i have to say,” jinsoul growled.

the girl in front of her rolled her eyes. “fine.”

jinsoul smiled, letting go. she turned her chair towards jungeun’s desk, staring at jungeun as she stared back, arching her eyebrow.

“i want you back, jungeun,” jinsoul breathed out. “i wasn’t thinking at the time when the fight occurred. all of the words i said were lies. i love you so much that words can’t even explain it. whenever you laugh, your eyes crinkle up and its so cute when your little double chin shows. i love it. i love you—wait no. i love everything about you. my heart won’t change even if you erase me. i’ve always wanted you in my arms and i’ve always wanted to kiss you first thing in the morning. but i was scared. i couldn’t bring enough courage—“

“exactly. that’s why i’m done with you. i need love too, jinsoul.” jungeun interrupted.

“then i will give you all of the love you needed! i just need a second chance, please. please, jungeun. i’ll do anything. even if it’s being in public for 2 hours chasing children away in a teddy bear suit. i’ll do anything for you. it’s all because of you. this relationship was never a mistake. you were never a mistake. i was the one who made a mistake. and that mistake was letting you go,” jinsoul said, tears pricking at her eyes. she loved jungeun, she really did.

jungeun wiped off the tear that slipped out of jinsoul’s eye, sighing. “i— i’m sorry, but i just can’t -“

the door opened and a woman walked in, but jinsoul didn’t care. she had all of her attention on jungeun and jungeun only.

“hey baby!” a loud and bright voice was heard. jinsoul turned her head to see who it was and it was a girl with a huge smile. she was tiny with a reddish tint in her hair. “oh! who is this? your friend?”

jungeun sighed, nodding. “yeah, it’s just my friend.”

jinsoul felt like she could cry right there. she wanted to die. the knot in her stomach just tightened.

the girl extended her hand towards jinsoul, her bright smile never leaving her face. “hi, jungeun’s friend! i’m jungeun’s girlfriend, jiwoo.”

jinsoul hesitatingly took jiwoo’s hand, shaking it slowly, trying to not give jungeun’s girlfriend a stare that could kill. “h-hi, i’m j-jinsoul.”

“sorry, jinsoul but jungeun and i have to go somewhere today!” jiwoo leaned in closer, whispering in jinsoul’s ear a tad too loud that shattered jinsoul’s heart. “it’s a date.”

date. a date. she used to go on dates with jungeun. she used to kiss jungeun in public and feed her food. she used to hold jungeun’s hand. she used to hug jungeun. she used to slow dance with jungeun while they waited for the food to cook. she loved jungeun.

but jungeun used to love jinsoul. now she loved another person.