AFTER YOU

Sowon's POV

Warning: ual harassment

She did it. She confessed to me first.

I wanted to say something. I really did. But I could only look at her. I still couldn’t believe how I closed the door in front her. Even long after I decided to go. The problem from the start was that I'm a coward.

I admit it.

You see Eunbi, there are a lot of things you don’t know about me. Things that I hid from you intentionally. All of it because of…me.

Do you remember when we met for the first time? If you remember it as the day I bumped into you, you’re wrong.

We were halfway from finishing our first year of high school. There was a parade. Almost everybody in town were there. Apparently, including me and you and that ert man who was taking pictures of inside of my skirt and trying to grab me. I didn’t know at first of course, but I realized it when I started to feel his hand on the upper part of my bottom.

I was sweating a lot because I knew what he was trying to do but I was not brave enough to stop him. I couldn’t even move. Just like when you confessed to me. I guess it always happens when I’m too scared to face whatever I need to face.

At that time, I just hope that someone would see him and stopped him. Well, someone did. It was you.

You grabbed his hand, asking what he was doing. You called him ert and people started to look at him. He ran obviously. But you chased him and I didn’t see you again.

Until…a few days after, in the school when I was about to take my bat to the storage at the back of the school. You were eating your lunch alone. I was surprised.

It was glad to see you again and know the fact that we went to the same school but why were you eating there alone? I wanted to say hi. I wondered if you remember me. Or if you actually knew it was me back then.

But I didn’t do anything at the end.

I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I wanted to get close to you.

One day, we surprisingly met at the cafeteria. We stood side by side. I looked at you. You looked at me back. Then I smiled at you. But you looked confused. You just smiled a little before you left.

From there I knew. You didn’t even know that it was me you saved.

Since that day, I just watched you from my classroom window every lunch time. I would try to look for you every time I got the chance. I asked your classmates about you. But I didn’t get much information.

People have certain image attached to them. As a school athlete of course, who would’ve thought that I was such a coward even to her, the person who saved me. I didn’t have the courage to properly introduce myself. To greet her.

That day if I didn’t bump into her, I probably would never talk to her.

I’m glad I did.

After 2 and a half years.

I never see her laugh before, and that evening when I saw it for the first time, I promised myself that I would make sure to see it more often. She was so pretty!

Even so, I hated myself. I acted like we never met before. I pretended not to know anything about her, about her lunch menu, about her favorite book, about her habit when she's eating. The way she switched her chopstick to her left hand when she tried to eat the beans from her lunch box. I didn’t know why she did that, but I found it cute. And how she always closed her eyes and moved her face towards the sun after eating. Her baggy PE uniforms. The way she run at the very back.

I even smiled every time I remember about it.

My feelings for you grew since. Long before we really talked.

Another 2 years passed, out of embarrassment, I couldn’t say anything about that day in the parade to her. I couldn’t say that I was the one who didn’t do anything when someone tried to grab me. I should at least say thank you to her, right? But I didn’t and that was how awful I was and that was how I despise myself. As time went by, I just thought everything was too late so I kept hiding it.

I was such a fake.

In front of my house that day, right when you said you like me, all I could think of was I’m not worthy for your heart. So, I decided to go because I didn’t know what to do and I couldn’t face you. I went to my relative’s house down the south. They said they were in trouble few days before but I didn’t actually have any intention to offer some help. They lived near the beach. It was pretty here. But there’s no you.

You.

Yes, you.

Jung Eunbi.

A world without you…was like a hell in heaven.

I realized, everything after you came into my life changed.

I was really selfish. Even when I knew I’m not worthy of her, I want her even more. After three months I called my friends to check on her. They said they didn’t know much because she started to distance herself from everyone. Then I began to worry. I told them to give me anything they knew. They said they didn’t see her anymore in campus.

I can’t be like this forever, so I thought. I needed to change. I had to be brave for her, if I really want her.

So, today I decided to call her. And tell everything. Every single thing. Then I'll let her decide what my future would be. Whether it’s with or without her.

Halo?

“……..”

Eunbi?

“Sojung?”

Where are you? There’s something I need to tell you.

“……...”

Don’t go anywhere. I'll find you.