Chapter 5

free in other ways

Head Angel Solji must have forgotten to mention that the former soldier, Ahn Hyojin, was as cunning as she was curious. Hyojin sat across from Yongsun, rhythmically tapping the armrest with her fingertips over and over again, Yongsun thought she would go mad. Hyojin stared at Yongsun, then tilted her head, tugged at the collar of her shirt and rolled up her sleeves.

«Did you know I spent two nights at Sunfield Hall? I was walking with my squad from Harbour City to Ironsmith, we trekked over the Valley, luckily none of those Shadowless Men ate our souls. We stayed at Sunfield Hall until we had regained enough strength to carry on.»

Hyojin mused fondly over the memory, as if it was made out of pure sunshine. For Yongsun, memories of Sunfield Hall were not that bright.

«An old lady was there, was she your mother?»

Yongsun did not answer. She kept shut and began rubbing the pendant that hung around her neck.

«I guess not then. Hmm, I don’t remember seeing you, actually, I don’t remember anyone except the old lady, and a few servants, of course. It was strange. The house was very quiet, that place was riddled with secrets.»

«I left a year after the war began. I was 18.»

Yongsun had found her voice, it was barely there. It sounded so foreign coming from her own mouth that it made Yongsun question who she really was.

«Ah, that explains it. I heard rumours about Sunfield Hall.»

«What kind of rumours?»

Yongsun looked up. Her jaw tightened, her hands clenched into fists.

«No, it doesn’t matter now. They were all probably false.»

They sat in silence. The room grew warmer, Hyojin started to sweat and ed the three top buttons of her shirt. Yongsun, on the other hand, only wrapped her arms around herself, feeling cold and incredibly small.

«No matter how much the past hurts or how you’ve tried to outrun it, you’re still the heiress of Sunfield Hall.»

Hyojin tried to speak softly, but the heat was getting to her. She breathed heavily as she fidgeted in the chair. Yongsun stared daggers at Hyojin, not blinking as she spoke.

«I denounced my title and inheritance when I became an Angel, that includes my ties to the estate.»

Yongsun straightened herself in the chair and folded her hands in her lap. Hyojin rubbed at her neck, her lips, and fidgeted even more in her seat. It was almost unbearable for her to be in the room, Hyojin thought that the herb plants she had bought back in Altair and Sul-fur-zaar would wither and die.

Hyojin coughed and scratched at her neck, her eyes never leaving Yongsun’s.

«I wonder how many times you’ve told yourself that, since you clearly believe it. You’re an heiress who left her family estate to become an Angel, and you don’t like talking about your past. However, you are a very interesting person and I would like to get to know you better. We don’t have to talk about your past, if that’s something you want to keep secret.»

Yongsun leaned back in the chair and crossed her legs. She tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and adjusted the glasses on her nose. The temperature in the room fell and Hyojin could finally breathe properly.

«That is awfully flattering, Hyojin, but I’m not at all interesting. I know many Angels who left their homes for the same reasons I did.»

«That may be, but it’s your story that intrigues me the most.»

Yongsun looked away abashedly. Her cheeks burned, ran dry. Words seemed lost to her, until she finally found her voice again.

«Tell me about yourself.» Yongsun said, in an effort to draw attention away from herself. «You haven’t been a soldier your entire life, have you?»

«I used to be a fisherman, worked on a fishing boat with my brother. He fell into the water and drowned, though. That’s why my parents were so adamant about me learning how to swim.»

«I am sorry to hear about your brother.»

«Don’t be. Nothing could’ve really prevented it. What’s done is done, and I’ve moved on.»

«Why did you become a soldier, if I may ask? You don’t seem too happy about it.»

«For selfish reasons, really. I wanted the glory.»

Hyojin chewed on her bottom lip, eyeing Yongsun, who had tilted her head, looking curiously at Hyojin. Yongsun wondered about every thing, especially about the Great War; all she had heard were rumours and gossip that occasionally flew around the tables when she ate supper with her fellow Angels. Yongsun had a curious soul, an almost unquenchable thirst for adventure. No matter how deep she had tried to hide that part of her, it was still there, waiting to be let free.

Right now her hunger for freedom was feasting on the words that left Hyojin’s mouth, because if Yongsun could not physically be free, then she would be free in other ways.

«Mind you, I was younger at the time —and very naive. You see, there hadn’t been a war in almost half a century, therefore, wars had become a heroic and romantic myth that every one wanted to be a part of. People would rather become names etched into the history books than statistics on a death chart. So, I became a soldier because I wanted the grandeur and all that nonsense. It sounds silly, really, but I joined because I only thought of braving the battlefield, fighting for my motherland and marching home in triumph.» 

«You feel as if you have been tricked?»

«By my own mind, yes. By any one else, no.»

«It seems like you’ve had a lot of time to think and move on.»

Hyojin smiled. Yongsun’s expression softened.

«I used to travel before I became a soldier. I’ve been to Altair, Sul-fur-zaar and Nordfjord. Wonderful places with diverse cities. And the food, I’ve never had food with so much flavour, and— »

Hyojin got up and walked into her kitchen where she retrieved a jar containing some brownish orange powder. Hyojin unscrewed the lid, releasing a pungent smell, which made Yongsun’s nose twitch. She sat back down in the chair across from Yongsun and held out the jar.

«I bought this in a market in Sul-fur-zaar. It doesn’t expire and it’s great for cooking with. Have a taste.»

«Do you have a spoon?»

«Huh, you really did go to Rosewell Education…»

Yongsun did not want to stick her finger into the jar, so Hyojin fetched her a teaspoon. Yongsun neither grimaced nor moaned when the sweet and sour flavour settled on her tongue. It was a peculiar taste and Yongsun thought a tablespoon of the orange powder would certainly improve the mutton stew made by the cooks in Heaven. Hyojin and Yongsun looked at each other for a moment, then Yongsun smiled, looking mischievous.

«I’ve never tasted anything like it!»

«Next time, I’ll tell you more about the world.»

Hyojin stood up and walked back to the kitchen, leaving Yongsun alone in the room. If Yongsun had truly paid attention, instead of fawning over the new information about the world around her, she would have felt how the pendant around her neck warmed her skin, how it glowed and pulsated, following the beat of her heart.

When Hyojin came back, she held out her hand and Yongsun took it as she stood. Yongsun fetched her textile bag while Hyojin waited by the doorway.

«Stars light your way, Angel Yongsun, Heiress of Sunfield Hall.»

«Wait, I… I enjoy talking to you, but just not about my past.»

Yongsun turned to face Hyojin, neither bearing a smiling or frowning. She met Hyojin’s eyes in a steady gaze and in a deep breath before exhaling.

«It’s just that I’m an Angel, that is all I have ever been and that is all I ever will be.»

«I understand that. I respect that.»

Yongsun curtsied, which did not earn a smile or even a chuckle from Hyojin.

«Stars light you way.»

Angel Yongsun left Hyojin’s home with a conflicting feeling in her stomach, her head spun and she was incredibly warm, dripping with sweat. She wrapped her arms around herself as she walked down the streets of Sector 10. People turned to stare at her, many sneered, some even approached her, offering to hold her bag or her to Heaven. Yongsun snapped, telling them to leave her alone. They called her crazy, saying they only had good intentions and that Yongsun should not be mad at them.

It began to rain, Yongsun had not brought an umbrella and spent most of her time sloshing through the streets with wet socks. When a tram passed her, Yongsun thought about defying the Head Angels old ways of thinking and buying a ticket, but she fought against the idea, trudging onwards towards Heaven like the obedient and loyal Angel she was (and always had been).

At one point, Yongsun stopped walking and looked around, reading the signs above the shops, bars and restaurants, then she looked up at the sky, seeing nothing but grey clouds. Her glasses became blurry in an instant. When she took off her glasses and looked up at the sky, she could still see the grey clouds. She tore her gaze away from the sky and spun around, still able to read the signs, still able to see as well as she did when she wore glasses. Yongsun frowned, knowing she should not be able to.

A letter from Angel Wheein arrived at breakfast a few days later. Angel Yongsun had rushed out of the dining hall, startling her friends who called after her in confusion. Irene and Baekhyun had worried about Yongsun a lot more frequently these last couple of weeks. The first spot of change was when Yongsun began resigning herself to sitting in the windowsill to read or study, instead of g