“Is that the 100th letter already?” asked Eunkwang as he sat across Changsub.

“Eh? You’re exaggerating hyung. It’s only the 20th.” said Changsub, he continued writing again.

“Writing a letter every day for a month now, that’s not a lot. Really. Tell me again Changsub-ah, why did you agreed on making love letters to Yook Sungjae? I don’t think its only for the money.”

Changsub immediately looks around, luckily no one was there to hear their conversation. “Sooyoung is a friend of mine, she’s a nice young lady. She told me that I’m a good writer and asked for a small favor. I even refused to receive any payment but she insisted.”

“Oh, so you’re like a matchmaker now?”

“Yeah, sort of. Not a big deal.”

“Who are you kidding Changsub-ah?” Eunkwang deadpanned.

“No one hyung.”

“I don’t know if something’s wrong with your memory, but let me remind of you of the time that you cried because of Sungjae. You were so drunk that we had to carry you back home.”

Changsub was crimsoned with embarrassment.

“I can see that you have recalled that incident. Are you trying to get yourself hurt again? I’m telling you, no one’s gonna take your drunk  home this time.”

Changsub paused. “I know hyung. But I think this is the only chance to express what I really feel. I might get terribly hurt this time, at least I got to tell him what I really feel even if its indirectly. Just let me get hurt one last time hyung.”

“I don’t want you getting hurt, but if this means closure so I’ll be by your side. Aish! I should’ve disagree to this, I know Minhyuk and Hyunsik will disagree as well but if this will put an end to your foolishness .. okay. I know this will hurt like hell, what if they’ll end up together?”

Changsub was contemplating on what he’s  going say, it will surely hurt like hell if that happens. “It only means that it’s the end. I won’t be chasing after him anymore. I’ve exerted all my effort in writing the letters, he’ll surely fall for her in no time. That’s what I intended to do. I’ve realized that I’ve done lot of stupid things just to get closer to him and I’m tired. We did became friends after all, may not be close but that’s enough. I’d be glad if they end up together.” he said, smiling at Eunkwang when it’s bittersweet deep inside.

“I got your point. But don’t you think its deceiving? It’s not Sooyoung’s feelings that you’re writing about but yours.”

“Technically yes, but she have genuine feelings for him too. Hyung, please trust me on this one.”

“I do. We agreed on this one condition that this will be the last time you’ll get hurt. Minyukie will be mad if he finds out that I’m tolerating you with this. So, it’s only between us. Okay?”

“Yes appa.”

“What?”

“Nothing hyung. Thank you for being on my side.” Changsub attempted to give him a hug, but the older one was quick to move.

“I’ll see you at class Changsub-ah. Don’t get too absorbed with your writing that you’ll forget you have a class.” Eunkwang bid him good bye and left. Changsub was left all alone at the library, hunching over as he continued writing again.

- -

“So, got any letters from Sooyoung?” asked Ilhoon while munching a sandwich.

“Nope.” Sungjae responded apathetically, focusing on doing his homework.

“You’re lucky, you know that? Others would just ask for your number and send you text messages. While she does more effort and write you letter everyday. I envy you.”

Sungjae glared at him. “Hyung, stop talking too much when your mouth is full. You’re spitting food everywhere, it almost got to my homework. Do you want me to write you a letter? I’d be glad to give you everyday hyung.”

“That’s sweet, but no thanks Sungjae-yah. I’d rather not receive any letters from you, considering the acrostic you wrote about me.”

Sungjae started laughing “but that was a good one hyung, probably the best one I ever made.”

“Yeah, it’s so good that I won’t ever forget it for the rest of my life. It made me question myself why we even became friends.”

“Let me finish my homework now hyung. Banish! Be gone for now.”

“Fine. I’ll be back to pester you later.” Ilhoon left, taking his food with him.

- - - - - - -

Sungjae came early to school, he went straight to his locker and something dropped from it. It was a letter. The letter. He immediately kept it inside his backpack. He took some of his books from his locker and went to his class.

“Oh? That’s new, you’re early today Changsub hyung.” he said, taking a seat beside the older one. They shared the same class in physics. Unknowingly sitting beside the one who makes letter for him.

“I accidentally set my alarm an hour early than the usual and I can’t get back to sleep. I decided to come early to school.”

“I think it’s good hyung, an improvement. You should come early more often so we can talk about lots of stuff.”

Changsub was caught off guard, Sungjae wants to talk about lots of stuff to him? He might be mistaken, but he’s the only one Sungjae is talking to right now. “Uh, I’ll try.” he told the younger one. Sungjae never ran out of topic and Changsub was able to make the conversation keep going until their class started.

That was the start of Changsub coming early to school. They became close somehow, that’s what Changsub thought. The younger one is enthusiastic in telling him different stories every time they share class and he’d be engrossed while listening to him. He’s supposed to avoid him. He’s only thinking of grabbing the opportunity to become close friends with the younger one. But he’s falling for him harder. Damn, it’ll really hurt like hell this time. It continually happened for weeks, Changsub haven’t stopped writing letters to him. The more he knew about the younger one, the more content he write on his letters. He’s quite curious about Sungjae’s thoughts about the letters, he haven’t even mentioned Sooyoung or the letters whenever they talk. He’s afraid that Sungjae haven’t read any of the letters, or worse is throwing it away. Sungjae have invited him to eat lunch together but he have made different excuses, knowing that his friends will disagree about it. He’s wondering why Sungjae suddenly wants to be close with him, he didn’t even do anything. Well, maybe a lot of things before. But it doesn’t matter now, he’ll enjoy til it lasts.

It’s continually happening for days. He can’t contain his feelings anymore. He decided to tell Hyunsik everything. The younger one is good at keeping secrets, that’s what he thought.   

- -

Lunchtime, Hyunsik was waiting outside Changsub’s room. “Hyunsikie? What brings you here?”

“Uh, I’m here to fetch you hyung. Eunkwang and Minhyuk hyung wants to see us.” he said, putting an arm around the older one. “Hyung, I’m sorry.” he mumbled.

“For what?”

“I told Minhyuk hyung everything.”

He’s doomed. Minhyuk is definitely mad at him. They arrived at the cafeteria where the two is already waiting. The atmosphere is getting heavy as they were approaching them. Changsub was hesitating on what to do, he just stood for a moment without saying anything.

Minhyuk broke the silence. “What do you mean you’re writing letters to him? And you’ve been doing this for two months already? Then the two of you suddenly became close and you don’t know why, but decided to just go with the flow?”

Changsub only nods as a response.

“You knew all about this and you didn’t tell me.” Minhyuk said, looking at Eunkwang.

“If you didn’t told Hyunsik about everything, I’d still be clueless.” he said, feeling betrayed.

“I’m so sorry hyung, I know you’ll get mad if you knew.”

“I’m not mad and I won’t get mad. I just don’t want you getting hurt all over again. If you think that this is the only solution for a closure then I’d be fine with that. But look at what you’re doing right now. If you want this to work, you should distance yourself from him. You think we won’t allow you to be friends with him? I’m fine with that, if there’s no feelings involved. Are we clear?”

“Yes hyung, I understand.”

- - - - - - -

Since then, Changsub tried to avoid Sungjae. He didn’t come to school early, he even transferred seat.

“Hyung why are you sitting at the back now?” asked Sungjae.

“I’m farsighted.” he responded.

“You are? You haven’t told me. It must be hard for you before.” the younger one was concerned.

“Uh, yeah. Sorry about that, I can see better here at the back.” even Changsub believes that it’s an absurd excuse.

Staying away from Sungjae was effective somehow, but he feels bad for dispelling him. He sometimes act rude towards him which he didn’t intend to do.That made the younger one wonder what happened to Changsub. They get along so well before, now he’s being pushed away. They were given a project in pairings. Sungjae asked him if he wanted to be his pair but Changsub was quick to tell him no and told him to find another.

Changsub started telling Sooyoung more things he learned about Sungjae. In that way, the two will get along. He told Sooyoung that it’s time for them interact, rather than leaving letters that he’s uncertain if Sungjae really reads. It’s no surprise that Sungjae and Sooyoung got along easily, she remembered everything Changsub told her about him.

“Who would’ve thought that your plan actually worked.” said Eunkwang, looking at Sungjae and Sooyoung’s direction.

“They seemed close now.” Hyunsik added.

Minhyuk looks at Changsub who’s minding his own business, slurping his food. “Changsub-ah, are you alright?”

“Yes hyung.”

“I know you’re not. You promised that you’ll get hurt one last time, and we promised to stay by your side. We’ll take your drunk  home and clean up your mess tonight if you want.”

Changsub smiled. “Thanks hyung, but not tonight. Not yet.”

- - - - - - -

It’s time to finally bid farewell to his feelings, he stayed up all night finishing the final letter. It’s goodbye to some things and hello to others. It’s the end of his feelings, and a new beginning for Sungjae.

He told Sooyoung that he had concluded writing the final letter. “Thank you so much Changsub oppa.” she told him. But something came up that he wanted to include on the letter. “I’ll give you this back after the revision, okay?” he immediately went to the library. He was so absorbed that he haven’t noticed the bell ring.

“Aish! I’m going to be late for class.” he hurriedly shoved all his stuff on his backpack, running to class. One thing he forgot is zipping his backpack, not until he arrived on his class that he noticed he dropped some of his things.

He rummaged his backpack, he lost some of his pens and drafting papers but the worse is, losing the letter. He became restless. He went back to the library and found nothing. Went to the hallways where he passed but found nothing.

“What happened to you?” asked Eunkwang as he noticed Changsub was heaving.

“I .. I lost .. the final letter.” he managed to say.

“Okay? If someone found it, they’ll probably give it to Sungjae. They’ll think it’s from Sooyoung anyway. Why are you worrying so much?”

Changsub woke up from his senses. “You’re right hyung. What the hell am I thinking?” he was dumbfounded by his own actions.

“Maybe you’re just embarrassed that others can read your cheesy love letter. You wrote that letter for him and only for him. You don’t want others to know your feelings.”

Then again, Eunkwang was right.

- - - - - - -

Days went by swiftly, they were all busy preparing for their finals.

“Hyung.” Sungjae said, tapping Changsub on the shoulder.

“Yes Sungjae?” he said without looking back at him.

“Can I borrow your notes? I missed taking down some important parts for the exam.”

“Yeah, sure.” Changsub handed his notebook.

“Thanks hyung. I’ll return this next week.” Sungjae smiled at him but he didn’t respond.

- -

Changsub was putting some of his books back to his locker and Sooyoung happened to pass by.

“Changsub oppa.” she said, sounding like she’s about to cry.

“Sooyoung-ah, what’s wrong?” he worriedly asked her.

“Sungjae oppa.” she said, blinking her tears away. “He said that we’ll be good friends.”

“He what?! I’m sorry that it has to happen. I’m sorry if the letters didn’t work.” he feel numb.

“It’s okay Changsub oppa. I’m actually thankful for your help. I guess he doesn’t really like me. But at least we became friends.” she smiled weakly at him and left. Leaving Changsub unable to process everything. He took his phone and dialed Minhyuk’s number.

“Hyung. I want to get wasted tonight.” he said before hanging up.

- -

“He told her that?” asked Minhyuk.

“So, it didn’t actually worked?” asked Eunkwang.

“No. No. I thought it was going well. He only wants to be friends with her, what the actual hell was that? He didn’t only rejected her. But my genuine feelings as well. I’ve poured my heart and soul into those letters. Then again, I was rejected. I should have listened to all of you before, but I didn’t. He really did rejected me for the last time. I think I’m done. I’m really done with him. I don’t even want to be friends with him anymore.” Changsub said as he belted down his drink.

They thought that Changsub would actually get wasted and it’ll be worse than the last time. But they were wrong. After few drinks, he just slumped into the table and fell asleep.

“I thought I’d hear Changsub hyung wail this time. Quite disappointed.” Hyunsik jested.

“He’s probably exhausted. I think he had already come to his senses. I guess this is the last time we’ll see him this way. He promised us.” Minhyuk said.

“Poor Changsub-ah. He really did got hurt for the last time. Well, we promised to take his drunk  home. Let’s go, shall we?” Eunkwang said, assisting Minhyuk on carrying Changsub.

- - - - - - -

Oblivious at his surrounding, Changsub was concentrating on his studies. The library was quite crowded because it’s the finals week. He failed to notice that someone was standing in front of him. “Changsub hyung. Thanks for the letter.” he looked up, meeting the eyes of the one and only Yook Sungjae. He might have heard it wrong since it’s getting noisy inside. But he wanted to make sure he’s not making things up.

“What?” he asked.

“I said, thanks for your notes. I was able to study well.” Sungjae answered. Handing his notebook back. “Uh, can I talk to you for a moment hyung? I’ll be waiting outside.” he said, smiling at Changsub.

“Sure.”

Changsub’s eyes widened.

It can’t be.

The missing letter was placed inside the notebook. But he had checked everything and he’s certain that the letter was nowhere to be found. There’s nothing for them to talk anyway, he was indirectly rejected by Sungjae. But the younger one was waiting outside for him.

“You wanted to talk?” he asked.

“Yes hyung. How’s your day?”

“It’s fine. Thanks for asking.”

Their conversation started a bit awkward. He wanted to ask Sungjae if he had read the letter, but that would be a stupid one. It’s obvious that he did. They went outside and settled on the shaded area.

“It’s a nice day isn’t it, the sky is clear. You can feel the breeze.” Sungjae looks like he’s daydreaming.

Seeing him like this, Changsub doesn’t really know what he feels. He wants to get mad at him, but why would he? You don’t always get what you want. You can’t just force people to like you back.

“So, what are we going to talk about?” he asked, breaking the silence between the two of them.

“I’ve read all your letters.”

Changsub’s heart just dropped. Sungjae knows that it was from him. He wanted to deny, but he’s already caught.

“Sooyoung is actually nice. We actually got a lot of common things between us. But one thing is not, it’s the feelings. Hyung, you actually made me believe that it’s her who’s writing. Then I remembered some of the lines in the letters, the exact lines you used to say in our literature class a year ago. You may have forgotten about it, but I didn’t.”

Changsub was silently listening to him, avoiding his gaze.

“It was the 18th letter and I already had the hunch that it was not from her. That’s when I tried to get closer to you, started telling you different stories. In which you have relayed to her. You were the only one I told those stories before, so it’s really impossible that she’d just heard it from anywhere.”

Changsub was embarrassed. He thinks that Sungjae is mad because he was deceived.

“I’m actually disappointed hyung.”

He’s definitely mad.

“I’m really disappointed with myself. You and Sooyoung won’t have to go through all of these. If I only told you that I like you before, you won’t have to express your feelings in letters.”

Changsub was bemused. Did Sungjae just said that he like him?

“I can still vividly remember our first encounter. I was wandering around, looking for the faculty office. I’m like a lost kid. Good thing, you and you’re friends happen to pass by. It was Minhyuk hyung who gave me directions. You were laughing at Eunkwang hyung’s joke. Even if you were already at the end of the hallway, I can still hear you laughing. It was contagious, I was unaware that I was already smiling.”

“Then I had to choose between sports or literature because some of the class is already loaded. I’m glad I chose literature, didn’t know that I’d end up in the same class with you hyung. You were just as loud as the first time I saw you. I had that serious demeanor at first, people are hesitating to approach me. But you befriended me in different ways, even made silly things at class that made me laugh. You were really insightful. But your literary works left a deep impression on me. I fell in love with your words, but I fell harder for you. You have written an exact poem from one of your piece before, it was in the 20th letter. I’m telling you hyung, I have a sharp memory. I don’t just forget things.”

“Everything went well until you avoided me, I don’t know what went wrong. I don’t know what to do. Luckily I found the final letter that you dropped. I borrowed your notes and the handwriting from the letters are similar. The person I like is writing letters to me, what a sappy cliche. I keep on re-reading your letters every night.”

Changsub was speechless, unable to process everything that Sungjae had told him. If this is a dream, he definitely doesn’t want to wake up.

“Tell me this isn’t a dream.” he muttered.

“Want me to kiss you hyung?” Sungjae playfully asked, staring directly at him.

“If this is a joke, I swear I’m going to kill you Yook Sungjae.” he smacked him lightly in the head.

“I’d be honored hyung. You keep my heart beating, if it stops beating because of you I’d take it with no regrets. Take my heart now, be the death of me.”

“Aish! That was cringeworthy! I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight.” Changsub faked disgust.

“But why me though?” Changsub suddenly asked. “there are more better persons than me. I’m just weird.”

“Because you are you. You are Lee Changsub and they’re not. Let’s be weird together then.”

“The amount of your cringeworthy lines are overwhelming Sungjae, I can’t take it anymore.”

“I like you hyung.”

Those were the words that he wanted to hear for so long.

“I like you too Yook Sungjae.” he finally said those words directly to him. He may have stopped writing the letters and bid farewell to his past feelings, but a new beginning in reality awaits them.