crush

HARBORED
it's just a simple crush.
 
that's what you kept telling yourself.
 
you've had crushes since preschool. and at a very young age, you knew you're attracted to girls. the boys around were mere playmates.
 
you kept it to yourself though, afraid of what your brother or your parents would say.
 
and you have this little weird notion that your attraction towards girls would fade once you grow up.
 
but here you are, already a teenager, still crushing on girls. it's starting to dawn on you that this may be a permanent thing. especially now that you seem to have been harboring special feelings towards joohyun.
 
you can't help it. she's charming, elegant, and sweet. you like everything about her; her smiles, her frowns, even yawns.
 
but this charisma of hers affects not only you but a vast population of students in your school. you've heard rumors about boys and girls wanting to date her. she's also been receiving confessions left and right. love letters keep piling up in her locker.
 
it came to a point when your brother admitted he had a slight crush on her too. they are in the same year and he sees her more often than you do.
 
you couldn't blame him. it's joohyun, for pete's sake. everyone finds her attractive.
 
lucky for you, his feelings for her faded when they entered high school. your brother started dating other women, admitting to himself that joohyun is way out of his league.
 
your friendship with her continued. despite having a different set of friends at school, joohyun finds time to see you. staying over and sleepover became a regular thing. your mothers were pleased and supportive of your friendship. and since she's older than you, you sometimes ask for her help with your projects because your brother is too lazy to do so.
 
your days started getting filled with happiness. and you know you're contented being friends with her as long as you stay like that forever.
 
as if you can stay like that forever.
 
---
 
"what do you think of sehun?"
 
you turned to the girl lying beside you on your bed, not feeling good where this talk is heading. the image of the said boy popped in your head: tall guy, pretty face; someone a typical girl would surely notice.
 
"he looks... okay..." you said.
 
"he asked me out this morning." joohyun giggled.
 
you're already used to joohyun telling stories of confession from people. her usual response is to decline them politely. but this sehun guy seemed to hit the jackpot. maybe it's because joohyun's already seventeen and is now looking to have a boyfriend?
 
"and you said yes?" you asked.
 
joohyun pulled the sheets over to cover her face up to her nose. she looked at you, her eyes forming into crescent moons.
 
"yes!"
 
isn't it funny how you love seeing her smile and hate it at the same time because you're not the reason behind it?
 
"so, when's the date?" you tried to sound interested.
 
"tomorrow! and i'm feeling nervous, seulgi!"
 
you knew something like this would eventually happen, but you never expect it'll crush your fourteen-year-old heart this hard.
 
"then, break a leg. i hope you'll enjoy your date, unnie."
 
she turned to her side to face you, putting an arm and leg over your body like you're some big pillow.
 
"i want you to come with us tomorrow."
 
"what? me? why?"
 
"i don't know. i don't feel comfortable going out with him alone." joohyun buried her face in the crook of your neck. she sighed against your skin.
 
two years of exposure to joohyun's touchy side isn't enough for you to be used to it. you still feel nervous--and extremely happy--whenever she does that.
 
"but sehun might kill me,," you said. "plus, i don't want third-wheeling your date."
 
"he won't. i already told him i wouldn't go unless you come."
 
you tilted your head, feeling the crown of her head on your cheek. something warm is filling your chest.
 
"and he agreed?"
 
"yes. he's got no choice."
 
you sighed. "this is a bad idea."
 
joohyun looked up at you. "why? don't you want to come with me?"
 
"i do. but--"
 
"please come with me, seulgi. please!" joohyun propped herself on her elbows. "i won't enjoy it without you."
 
her face is too close. you kept your eyes on the ceiling. you heaved another sigh to relieve the tension.
 
how can you say no if she's looking at you like that?
 
"fine."
 
"eeee! thank you!" she hugged you again.
 
you wanted to wrap your arms around her, but they stayed on your side. you don't want to make a move to reciprocate her actions, afraid she'll feel uncomfortable.
 
your mind drifted away, wondering how long you'll be able to endure the situation you are in now.
 
---
 
her first love was your first heartbreak. you knew it was coming, but that didn't stop you from shedding tears secretly.
 
then her first heartbreak came. you were her crying shoulder. it became a cycle. she'll entertain a new guy in her life, and you'll feel sad about it. then they'll break up after a few months for whatever reason.
 
it usually makes you sad when you hear news about a new boyfriend, but you got used to it in time.
 
the funny thing about her having a boyfriend is she never made you feel like she has one. she always made sure to catch up with you regularly, and sometimes she'd ask you to visit her house even if her boyfriend is around.
 
and since you have this bro aura, you became friends with those guys quickly.
 
some of them stayed friends with you long after they broke up.
 
---
 
you were also seventeen when you had your first relationship. she's jisoo, the newest member of the dance club you are in.
 
you weren't expecting things to go down that road. but you developed this chemistry the moment jisoo joined the club. that escalated to you two going out alone to have some fun. within three months, you two are officially together.
 
joohyun was already attending uni at that time. you rarely see her as she stays in the university dormitory. even so, you kept in touch through calls or sms.
 
it didn't hurt that much when she said she got a new boyfriend. for the first time since she started dating, you felt genuinely happy she's thrilled with her new relationship.
 
jisoo was a good distraction for you. she made you feel loved. all the euphoria you got from your first kiss and first night together clouded your brain from any joohyun-related thoughts.
 
you're happy because you finally moved on from joohyun after five years of harboring feelings towards her.
 
you were happy because you finally stopped missing her.
 
you were happy because you finally stopped waiting for her messages or calls. your inbox is now filled with jisoo's.
 
for the first time since you've met joohyun, you were able to focus your attention on other things that are not her.
 
yes, you were happy because you thought you've already moved on.
 
but that's the problem--because you only thought.
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railtracer08
357 streak #1
Chapter 28: They took the long way there but they made it in the end 🤧❤️
Apcxjsv
#2
Chapter 28: Your stories are the best, thank you 🫶🏻🫶🏻
AnneTokki 39 streak #3
Chapter 29: Read this again, finished this one and Deranger again. Next story to read again Inevitable 🩷💛💥⭐🫶
sluggiebearr
#4
Chapter 28: I cried huhu this is so beautiful
Natzki25 #5
Chapter 1: Rereading and I also upvoted it.
foneall #6
Chapter 29: I. Really. Really. Love. This. Story...😍😍
Ohh Woww...I already knew that you has this magic in you...when I first read your story HerShe (Tiaom)...I never ever get tired reading all your story again and again and again. All over again...😁😁
Keep making an amazing story...Because you are one of my favourite Author...love you 😘😘
Jensoo4everlove #7
Chapter 28: Damn!! Author how do you write all these masterpieces like I have almost read all your stories but never got bored of any!!! Every story manages to warm my heart !! ❤ Thanks again for another piece of art 💙
karen_plvra
#8
Chapter 29: that was so good!!!!
_m3owrene
1023 streak #9
Chapter 28: Beautiful story, i have to reread this again 😍
baeddeulgi_
#10
Chapter 29: Read this again because I forgot to finish it when I was on chapter 22 before 😭 and just noticed your special mention for me last 2019? 2021? Anyway, thank you so much, Schindlee 🥰 It's been years and just proves how I'm such a fan of yours lol. I remember reading Hershe and after that, I've always waited for your other stories. I think I was one of your very first readers and I will never stop appreciating how such an amazing writer you are.