talk
HARBOREDit was bad timing.
definitely bad timing.
your world felt like it came to a stop when you stood there staring at joohyun, observing how her eyes are quickly darting between you and sunmi.
you know what she's thinking, and you know it's not something good.
it's ten in the morning. you are wearing an oversized shirt and pajamas with your hair tied up into a bun. sunmi is wearing a sleeveless blouse paired with skirt jeans, a bag on her shoulder.
would you blame joohyun if she'll think sunmi spent the night with you?
but how can you explain that sunmi dropped by an hour ago to say goodbye if joohyun's already retracing her steps back to the elevator?
"joohyun!"
you run past sunmi, wanting to stop the older woman from getting into the elevator. there's your chance to talk to her again. there's no way you will let it slip.
but joohyun is fast. the elevator door is already closed when you reached it. you repeatedly pushed the button, looking up at the floor signal, hoping for another one soon.
"i guess we finally got our answer, huh?" sunmi chuckled.
you turned around to look at sunmi. "jeez. of all the time she'd come here..."
"i should say sorry, but i won't. i think it'll help you find out her true feelings for you."
the elevator dinged. you and sunmi went in immediately. you felt hope when you saw joohyun on the ground floor, already making her way out of the building.
you turned to sunmi. "i--"
"go get her," said sunmi. "no time to waste."
you nodded, gave her a quick hug, and ran out as fast as you can.
---
you didn't know that joohyun turns into a superhuman when she's mad.
you can't understand how she can keep the distance between the two of you when you're running and she's only brisk walking.
amazing speed, honestly.
you pushed yourself further to keep up--until you got near her.
"joohyun..." you grabbed her wrist.
"let go!" joohyun yanked your hand away but failed, her head turned opposite your direction.
"i need to talk to you..."
"talk about what?"
"this. why are you here?"
joohyun kept silent, but she kept pulling her arm away from your grip.
"joohyun, please..."
"what?" joohyun finally turned to you, hiding her face behind her hair's curtain. "let go. you're hurting me!"
that's when you realized how tight your grip on her wrist was. you loosened up a bit, making sure not to let her go.
"i'm sorry," you said. you can hear joohyun's panting. she's looking down, her face covered by her hair. you heard faint sniffs. "are you... crying?"
"tsk." joohyun pushed your hand away when you tried to touch her hair.
you sighed. "can we talk in my room? we're already getting some attention."
joohyun lifted her head a bit to look around. then she wiped her eyes with her free hand before finally saying, "fine."
relieved, you held her as you walk back to your building. your hand eventually slid down to her hand. you held it gently.
she finally held your hand back when you stood in front of the elevator. she's still looking down and keeps wiping her eyes with her hand.
it was a peaceful walk back to your room, your hands still attached. you lead her to sit on your couch, pulled the coffee table, and sat on it.
you're in front of joohyun now, face to face, knees against each other.
you propped your elbows to your knees to search for her face. "hey."
a sniff first before joohyun responded, "what?"
you smiled, couldn't contain the cuteness of the woman in front of you. you hovered your hand over her head.
"can i?"
there was no response, just another sniff. you brushed her hair away from her face, tucking some behind her ears, giving you a better view of her face.
gosh. how can she be this pretty even when she's crying?
now you're sure there's no way you can move on from this woman, never in your lifetime.
"why are you crying?" you asked gently.
joohyun looked at you from the hood of her eyes, her eyes red. "you... you said you love me..."
"i do."
"... then why are you with sunmi?"
a relieved chuckle escaped your throat. "it's not like what you're thinking..."
"don't lie to me!" joohyun smacked your leg.
"aw. that hurts." you felt the anger from that small fist of hers. "i'm not lying. she came here this morning to say goodbye."
another smack. "liar!"
"i swear, i'm not lying!"
"then why do you have beers here? in the morning?"
you glanced at the beers on the table and sighed. "i have nothing in the fridge to offer her. the recent shows got me too busy. i've no time for grocery shopping."
joohyun stared at you, her eyes still mad.
"i'm serious." you raised your hands in surrender. "the bottles are still cold. you can check. sunmi unnie came here like an hour ago to say goodbye."
"she's moving away?"
"yeah. she's leaving the theater life for the meantime."
joohyun's face softened. she looked around the room. "have you two been hanging out these past few weeks?"
"with the people from the theater, but not alone."
joohyun glared at you.
"i swear. i swear. i swear," you said. "i have been down these past few weeks. i kept hanging out with them to distract myself. i promise you."
"okay." joohyun fixed her hair and wiped the remaining damp on her eyes with the back of her hand.
you can't help but smile, seeing this woman sitting in front of you now.
"why are you looking at me like that?" she asked.
"i missed you."
"i hate you."
you chuckled. "you're just jealous."
"of course, i am!" joohyun gave you another leg smack, lighter this time. "three weeks ago, you confessed how you've been in love with me for years. and now i see you with someone else. what do you expect me to feel, huh?"
"i know. i'm sorry for the misconception. but sunmi and i aren't a thing, okay?"
joohyun said nothing, but her eyes darted towards your bookshelf. you know she's looking at your picture together.
"so... you finally visited me..." you said.
"i'm here to check if your door passcode is still my birthday."
"of course, it still is."
"good."
"are you alone? when did you come back?"
"just this morning. and yes, i'm alone."
"umm. where's amber? mom told me you went back alone."
"amber and i are over." joohyun's hand fiddled with the fabric of your pajamas. "we mutually agreed to end it that same day she punched you in the face. the talk she had with krystal resulted in a series of confessions; krystal in love with amber and you with me. it was all so messed up. amber looked confused. i wasn't myself either. so, our one and a half month relationship ended that same day."
you watched how joohyun's fingers trail your clothed knee. "were you hurt?"
joohyun finds your response amusing. "i broke your heart that day, and all you can think of now is if i got hurt? you really are something, aren't you?"
you showed her a small smile. despite being physically close now, you still find it hard to look into her eyes. but the closeness you're sharing is enough to give you solace.
"the broke up didn't bother me," said joohyun. "you know i'm already used to that. but you, you were the one who bothered me most."
"oh. did i?"
joohyun nodded. her hand traveled to your hand, her fingers trailing yours. "seungwan and i talked last night. i called her to check on you, and she knocked some senses to me."
"what did she say?"
"things like you are already planning to move on from me, that confessing was your way of letting it out. then i realized it's not something i want. i don't want you moving on from me, seul."
you stared at how her hands are trailing your fingers, feeling the comfort coming back. three weeks of misery all erased now because of this.
"i'm still confused," said joohyun. "i still don't know what i want. but despite the hesitations and fears, there's only one thing i'm sure: i don't want to lose you. i got worried because you have been silent for the past three weeks. i was afraid maybe you're trying to move on now."
"what do you mean by that?"
"my thoughts are still messy. but it got me thinking the whole night. it came to a point when i realized that maybe," joohyun paused, plunging her fingers in the gaps of your hand, "maybe all this time i have been in love with you too."
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