companion
HARBORED"huh? you will work in the states?"
joohyun nodded. "our counterpart in the usa loved my performance. they would like to give me special training for a more advanced task."
"for how long?"
"maybe a few months? they don't have a concrete plan yet. they are testing the waters for now ."
you stared down at your ice cream cup, gripping it with both your hands. you're thankful joohyun's sitting beside you instead of across from you, so she won't see how sad you look right now.
the news of her going abroad for an indefinite amount of time is just hard to take.
you've been catching up with her twice or thrice a week over dinner--joohyun always pays for you because you're still a student and she's the one working--but it doesn't satisfy your craving of being with the older girl. there's always something missing. maybe it's because you wanted more from her. perhaps it's the thought that you want to bring your relationship to the next level and is only waiting for the right time to blurt that out to her.
but how can you even do that if she's leaving?
"when are you leaving then?" you asked.
"in two months." she scooped a spoonful of ice cream into . "ticket is ready. we're just waiting for the papers."
your shoulders fell. "oh. so, you won't make it to my graduation."
you heard her cup hitting the table, then her hand reaching for yours. "i'm sorry, seul. if they gave me the authority to select a date, i would have picked it after your graduation. but that's something out of my control."
you observed how her thumb runs over the back of your hand. "it's okay, unnie. i understand."
"it's not okay." joohyun pulled her hand back, pouting. "when they told me about the date of the flight, i felt sad. i wouldn't want to miss your graduation but--"
"you can make it up to me once you're back." you smiled at her. you don't want her to feel down anymore. "just please make sure you'll come back."
joohyun stared at you, a warm expression adorning her face. "i will come back. my home is here."
"but aren't you thinking of finding opportunities while you're there? many people will be thrilled to be in your shoes."
"i'm not sure yet. i'm scared." she scrunched up her face. "it's a foreign country. i will be living there on my own for months--or maybe years--and i don't know anyone."
"it will be uncomfortable at first. but who knows, you might enjoy it and may decide to live there for good."
"i'm not sure about that yet. but if that happens..." she paused, playing the spoon in her ice cream, "would you like to live with me there?"
you whipped your head in her direction. "live with you?"
"y-yeah..." joohyun tucked her hair behind her ear, not looking at you. "i just... i just thought... you know what, never mind. it's a silly idea."
"i would love to."
joohyun looked surprised. "y-you sure?"
"yeah." you smiled, easing her worry. "it's not every day bae joohyun asks people to live with her. your fanboys and fangirls would kill each other to be in my shoes. only a foolish person would decline that offer from bae joohyun herself."
you received a slap on your arm, but you're happy you finally made her smile.
"yah. don't talk like that. i haven't left yet, but i'm already missing you," she said.
"awe. i'll surely miss you too."
"make sure you keep in touch with me always, okay? i'm going to facetime you every weekend."
"how are we going to pull that off?" you counted on your fingers. "that's sixteen hours time difference, unnie."
"we'll find a way. just promise me you'll be in touch."
a giddy feeling had taken over the sadness you felt earlier. joohyun's effort in making sure you still keep in touch is too much for you.
you can't help but fall for her even more.
you snuck your spoon into her cup, taking a spoonful into your mouth before giving her a cheeky smile.
"i promise."
---
joohyun was crying every day during her first month in the states.
she was lucky you just graduated from college, taking a break from everything before you apply for work. your initial plan of having a weekend facetime session is temporarily changed to daily. you spent your days--particularly from 10 am to 3 pm--talking to her and putting her to sleep by singing or telling her stories.
it started getting better for her as months went by. she's finally able to adjust to the environment. she's still enjoying her work and discovering the culture there.
she even sent you a congratulatory gift when you told her you and seungwan made it to a theater company. she was so proud of you.
it was doing fine. you felt everything is going well for you and her.
until you found out you were wrong.
---
"... well, there's someone."
you put down the script you were holding to focus on her. you want to study her reaction from the screen of your phone.
"there's someone?" you asked. she's been there for almost a year now and has mentioned no potential lover until today.
"yeah... um... i didn't expect we would go down that road..." joohyun looked hesitant, and you're wondering why. "but she asked me to be her girlfriend, and i said yes..."
"s-she...?" you felt the word stuck in your throat.
so, that was the reason she seemed busy lately. there were days when she isn't in the mood for a facetime session. someone is filling that space you were filling before, and it's a 'she'.
a 'she'. dammit. you didn't see this coming.
"yeah... i know... i mean... i haven't been in a relationship with a woman before, so this is kind of new to me..." she added.
it's new to you too. you've been holding yourself back from confessing for years because you thought she was straight. but what is happening now? why is she doing this to you?
"but... do you love her...?" you asked despite the chaos running in your head.
"i don't know..." she looked shy. "it's too early to say. we just got together this morning, and i don't know what to expect yet. but i like her."
you faked a smile when you see her giggling. deep inside, you can already feel your chest getting heavier. this woman must have something you don't to make joohyun change her perspective.
"seulgi, are you all right?"
you snapped out of your thoughts. "yeah. i, uh, i was just thinking about the script. there's just a lot of lines to memorize. but i'm happy for you."
"thank you. i have other news!"
"hmm?"
"i will go back there for vacation a month from now!"
"vacation? are you returning there after?"
"i'm not sure yet. they said they'll give me a month's vacation and will keep me posted with their plans."
"oh. i guess i'll see you then..."
"oh, i'm excited to see you, bear!"
---
"... i was sad because she told me she's got a girlfriend. then she made me happy after telling me she's coming back--which means she's leaving her girlfriend there. it turns out she's bringing the girlfriend along. ugh. i don't what to feel anymore."
you drank from the soju bottle after your monologue, eyeing the view in front of you--darkness and city lights. you and sunmi drove to this open space to cry over your love problems. you settled on the hood of her car with bottles of soju in between you.
sunmi said nothing, but you know she's listening. you have been her listener these past few days when she was crying over her breakup with her ex, and now it's her turn to lend you her shoulder.
"and she wants me to meet her girlfriend, like to introduce us. really? what could be worse? maybe one day she'll ask me to be her maid of honor at her wedding. ugh."
"hey. hey. hey." sunmi tapped your shoulder, taking the bottle from your hand. "that's enough drinking, seulgi. we need you in practice tomorrow."
"is there a way i can have amnesia without getting an injury? i seriously want to forget bae joohyun, even just for a moment."
sunmi chuckled. "is that what you really want to happen?"
you looked at sunmi, her sad eyes looking back at you. it could be the alcohol because something inside urges you to wrap your arms around her, maybe to comfort her and to comfort yourself too.
but you restrained yourself. you know it's not the solution.
you looked back at the view. "sometimes i feel like i'm sick. because seriously, how can i not move on from her after all the things that happened between us?"
sunmi was about to speak, but the sound of the approaching rain got your attention. it was faint and distant at first, the water pounding on the trees and buildings. you both listened and watched until the sound of the downpour comes closer and closer.
in just seconds, trickles of water started pouring down, leaving you and sunmi no choice but to jump off from the hood of the car to seek shelter inside. you two were responsible enough to pick up all the bottles of soju scattered around the grass before getting inside her car.
a short silence settled before sunmi laughed. "that was fun! i almost got drenched!"
"you're drenched, unnie!" you handed her your handkerchief. "here, take this, dry yourself."
sunmi pushed your hand back. "no. you need it more than i do. look at you, seulgi!"
you watch her laugh, feeling the urge inside you kicking again. you're asking yourself if it's just you who is getting these ideas--bad ideas--towards sunmi.
noticing you were just staring, sunmi stopped laughing. "why are you looking at me like that?"
your eyes trailed her body, can't help but notice how her white blouse had become transparent, exposing her bra.
it's as if she is in front of you.
you think it's just because of the alcohol because you've always seen sunmi as someone pretty but never thought of doing things with her--not until tonight.
and you think it was also the alcohol that influenced you to say things you are not supposed to say, like inviting her to your apartment to change clothes.
sunmi gave you a look that meant she knows what's on your mind and wanted the same thing. so, she drove back to your apartment.
you spent that rainy night with her under your sheets, both .
at least you got to take joohyun off your mind even for a moment.
Comments