we're not friends
do you think i really wanna hear about him?
Kai struggled to shove the piece of paper back into his backpack. He could see it, Yeonjun's smiling face approaching him as he walked with that small twinkle in his eyes. Luckily Yeonjun was a slow walker or else Kai would be done and Yeonjun would see the small letter Kai had written. Luckily he quickly folded the paper and shoved it into his already stuffed backpack, standing straight and giving Yeonjun his charming smile.
He stared straight into the colorful eyes of a boy he couldn't figure out. Yeonjun's emotions he couldn't define. But still, Kai stayed as sweet as candy with Yeonjun's. He was like a silver spoon full of sugar, just for Yeonjun.
"Oh my gosh Kai, you don't even know what Soobin said to me!" Yeonjun's small hands fumbled in the pocket of his grey sweater, trying to tightly grab his phone.
But silver wasn't as good as gold.
Yeonjun pulled it out of his pocket with a smile and stepped forward, deeper into Kai's personal bubble that broke ages ago. "Look!" He exclaimed in excitement, the same twinkle in Yeonjun's eyes and he showed Kai the text he dreaded reading.
Damn someone looks good today 애⃛ღсμtёღ♡(˘ᵋ ˘ )
Kai rolled his eyes at the disgusting and cringey vibes this Soobin boy gave off. Kai didn't want to admit it, as he gave the boy in front of him a small smile, that he hated Yeonjun's 'mans' so much. "Cute." He mumbled with the sweetest eyes ever.
If only Yeonjun understood the hint that he was calling Yeonjun's cute, not Soobin. Being serious as much as Kai hated Soobin, the other boy was right, both of their object of desire was the same boy and they somehow did have the same view on Yeonjun.
Because damn Yeonjun really did look good today in his over sized gray sweater and raspberry jeans. If Kai could, he'd lean forward and huddle Yeonjun up in his embrace. Warm Yeonjun up in this freezing weather, only if he could.
But no. Yeonjun was already talking to some other boy named Soobin. Already had the biggest crush on another boy. A boy he'd only met a few times in reality. A boy who wasn't by Yeonjun's side 24/7 like Kai was. A boy who didn't devote all of his weekend towards Yeonjun the way Kai did.
"I know right!" Yeonjun gripped onto the front of Kai's red sweater and sometimes he wished Yeonjun didn't have to get so close. He gave Yeonjun the saddest smile ever, trying to cover every emotion of pain inside his heart. "What do I reply with?" Yeonjun then looked a little concerned at Kai and he swears that he's tired of giving Yeonjun advice.
Kai swatted Yeonjun's hands away and turned towards his backpack that sat on his chair and continued packing it. "I don't know, think of something yourself."
This made Yeonjun's a little confused. Kai was usually so nice. What had happened to him? Yeonjun leaned over and grabbed onto the sleeve of his red sweater. "What happened Kai? Come on don't be mean."
Kai rolled his eyes at this. He was always nice to Yeonjun's but now he was seriously done caring for Yeonjun when Yeonjun didn't even spent a second of Yeonjun's time on him. All of the signals he sent towards Yeonjun's over the year were meaningless. He wasted his time on a boy who was bad at catching all his signs.
All Yeonjun cared about was his Soobin. Never Kai who stood beside Yeonjun and gave his entire self to Yeonjun no matter what.
Kai sighed, giving into the innocence in Yeonjun's eyes. These days all of the pureness would anger him. He wanted to end it. Ruin Yeonjun badly to the point where he'd feel guilty even looking in the mirror. Make it so that Yeonjun would never be able to step outside of his room ever again. Ruin Yeonjun in everyone's eyes and he knew he could do it, Yeonjun was helpless in front of him.
But no he liked Yeonjun too much to hurt him that way. He liked Yeonjun too much to not smile at him 24/7. He liked the boy that belonged to Choi Soobin too much to stay even the tightest bit angry at him.
Kai smiled sweetly at Yeonjun. A smile that had none of his heart or true feelings inside of him. On the inside he hated what Yeonjun did to him. On the inside he wanted to slaughter Soobin for taking all this beauty away from him. "Hmm, I could never be mean to you Yeonjun."
Even though his smile was fake his words were still honest. And this honesty made Yeonjun smile back at him and cling to the side of his arm as he put on his backpack and walked out with Yeonjun.
"Thanks Kai, I know I can always trust you." Yeonjun buried the side of his face into his shoulder, tightly holding onto him as if his entire world would fall over if he let go.
Kai grit his teeth at the warmth of Yeonjun's face and breath against his arm. He could feel it through his sweater. And he swears to god sometimes he hates this boy. Sometimes he hates the looks and winks his friends give him while they walk in the hallways, since everyone practically thinks their dating.
Ugh I wish.
"Hmm, did you say anything Kai?" Yeonjun mumbled against the edge his arm as he stood in front of his locker peacefully trying to switch his textbooks.
He shook his head, trying not to look at Yeonjun. "Nope."
Yeonjun smiled back, even though he knew Kai couldn't see. "You know, I know I never say it, but I'm so thankful for you." Yeonjun's grip on his arm tightened and Kai could feel the sincerity in Yeonjun's voice.
But even all that honesty, even when Yeonjun appreciated him, it wasn't enough. Kai wanted more from Yeonjun. Not just some sappy compliments that framed Kai as a friend in Yeonjun's brain.
Because truly, the more Kai thought about it, the two of them weren't friends. If they were friends, Yeonjun would know so much more about him. If they were friends, Kai would know more than just the boy Yeonjun was in love with. At this point Kai knew more about Soobin than about Yeonjun. And Yeonjun didn't even know anything about Kai and how he felt on the inside.
Yet even so a few days later, Kai still treated Yeonjun's as if Yeonjun was his closest friend. Even as he hung out with his real friends and got a text message from Yeonjun complaining about Soobin, he ditched all his boys just for Yeonjun
He ended up in front of Yeonjun's house, car parked staring at the door and contemplated if he should just go back to the people that actually care for him. But like the fool in love he is he got out of his car and stared at the night sky, hating Yeonjun and himself.
And as he walked over to Yeonjun's door and pressed on the doorbell, he took another moment to contemplate turning around and walking away. But he couldn't, not when Yeonjun's older brother opened the door with a smile and greeted Kai by pointing a finger up, "Yeonjun's upstairs."
Kai nodded and smiled slightly at him before walking into the house and turning towards the stairs. He slowly and cautiously walked up them knowing he could still turn around or even stall by talking to Yeonjun's family first.
But then it happened, he opened the door and now he knew there was no going back. Yeonjun laid there on his sofa in black leggings and a red t-shirt, staring at the night sky painted on the ceiling. He didn't even spare Kai a small look as a frown seemed to be glued onto his face.
He closed and door and approached, sitting on the edge of the sofa. Kai placed his hand on Yeonjun's leg and that's when Yeonjun looked at him. And in Yeonjun's two ethereal eyes Kai saw unreal tears. Tears he swears he never wanted to see in his life, no matter how much he hated Yeonjun..
Yeonjun slowly sat back and scooted closer to him and he sighed as Yeonjun wrapped his arms around Kai's neck. In defeat, Kai placed his hand on Yeonjun's waist and pulled Yeonjun closer. "What happened?" Kai whispered, knowing exactly what happened.
Kai simply rested Yeonjun's head on his chest and didn't say a thing. After a while he could hear Yeonjun crying. Kai honestly just wanted to protect Yeonjun. He just wanted to show Yeonjun how much Yeonjun could be loved and how Yeonjun didn't deserve this pain from that Soobin guy.
And as Yeonjun pulled slightly away and looked deep into his bright eyes, Kai couldn't deny one thing.
We're not friends.
No they couldn't possibly be friends when Yeonjun would stare at him with that glint in Yeonjun's eyes. When Yeonjun would hug Kai with that warmth emitting from his body. They couldn't be friends when Yeonjun would hit him up with his problems first. They couldn't be friends when Kai'd have to hold himself back from kissing Yeonjun's red lips. No it wasn't possible in the way they found comfort in each other so often.
They couldn't possibly be just friends.
They had to be something more.
Kai prayed that they were something more as he reached his hands up to wipe away Yeonjun's tears. He wished it was so much more as Yeonjun's breath slowed down and eased into Kai's warmth. He knew it just had to be more as Yeonjun's face automatically rested into his large hands.
"Kai?" Yeonjun mumbled, tears still sparkling in his eyes.
Kai nodded with a serious face, "yeah."
Yeonjun looked straight into his eyes as he bit his lower lip and Kai swears if they were more than friends, right now he'd lean in a kiss the frown off of Yeonjun's lips. "I told him I liked him and he didn't respond. I swear he caught feelings for another."
I'll never lose these feelings for you.
Kai wasn't surprised. His eyes didn't falter one bit. He knew it. This Soobin guy didn't give him good vibes. He reminded him of someone who would simply use girls to pass his time. So he gulped and nodded at the boy he liked so much. "Okay."
"A-And," Yeonjun looked down, unable to keep up with the monotone look in his eyes. "He played with me," Yeonjun mumbled this time, simply because he didn't want to admit it.
He played with you the same exact way you play with me.
Kai caught the tear that almost fell from Yeonjun's eye and titled Yeonjun's head to look straight into Yeonjun's eyes again. "It's okay."
As much as Kai cared about the boy in front of him he had to keep a straight face. He had to be strong and hold Yeonjun tight when really he wanted to smile and kiss Yeonjun.
Thank god he finally left you alone.
So he stayed silent and hugged Yeonjun tight, wanting Yeonjun to be only his forever. It sounded foolish, but Yeonjun did so many things to Kai's heart. Yeonjun pulled it out and dribbled with it like a basketball. He'd look into Yeonjun's eyes sometime and see a thousand oceans that he was willing to drown in.
As Yeonjun's breath calmed down Kai pulled away and stared at Yeonjun for a second, which Yeonjun reacted to with a warm smile as his eye lids were slowly shutting in the darkness of the night. Kai smiled back at the beauty that he held in his arms.
Gosh, I swear I love you so much.
"I don't know what I'd be without you Kai," Yeonjun mumbled, barely awake as Kai rested Yeonjun against the sofa and stood up. When Kai looked down, Yeonjun was still gripping onto the front of his blue sweater.
Kai smiled at this. Maybe just maybe Yeonjun could be his now. For once in his life he smile at a compliment Yeonjun gave him, just because he was generally happy. Kai leaned back down to help Yeonjun up and he instantly wrapped his arms around Kai's neck. Kai sighed and picked Yeonjun up, carrying the other bridal style as Yeonjun buried his face in Kai's chest.
He put Yeonjun down on the bed, yet Yeonjun was still clinging onto Kai's sweater and Kai didn't want to admit it but he couldn't help himself from admiring the adorable sleepy look on Yeonjun's face. So Kai leaned closer, the colour of his eyes mixing into the multiple colors in Yeonjun's. Yeonjun smiled so sweetly and Kai couldn't help but smile back.
Sometimes Kai wished he wasn't such a fool for Yeonjun. Sometimes Kai wished he could put duck tape around his mouth. Sometimes Kai wished he had control.
But on most days, I enjoy not having any control.
And even as he leaned closer and slowly kissed Yeonjun, Kai was happy he had no control. Because in a split second Yeonjun pulled him closer into the kiss as his head rested on the bed. And he swears Yeonjun didn't want to pull away because Yeonjun's hands found their way to the collar of his sweater, pulling tightly on it. Keeping Kai close to him for once in his life.
But soon, as their kiss died down, Kai pulled away. And for once he wasn't smiling, simply because he could only ever give Yeonjun a fake smile.
Tonight he was honestly looking into the eyes of the boy he loved so much. For once he wasn't lying. His lips formed a straight line of happiness. He didn't want to smile because that would just be another lie towards Yeonjun's.
"Listen," he started as Yeonjun gazed deep into his eyes, "I'm tired of waiting, I have to tell you, I like you."
And Kai's thought suddenly went back to the letter he wrote. Just because the word I like you were not enough to express these sparking feelings that he had for Yeonjun.
So much more than a friend. So much more than you think. I love you. I love you. I love you and I love you. Everything about you. The way you cling onto my clothes with the sweetest smile on the planet. The way you hug me as if your life depends on it. The way you always come to me first before anyone else.
He gulped, unsure of the way Yeonjun would answer him. Yeonjun might push him away and forever try to forget him. Yeonjun would probably stop talking to him after this.
But instead Yeonjun leaned closer and gave Kai a small peck on his lips, eyelids half closed in sleep. Yeonjun pulled away and gave Kai the smallest smile and then rested his own head on the bed and closed his eyes after letting go of Kai's sweater.
Kai didn't know what that meant, but he knew that the smile on Yeonjun's face was one of satisfaction. Yeonjun couldn't possibly have fallen right asleep even after he kissed Kai like that. No, Kai wouldn't allow Yeonjun to forget the best kiss in his entire life.
Kai looked up at the night sky in Yeonjun's room, thinking of how Yeonjun's eyes sparkled and twinkled brighter than the stars in the sky. He sighed and then looked back down at Yeonjun.
But still, out of all love for Yeonjun, Kai gave up and smiled a small and upset smile before turning around and leaving the room. On the inside Kai didn't know what that smile really meant as he walked past Yeonjun's parents with a smile and out the door.
He hoped it meant Yeonjun liked him back even when Yeonjun'd texted Soobin those things. He hoped it meant the Yeonjun really hadn't rejected him. And he prayed so badly as he saw the face of the boy he hated so much at the door once he'd stepped out. Kai stood there blank, unable to say anything to the concerned look in the boys eyes.
"Is Yeonjun inside?" The boy asked, standing before Kai, worry framing his eyes.
Kai nodded and gulped, staring right into the dopiness in the boys dark eyes. He grit his teeth and then looked down in shame. "Yeah, Yeonjun's probably waiting for you."
Why are you here? To hurt Yeonjun again? To hurt me again?
The boy in front of Kai smiled widely and placed his hand on Kai's shoulder. "Thanks man. You know how tough Yeonjun is."
If you really think Yeonjun's all that tough then why don't you stop chasing Yeonjun?
Kai now looked up to meet eyes with the one and only Soobin. He stood there, cheeks red and panting a little. Seems like he came there in a worry, running for the person he loved so much. Kai hated it, the worry in his eyes. He hated the Soobin was even there. A player like him should've turned around and never came back. Why oh why was he there for the one Kai loved so much.
"Yeah, Yeonjun is." Kai mumbled back while thinking of a million possible ways to kill this boy in front of him. He was thinking of the possible kisses the one he loved and Soobin could have possibly shared even before Yeonjun kissed him. He was thinking about all the cutesy and cheesy things Soobin had probably said to the one he loved so much.
Yeonjun might be tough but he's the most precious person on this planet.
Soobin smiled so bright and wide at Kai. Kai remembers Yeonjun telling him about how he thought Soobin's smile was the cutest thing on this planet. About how Yeonjun wondered how his smile could light up a dark room. And Kai understood it now, the boy smiled as if he was getting all the love on this planet. Which was true, because he had Yeonjun's love. Yeonjun's love was so precious and it was something Kai desired so badly but now he knew he certainly would never receive Yeonjun's love.
I want to tear that smile right off of your face.
And as Soobin was about to walk past him, he grabbed onto the others shoulder and took a deep breath. Soobin turned around to stare at Kai, while Kai kept his eyes glued to the street in front of him. "Take care of Yeonjun, okay? I treasure him a lot, so don't hurt him." Kai gulped and sorry turned to around, "please?"
I'm handing the one I love so dearly to a monster, so just please don't hurt him that much?
He never thought in his entire life that he'd be begging to Choi Soobin. Never ever did he think this would happen. But tonight, he stood there, begging to someone for the person he loved so deeply.
Soobin simply smiled at him and nodded. Kai trusted him now with the one he loved. "Of course I wont hurt Yeonjun. I love him."
Do you really love Yeonjun as much as I do?
Kai smiled back. And out of all the fake smiles he's mustered up during the past year, this one was the fakest. The one he had to work the hardest for. And after a second he let go of Soobin's arm and turned around, turning away from the one he loved forever.
We're not friends,
so take Yeonjun away from me.
He slowly walked over to his car, not daring to turn around and look one more time. He sat in his car for a little while, not knowing how to leave yet not daring to turn to look back at Yeonjun's house. Although he badly wanted to get out of his car and go see Yeonjunagain. Go see if Soobin and Yeonjun actually made up or something.
He groaned and rested his head against the car seat, unable to think of anything but Yeonjun. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He honestly just wanted Yeonjun back in his life.
Kai hated everything right now, including Yeonjun's. Yeonjun was so sweet and innocent yet managed to play with his heart.
And eventually as he turned his head towards Yeonjun's door tears threatened to leave his eyes. He swears he loves Yeonjun so much. He swears he hates Yeonjun so much. He honestly really can't decide. Even as Soobin leaned closer and kissed Yeonjun's two lips that Kai thought now belonged to him, Kai had to hold himself back from crying. He had to hold himself back from raging and ruining everything for Yeonjun.
And as he sat there, tears finally leaving his pitch black eyes, he noticed something.
We really aren't friends. We really aren't anything.
And at this point he could only think of one thing to do as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and quickly texted something to the one he still loves.
I know that you feel the way that I do.
But the next time that you want me to slide though, let me remind you.That we're not friends.
Do you think I really wanna hear about him?
I do it for a reason, not just to be nice. I wanna give you more than good advice.
But we're not friends.
That was it, that was the last message before he blocked Yeonjun and shoved his phone back into his pocket, starting the car and quickly driving away. He'd never show up at Yeonjun's door ever again. He'd never talk to Yeonjun ever again. He'd never even give Yeonjun that fake smile of his ever again. He'd never look at Yeonjun ever again.
And he'd never love Yeonjun ever again. Because that was it, they weren't friends. Yeonjun kissed him, they weren't friends. Yeonjun hugged him, they weren't friends. Yeonjun cried in his arms, they weren't friends.
He spent an entire year and wasted it on someone who he knew was never going to love him back. Now all he had left was Yeonjun's pretty smile burned into his mind.
And Kai swore that he'd forget that smile. He swore he'd forget the one he loved so much. He swore he'd forget one of the his closest strangers.
Cause we were never friends.
Gosh I am such a shipper of Kai and Yeonjun. Ahaha I hope you guys liked the one shot. Please comment if you did. I just wanted to write something meaningful, no hate to Soobin that was just his set character lol. But I really like this type of angry Kai. It's cute. The itailics were either Kai's thoughts and the one with the underline was his text message and his letter for Yeonjun.