I'm in the elevator with a handful of bags from fan gifts, gifts from different brands, and a box of soju from the company that I've been modelling for. It has been months since the day in the hospital. I've cut all ties with everyone who isn't the members or my family. For the first time, I had to change my phone number due to my clumsiness by misplacing it. 

After what he had said that night I thought I understood why we broke up, I knew that his dream was to be successful and be able to retire by the age of 30. But a few weeks later there was a rumour going around that he has started dating Sunmi before their collab performance in December.

There have been rumours about him dating other people in the past, but they never lasted for very long, or seem real. But this sounds and feel very real. I felt very betrayed. For a second I thought that we could get back to together eventually in the future. Not just betrayed but stupid, stupid for being so naive. How dare he ask me to keep away from other guys while he's out there dating someone else. 

Luck has been on my side as he was set to leave for Japan the next day after being discharged from the hospital, then Shinee was preparing for a comeback for their tenth anniversary. I was busy with my filming, constant modelling, and prepare for Apink's comeback. Making these months fly by in a snap of a finger, with no encounter whatsoever.

Stumbling out of the elevator while trying to balance all the items and fetching my keys out of my bag. Being super exhausted from still doing promotions don't make this process any easier. As I was about to reach my door, I noticed a group of people was ringing my doorbell. There was a total of seven people in the hallway. As I was creeping closer, I was able to make out who each person was. I felt as if my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I was quick to turn around and avoid them. But as if my luck has run out, I tripped over my foot, resulting in everything falling out of my hands and bags.

I was so busy trying to pick everything up and making sure that I don't lose this. I didn't notice that someone had grabbed my arm and picked me up. "Looking for this?" In his hands were my SSRI pills and a blessing card I got for Alex. I lunged towards him and ripped it out of his hands. It never occurred to me the possibility of seeing these people again, let alone in front of my home. 

Minho oppa, Key Oppa, Kai oppa, Boa unnie, Taeyeon unnie, Tiffany unnie, Yeri, and even Taemin is all here in my living room. All crammed together sitting in silence as no one wants to speak first. As I set all the drinks down for everyone as a courtesy, even though I didn't want to as it'll just lead me into having to do more cleaning than I needed to. "So, um, are you planning to have some people over soon?" Key said, trying to break the ice. "What are you talking about?" I responded more annoyed than I has anticipated as it was close to two in the morning what makes him think that I was going to have a party or some sort.

"Um... because um you have a lot of soju, I just thought that maybe you were going to have a party or something... Nevermind..."

"No, I model for this brand, they send me this all the time. Take it if you want it. I have five more boxes with the security man downstairs." 

With that, I had everyone but him looking at me with wide eyes. "You get that many free soju? Do you ever drink it? How long is your contract with them? Can I really take some?" Yeri had spit everything out at once. Leading to having on the eyes on her now. "What? I was just asking..."

Letting out a big sign, I took a look around the room, trying to make out what was this whole gang plan was. "What are you guys doing here? The last I've heard was that I was the cause for the lost and that I'm not worthy enough to talk to."

"Yeri had told all of us what was going on and that the letter wasn't for you." Minho Oppa said without being able to look at me in the eyes. None of them could look at me; they all looked so guilty as they should.

"Okay, I know that the letter wasn't for me, but that doesn't answer my question. It's already late; why are you here."

"Well, you see when we all found out we all tried to reach out to you but couldn't. And when you posted on your Instagram of the photo of the person not helping the one stuck in the box, it all freaked us out, and we wanted to make sure that you were okay. That's why we're here; we care about you." 

I let out a bitter chuckle, making everyone look at me funny, "Care? What is this word care I'm hearing? If any of you guys had cared you would've come to me and ask about the letter, ask if it was true or not. Ask how I was feeling, ask my members for my number. Key, you talk to Eunji unnie daily. We're promoting around the same time. This is a small industry where everyone knows everything. You all knew what I had to go through with being an it girl. You don't care about me; you all just want to make yourself feel better thinking that you'll be able to save someone since none of us could save him."

Before I knew it, Taeyeon unnie had slapped me. "How could you say that?" She said with so much broken in her voice; I was able to feel the pain myself. "How could you think we or at least me don't care about you? Who was there that night, the night you lost a piece of you. You should understand how we were all feeling"

"What are you talking about unnie? What piece? Did you lose someone, Naeun?" I could feel his eyes on me, burning inside me. I could feel hot tears threatening to fall from my eyes. My hands were getting clammy and shaky as I know that what happens next would change things.

"I do understand the pain of losing him. But you have no right to compare my pain to yours. He was someone who was all very special to us, but you don't know the pain of never getting the chance to meet or know about your child until it's gone. A human being was growing inside me, wanting to be ready for the world, wanting to be love. But being a failure that I am, I couldn't protect Alex." 

"Naeun-ah, that's enough." Taemin had finally spoken in such calm voice it scared me. He had put his hands on my shoulder to calm me down, as that was how it helped me calm down in the past. How can he be so calm, how can he have the audacity to sit in my living room, look in my eyes and tell me what to do. What gives him the right ever to touch me again.

"I lost a child just as much as you did, but that's not the biggest issue right now. We heard from your therapist about how you want to say goodbye tonight."

Not proofread.