-As I'm always there for you, but yet no one was there for me. I can't give anymore, I've realized that I can't be the one to pick up the missing piece; I need to find mine. -

That line keeps playing in my head. It turns out he has left a letter for everyone close to him, and one for the public. But there was one that didn't have a name on it. This one letter has been going around everyone he was close with. Family members, Shinee members, all SM colleagues, and other friends. 

After Taemin was able to calm Yeri down, the note was given to me to read. As I read through it, tears were quick to fall down my face. I never got to finish the letter as it was never finished. He never finished it this one, on purpose?

As Taemin was trying to convince Yeri to leave, I started to break down the note. Now understanding why she would think that he died because of me because I have the same thought. Why did all the points in the letter seem to pinpoint it to me? Rereading the note over and over again to help my process with information.

-You were brought to me by chance, as I'm sorry to leave when we were getting closer. Plans and promises are going to be broken, for being the selfish man that I am. Please don't forget the chances that were given to us, to live like nothing is against us; I was your savour, but you couldn't be mine. My Lotus flower, something so beautiful, and rare just like you. -"

"I'm sorry for my behaviour early. My mind has been abuzz since that day. I was given the note, and once I was done, I heard that you were here and my mind just went to you. I'm sorry, I haven't even-" With that, she fell on the side of the bed and cried. I looked over to him to see a pair of broken eyes and exhaustion. Being a little taken back, all that I could do is pat her back to let her know that it's okay.

It's okay to cry. It's okay to feel hurt. It's okay to let her anger out. It's okay that she's not okay.

Once she had calmed down, she was sitting on the bed with me. "It's okay Yeri, here reread this. Process the information first, have your mind wrap it. As I was reading it, I thought it was about me as well, but he never called me a lotus flower. There was never a nickname for us. Yes, we were getting closer, he was there for me, and our promises were broken. But this sounds like it was for someone he had feelings for, and that they shared the same emotion. Whoever he wrote this for is not their fault for the lost we had. It was his choice to have peace on his terms, even if it hurts many. Maybe he didn't finish it for a reason or had it address it for a reason. How about we don't find a person to blame for all of this, but we find a way to move forward with yourself."

"But I don't want to move on. I don't want to forget about him."

"Not move on, just moving forward. Know how to make yourself better to make him proud, have closure with knowing that we're not blessed to not have him around any longer. But have his memory and music live on forever. He's not someone anyone can forget."

"From what I heard, everyone thinks that this note is about you."

Now that makes sense of why all of his friends have pushed me away. They all had the same thought. I was the cause of this mess. 

After a while, she left, as she had a schedule to get to. The poor girl as she still had to go through with her comeback after experiencing such pain. Looking over at Taemin, I can see how tired he is. With having such busy days at a young age, he was used only to have barely any sleep, but this is the first time I can tell that everything is taking a toll on him. For the first time, I could see the exhaustion has taken over so much that he can't even hide it. "How have you been holding up?"

He didn't respond but only hang his head low. Soon I heard some whimpering. "Hey, come here," I said while patting on the space on the bed for him to sit. "Oppa, come here," I called for him the second time as he didn't come with the first time. With that, he came over, but instead of just sitting, he lay down next to me instead. Without protesting, I let him curl up next time to me like a scared child who was frightened from thunder. 

"We're going to do the concert tour in Japan next month, without him. I don't know if I can. His mom gave us the blessing, but I don't know if I can give my blessing."

"Why can't you?"

"It won't be the same without him. He was the life of the group. Someone who loved me like I was his brother."

"All the members did, you guys have a bond that's so rare you should treasure it. Talk to your members about how your feelings, you guys need each other more than ever right now. I'm sure they would much rather have you tell them how you feel than hold it inside."

"How come with everything that has happened between us we're always brought together."

"Crazy isn't it? Last year I was going through so much heartache, and this year, you're the one with the heartache."

"Why would you think I didn't have heartache last year? I had to let you go, that was one of the hardest things I had to do." 

Not proofread.