His palms are sweaty. He doesn’t know why but he feels extra nervous today. Today marks the opening of Mino’s first ever solo exhibition in Seoul. It’s a big one. One that cements his status in the art world. Maybe it’s because of that, or maybe it’s because he’s back in Seoul after 3 years. Mino tries not to think much about it. His hands are twitching, he needs to smoke.

Before he even leaves the holding room where he’s been staying, he hears a name spoken in a hushed voice that leaves him frozen in his tracks.

“Kang Seungyoon?!”

“Yeah, he’s outside! I’m sure it’s him.”

He slowly looks over to see where the voices are coming from. It’s the girl in the reception area taking to one of the ushers. He comes to them and asks as nonchalantly as possible. “Who did you say you saw out there?”

The girl instantly looked down, face full of guilt. “Song Mino-ssi. I’m sorry, I know the event is by invite only-“

“No, it’s fine. You’re not in trouble. Who did you let in?”

“K-Kang Seungyoon. He said he wanted to see the exhibit and told me to keep quiet.” The girl said in a hushed voice.

“Kang Seungyoon?” Mino asks.

“Yes sir, the singer.” The girl explains, as if anyone in Korea wouldn’t know him.

“Are you sure it’s him?”

“Yes sir, I’m a big fan of his.” She says sheepishly.

Kang Seungyoon? Seungyoon is at his exhibit? He never heard from him once for the past three years and now he’s crashing Mino’s exhibit? Before Mino can ask more questions, he was being called that it’s time to go on stage to give his talk. His mind was very far away now and so he tried his best to compartamentalize Seungyoon so he can focus on what he needs to do. As soon as he goes out, he was greeted by a huge crowd. Bigger than what he was used to. He tries to scan the crowd but the lights from the flashes of the cameras blind him.

Once he was off the stage, he wonders if Seungyoon has left. He sees one of the ushers and motions for him to come.

“Yes sir?”

“I need you to look for Kang Seungyoon outside.”

Mino doesn’t know if Seungyoon will come, he is after all a big celebrity now. It’s not like Mino can order him around. He waits and waits for the door to open. Either by the usher telling him he didn’t find him or he’ll be face to face with Seungyoon after 3 years. 3 years of ringing silence, 3 years of waiting. He needs to know why he’s here and if Mino’s still waiting for something.

And then, the door opens and he’s right there.

Mino’s first impulse was not to grab him or kiss him or yell at him. He simply wanted to touch Seungyoon’s cheek. He wants to touch his face to make sure it’s really him, and not one of those dreams he had so often. But he can’t touch him. This is a privilege that’s been revoked so he just asks him. “Is it really you?”

“In the flesh.” Seungyoon says like it’s the most normal thing in the world to be at his exhibit. “Nice exhibit.” He added because he probably doesn’t know what to say. Mino felt jitters just think about Seungyoon looking at his art when most of it was done with him on his mind.

“Thank you, I just can’t believe you’re here.”

“Yeah, I guess they’ll let any old riffraff in your exhibit,” Seungyoon jokes probably because he’s the only one wearing jeans in there.

“Right? No rockstars allowed. Didn’t you see the warning on the marquee? I’m surprised you didn’t get arrested in the lobby.”

Seungyoon laughs at his bad joke and Mino is thankful, thankful that they can still have friendly banter like this.

“How’d you know I was here?” Seungyoon asked.

“Are you kidding? The whole gallery has been buzzing about it. A lot of people who work here are your fans apparently.”

“I thought I was being incognito.” Seungyoon said with a small pout.

“You? Impossible.” Mino replies with a smile. He knew Seungyoon would one day make it big but he only realized how big he was when he went back to Seoul again. He was everywhere. On Tv, billboards, train ads, even bus wraps.

“So..how are you?” Seungyoon asks.

How am I? Are you for real? Seungyoon never once contacted Mino after their last talk. He doesn’t know if Seungyoon is still healing from everything or if he’s just over Mino completely. Mino looks at him and he’s still devastatingly beautiful. The last time Mino saw him, his face was a mess. Mino moved back to Ulsan because he kept on thinking about seeing Seungyoon when he was still in Seoul. He kept on wanting to call him, he kept on thinking if they did the right thing breaking up. He needed the distance so since then he’s only seen him on photos and videos but there’s nothing quite like his face in real life. He remembers to answer. “Oh you know, good. Busy.”

“Right. Of course. Busy. Are you on tour?”

“Yep. After this Seoul exhibit, I’m off to Japan.”

“Oh. Cool. That’s great.”

“You’re currently promoting now right? How did you even have time to go here?” Mino asks.

“My last schedule was just around the block so..” Seungyoon shrugged not finishing his sentence. When Mino didn’t say anything, Seungyoon spoke again. “Well, I should probably go.” He offered his hand for a handshake.

Mino looked at his outstretched hand. Giving Seungyoon a business handshake is maybe one of the saddest things he’s ever imagined. When Mino took his hand, it’s like the whole world suddenly went quiet and it felt like he could linger there forever. Except, that was just a handshake, nothing more. The next thing Mino knows, Seungyoon has turned around and has left him. Again.

 Mino went out of the back of the building. Not to go after Seungyoon even though every fiber of his being wants him to, but to clear his head. He lights a cigarette and hoped that it will steady him enough to get through the day.

“You should quit.”

Seungyoon’s voice jars him. He looked up and Seungyoon was there, smiling. He covers the final few feet between them while eyeing the cigarette and it’s like all the years between them were gone, and Seungyoon has forgotten that he no longer has the right to get on his case.

“I thought you left.” Mino just says.

“I came back.” Seungyoon says and Mino doesn’t know if he just meant leaving the building.

Seungyoon eyes him, eyes the cigarette. “Can I have one?”

“You? You smoke now?” Mino asks him.

“No,” Seungyoon replies. “but I’m having a really intense experience and I’m told cigarettes calm your nerves.”

Mino can’t imagine how stressful promoting an album is. “I feel that way while preparing for exhibits sometimes.” He says, nodding.

Mino shakes out a cigarette for him, his pink hand is trembling so Mino keeps missing the tip of the cigarette with his lighter. Seungyoon inhales and exhales, coughs a little. “I’m not talking about my album, Mino.” He says before taking another labored drag. “I’m talking about you.”

Just calm down, Mino tells himself. You just made him nervous. Still, Mino is flattered that he still matters. They smoke in silence for a while and then Mino hears something gurgle. Seungyoon shakes his head in dismay and looks down at his stomach. “Are you hungry?” He asks Mino.

Mino isn’t, but he nods all the same.

Seungyoon wore his cap and mask and then led him to a secluded diner which probably has bad food because not a lot of people were inside. The waitress led them to the farthest booth and Seungyoon was probably satisfied that he wouldn’t get recognized there because he took off his cap and mask before he ordered. Mino wants to ask how much time he has with him but debated if that was a weird thing to ask. Just when he was about to, Seungyoon’s phone vibrated on the table. He looks at the screen and winces.

“Bad news?”

“No, but I have to take this. Five minutes.” He tells Mino and then walked a few steps away.

Mino gets it. He’s popular, he has a lot of people calling. But even so, he feels like a groupie being asked to wait in the back of the bus until the rockstar is ready. But like the groupies always do, he waits. The rockstar is Seungyoon. What else is he gonna do?

Mino still catches snippets of Seungyoon’s end of the conversation. I know it was important to you. To us. I promise I’ll make it up to everyone. He doesn’t mention Mino once. The waitress served their food, Seungyoon ordered his “usual” which was a burger and fries. Mino doesn’t really like burgers but he ordered the same.

“Sorry about that.” Seungyoon said when he went back to their table.

“How did you find this place?” Mino asks him.

“Oh, Hongki-hyung used to take me here. He lived nearby. I was having roommate issues at that time, which is a repeating theme in my life, so I wound up crashing at his place a lot. But I have my own place now.”

Mino doesn’t know why he should feel er punched. Mino’s been with other people since Seungyoon. It’s not like he’s been languishing with celibacy, why should Seungyoon?

“Have you heard him live?” Seungyoon asks him. “He always reminded me of you.”

Mino haven’t so much as listened to rock music since Seungyoon left him. “I have no idea who you’re talking about.”

“No . Really? Oh, he’s incredible. He sorts of breathes music, same as how you breathe art.” Seungyoon says with fondness in his voice.

“Wow.” Mino says, trying to push back against the jealousy he has no right to. “How’s everyone?” He asks because he wants to change the subject.

“Good. Seunghoon-hyung and the band really pushed me to finally release my solo. He still helps me with my music behind the scenes so it’s been fun. Jinu-hyung still works at his bar, I still play there sometimes when I can. The company hates it though, they want the exclusivity of my music. I bump into Jiho-hyung from time to time.” He says with a calculated look at Mino.

Mino still talks to Jiho sometimes. He was able to debut under a different company so it was inevitable that Seungyoon and him will cross paths being in the same industry. Mino remembers the first time Jiho told him he saw Seungyoon in one of their rare catch up calls and even though he knows all is well now, Jiho is with someone else and is doing great, he still didn’t know how to react to that.

Seungyoon’s phone rings again.

“You’re popular tonight.”

“More like I’m in trouble. I was supposed to attend an even