It wasn’t long before Yunho settled into a kind of drab routine. The incredible pain of work had settled into a dull ache, and Yunho had simply learned, not to enjoy it, but to stomach it, to pass it by with as little suffering as possible. It became a chore, something he would just get over with in the morning, to push it out of the way so he could celebrate the rest of the afternoon doing literally anything else.

            But despite his newfound routine, there was still the one thing that never failed to interrupt it.

            There was the one day, just one time a week, that broke up the days he spent numbly going through the motions, the days that came and went until they had become blended and mixed together in a dull collection of meaningless events Yunho would never be able to remember. Every night before their weekly tutoring sessions, Yunho found himself staying up later and later, prolonging the arrival of the next day as much as he could. Even during school he realized he dreaded the sound of the bell, the sound that on any other day rang like sweet freedom in his ears. It seemed he somehow preferred class to spending any sort of one on one time with the younger boy, which was something he never expected. He truly didn’t think he would ever prefer class over anything. But it seemed he had found the one exception.

            He released all the pent up air in his lungs in a single audible breath, masked by the dreaded sound of the bell ringing through the classroom. Within minutes all the other students had cleared out and left nothing but an envious Yunho and an utterly silent Jaejoong behind.

            Though Yunho considered the tutoring sessions a complete and total destruction of his well crafted routine, it had to be said that the two of them had sort of created their own routine with each other.

            The bell would ring, the students would leave amongst a sea of chatter and excited sound, and the two just wouldn’t acknowledge each other. Yunho would pick up his things, leave, and walk quickly to the library while Jaejoong followed a few feet behind in silence. They found a table at the library and Yunho went over the homework with Jaejoong as the boy sat much too close and didn’t say a single word in response.

            Then, after Jaejoong finally remembered how to speak, he would beg Yunho for a ride home, eyes wide, and full lips pulled downward in a kind of frown that made anger boil in Yunho’s stomach until he finally gave in to his demands just to rid it from his sight.

            It was the same every time. And Yunho truly didn’t mind.

            Routines were good. They were predictable. Nothing changed, nothing became worse.

            One would think that after a couple weeks at it, one of them would have softened at least slightly toward the other. But that couldn’t have been further from the truth.

            Yunho somehow hated Jaejoong even more than he did the first time they had met. Because now, he knew the boy. He had heard his voice, seen his smile, and, more often, seen his bizarre stare that seemed to search every inch of his face and, at times, seemed to travel elsewhere.   

            Though Jaejoong rarely spoke around him, save the times when he begged Yunho for a ride home at the end of their tutoring sessions, Yunho could say with confidence that it was enough. He didn’t need to know anything more about him. He knew he hated him, and that was all he needed to know.  

            “Give me your essay.” Yunho demanded. He grabbed it from Jaejoong’s hands, hands that seemed much too small next to Yunho’s own.

            Yunho proceeded to outline every problem he could find in the essay, explaining it slowly, dare he say it, patiently. He just wanted to keep talking no matter what. Because if he stopped for a moment, if he allowed the slightest of silences between them, there was always a risk that Jaejoong would say something. And the last thing Yunho wanted was to hear his voice anymore than he already had to.

            After a solid hour of talking, and a solid hour of Jaejoong’s silence, without even a single indication that he was listening in the slightest, Jaejoong’s voice shot him like an arrow to the head.

            “Yunho?”

            “That’s Mr. Jung.” He said through gritted teeth. Truth be told, he hated being called by his last name. But when it came to Jaejoong, he wouldn’t have it any other way. It enraged him even further that Jaejoong knew it, too. He had been spot on when he said it made Yunho feel too old. Somehow, Jaejoong had seen right through him. And if that wasn’t the most infuriating thing in the world, he didn’t know what was.

            “Do you like your job?”

            “No.” Yunho replied within the second. It came as such a reflex that he hadn’t even had time to think. But even if he had paused to do just that, the response would have probably been the same.

            He heard Jaejoong let a light sigh slip from his mouth. The noise made him shudder. It was small, delicate, much like the boy himself.

            “I hate being a student.” Jaejoong said with downcast eyes.

            “You’re not supposed to like it.” Yunho retorted with a scoff. He just wanted the boy to be quiet, to return to the persistent state of silence he always stuck himself in and stay there. This was not the routine they had become so used to.

            Yunho could see Jaejoong’s eyes flicker just a moment, so quickly he thought it was only the product of his imagination. “Does… does it get better?” The boy asked quietly.

            Yunho gave him a blank stare. “Just what the hell does that mean?”

            “I mean…” Jaejoong bit his lip. “Growing up and stuff. Do things get better when you’re older?” His voice was faint. Too faint.

            Such a gentle voice was so difficult to hate.

            “Do I look like a ing mind reader? Maybe, maybe not. How the hell should I know?” Yunho growled. He slammed his palms on the table, standing up in one swift movement as he threw his bag over his shoulder. “Let’s go.”

            And just like that his entire body tensed up, and, if the dead feeling in his chest was to be trusted, his heart probably stopped beating entirely.

            Because this time Jaejoong hadn’t begged for a ride like he always did.

            Yunho had offered.

            This was not the routine so carefully put together after weeks of being forced to spend time with each other.

            This was something new.

            It seemed things were getting worse, after all.

            Jaejoong’s lips curved back into his crooked smile, eyes turning to crescents as he nodded quickly. The sight of his grin was a rarity, but it never failed to enrage Yunho on the few occasions that he did see it.

            Before Jaejoong could say anything, Yunho his heels and headed out the library door. He didn’t have to look to know with the utmost certainty that Jaejoong was following behind him like he always did, keeping his distance like a scared and stray puppy, timid around the discovery of another person, but bound by curiosity to simply follow without a single sound.

            The car sounded a low hum against the welcomed silence of the car ride. Yunho felt himself gripping the steering wheel with impossibly tight hands, just praying that Jaejoong wouldn’t say a single word.

            If he could just keep his mouth shut, everything they had before had a chance of being salvaged. Everything would be just like it was before.

            “Yunho?” Jaejoong whispered from the passenger’s seat. Yunho cringed at the sound, the sound he had been begging not to hear, but, somewhere in the back of his head, knew was coming.

            “What.” He hissed in response.

            “Why are you a teacher if you hate it?”

            “Why are you a student if you hate it?” He immediately responded.

            He heard Jaejoong shift in his seat. “That… that’s different. I have to.” He whispered. “You’re an adult. You have a choice.”

            Yunho couldn’t help but laugh, something he didn’t think he had ever done in front of the boy. “Look, just because adults don’t have someone telling them what to do all the time, doesn’t mean we have any sort of free will.” He scoffed. “We still have to do things. Things we don’t want to do. Being an adult isn’t a free pass to around all you want.” If that were the case, being an adult would have been a dream come true. “Growing up doesn’t magically make everything better. You still have to do stuff you don’t want to do. It’s just different stuff.” He tensed up as he realized that he was actually having something resembling a conversation with the boy, immediately shutting his mouth and focusing on the road ahead rather than shooting the boy a few glances out of the corner of his eyes, something he unconsciously seemed to be doing as he drove.

            He scolded himself again and again, trying to figure out just what the hell he was thinking to have spoken so much, to have destroyed the delicate balance of whatever hate-fueled relationship he had with the younger boy.

            He stopped outside Jaejoong’s building, the silence strange, almost unwanted. Because something between them had changed.

            It wasn’t a hate anymore. It wasn’t an aura of pure anger that took over every interaction they had. It was nothing.

            There was no charged air between them, no thoughts running through Yunho’s head about how much he detested the younger boy.

            For once, the silence was just that – a silence.

            “I’m not tutoring you anymore. I’m too busy.” Yunho stated plainly. Jaejoong’s wide eyes somehow opened even wider as he stared at him.

            “You have to. Mr. Kim says you have to.”

            Yunho frowned. It seemed that the boy’s habit of addressing him by first name was unique to him and him only.

            “Kid, I don’t give a what Mr. Kim says.” Yunho grumbled. “I’m too busy. Now get out of my car.”

            Jaejoong bit his lip, pausing for a moment before unbuckling his seatbelt and picking his bag from the floor. He opened the car door before turning to look back at Yunho one last time.

            “Stop calling me ‘kid’.” He demanded. “My name is Jaejoong.” And with that, he slammed the door shut and disappeared into the building.

            Yunho wanted to take off down the road, to run home free after that torturous and dreading hour spent with the boy. But at that moment, he couldn’t even move. He couldn’t even think.

            Whatever balance there had been was now gone. Whatever routine they had established had been destroyed.

            And no matter how much he tried to keep him just one faceless student at the back of the class, he wasn’t.

            One change would bring another. It wouldn’t stop until their ‘routine’ was a thing in the past, a thing so forgotten neither was sure if it even existed in the first place.

            The changes weren’t coming – they had already begun.

            “Yunho. Hey, Yunho.”

            “What, Yoochun.”

            Yoochun had somehow once again convinced Yunho to go out drinking with him at their favorite bar. It seemed Yunho’s promise of drinking less was becoming a faded memory. And, Yoochun, of course, had become completely plastered at the first opportunity.

            “I… I was watching this show. A documentary or some .” Yoochun said, his voice a bit louder than usual. He always had trouble with volume control after a night of drinking. “These guys climbed Mount Everest. Mount in’ Everest.”

            “That’s great, Yoochun.” Yunho waved the bartender for a refill. If he was going to listen to Yoochun’s rambling, he had to at least be a little drunk. The bar was dim, quiet, the murky lighting rather comforting after the day’s disaster.

            But even in the dark lighting of the bar, the comforting atmosphere that made him feel cut off from his everyday life, he still couldn’t get the boy’s eyes out of his head.

            “I was thinking. We should do that.”

            Yunho spun the drink between his palms before swallowing it in one gulp, savoring the burning feeling in his throat and “Do what?”

            Yoochun laughed and spun around the bar stool, collapsing on Yunho as he almost lost his balance and fell. “Climb Mount Everest. We should do it.” He said through giggles.

            “So.” Yunho muttered, inspecting the cup in his hands and holding it up to the light. It was slightly dirty, the glass a bit clouded. “We should somehow pay for the equipment with money we don’t have, find help from people we don’t know, then go climb the tallest mountain in the world with training we don’t have. Am I right here?”

            Yoochun giggled and raised his glass in the air, managing to spill a bit on Yunho’s shirt. “Yes!” He shouted. “Exactly!”

            “You know what I think, Yoochun?” Yunho asked. Yoochun didn’t respond, he just smiled his bizarrely goofy smile and rocked back and forth on the barstool. “I think you’re an idiot.”

            Yoochun laughed and fell over face down on the filthy counter. Usually when he got like this, Yunho would drag him to the car, take him home, and get him into bed safely. He had become so used to it that he could say he had a pretty high success rate on getting him home without throwing up on him or anyone else.

            But today he just didn’t have the patience.

            “Yoochun, I’m leaving.” He yelled. Yoochun seemed to be asleep on the counter, but he said it more as a formality than anything. If Yoochun yelled at him later, he couldn’t say that Yunho didn’t tell him. “Get a cab home.”

            He pulled on his coat and exited the bar, stepping out into the cold and refreshing late fall air. He breathed heavily and watched his breath fly circles around his face. Seemed like it would be winter soon.

            He was, unfortunately, sober enough to drive. Which also meant that he was sober enough to become fixated on the very thing he had tried to rid his mind of all day.

            He drove slowly, mind completely wandering as he recalled the conversation – though he shuddered to even call it that – that he had with Jaejoong.

            He tried to come up with a single reason as to why he had actually answered the boy’s question with more than a scoff or an insult. But even if he sat and thought for hours, he knew he’d never be able to think of one.

            Because it wasn’t a reason at all. It was a feeling. Jaejoong’s eyes, his dark, painfully beautiful eyes, had sparked something in him. Something he couldn’t understand. Something he hated, a feeling that bubbled in his stomach and made his skin burn like fire and his heart pound in rage.

            And what made him even angrier, what absolutely infuriated him to no end, was that he couldn’t get the boy’s face out of his head for even a second.

            The night felt still. Everything around him felt dead.

            Everything was quiet, save the thoughts running rampant in his head.

            In the midst of the continuous commentary from his brain, he somehow managed to catch the image of someone out of the corner of his eyes.

            There was a boy wearing nothing but short sleeves, despite the cold weather, swinging his legs back and forth as he sat on an old and nearly destroyed rock wall that lined the streets. He squinted his eyes, inspecting the strange figure carefully until his heart froze in his chest.

            No.

            No no no no.

            Of all people, of all the thousands of people in this town, it just had to be him sitting there on the wall in the middle of the goddamn night. But there was no denying it. Yunho could see his pale face, his features that were much too pretty for his own good.

            Yunho didn’t know just what he had done to deserve such a thing, but whatever it was, it must have been pretty terrible.  

            He told himself to just keep driving. Whatever the hell that kid was doing outside at such an hour was absolutely none of his business. He could freeze to death right there for all he cared.

            It wasn’t any of his business.

            Keep driving.

            He gritted his teeth, hating himself for what he was about to do.

            “Hey!” He said, rolling down his window and calling out into the emptiness of the night. Jaejoong’s eyes shot up from the ground, a completely shocked expression taking over his face as he met Yunho’s. His eyes were bloodshot, his pale face marred with an expression of pain. “What are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be home?”

            Jaejoong curled himself up into a ball and said nothing, burying his face into his knees as he tightly held his legs against himself.

            Yunho frowned. He had gone out of his way to so much as talk to him, and the boy had simply ignored him. The one time since they had met that he actually wanted to hear him speak, and now he chose to be silent.

            “It’s late. Go home.”

            The only sounds Yunho could hear were the winds cracking against the bare branches of the trees, the scattered leaves on the ground rolling in the breeze and sailing across the road before him.

            “You know what? this.” Yunho grumbled to himself. “If you want to stay out here all night, be my guest. I’m leaving.”

            “No!” Jaejoong finally yelled. “D-don’t leave.”

            Yunho sighed. “You need to go home.”

            “I’m not going home.”

            “Kid, you ne – “

            “I’m not going home!” Jaejoong screamed. The sound of his sudden shout echoed around the still air until it finally quieted down, leaving nothing but a cold silence between them.

            Yunho held his face in his hands. “Jesus Christ, what did I get myself into…” He grumbled, rubbing his eyes in pain. If he had just ignored him, he wouldn’t be in this situation.

            “I’ll go anywhere. Just don’t make me go home.”

            “I don’t understand what you want from me.”

            “Let me go home with you.”

            Yunho glared at the boy, face shrouded in disbelief. “No. No. Absolutely not.”

            “Please.” He begged.

            And there it was again.

            That feeling that tore itself through the pit of his stomach, that just wouldn’t be quiet no matter what he did.

            He felt it. He felt it all too well.

            “Get in.” He demanded. Jaejoong stared at him, dark eyes boring holes into his own as he looked back, noticing his matted eyelashes and faded features. “Are you going to sit there like an idiot, or are you going to get in the car like I told you?” He said, ignoring the voice in his head that was screaming for him to just drive away and leave him there.

            Jaejoong hopped off the wall and scurried over to the passenger seat. Yunho quickly pulled away, turning around and heading back to town.

            “I’m not taking you home with me.” He stated. “But I won’t take you to your house either.”

            “Okay…” Jaejoong whispered.

            Yunho continued to drive despite that persistent voice in the back of his head asking him just what the hell he was doing. Though it felt impossibly loud, it was somehow silenced by the feeling in his stomach, the burning feeling he still couldn’t place, and for some reason, didn’t even want to.

            He heard the occasional sniffle from the passenger’s seat, a barely audible noise that he could only just hear over the sound of the car. “If you cry, I swear to god I will drop you off in the middle of the street.” He growled.

            After a few minutes of driving, and a few minutes of ignoring Jaejoong’s quiet noises beside him, he pulled into a parking lot and got out of the car.

            “A… restaurant?” Jaejoong asked upon exit.

            “Yep.” Yunho responded. It was a brightly lit diner, the kind of place that was open all night – pretty useful, seeing as it was just about midnight. “We’re going to get you something to eat, then I’m taking you home.”

            “I don’t want to go home.”

            “I don’t give a .”

            He walked briskly into the building, now knowing that Jaejoong would probably follow him wherever he went anyway. They were seated in a quiet booth in the back upon his request.

            “Order whatever you want.” Yunho said. “Go crazy. I don’t care.”

            Jaejoong didn’t even open his menu. He simply sat quietly, red eyes staring at the table, redder lips tucked beneath his teeth as he remained silent.

            “You really can’t do anything by yourself, huh? Fine. I’ll order for you.” He waited until there was a waiter in sight before catching his attention and bringing him to the table. “What’s your biggest dessert?”

            “Umm…” The waiter gave him a confused look, quickly remembering his manners and smiling politely at him. “Our ice cream sundaes are pretty big.”

            “Yeah, get him one of those, will you? All the toppings you have. Oh, and a coffee. Actually, two.” Yunho said. He thanked the waiter and handed him their menus.

            For the first time ever, it was now him staring at Jaejoong as the boy averted his gaze to the table between them. He inspected his glaring red eyes, his cheeks that seemed even paler, perhaps from the cold he had spent however long in.

            “Look.” Yunho said, leaning back against the seat. “I’m not going to ask what the happened, because I don’t care. But you need to go home.”

            “I don’t want to.”

            Yunho sighed. The kid was like a broken record. A stubborn, unmovable, whining broken record he wanted to smash into pieces. “Alright, fine. Then I’ll just leave you here. I don’t care.”

            Yunho took Jaejoong’s silence as a sign of approval. Now he wouldn’t have to feel guilty for leaving him there. The boy had, in a sense, complied.

            The waiter came back with the requested dessert almost immediately, placing it on the table along with the much awaited coffees Yunho had ordered. Yunho thanked him quickly, blowing on the drink to cool it down as quickly as possible.

            “I don’t drink coffee.”

            “Just try it. You look like you need it.”

            Jaejoong held it in his hands and let the steam float up to his face, but didn’t actually drink it. The boy looked completely empty. He couldn’t even see a semblance stubbornness that Yunho couldn’t stand in his eyes. They were nothing but dark, vacant holes that gazed lifelessly at his hands.

            “I… hate adults.” Jaejoong said, finally speaking after a long period of silence.

            Yunho scoffed. “We’re not all that bad.” Though, to his credit, most of them were.

            “Every single adult I’ve ever met has hated me.” He whispered.

            “I’m sure that isn’t true.” Yunho said, voice laced with a mock sympathy. If they hated him, they certainly had good reason.

            “It is.” Jaejoong said. He took a sip of the drink, nose and face scrunching up from the bitterness. He put it down and pushed it away, opting instead for the large dessert in front of his face. He lifted the spoon to his mouth before putting it between his full lips, eyes relaxing at the sweet sensation he quite obviously much preferred.

            And the feeling that boiled in his stomach just wouldn’t go away.

            It was worse than the voice. The voice he could drown out, the voice he could ignore.

            But this feeling, whatever the hell it was, wasn’t silenced so easily.

            “I don’t hate you, you know.” Yunho said.

            That voice should have been screaming. It should have been shrieking in his ears, attacking his brain for saying the one thing he didn’t want to admit to himself, let alone to the boy.

            He didn’t hate Jaejoong. No matter how much he wanted to, no matter how much he tried to convince himself that he did, he just didn’t.

            It wasn’t the boy that he hated – it was the fact that he couldn't hate him at all. That burning feeling in his stomach was not hatred. He had told himself that it was countless times before, but it just wasn’t. He didn’t know what it was. It could have been sympathy, frustration, a combination of the two or something else entirely. He wasn’t sure. 

            But whatever it was, it was not hatred.

            “I don’t hate you, either.” Jaejoong whispered. Yunho laughed. This, he knew too well. “Will you tutor me again?” He asked timidly.

            “Fine. Whatever. Mr. Kim will be on my if I don’t anyway.” He grumbled.

            And Jaejoong smiled.

            That crooked smile that he had only seen perhaps one or two times before, that smile that was ever present in his mind.

            He didn’t hate it. He couldn’t hate it.

            But he really, truly, wished that he did.

            “So.” Yunho said as Jaejoong put his spoon down. “Will you go home?”

            Jaejoong bit his lip, but nodded slowly, dark hair and dangling earrings shaking as he did. His eyes were much clearer now, much brighter, back in the state of natural beauty that both amazed and confounded Yunho.

            “Let’s go.”

            Hatred was safe – it was what he wanted. Anything else was delving into danger, breaking their routine that seemed to be only thing that bound them together.  

            Change begets change. One brings another.

            And Yunho knew, without a doubt in his mind, that there was more was to come.

------------------------------------

A/N: Hiiii Envies! (It's my official fanclub name. lolllll)

I have had a really tough week and I don't know how good this chapter is. Regardless, here ya go. Chapter four. It's a bit longer because last week's was short. Weird things are happening. Also, now I want ice cream D: 

I really wish I could update this fic more than once a week :/ I know it's not terribly often, and I'm sorry for that. I really do love writing it and I wish I could update more often. But the 2min fic is eating up all my time right now. I would write more if I could! I swear! :'(

Here is my tumblr, and here is a new blog I've created called WTF Asianfanfics! It's run by me and my bff Entropy, and it's a collection of the worst lines we've ever seen from fanfiction on here. Go check it out if you're interested! :D 

Thank you guys so much for reading <3

Gelisi out!