17

the weight of the world

NCT’s Jaehyun’s drama, “The Dance of Our Lives”, tanks at 1.0% ratings

NCT’s Jaehyun spotted at several nightclubs across Seoul

Dating rumors between NCT’s Jaehyun and Blackpink’s Rosé back up

Jaehyun set his glass down on the clear, metallic counter. It was a Tuesday, one of the days that his usual haunt at the corner of Cheongdam would be empty and his glass wouldn’t be.

He stared into the glass, watching the ice cubes float limply in a shallow pool of brown liquid. In his younger days, he would have preferred a tame glass of wine, sitting by the window as Johnny explained the history of their bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. After Johnny moved out and Jungwoo announced his alcohol sabbatical, Jaehyun slowly found comfort in straight shots of whiskey in a place that wasn’t his home.

He would have called Seulgi, had he been able to face her. The entire week had been a media circus, with his popularity ratings plummeting by the minute. Between reports of his lack of skills and a series of salacious new rumors, the last thing he wanted was Seulgi to be caught in the middle. Even if they weren’t physically caught by the paparazzi, she still had an impending comeback, a dream, a life – better things to do. There was no need for her to waste her already limited sleeping hours playing psychiatrist with him.

“To her too, it doesn’t have to be you, right?”

you, Rosé. He tipped the remnants of his whiskey into his mouth, feeling it burn a line of fire down his throat. He waved the bartender over, signalling for a refill. One more glass wouldn’t hurt – Jungwoo was still going to give him a mouthful, anyway.

When she signed herself away to become an idol, Seulgi had already known things wouldn’t be normal. She knew life in the public eye meant that she would be chased around by cameras, forced to provide ridiculous levels of fanservice, and subjected to intense scrutiny from top to toe. What she didn’t expect was for her personal life to turn into a scene out of a soap drama.

Seulgi toyed with the ends of her ponytail, eyeing the pink-haired girl across her. They were bound to run into each other at some point. Everyone knew everyone in their industry, like there were little strings somehow connecting all their fingers. They used to bow out fleeting “hellos” in waiting rooms and music stages, because the nation’s top girl groups were always at the same places. During some breezy autumn in Osaka, Jisoo had been chattering nonstop to Seulgi about how Rosé was seeing someone from her company, how the whole affair was so dramatic that it was driving her insane, and how she “really am not supposed to tell but okay, it’s Jaehyun”, and at the time, Seulgi just nodded vacantly because she thought it wouldn’t amount to anything.  

“I didn’t know you went to this gym, Seulgi-unnie,” Rosé said, her lips curling into a picture-perfect smile. One look and someone would have thought she was shooting a commercial for Lululemon.

Seulgi smiled back politely – there wasn’t a reason not to. “Yeah, I started coming here about a month ago,” she replied. “Jisoo recommended it to me.”

“A month ago? Wow, it’s a wonder how we didn’t run into each other sooner!”

A wonder how we ran into each other not here, but at the club Jaehyun was at, Seulgi thought. “Small world,” she shrugged, still smiling.

“How are you and Jaehyun?” she asked casually – a little too casually, considering their history.

“We’re alright,” Seulgi nodded. “How you and Chanyeol-oppa?”

Rosé’s expression contracted, and Seulgi could tell that she had asked a wrong question. “Oh,” Rosé said, quickly recovering, “we broke up last week, actually.”

“Oh.” Seulgi bit her lip sheepishly. “Sorry to hear.”

“No, it’s okay! I’m completely over it!” Rosé waved a hand dismissively, like Seulgi hadn’t seen them all over each other at Gangneung weeks before. “Or at least, I’m trying to be. I knew what I was getting into, you know. You can’t really trust anyone in this industry!”

Seulgi knew she was joking, putting up a strong front. Yet, her words had certain gravity – all jokes aside, Seulgi knew Rosé probably meant it.

Seulgi stiffly laughed along, because there was really no other way to react to a girl making jokes about two people Seulgi was profoundly close to. “Well, I’m glad you’re alright,” Seulgi responded, taking on a diplomatic stance. “We should catch up next time, and bring Jisoo along.”

“We should!”

They gave each other an awkward, perfunctory hug, complete with guarded smiles. Seulgi bowed a few times and her heel, ready to get the out of there and cancel her gym membership, even if it would cost her a fortune and probably annoy Jisoo. She could make it up to her friend in other ways.

“Seulgi-unnie.” Seulgi stopped in her tracks, holding her breath. Rosé had paused, clearly hesitating to say what she had intended to. “About that night at the club–“

Oh god, oh god, oh god. Seulgi squeezed her eyes shut.

“–I just want you to know,” she said, drawing her breath, “that nothing happened between me and Jaehyun.”

Seulgi tilted her head. Neither Jaehyun nor Rosé needed to spell it out for her. “I know.”

“Well, that’s good,” Rosé continued, fiddling with her shirt. “I thought you might have assumed that Jaehyun– No, that we–“

“Still have feelings for each other?”

From her periphery, Seulgi could see the color drain from Rosé’s face. Her eyes were dark and solemn, like there was more to it than her unwittingly becoming involved in Jaehyun’s current media troubles, like there was some truth to Seulgi’s words, like it all wasn’t just “nothing”.

Seulgi inhaled slowly. She still had yet to turn around, and she probably wasn’t going to. “Am I in your way?”

“S-Seulgi-unnie,” Rosé spluttered. She took a second to steady herself, to find the right words. “It was a long time ago. We didn’t end well. You must know, in this industry, everything will come in the way. If it weren’t you, it’d be someone else. Trust me,” she emphasized, as though it would convince Seulgi, “it was nothing.”

Seulgi chortled. “And you said that we can’t trust anyone in this industry.”

She heaved a sigh and slung the towel over her shoulder, leaving Rosé rooted to her spot. She knew any further discussion just wouldn’t be worth it.

“Seulgi.”

Seulgi jolted in her seat, blinking and turning her head until her eyes met Jaehyun’s. Oh. She had been lost in her thoughts again.

His hands were on the steering wheel, tapping away at the song playing from the radio. It was a new one by a new group, probably the umpteenth one they had heard since they had gotten on the road. Being stuck in six o’clock traffic meant that they could appraise every song that was released in the year, perhaps twice, to the point that the even new music would’ve reminded them of themselves.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asked, taking a quick glimpse at her. “I’ve called you, like, five times.”

Seulgi reclined in her seat. Her head was throbbing. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “I’m just really tired.”

He took one of his hands off the wheel and placed it on her forehead. The warmth of his touch spread over her skin. “Yeah,” he said, patting her forehead, “you feel a bit warm. Should we just head back?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “We can’t. We’ve been pushing this back for a while, now.”

“You see my group members all the time, Seul.” Jaehyun glanced at Seulgi. “I’m sure they’d understand.”

“It’s fine,” Seulgi insisted.

The car in front of them moved an inch, cuing for them to follow. Jaehyun returned his hands to the steering wheel, guiding the car forward. He stifled a sigh. “You’re so stubborn,” he muttered under his breath. “It’s not even a big deal.”

Seulgi opened to argue, because it is, Jungwoo is still mad at you for what you did last time and we’ve pushed back on Taeyong for weeks now and this time he actually got all twenty-two of the others to show up just to meet us both so how irresponsible would we be to– She took a deep breath and closed . Some arguments weren’t worth it.

“What were you talking about just now?” Seulgi asked, staring ahead and attempting to divert the conversation. “Before I dozed off.”

“Oh,” he said, recalling the earlier topic, “I was just going to ask you if you know your comeback schedule for next month.”

She raised her eyebrows. “No, I don’t, why?”

Jaehyun inched the car forward again. They were two cars away from the red light. “I wanted to see when would be good to drop by. You know, bring some gifts for the staff and all.” Show you some support on your solo comeback.

Seulgi held her breath, letting the silence come between them. She knew he meant well. Over the past year, they had done some version of that for each other, with Seulgi buying lunch for the whole of NCT –using the Red Velvet name, of course– and Jaehyun sending her anonymous flowers in her fan mail. They were small gestures, but it was the best that the both of them could do for each other in the current climate.

“No, it’s alright, you don’t have to.”

“It’ll be fine,” he reassured, “I’ll just do it in a friend-capacity. I’ll bring Johnny and Wendy with me or something. Everyone knows we’re under the