When I picked up my phone to answer the phone call from an unknown number, the first thing I heard was her laughter. I didn't have to ask who was at the end of the line to know it is her voice. My dear Japanese Girlfriend. Then she clears her voice. And the next thing she said made my world spun. 

"do you think the stunt you pulled earlier is funny? Look out your window please."

I couldn't help but anticipate if she really did put effort on visiting me here, in Korea. But sadly, nobody was outside. She laughed again before hanging up the phone. Once again, my anxiety came back and I cried. The pain in my heart swells, as my insecurities kicked in.

So I tried making the pain go away, and reach out to my razor 

Usually, when it happens, I tried to distract the pain in my heart by creating another pain. and as if no one can calm myself down from the immense pain I'm feeling in my heart, I didn't hesitate to do the routine I have been so familiar with.

but God had other plans for me. as that night ends everything that I ever knew and slowly I bathe myself with the one I was familiar with.