Wendy didn't know how long she cried. The difficulty to see due to the sting and puffiness of her eyes resulted from crying. It had been a long time since she bawled her eyes out. When she was little, her dad would say something harsh and uncalled for and also physical to her, but never too extreme.

Locking her at the toilet when she was only kindergarten age. Seungwan never really remembered the exact age. The memory of it was vague but the feeling was real.

Seungwan only realized it was never okay to be physical with anyone when she was older.

She would be there to just watch her mother to be verbally abused by him, and then her mother would come to her as if none of that just happened. As Seungwan grew up, Seungwan realized more. Her father's family never approved her mother, stabbing her mother in the back. What made it worse was that her father didn't do anything about it. 

Even though her mum was the one who helped him to get back on his feet. She hated the helplessness of wanting to do something for her mother, but there was nothing she could do.

She used to cry herself to sleep in the bed, hiding herself in the blanket. 

That was what a child would do. It might appear to be weak, but at least they were honest to their own feeling.

The injustice Seungwan felt toward the world, her inability of protecting her mother from the world, her weakness of not standing up against the world. 

Seungwan didn't know how to process these emotions. As Seungwan grew up, she stopped crying. The powerlessness became something else. It became anger.

What made things worse was the realization of her uality.

Seungwan lost her way with her mum, the relationship with her mother was tough and rough. They fought all the time, Seungwan's mother would ask where Seungwan had been, Seungwan would shrug and lock herself in her room. 

The first woman she'd ever loved yet she kept hurting her.

Not until she found a proper way to express all these negative emotions.

Working out gave her the relief that she needed.

But now, it didn't help anymore.

No matter how fast Seungwan ran, how much sets she did, how many hours she practised the volleyball, her mind was always occupied.

Preoccupied by her, full of her.

Now, she'd done crying, finally being honest to her feeling, allowing herself to grieve. 

She was still there, in her mind, like the unrelenting plague that she could never kill, eating her alive.

The knock on her door caused her to jolt, yet had no intention to reply, wishing her lack of answer would cause the person to leave.

"Seungwan, I know you're awake." 

The authority in her mother's voice caused her to straighten her back up, her mum already invited herself in without the consent.

Wendy didn't go home right away last night, she went and wondered around with her car, wanting to clear her mind but to no appeal. She made sure it was almost midnight, resembling as the norm of her only going back when it was middle of the night. 

When she arrived at her house, all of the lamps were already closed, indicating the family was asleep. She tiptoed as she entered the house, her hand softly pushed the door to close, dragging her exhausted mind and body back to her bed.

Wanting to sleep it off.

She didn't know her mother was somehow awake at the moment, in the master bedroom. She went to toilet at the moment.

"Morning." Wendy ruffled her hair and letting out a big yawn as she said, she didn't even care her puffy eyes.

She could just blame the alcohol she took last night, anyway.

"Do you want to go for brunch?" Her mother suggested, as she settled herself on the bed.

Wendy nodded, removing her blanket from her, needed the distraction anyway, asking for the other particular picky princess's preference. "Sure, what does Yeri have in mind?"

"Dad and her already went out. I was thinking you and I have a brunch." Her mother smiled as she suggested, unusually brightful.

Wendy turned around and saw the smile on her mother, knowing there would be no "no" as her answer, finding herself nodding head.

"So, how was last night?" Her mum asked as she poked the toast she ordered, putting it into as she munched it.

"It was fun." Wendy shrugged as she sipped on her cold chocolate drink.

She screamed at two of her close friends, causing a scene in her senior's graduation party, totally ruined their night. Yay, super fun. 

"It seems to be, you came back on 2am." Her mum joined in the feast, as she glanced toward her daughter, starting to dig in her salad.

"You were up when I came back?" Wendy finally grabbed her burger. 

"Toilet. You know old people have small bladder."

"Mum, you're old, but not that old." Wendy chuckled at her mother's dramatic response. 

"How is Joohyun?" 

Supposedly, she should have no problem whenever people around her stupidly mentioned the name in front of her. Whatever so, her mind would still go short-circuited, her body would freeze for a moment, stopped munching the burger. 

Good thing was she didn't choke.

She put down her burger, using the tissue to wipe the sauce from her lips, speaking up as she recovered in seconds.

The thing about lying is you master it, your mind will help to fill the words without much difficulty. The lies just flow.

"She is fine."

Except the fact of Wendy flipped on her, she also looked slightly out of herself and broken. And ignored that grey murk covering the beautiful hazel orbs Wendy once, nope, still loved. So, yeah, she was absolutely fine.

"Then, how are you?"

There was this question again. 

The thing about pretending is you get used to it. Your mind lies to you that you are okay, everything is fine. And, you believe it.

"What about me?"

Maybe, the really reason of Wendy kept on deflecting it was that Seungwan had been leaving clues or hints for someone, wanted them to notice, to point it out to Wendy.

So, Wendy could be honest to herself, honest to Seungwan.

"Did you two break up?" Her mother put down her cutlery, her eyes fixing on her stubborn daughter.

And, as expected, her mother saw her through. 

And, Wendy choked.

Too many questions in Wendy's head, were they not careful enough or they were too in love to be oblivious of people around them, probably the latter. Wendy was still thinking of the appropriate response, to grab this golden chance, admitting her uality yet outing at the same time.

Letting it slipped, denying the complicated backstory of their relationship, which probably led to more lie.

Her hand quickly reacted to the tissue given ny her mother, using it to wipe as she coughed.

"..How did you know?" Wendy chose being honest to her psychic mother.

"You never brought her up anymore. You didn't text her at all."

Wendy's mind failed to find any words, stayed put as her eyes no longer in the socket, too shocked till it already bulged out, her sight forever lost on her mum's thorough observation.

"And, do you seriously think I wouldn't figure it out? You despise skirts when you're little, wouldn't even wear in special occasion, won't even let your hair grow longer than your shoulder. And the chemistry between you two? You were inside me for 9 months and came out from my ."

"Who would know I would live and hear my mother blurting out in front of me."

The mother hit her stubborn daughter.

"Ahh, mum, it hurts. This is child abuse." Wendy pouted as she rubbed her arm.

"Son Seung Wan, don't change the subject." The mother rolled her eyes at her dramatic daughter, wouldn't let her daughter off the hook this time.

"Mum, can we not talk about her now?" Wendy sighed. 

"Why?" The worrying tone in the mother's words.

"Because whenever I think about her.." Wendy threw her hand up as she spoke. The tears brimmed as she crossed her mind, she pointed her eyes to her mother. "I'll become like this."

Her mother could only relent, nodding her head in understanding, speaking up nevertheless.

The mother and daughter ate in silence, and then Wendy asked the question she had been wondering since she was young.

"Mum." 

The mother hummed at the calling, her eyes glancing up. 

"Do you hate him?" 

They didn't have to specify the name, anyway.

"No, because without him, I wouldn't have you." Her mother answered without a beat, her hand reaching out to pat her daughter. 

"You're the best gift that he ever gave to me."

Wendy swore her mother was dedicated to make her break down in the public. She blinked her tears away, quickly choking the chocolate drink down, brought herself to nod.

Her mother smiled as watching the emotion flashed through her fearless, confident daughter, speaking up.

"The only thing I regret.."

The very word caused Wendy to whip her head around, paying close attention to what her mother had to say. It was a custom between the mother and daughter. Her mother always confided her struggle to her. 

"was that I told you all these in such a young age."