Eight days before.

                       A girl. Kim Sung Gyu had found a girl. For some reason, Sung Gyu and a girl he liked couldn’t possibly be put on the same page. He was a sweet guy, Sung Gyu was; but i always felt he wouldn’t make such a great boyfriend. He was so unromantic; he liked to play his games the most, or watch people playing video games on the TV or work or just nap at home when he was not working. And most importantly, there’d never been a girl that he’d ever been committed to. He’d had a few odd girlfriends then and there; sometimes a student, sometimes a batchmate in his Phd course.

The first actual relationship that he ever committed to was with his Teaching Assistant soon after he got placed probationary at Kyunghee University. I could still recall him telling me; he had dated her out of pity, he’d dated her just because she liked him and she looked like she needed someone to rely on. As it happened, her parents had both passed in a car crash just around that same time. I felt ridiculously sad for her; and as it was around the time that Woohyun and I had started dating ourselves, I felt this outrageous sense of pride towards Sung Gyu as well, for taking over the responsibility of a broken girl. Things were going good for them, I guess. He was doing quite well as a boyfriend, something he generally failed in amongst lots of other things.

But then, somewhere into that time, while Sung Gyu was out drinking with his work friends, his mother had walked into his flat to do some laundry and cleaning up, only to find his girlfriend lying across his bed with nothing on but a silk scarf covering the crucial bits. I hadn't heard of her since then. But I knew for a fact that things hadn’t eneded exactly very prettily for them. The story had since remained my favourite to him with; his ears would run crimson and fists chalk white even at the mention of her. She wasn’t a particularly painful memory for him. Just someone that he felt increasingly embarrassed about. That’s the thing. Sung Gyu never did love; he wasn’t that kind of a person. He had girlfriends when he felt like he should, and that’s as far as it went.

So that was what Sung gyu and his girls were like, despite being able to give brilliant relationship advice. I suppose he was that one friend who was good with his advices but had been single for as long as we’d known. He just knew all the right things that he needed to tell me. But romantic life for Kim Sung Gyu had always been quite a mess.

“Hmm” I contemplated his question; an ocean of emotions swarming my mind. There were feelings that I couldn’t quite put a name on, and it felt strange; how on earth was Sung Gyu about to ask out a girl?

And what girl? What girl that I did not know?

“Wait” I said, arranging myself in the seat. “What is this? What girl? How am I getting to know this now?”

Sung Gyu shrugged, giving me an unreadable look by the corner of his eyes. “You’d see” He smiled, still gazing away from me, and strangely I caught a dreamy stance in his eyes. His smile was gentle, and cheeks were slowly turning from pink to crimson. I knew Sung Gyu more than enough to read every single action that he made, and god, this was not good. I could see him clearly than anything else. There was a girl; there was. And perhaps, he was in love.

Sung Gyu was in love.

The truth was, I never considered myself as particularly possessive. I’d always been a free spirit; nothing in my life had ever held me down. But at that moment, I felt an odd sense of anger and frustration at a girl that I didn’t even know. I felt betrayed, honestly. I had always been fine with him dating; I’ve supported a lot of them even while knowing that they probably wouldn’t last. This now, it was all rather different. For one, I was no longer acquainted; and if he were to take off with a girlfriend, I wouldn’t see enough of him; whoever she was would take him away, and I’d bloody well lose myself.

For a second...well, I just couldn’t pinpoint what the second reason was. Perhaps I was just afraid of being left alone. Perhaps I was just paranoid, in spite of knowing that he would never leave me. But this was different. I had always been the one that he relied on, found solace in. But what if it all changed now? What if this girl took my place and he wouldn’t need me anymore?

Okay. I’m well aware that perhaps I might have done the same to him the past three years. I had tried to rely on Woohyun, I had him for the most part of the past three years of my life. But I swear to god I still had Sung Gyu the bigger part of me. He was still my constant, my comfort, the one I trusted over myself, the one I relied on, and that never changed. It never mattered who came to my life, I didn’t let anyone come between what Sung gyu and I had maintained for all these years. I am pretty sure that he wouldn’t either. And to not support him with this, trying to have him for myself was just a selfish thing to do. But I was scared. That’s what it was. I was scared. What if I lose him to someone? Like I said, I can go on living without Woohyun no longer existing in my life. But if Sung Gyu too, disappeared, that would perhaps be the end of me.

But no, I was his best friend, and he searched for support in me. He turned to me at this moment when he had fallen in love because he knew and trusted that I would help him no matter what; and that was damn well what I was going to do. Support him unwaveringly and hold on to him as long as I could.

“So this girl” I started, leaning in towards him. “What is she like?”

Sung Gyu looked at me for a moment, the dreamy stance still in his eyes, but he was not smiling, like he was seeing me for the first time. “You will know” He sighed and looked away.

“Eh” I hit him on his arm. “You’re giving me nothing to go by”

He shrugged again, his hands clutching each other. In the back I could hear them checking the sound and the mics. At he end of the ceremony, to conclude everything, Sung Gyu’s sister and her husband would be sitting and listening to all the boring old talks. Sung gyu was probably going to give a talk too, and I was probably going to watch him, giggling uncontrollably and Sung Gyu would see me across the hall. The worst that could happen was that he’d stifle himself for a moment, but then he’d just burst out laughing; like we were a pair of connected chain reactions.

“Okay” I sighed, sensing that his time to get back to everything was soon approaching. He wouldn’t leave me. The thought was so strongly imprinted in my mind. It was going to be just another girl, and I would still be his best friend. It was all good. But I was still afraid to even look around the hall to see who it was, the girl who had finally caught his eyes.

“You can just...I don’t know, try giving her a piece of cake and a message. She’d like it” I told him. He looked at me at this point, and although my heart broke a little inside, I just giggled. “Well, you’d see if she is single because lonely girls go to weddings for the cake!”

Sung Gyu seemed to brighten up by this, and he laughed. “A message and cake” He said, urgency in his voice, as if he was trying to imprint that thought into his mind.

“Yes!” I nodded, painfully aware of the way the words strained in my throat. “Works every time!”

“Sung Gyu!” A voice called from behind us, and we both turned around to see one of his cousins beckoning him towards them. It was time for the end ceremony and Sung Gyu’s speech, I guess. Although there was a massive white piano being pushed up onto the stage for some unknown reason.

“Coming!” he called back and turned to face me. “Okay so a message and a cake” He repeated.

“Message and a cake” I retaliated myself. I couldn’t say I felt exactly great at that moment. There was a lump forming in my throat that I couldn’t possibly swallow, and every time I caught that strange shine in his eyes, my heart constricted. It looked like a sure sign of him soon fading away.

“Okay got it, and thanks!” he climbed up on his feet. “And guess we got to go Saera, its starting”

I nodded stiffly, feeling like a part of me was about to die. I climbed up on my feet myself. I wobbled a little, my feet quite stiff after having remained seated for too long. Across the hall, I could see Woohyun, his hands wrapped around Yoonmi’s shoulder, just like he used to hold me, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. For a moment, my world started to spin. Everything that I had lost, everything that I was about to...

“Saera, are you okay?” Sung Gyu asked me, and when I looked at him, I felt my heart burst open. Soon he would be going away too, wrapping his arms around a mysterious girl and kissing into her hair, breathing in her expensive fruity shampoo’s scent and feel her glossy skin with his lips. I felt an outrageous wave of sadness coursing through me. I could have cried. But then, I had to be stronger than that.

“Of course!” I replied, trying to brighten up, and the hand he had laid on my arm to straighten me soon retreated. He peered at me, as if to make sure, and I smiled, stepping towards him.

“Right, yes, we should go”

“Right after you, lady” Sung Gyu replied mock-politely, gesturing at the way before him. I walked on, painfully aware of his presence behind me and counting away the last few minutes during which that I had Sung Gyu for myself.

The Piano was for him. I should have known, honestly. I should have known he was just about to sweep everyone off their feet.

Another thing about Sung Gyu which, perhaps, had everyone falling for him was his beautiful musical capabilities. Sung Gyu was what you’d call an entire package. He could sing, he could play, he could drag the entire audience to himself, become the centre of attention so effortlessly and deliver all his innermost emotions in a way that would have the entire audience transfixed to him. He could take everyone away to a different universe, Sun Gyu could. And today, at this very moment, that’s what I was afraid of the most. I felt incredibly vulnerable right now, like a pod about to burst. One prick on my skin, I would wither; and I knew all too well what effect Sung Gyu would have on me.

Let me be honest here. There had been a time, when I was all too young to do anything about it, that I used to be in love with him. I must have been around sixteen at that time, and Sung Gyu two years older. We went to the same school, Sung Gyu and I. I had just begun high school and he was in his final year. He used to have this silly little high school band. That was where his musical career started. Despite being extremely bright in just about every subject at school, he had this massive dream of pursuing music, and nobody stopped him; it was his best suite. So just like I said, he started a band. They called it Oasis, didn’t even know what on earth that meant, and he was the main vocalist. I initially thought it was going to be one of those rock bands with boys screaming on to top of their lungs until their voices broke. I was rather reluctant to see them perform even after he invited me million times. After much of his persuasions, after he promised to take me to this new restaurant that opened recently (He used to lure me with food, and I liked to get lured with food as well, like an animal) I agreed. They usually performed in the school auditorium after school; they had that privilege as they pretended to be the school music club and all the five boys in the band used perform very well in every other subject at school. And of course, the girls were crazy about them; so, it was all good. I went to the school auditorium that day, Sung Gyu made me sit in the very front row, right in front of him so that he could make faces at me and embarrass me from the very moment he started, then I waited quietly watching him taking place behind the mic.

Sung Gyu sang Jason Mraz’s “I won’t give up”, his eyes bearing deep into mine, his voice going right into my heart, hiding in a corner to never return. He was so beautiful at that moment; his fingers on the guitar strings, the silver ring glimmering in the afternoon sun, his eyes closed, opening only to look right into mine. I didn’t know what he was trying to tell me, and frankly I couldn’t remember. All I know was that something shifted inside me, something broke; sparks burst out in the back of my eyes, and suddenly I was not seeing him as my best friend anymore. I was in love.

Things had changed since then. He never knew what happened that day and I had kept it deep in my heart for so long; the only secret that I had never let out on him. But every time that I’d see him singing before me, something just snapped, just like it did that day so many years ago. I would soon be transported back to that moment; when all felt so different, beautiful and real. No words existed to explain how painful that felt; to know that you loved someone so deeply to the point you were afraid to acknowledge it lest you lost them.

That’s what it was, really. Perhaps I loved him. Perhaps I loved him too much that even the thought of losing him would kill me. And so, I remained in my comfort zone, being the best friends that we’ve always been and the pain that love had brought me eternally hidden deep within my heart.

But that, of course, would resurface every time I’d hear him sing, and nothing would matter anymore.

That day, sitting behind the immaculate grand piano, a gentle blue light falling upon him, Sung Gyu was beautiful as he sang away. His words, his voice was transporting me years back into a forgotten past. It was Ed Sheeran’s ‘Perfect’, a song so hauntingly befitting to the moment that we were in, as if he’d known already what turns this moment would bring. I sat in the front, right alongside his parents and mine, who had known each other their entire lives, what had brought Sung Gyu into my life. To where I sat, I could see him so clearly; every emotion he inflicted, every thought that his voice carried. I could see his slender fingers moving along the keys, a slow gentle dance, so impeccable and precise. And most importantly, I could see his eyes; mostly closed, his long lashes resting on the apples of his cheeks. But just like he’d done so many years ago in that over crowded school auditorium, a guitar in his arms. Every time he opened his eyes, they’d quietly bear into mine; as if he was trying to communicate a message, so quiet and so precious, that I was afraid to grasp. I didn’t realise it in the beginning, I guess. Sung Gyu had always been there as strong and constant as the stars. He was a part of me, connected in a manner that I couldn’t tell apart what was platonic and love. Tonight, however, things had most definitely started to shift in time; I was seeing possibilities as definite and precise than they had ever been, and it was painful; because just as I was realising it, I was already losing my grip. A girl had already stolen his heart; a girl that wasn’t me.

My vision had blurred, as if I was seeing Sung Gyu as he sang from under water. It was only then that I realised it; there was a fine sheen of tears in my eyes. How badly I was going to miss him? He would be there, he would always be there. But I had changed, my feelings had changed, and as I gazed at him and hoped if everything could turn around; our present, past and future would slowly begin to fade away. I was probably being too emotional, perhaps. I was just healing from a bad break up after all. But then I’d think of Yoonmi’s words, the way Woohyun had looked at me, how I’d become insignificant in his life and how Yoonmi had perceived things in a manner that I had never imagined. I thought of Sung Gyu, the way his face reddened and the look in his eyes changed at the thought of her. Who is she anyway?

With a pang, I came to a sudden realization. As much as I’d be happy for Sung Gyu finally finding the one, I wasn’t ready to share him with anyone. I knew that it was a selfish thing to wish for, but Sung Gyu was mine; he had always been from the very beginning, and some mysterious girl that I had never known couldn’t suddenly come into my life and take him away. I would go into any length to keep him for myself. It was cruel, it was wrong. But I wanted him. I regretted that I realised too late. But I wanted him, to be mine and for myself to be his; whatever we had going on to be different, to be stronger. I wanted us to be in love.

It took me a split of a second to realise that the song was slowly coming to the end. I was hypnotised the entire time; completely engrossed in the world that his voice seemed to create. That’s the kind of effect that his music had on anyone. The hall was quiet the whole time, except for the piano and his voice, as if the entire congregation had fallen into a trance. I bet they were falling in love with him as well, I bet the girl that he liked was having dreams about him somewhere deep in her heart. I was watching him, I was still watching him, noticing the way the blue and white light fell on the grand piano and his slightly golden skin. His hair had ripples of colours, eyes shining like clusters of stars. When he looked at me, a disarming smile donning his lips, a rush of heat coursed right through me. I knew it probably didn’t mean anything. He smiled at me the way he did every single day, and I had never felt the way I did right now, never realised just how beautiful that made him appear, I never realised that he could make me feel this way.

I climbed up on my feet. He looked baffled, even as the song came to an end. He pressed and carried out the final keys of the song, but the entire time, he had his eyes on me. But I couldn’t bear it any longer. I felt like he was seeing right through me, seeing everything that I felt, raw and unfamiliar, and it scared me. I didn’t want him to see, know and realise, as much as I wanted him to love me. I didn’t want him to change his mind. I thought of Woohyun, the love that faded away.

No, I couldn’t allow the things to change. They must go on as how they always have. Sung Gyu must confess to the girl who now had his heart and I...I shouldn’t let the sight of us disappear.

And that’s why I left the hall at that moment. I couldn’t bring myself to face him yet. In a while, maybe; but not while these feelings were so fresh and raw like a wound. I felt so many eyes on me as I passed by, the cheers of the crowd as Sung Gyu climbed off the patio blurred around me. My world was spinning, even as I exited the hall and came to the vast hallway. And then I walked on endlessly, passing unsuspecting patrons, couples’ hand in hand. Finally, I walked into the ladies’ washroom and hid myself inside a cubicle, my hands pressed to my face, trembling, as I pushed the door close behind me.

Thank god that I wore waterproof make up otherwise I would have been an absolute mess. I wasn’t sure how long I was there; perhaps not too long, but long enough to find my composure again. As I hid from the world, I considered all the possibilities. I could swear my life had come to a standstill at that point, so many crossroads on the path before me and the choice I made would decide everything.

In the end, I realised, it was all in the heat of the moment. Like I said, I was right after a terrible breakup and there would never be enough time to heal. Perhaps, I was searching for the next boat to jump into, to find love and solace in the next possible option I had, and that was him. I couldn’t possibly do that to Sung Gyu. I just couldn’t. Sung Gyu was not a second option. He had never been. And so, with the decision to never let anything change between us, I exited the ladies, traversed my way across the vast hallway and back into the wedding reception. Nothing much had changed since I left, and neither should I. I would apologise to Sung Gyu for suddenly leaving. I could tell that I was unexpectedly emotional, he would understand. It was Kim Sung Gyu. He would understand me any day.

When I returned to the table, however, I couldn’t find him there. I looked around myself in an attempt to locate him. It was the end of the ceremony and people have already started to disperse. Perhaps he was out there, greeting the guests who had begun to leave.

Slightly dejected, I fell back into my chair. Whatever that I had to tell him had to wait. He might have even gone to meet that girl of his; which was fine as well, really. I was in no place to intervene and... after all, I wanted him to be happy.

While I waited, I picked up my phone and distractedly scrolled through. Not a single message, of course. Not a single bit of communication, my life so empty and dull as it had always been. I wondered if I was going to be one of those people, who lived alone and died single and people only found out that they had died when they smelled rotten human across the hallway. A disturbing mental image really. I was quite sure that was not going to happen but the thought itself was painful for me.

A few minutes later then, a waiter approached me, a massive slice of almond and rose cake on a plate and he quietly placed it on the table before me.

I looked at him, confused. Everyone has started leaving now, and nobody else was seemingly getting any cake. What on earth-?

I turned to the waiter. “Excuse me but I didn’t-,”

Before I could even word out my question, the waiter ignored me and slowly placed a folded lavender card on the table beside the cake. For a moment, my heart stopped, time slowly vanishing along with everything and everyone around me. I looked up at the waiter who just smiled with a nod and went on his way. For the next few minutes, I just sat there, frozen. My own voice started to echo in my brain.

Try giving her a piece of cake and a message. She’d like it’

Try giving her a piece of cake and a message

A piece of cake and a message

That’s exactly what which lied on my table right now. A piece of almond and rose cake...and a message in a folded lavender card.

Oh my god.

With my hands trembling, my heart constricted, I reached for the card before me. It felt soft against my fingers, a slight emboss on it that I could feel on my skin. But I couldn’t dare open it, as if it would solidify everything that I had now imagined in my mind. It couldn’t be...? Possibly? It couldn’t be...?

I couldn’t read the letter just yet. I just didn’t have the heart to. I was afraid, as if everything that I had known and understood until then had made no sense at all. I dropped the message back onto the table like it scalded me and reached for the cake instead. Then I had a spoonful of frosting, the nutty sweetness overpowering the slight buzz in my brain. The rose induced in the cake was a little sour, which made it all the better. For that moment, nothing felt better. I had a mouthful of cake, and then another, and another. Then I looked around myself, searching for a pair of almond eyes looking into mine, the familiar beam that I could recognise from miles away. He wasn’t in sight. Of course, he wouldn’t be. He would never do something like this.

Maybe he was asking for a friend.

Frustrated, I reached for the card, ignoring the tremble in my hands. It was now or never. I had to open that card anyway. I picked it up, opened it slowly as I would a treasure, and there it was; the familiar mess of carbon and a few lines I could vaguely make out as letters. I wanted to laugh, but there was a thick knot forming inside my throat.

‘I hope I stole your heart instead of the show
Meet me outside by the fountain.

I’ll be waiting’

~SG~

My countdown timing is so wrong but please do bear with me, I'm just excited to share this story. I also don't know why that one line appears in blue. In editing mode it says its an anchor. WHat on earth is it if somebody care to explain?