It wasn’t easy to find her. In a single month, I flew to Paris and Los Angeles to track her traces but failed my attempts to meet her. When in Paris, I tried to find her at the office but I couldn’t find her, not even Ms. Sulli or the friendly receptionist I met for the first time I went there. It was unclear but I heard somebody accidentally said she was taking a leave to focus on her medication. What medication? I didn’t know. He wouldn’t tell me the details. I felt curious, half to death. From what I saw on her posts, she was still pretty much going everywhere. It could be also she posted the old pics, how would I know? I don’t know.

I met Krystal several days after the break-up night. Still, she begged for forgiveness that in the process hurting Jessica, she’s hurting me too with all the lies she caused us, our break-up. I didn’t want to blame her completely as I took half part in it. If only I could do better too… Krystal, however, couldn’t help me to locate where’s Jessica too as she’s as clueless as me.
 

“Jessica unnie never talked to me again. She's so angry with everything.” I remember her voice so weakly. “I told you, after the photo incident. Everything’s getting worse than ever. I guess she changed her phone number? Also, her relationship with mom and dad ruined too in the process. But I will try to get it from the people at the office.”
“Thank you, Krys…”
“I guess her old number is still with her. But maybe she’s just gonna ignore me. She basically pushed everyone away.”
“I guess so…”
“Maybe you have to call her using your number?”
“Maybe she blocked me already?”
“Maybe not?”

I tried. I called her old number for a million times, but the number was always inactive. Also, when Krystal managed to get her number from the office, but then her assistant, Ms. Sulli told her that Jessica has a private number she doesn’t even have it. The number Sulli shared was the one for business-related, and it was handled by her, not Jessica. She became an extremely secretive person these past years. Somehow, I could understand it… I tried to follow her Instagram through Zero's account. I even sent her a DM but I guess it didn’t go through. There must be a lot of messages sent by an anonymous to her inbox. It was tough, but for everything she’s been through, I will never give up on her. Never.

“Coffee?”
“Ah. Thank you.”
“Did she finally reply?”
“No.”

Ji Eun tapped my shoulder softly then leaned her head-on. That early morning I accompanied her at the airport as she was about to leave to New York to do some photoshoots. We remain friends. It wasn’t easy at first for me, cause I still felt that guilty feeling in me, but Ji Eun is so mature. I didn’t have to work hard on it as she helped me a lot on it. I felt sorry that I couldn’t love her as much as I love Jessica, but my focus was on Jessica, only to her.

“Hanteo oppa said he tried to arrange an early meeting with her, but Jessica is so busy. The fastest would take around March or April. That makes sense, since the TV show will start the prep on mid-year, so…”
“That’s more than enough. Jieun-ah… You really don’t have to do it.”
“Why can’t I? You’re my friend. A close one.”
“Thank you… I can’t thank you enough.”
“Don’t be so melodramatic like this.”
“Huh? Am I?”
“A stone head like you won’t admit it.”


We shared laughter. Maybe she’s right. I took everything a bit more melodramatic than I had to. I guess I still keep doing what I should do while looking away to finally find her. I still have the job to do, the one that I like the most. I was sure Jessica was working so hard too there, while locking herself down. I smiled, waving a goodbye to Ji Eun as she had to enter the boarding gate soon. Before leaving, I gave her a warm hug, and once again, thanked her for all the things she’s done for me. I knew she hurt too, but I had to admit, after everything that happened in a blink of eyes, keeping Ji Eun would only give us a bad ending. I’m more than happy we’re mature enough to handle this and remind as friends.
 

Three weeks passed since that. Also, it marked it’s been three weeks from the last time she posted something on her social media account. I felt like losing her at all. I woke up earlier that morning, around 6 AM, and checked my phone all over again. Still, no reply from her,