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"Taeyeon-ah... Let's be close again, since I moved back to Seoul for good."


I spilled out everything to Yoona. I was quite grateful for her presence which suddenly came back into my life. Yoona accepted me as is, no judgment at all, where I really feel relieved as I had to share my melancholy story at this time. After the situation subsided enough, she could make me smile a little that chuckled in response to her light joke. I'm really lucky to have her at that moment.

"So, what are you gonna do next?"
"I don't know..."
"Maybe she has a reason, Taeng."
"Everybody has," I replied coldly. "All she has to do is just telling me the truth, even if it will hurt me."
"Maybe she just doesn't want to hurt you."
"She hurts me by lying about things."
"That's the part where she did it wrong, I guess..."
"Yeah..."
"But at least, I hope you hear to her reasons, but only when you're ready. And..." She looked at the Han River in front of us. We sat side by side on the bench and enjoyed our simple meal for lunch there. "Always be ready to let go of things, even if you want it the most. Some things are might not stay long in our life, no matter how much we want them to stay with us."


I chuckled a little, reminiscing things happened in the past.
"Now are you talking about me or Seunggi oppa?"
"YAHHHHH... Why should you drag his name?" She hit my shoulder.
"I still remember how you feel brokenhearted because of him leaving to enter a university in Australia." I laughed a little.
"Those old days... Huh! I was so lucky to have you by my side."
"Your face is turning red."
"It's not. Yahhhhh!"


We laughed together. The burden on my shoulders felt a bit lighter by that time.
"How about you? About the one you really liked back then. You never told me who."
"Do you still remember? I lied. You pushed me cause you thought I liked somebody."
"I KNOW YOU DID."
"Well yeah I did..."
"Who is that? Not Byun Baekhyun right? Or Jiyong oppa?"
"Aniyo..."
"Then who?"

A soft silence between us. There were those days I considered to finally confess the feeling I had for her years ago. It was funny. Too funny sometimes on how God plays with us like that. I smiled at myself, tried to feel the beat. I had nothing left for Yoona as a lover. I respect those days I spent to adore and love her as a good friend, since now my heart totally belongs to Jessica. Suddenly, the pain inside tried to breakout.

"Ah... That's okay if you want to keep it as secret." She tapped my shoulder.
"It's you. I really liked you at that time. It was so hard to confess." I looked at her. "I just didn't want to lose you as my friend."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah..."
"So I'm the first girl you ever liked?"
"I guess so."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"What for?" I smiled. "I just so comfortable being your friend. I won't ruin it."
"Thank you for being with me, Taeng..." She chuckled. "I feel honored."
"That was zillion years ago, Ms. Im Yoona." We laughed. My heart felt warm.
"I always tell all of my friends if only you were a guy, I'd totally date you."
"Sounds good to me." I chuckled. "At least I know you ever put me into your consideration."

We laughed again once while finishing the leftover. The conversation felt so light, I never thought it'd be that way. Yoona and I remain, friends, like we always are. She gave me a warm hug to support my fragile heart at the moment. My heart was still pretty much aching. It hurt so badly. I still didn't know what to do next, but I started to feel a warm inside my chest that created an empty space, a big space there, that I might lose the woman I love that day. I could do nothing, but enjoying the pain in me.


 

I 've spent almost the whole day with Yoona when around 11 PM I finally arrived at my apartment. I stepped into the building unsteadily. On the ground floor, precisely in the living room, I saw this woman in white, lying on the couch with her face resting on her right hand. She looked asleep with a tired face. I moved closer, still with the pain inside me.

"Jessica..." She woke up instantly and stared at me for a while. "Why are you here?"
"I was waiting for you. It's been hours."
"What for?"
"Where have you been?"
"I was with a friend."
"Why did you leave so s-"
"Let's talk upstairs?"


I asked her to follow me to my room. I'm a very private person. No matter how I felt at that time, I just didn't want to attract attention from people around me. I always keep everything, especially my relationship, private. I walked to my room without even looking at her. I felt a bit better since Yoona cheered me up but I was still clueless, damned clueless on what's the things that happened between both of us.

Arrived in my room, she started the conversation right after I dropped my bag on the ground.
"Why d