As always, I added links for visuals - focus on baby pics of JK, but I have no idea how old he was on them...I just needed to coo over baby Koo. Come coo at baby!Koo with me!!

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After long and careful consideration, the idea in 17 year old Jeon Jungkook's head became a fixed idea. May God protect you, dear reader, from a fixed idea. Rather wish upon a star for a speck in your eyes; rather beseech the moon elfs to bless you with bad internet connection for the rest of your life, but pray to all fairies with all your heart to be protected from a fixed idea. But if you think this advice to be too dramatic and decide to not take it, don’t act like you were not warned esteemed reader, for fixed ideas are what drive both strong and crazy people into action.

But alas, Jungkook hadn’t prayed hard enough and fixed was the idea of losing his ity before he turned 18.

Let’s not let the story get ahead of itself. So let’s begin from the beginning.

It all started on September 1st. On the morning of that special day, 19 years ago, all the ginkgo trees shone bright yellow with their leaves yet to be blown away by the wind. And Jeon Jungkook was born. He was a dear little thing: chubby and rosie as most newborn babies are. His eyes occupied half of his face and his hair was black, thick and lucious. A cute drooling miracle. Baby Jungkook had been an adorable little devil, what with his big crinkly eyes and his toothless smile that could melt hearts of adults away.

By the age of 4, Jungkook showed his true colors: he became a cuddly little terror, demanding snuggles from everyone in his family. Often times, the responsibility to provide him with the cuddles he needed rested upon his 3 years older brother, Junghyung. At the age of 6, Jungkook had perfected his manipulative techniques to get what he wanted when he wanted from whoever he wanted them from.

When Jungkook was almost 7 he pouted until his parents gave him an advancement on his allowance and once granted he ran off with his grandma (aka his partner in crime) to the nearest convenience store. Mama Jeon had already regretted their weak spot for the baby of the family thinking he would spend it all on ice cream, ruining his dinner later on. How surprised was she once Jungkook came back empty handed of both ice creams and money. He was scolded harshly for losing the money once they dropped Grandma Jeon at her house.

Some children want gifts for their birthday, but later that same year Jungkook did not ask for a single one. His soon to be 7 years old mind had demanded his parents gave him all the money they intended on spending on his birthday. Mama and Papa Jeon were appalled by how greedy their youngest had sounded, but ultimately they gave him the money when Grandma Jeon intervened.

Jungkook’s parents later found out that he had gone to the supermarket with his grandma and bought soap, washcloths, deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrushes, hand sanitizer and what his grandma told him was called "ladies things" and delivered them at a homeless shelter. They also found out that Jungkook had spent the little allowance money he was granted a couple weeks back on buying ice creams and water bottles for two police officers (one human, one dog) that he had seen melting away in the hot summer sun.

Hence, the main reason why Jungkook always got his way was that he never used his heathrobing powers for evil. He never really wanted anything for selfish reasons either, always going out of his way to lessen any discomfort others’ might feel.

That's not to say Jungkook was a perfect child. No child is perfect just as parents aren't. With the amount of energy he and Junghyung had, they got into plenty of mischief both alone and together. Like the time Jungkook bugged Junghyung for just long enough to have the elder holding the younger’s hands and spinning around in place. Freedom and joyful emotions rolled around the brothers' bodies, until Jungkook got nauseous and demanded to stop. Little did he know that Junghyung would take him literally on that request and just let go of his baby brother's hand.

Jungkook flew a couple of feet away and landed on his face, earning himself a scar on his cheek and a scolding session for both himself and his hyung by Mama Jeon because “Why in hell did you two think that was a good idea?”

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[2010]

And I'll keep wonderin' and wanderin'

And wanderin' and wonderin'

When will my life begin?

When will my Life Begin - Tangled

And thus Jungkook grew. He didn't grow in grace and beauty (pre-teen years are not gentle on anyone), but grew beloved by all who met him. He grew up naturally, as magnolia trees and cats grow. Cats may be less sly and magnolias are certainly less restless than Jungkook was in his childhood. His mind was always trying to find the next source of adrenaline. School was sort of boring and he was just a little bit better than the average student, not too bright on the Earth Sciences department, but particularly gifted at arts, languages (he excelled at speaking tests) and math.

Jungkook’s first real major life event happened at the waterpark during the summer before he turned 11. He befriended a 12 (about to turn 13) years old and extra hyper Hoseok (Jungkook had thought the hyper part was just a reflection of cotton candy sugar rush, but grew up to find out that it was just the essence of his soon to be best friend) and their friendship blossomed over a long forgotten necklace and Miss Britney Spears' songs.

They easily became friends.

They ate lunch together as many times as possible and soon enough Hoseok started coming over to Jungkook’s house after school almost every day to play games on the younger’s (overpriced) gaming computer and/or assorted game consoles, often times staying for dinner. Hoseok was always bubbly and upbeat and had a way of instantly pulling smiles out of everyone’s faces.

Until one day, Hoseok hadn’t wanted to eat lunch with Jungkook nor did he say anything about meeting up later on to play video games, keeping up a serious countenance that was so uncharacteristic to him when Jungkook walked up to talk to him.

“I’ve already eaten...with my other cooler and older friends” Hoseok said petulantly, but hesitated as if trying to come up with words as he went along “...and I’m too old to play Mario Kart with you”

Jungkook could feel the intent to hurt behind Hoseok’s words and he almost turned away never to talk to the elder again, but he saw the glimmer of tears on the older’s eyes. If Hoseok wasn’t going to fight for their bond, that was okay. Jungkook started taking taekwondo classes when he was 5, he could fight for their friendship on his own.

“Too bad then...Mama said she was making gejang for dinner today..." Jungkook’s voice insinuated just how good the food would be.

And Hoseok lowering his defenses, uttered a "That's my favorite..." without any of the coldness he had displayed before.

"I know.” Jungkook shrugged and turned as if to leave “She said I could pick desert, so I picked carrot cake with chocolate frosting"

"That's your favorite...it all sounds so good..." Jungkook wasn’t looking at Hoseok, but he could just hear the drool beginning to form on the other’s mouth.

"Right?” Jungkook was too young to know that he was applying reverse psychology to his friend “But I guess mama made all that food for nothing since you're not coming over..."

"I'm not...I mean…” Hoseok stuttered “I wasn't...but...d-do you still want me to?"

"Yes" Jungkook was assertive and forgiving as only a kid can be.

"Even if I was an assface to you not even ten minutes ago?"

Hoseok already sounded apologetic and that was enough for Jungkook at the time being. They headed to the Jeon’s house where they ate until they had to open up the buttons on their pants to let their bellies free of the confines of their suddenly too tight pants.

With carrot cake slices on their plates (extra chocolate sauce on top of it), knees touching while they sat on the ground in front of Flynn Rider getting hit on the face (yet again) with a frying pan playing on the TV, Hoseok started to open up.

“Hey. So...about earlier”

“Yeah?” Jungkook already knew that Hoseok need a little prodding in order to get serious stuff (like which Pixar movie is the best and why) out of him.

“I hadn’t eaten lunch with cooler friends” Hoseok confessed. “I hadn’t eaten lunch, period. And of all my cool friends, you’re the coolest Kookie.”

“I know I am” Jungkook was being cocky on purpose to break the tension in the air, which worked when Hoseok threw a pillow at his head but went in to hug a giggling Jungkook “But why didn’t you eat lunch, hyung? You know we could have shared mine”

“But then you wouldn’t have gotten enough for your growing body, Kookie” that elicited a roll of eyes from the younger

“You know mama always packs way too much, even for me. So, what’s really up? Why didn’t you eat lunch?”

“I lost the money mom gave me to each lunch this week on a stupid bet and I couldn’t ask her for more” Hoseok muttered almost only to himself, guilt evident on how pale he had turned and on the way he picked at his nails.

“What bet was it?”

“We had this class about reptilians…” Hoseok stiffened himself and cleared his throat before continuing “...and a couple of guys from my class made a bet about who could pet Jafaar the longest...and I thought it was an easy way to make some money, you know? I also thought they were talking about the lizard...but they were talking about the snake”

“Oh no, hyung! You hate snakes!” Jungkook gasped “But it’s kinda your fault...why the hell did you accept a bet to pet an animal named after a villain? Are you dumb? ...did you do it?”

“I tried” Hoseok shivered remembering his trauma “I could really have used the extra cash”

“Well, from now on, we should keep the bet and dares between us” Jungkook proposed extending his pinky towards Hoseok, who quickly agreed to the promise.

Thus was born KooBi’s Dare Day tradition. On the years to come they would come up with stupid dares, like the year they dared each other to spend 24 hours watching Disney Channel musicals in order of release. Or the year after that when they dared each other to spend the day talking in High School Musical and Camp Rock quotes - because those are the only musicals worth taking noticed (Teen Beach Movie and Descendants and no soul would convince them otherwise).

“But why couldn’t you just ask your mom to make you bentos?”

“She doesn’t have the time.” Hoseok miserably blew a raspberry “She’s working crazy hours again...I have barely seen her this week” he pouted, also miserably - which constricted young Jungkook’s heart (his weakness has always been seeing people suffering).

Hoseok proceeded to tell Jungkook about his mom’s job as a nurse at the emergencies only hospital. She had always worked hard, but she had been working extra hard since the year prior when Hoseok’s father walked out on them making her the sole provider for two children.

After that heart to heart, Hoseok officially became a part of Jungkook’s family with Mama Jeon packing lunch for both boys and both families going on picnics together on the rare instances Hoseok’s mom wasn’t working.

Jungkook and Hoseok were friends and after that they became best friends

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[2014]

And he showed me things

Many beautiful things,

That I hadn't thought to explore

I Know Things Now - Into the Woods

When Hoseok moved up to high school, leaving Jungkook behind in the land of middle schoolers, it had been tough. Nonetheless, Jungkook managed to survive with daily doses of playing Mario Kart after school, with the not so occasional sleep over due to Hoseok's mom crazy work hours and with their shared laughter.

The laughter never stopped in the two years it took Jungkook to catch up with Hoseok. There even were (at least) a few incidents when they would start laughing because of a specific reason, but would soon laugh at the laughter of one another till tears appeared in their eyes and they would think they would die due to lack of oxygen in their brains but ended up just peeing their pants from laughing so hard.

When Jungkook was 15 he finally reunited with Hoseok in the same school again, it was a bliss. Although, Jungkook’s first few months of high school were nothing like teen movies had promised him it would be. There were no blonde mean girls and the captain of the rugby team was actually just a really nice human being who was assigned to showing Jungkook’s freshmen class around the school. Minho was so motivated and passionate about rugby that he made Jungkook want to try out, which he eventually did, earning a spot in the varsity team (also breaking the record of being the youngest one in it).

The year rolled around like one expects freshmen years to go. New boys. New girls. Everywhere Jungkook looked there were new faces to admire, to crush on, to daydream about and stalk on social media. It was all super exciting until Jungkook got into the routine of everything and all his high school related fears (afraid of not finding his classes, of being late, of not making any friends, not having anyone to sit by at lunch) disappeared.

Jungkook made friends, joined clubs and was doing pretty good in his classes he just hadn’t had his first kiss yet and he was honestly not worried about it. It would happen when it would happen and either way, Jungkook was too busy to pay attention to girls. They were gorgeous beings that Jungkook admired, but he hadn’t felt the urge to kiss any of them like Hoseok had told him he would.

When spring break finally came that year, Jungkook was ready to spend it all by doing absolutely nothing, giving his tired muscles a rest. Which contradicted everything Hoseok stood for, thus why Jungkook’s phone rang.

“New mall downtown. At 3.” After 3 years of friendship, Hoseok didn’t bother with greetings anymore.

“Why are we meeting there again?” Jungkook grunted not getting up from his comfortable bed.

“To finally watch Guardians of the Galaxy” Hoseok happily provided “And it’s my treat”

“Fine.” It was not like Jungkook could find it in himself to refuse his friend’s invitation. It was rare for Hoseok to have spare money and they had been trying to go see that movie anyway. “Which room is it gonna be?”

“6. I got my ticket already. It’s on aisle K, number 14, so you gotta buy yours near mine and I’ll pay you back in free grease”

“Happy meal?”

“You know it, babe!” Hoseok laughed “I’ll even buy you a McFlurry”

Now Jungkook had a real reason to get up. And as he was young and foolish, he even dressed up in his good sweatpants, white t-shirt and denim jacket.

Jungkook trusted Hoseok with his life (and maybe that was his biggest mistake), thus he bought his ticket without checking anything. He just told the cashier he wanted a ticket (with student’s discount) for the movie being screened at 3pm on room number 6 and only realized something was amiss when he got inside the theater room.

It was supposed to be filled to the brim with Marvel fanatics (who already knew the story and the characters and would probably about all the inconsistencies in the movie compared to the HQs) but no. Instead, Jungkook came across a mostly empty room. He moved in search for his seat and found K14 missing one Jung Hoseok. Jungkook sat himself down on K13 and waited. Hoseok was always late.

The first thing which should have given him a hint that he got inside the wrong room was the fact that all trailers being shown were from indie international movies, but it would have been a lot easier if he just had checked the name of the movie in his ticket.

Jungkook was too immersed on the trailer of an animated chinese movie to pay attention to his surroundings. Which is why a person suddenly appearing by his side made him jump at least 10 feet into the air and spill all his (overpriced) popcorn. Luckily, Jungkook had a black belt in taekwondo and (at the very least) landed on a cool pose (ready to kick the boogeyman's face).

Surely, it had to be an evil entity to sneak up on him like that. Hoseok would have yelled his name as soon as he’d find himself inside the room (which would potentially lead to them being expelled from yet another cinema), so it couldn’t have been his best friend. But the voice that said “Hi, Jungkookie” was far too high pitched when compared to the boogeyman from The Nightmare before Christmas. Also Jungkook knew who that voice belonged to.

“Didn’t know you were into indie movies” Minho said.

Indie movies? Dang it! Jungkook finally checked his ticket and it didn’t have ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ written in it. It had ‘The Way He Looks’ instead. To tell or not to tell the truth?

“Oh, yeah…totally. I’m super down for...hm” Jungkook chose to keep the truth from being disclosed (wrong choice, he should have owned up to his pathetic existence) “…for Italian indie movies”

“It’s…. not Italian though” Minho chuckled. Jungkook flushed red hot (chilli pepper - the writer is sorry). Truth be told he noticed by the sonority of the first scene that it was some sort of Latin-based language, but if he knew which one that was.

Jungkook had no idea what this movie was about, but it centered on a blind high schooler struggling with coming of age recurrent themes: independence from controlling parents, first kisses, first loves and the like. Jungkook found him to be specially relatable.

Jungkook had never really spent that much time thinking about his first kiss, he was too busy with his extracurricular activities (rugby, dance and swimming teams, aside from his non-school related taekwondo classes) to think about that. But in the rare instances that he did, Jungkook saw it happening with a faceless human who would tower over him, whose biceps he would hold on to.

Keeping up with subtitles was a struggle, but it was paying off. Jungkook's whole attention was directed towards the movie. All was good for all. Until the transfer student kissed the protagonist, who went into panic mode and Jungkook soon followed.

Jungkook didn't know what to do, where to look nor even how to breathe anymore. He felt tingles running up and down his spine when he came to the conclusion that he wasn’t just watching an indie movie, it was a gay indie movie. That quick kiss between two (male!!!) fictional characters shifted something inside Jungkook and suddenly everything clicked. Suddenly he knew why he had never once felt like he wanted to be with girls and why his eyes were always drawn to his male colleagues. Suddenly he knew that when he noticed other boys physical appearances, it wasn’t just admiration of a well built body. It was desire.

Nervously and not knowing what to do with this sudden knowledge about himself, Jungkook looked to his left sure he would find Minho looking back in horror at him as if this revelation would be written (in neon, blinking and bold pink letter) all over Jungkook's forehead: Here lies a gay boy!

Minho unglued his eyes from the screen and turned to Jungkook as if he had sensed the younger’s eyes on him. He gave Jungkook a small smile and turned back to the screen. A couple minutes later and Minho played the oldest trick in the book. He yawned while stretching and put his arm around Jungkook's shoulders. A tense minute followed in which Jungkook was absolutely stunned, but when he felt Minho's hand starting to lift to leave his shoulders, the younger leaned in, giving his non-worded consent.

The movie was nearing its end and neither one of the boys had moved from their cuddling position (albeit it was uncomfortable for both, with the seat divider digging at Minho's ribs while the older's arm weighted on Jungkook's shoulders). Jungkook was rendered feeling insecure with the outcome of this unplanned date (could he call it that? He would call it that).

Chancing a glance at Minho, Jungkook noticed things he hadn’t noticed before. Like the freckles scattered on the side of Minho, who still had his eyes fixed on the big screen. Or the fact that his lips were thin like Jungkook’s own. Or how Minho’s permed hair look so fluffy it made Jungkook want to pull at it to check if the curls would bounce (that was a lie in case the reader was naïve enough to believe it. Jungkook had noticed all those things before). Looking back to the screen was both easy and an herculean effort for 15 year old Jeon Jungkook.

And then the second kiss between the protagonists happened. Jungkook wanted to watch it, but he also wanted to lose himself in conjectures of how it would feel like to be kissed on the back of an empty movie theater room. Jungkook was so lost in his wondering world he didn’t properly noticed he had turned his face towards Minho, he only noticed when he felt the older shifting and turning to him.

Minho leaned in for a very awkward tongue touch. Jungkook didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He knew he should close his eyes, but his insecurity about his nose got in the way (what if it got in the way and they physically didn’t manage to kiss?), resulting in him staring cross-eyed at Minho’s face. Jungkook just opened his mouth, kept his eyes wide open, and twirled his tongue around twice. The whole time Jungkook kept thinking “Holy crap, my tongue is in someone else's mouth”. It was great.

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Hello. I am Baymax, your personal healthcare companion [...] Other treatments include compassion and physical reassurance. You will be alright.

Big Hero 6

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Nineteen years old Namjoon was the definition of the angsty rebel with(out) a cause. His forever black outfits, the sunglasses he used to wear 24/7 (even inside!), the spiked studs on his ears and the combination of dreads and undercut (the lowest point of his hair career) could be seen nowadays as cringe worthy material (which in all fairness, they were). In all truth, that version of Namjoon might not have been to most pleasing one to look at, but it was because of this anger infused phase that he grew and evolved into the person he would soon turn out to be.

But hold your horses, dear reader. First we shall dig around Namjoon’s past before you get to appreciate the polished version of him.

The year was 2014, Namjoon had just turned 19 and he would be starting his glorious academic career at a well known university studying Marine Sciences. It was going to be a life changing moment. All that without his high school best friend Yoongi there.

It had been difficult when Yoongi decided to join the military first thing out of high school the year prior. They weren’t afraid of growing apart, they had been there for each other during the most weirdest times of their lives. Including Yoongi’s senior year and Namjoon’s junior one when they pretended to be boyfriends just to piss off their homophobic principal after said terrible human suggested the first out student, a lesbian from Yoongi’s class, that she should transfer and “find more suitable schools”.

Mr. Choi had to eat his words and apologize in front of the whole school once Namjoon (the most academic prized student) and Yoongi (the head and star of the basketball team) had stood up and said they were biuals dating one another and that if their colleague transferred, so would they. After that they had to pretend to be in a romantic relationship for the rest of the year, which didn’t stop them from hooking up with others by throwing the “we’re in an open relationship” excuse around (so edgy).

That kind of thing bonded them together forever.

Still it wasn’t easy knowing that Yoongi only joined the military because his parents weren’t supportive of his decision to go into the Music Production and Sound Engineering program in the same university Namjoon was now taking his undergrad studies. They thought that by forcing their son to enlist, Yoongi would forgo his dream and focus on “more practical and useful” careers.

Namjoon was sure no such thing would ever happen and he knew he would only have to spend another year without his best friend before Yoongi joined him in university so they would be able to share an apartment and Namjoon would no longer have to live in the dorms. When Namjoon thought about it, he technically would be a hyung to his hyung and the paradox of it all pleased him very much.

Joining the Speak Yourself Book Club was Namjoon’s way of putting himself out there and making new friends while staying cozy inside his comfort zone. His main reason to join it was that well-read people are less likely to be evil since wicked people never have time for reading (it’s one of the reasons for their wickedness).

This particular book club had the greatest concentration of edgy first years student who thought they were adults just because they were already in uni but conveniently forgot that 19 still ends in teen. They would choose only deep dark books or socially critical ones, like The Sorrows of Young Werther, 1984, Animal Farm, Great Expectations and Fight Club.

Namjoon had read those before, but it had been done like a child enjoying a story. Now he was reading them as a pretentious college student trying to sound more woke than he really was. Namjoon also had to pretend he didn’t read romantic poetry just for fun around his bookworm friends in order to look the part for his dark and mainly persona.

Too much Edgar Allan Poe and Kafka can do that to a person.

All was well until one day she joined the club. Kim Chungha emanated all the dominatrix vibes there were in the world with her dark long hair cascading down in loose curls. She was wearing over the knee velvety black boots, the tiniest of high waisted shorts, a cropped top and a flowered blazer. The weather had no business with her. At the end of that meeting, She batted her long fake eyelashes at Namjoon once and he knew he was done for.

“What are your thoughts on self-help books?” despite the height difference, Namjoon felt cornered by Chungha.

“I hate them more than anything in the world. They’re bull telling us to do this or that. But what do these authors know about us? About our hopes and dreams? About our hobbies? Only idiots read that” Namjoon answered (trying to impress).

“Right answer, big guy.” Chungha smirked “You passed.”

“Do I get a prize for it?” Namjoon was feeling like the smoothest person on Earth.

“What do you think about a quickie in the bathroom?”

Thus Namjoon and Chungha started dating.

Chungha could be summed up as a tough alpha who only respected strength and power. By proxy, dating her made Namjoon feel powerful. Plus the was great.

The only catch was that the emotional connection was lacking and Namjoon felt like he had to maintain this mainly man persona in front of her. They would watch movies like The Imitation Game and discuss the impact of prejudice on society, but Namjoon had to smuggle Big Hero 6 into his dorm room to watch it through Skype with Yoongi and later on get rid of any evidences of the movie (and of the fact that he had cried when Tadashi died).

Deep down Namjoon knew that he was embracing only a part of himself while denying the existence of other softer sides of himself. But the matter of fact is that Namjoon wasn’t sure who the real him was. He’s always done what other people expected of him... And the was great.

At the end of the academic year, Chungha was the one who ended up breaking with him. Namjoon couldn’t say he was heartbroken. In fact, he felt relieved. He felt like he had been acting on the longest play ever to be broadcasted and then suddenly the weight of his role had been lifted off his shoulders.

When Namjoon went to the train station to meet his long time no seen best friend, he had gotten rid of his dreads and dyed his hair for the first time ever. It only took 8 bleaching sessions but he achieved his silver dream of a mohawk. The eyeliner deities still held power over him, but he had started wearing simpler studs instead of the spiked ones (small blessings) and he found out there were other colors in this god forsaken planet aside black (granted, he moved to whites and grays but again: small blessings and baby steps).

“Man!” Yoongi exclaimed as he hugged Namjoon so tight maybe he’d broken some of the taller’s ribs.

“You sure came back quite a cuddler, meow meow” Namjoon provoked knowing well that would earn him at least a mean step on his feet. What he didn’t expect was for Yoongi to go fully Jackie Chan and put him on a headlock while holding his arm at an uncomfortable angle on his back.

“You better watch it, Namjoonie” Yoongi whispered sweetly “I learned how to break every single one of the 206 bones of the human body and about 156 different ways of killing a person”

“Geez! Let go” Maybe Namjoon was genuinely scared, but he wouldn’t admit to it. “I missed you, hyung”

The smiles shared between them (while Namjoon massaged his sore arm and neck) were soft.

“C’mon, Joon-ah!” Yoongi said as he threw his duffle bag over his shoulder and pointed for Namjoon to carry the heavier one “Let’s be gay and do crimes!”

“That is highly innacurate as we are both bisuals.”

Yoongi spared an unimpressed glance towards Namjoon and they walked out of the train station.

This chapter was brought to you by all the Disney songs and movies that are quoted in it.
If you are stuck and having problems moving the plot forward, fear not! Just move it backwards!

Hope you enjoyed this first part of the trip down NamKook's memory lane!
Also, yes. I am a firm supporter of the Lil Meow Meow agenda.
Also also, Baby Koo says you should drop some comments/kudos/bookmarks (I don't make the rules)!
Triple also, the part when Namjoon talks about self-help books are the (adapted) lyrics of the first part of Do You