♪ day6 - you were beautiful & vixx - the romance is over ♪

zero

today. she will leave. leave everything she has here and everything she’s made for herself here. time passed too fast. the last four days she spent with wheein, it would never be enough. the clock ticks, oh how she wishes time was passing backwards. back to the time when she first met wheein, when the small girl carrying a stack of books was late to her class and didn’t seem to care at all. it’s funny how she used to dislike wheein. she thought the younger was a rude, overconfident person, and maybe even a little spoiled. but wheein was none of those things. in fact, she was the exact opposite. she was kind, shy at heart and was just desperately trying to hold her life together. 

how much she has come to like wheein surprised herself. she’s never fallen this hard and fast for anyone before, not even byulyi. wheein was just that special. yongsun likes to think fate enjoys playing with her heart. two times she’s ever truly liked someone, both of them are vampire hunters. 

her bags are packed, ready for her to leave. all she has to do is take them and get on the train bound for another city, far away from seoul. it’s four in the morning, she walks silently to wheein’s apartment. she does not enter, nor does she knock. she leaves a bouquet of flowers on her doorstep. and she turns away. how easy it would be to walk into the apartment and give wheein a kiss on the forehead. and tell her how much she will miss her. but she doesn’t. instead, she lets her legs walk her back to her own apartment, swallowing back the bitter taste at the back of . she ignores the tears welling in her eyes, only letting herself cry when she’s in her room. she lets the tears slip silently down her face, wishing she was stronger than this. heartbreak has never been worse. 

wheein wakes up late, because the holidays are finally here. it’s maybe about one in the afternoon when she calls yongsun, wondering why she hasn’t come to wheein’s apartment yet. she usually came by every day. the lady in her phone with a robotic voice tells her yongsun’s phone isn’t available at the moment. maybe she’s busy, or sick, wheein thinks. 

it’s ten at night when wheein opens her door to go out since she needed to buy groceries. she’s spent the whole day worrying about yongsun, calling her every hour, flooding her phone with countless messages that don’t go through. what could’ve happened to her? wheein tries to convince herself that maybe yongsun is just very sick, or maybe she lost her phone. if i still can’t reach her by tomorrow, i’ll go to her apartment. 

wheein almost doesn’t see the bouquet of flowers on her doorstep. she looks at it in confusion, before bending down to pick it up. magnolias. she closes the door again, still confused. then she realises a folded piece of paper stuck into the side of the bouquet. what was all this? she unfolds the paper. one minute is all it takes to bring her to tears, to hear her heart shatter. another minute to reread it. 

because there, on the paper, in yongsun’s handwriting, was a goodbye letter. 

to my dearest wheeinie,

when you read this, i will be gone. i will be somewhere else, far away from seoul. and i will probably never return. i have no explanation for why i am leaving. i can’t tell you that, as much as i trust you. it is not my secret to tell. when you read this, i might be on the train bound for some place far away. i might be regretting this decision. i will be missing you.

i’m sorry that i had to leave you like this. i’m sorry for the empty promises i made to stay. i’m sorry for breaking you like this. i’m sorry. i’m sorry for everything. all the times i made you worry, when i made you frustrated or angry, i’m sorry. for disappointing you like this, i’m sorry. 

thank you for the times we spent together, good and bad. even though there were barely any bad times spent with you. thank you for being the light in my life for the past six months. thank you for bringing a world of sunshine and rainbows to me, even though i don’t deserve it. thank you for staying by my side, even though i don’t deserve you. thank you for making me happy, even if it was only for a short time. thank you for always being so sweet and gentle, for being so forgiving and innocent, for being so warm and welcoming. thank you for being an angel, my angel. one that heals me. thank you for being you, the you that i adore with the whole of my broken heart. for everything, i thank you, wheein. 

i will never forget what we had, every moment we spent together. from the first time i met you to the last time i saw you, i swear to you i will remember every single second of it. i will remember every word you said to me, every time you smiled at me, every time you laughed, every time we kissed. and i will keep these memories we shared together until i die. i will keep them as secrets for us to share only, even though we are hundreds of miles apart. i will keep them as dreams i will think back on, and they will make me better, just like you did. because when i think of all the memories i love the most, you’re in every single one of them. 

please don’t look for me. don’t bother with me. live on and be happier than you are now. forget me, if you can. if not, keep me in your heart silently and find someone else who will make you happier than me. find someone who will not disappoint you like i have, someone who will not leave you like i have. i assure you i will live well. and so should you. you are so young and full of youth and innocence, do not waste it on me, me who does not deserve your time and affection. 

and lastly, i hope you are always well and happy. i know you are strong. i know you will be better. 

remember when i asked you if you would be happy for me? from now onwards, i ask that of you. i ask for you to be happy. you made that promise to me, now it is time for you to keep it. 

and even though i know i’ve made many promises to you, ones that i never managed to fulfil. most of which i know i have broken by leaving. 

but now, i make one last promise to you. i promise you that i love you. and i always will, until the end of time. i’m sorry that i never got to tell you this in person, because i only realise it now when i am leaving. but i do. 

i love you, jung wheein. 

always. 

love, 

yongsun. 

she flips the letter over. 

goodbye, my sweet angel, my cute puppy, my world and my everything. i miss you and i love you forever. let’s meet in our next lives, wheein. 

she feels herself falling towards the ground, kneeling on the ground, with tears falling and heart-wrenching sobs. she feels herself breaking all over again, her life shattering. she feels the faint beating of her broken heart, and wishes it wasn’t beating at all. wishes yongsun wasn’t gone. 

how could she do this? how could she break her promise? how could she leave her here, a broken wreck? what about those times when she told her she would never leave? 

she lied. 

she said she wouldn’t leave, so how could she now? now, when wheein was just barely pieced back together? now, when wheein is broken all over again. she lied, she lied, she lied. all wheein can think about is how she lied, how they kissed, how they were happy, and how she was so beautiful every single moment wheein saw her. all wheein can think about is how they loved, and how everything is gone. 

she mended wheein’s soul, healed her heart. and now she’s ripped it to pieces again, left wheein here, on the floor with only the shattered pieces of her heart, her soul, and her life. her life that once used to have yongsun in it, her life that she was happy in. 

wheein doesn’t understand. she promised her. she loved her. she left her. 

the beautiful masterpiece they had once created with their memories is torn to shreds, gone together with yongsun. and wheein desperately wants to put it back, wants to repaint it like how they did before. but it will never be again. they will never be. maybe they were never meant to be, maybe they were. it doesn’t matter anymore, it doesn’t matter now, and it never will anymore. 

she had planned a whole holiday for the two of them, a surprise for yongsun. they were supposed to go to dinner together, to catch a movie together, to gaze at the stars together. she was going to tell her she loved her. she was going to kiss her under the stars, tell her how much she loved her, since the very beginning. and she was going to lay her head on yongsun’s shoulder like she always did, and let yongsun shower her in kisses and affection. she was going to be happy. 

and now she won’t. because it has finally dawned on her that she will never get to do any of these things again. she will never get to tell yongsun she loves her, never get to lay her head on yongsun’s shoulder again, never get to feel yongsun’s kisses that somehow always felt bittersweet, and now she understands why. she will never get to love yongsun, the way she deserved to be loved. 

how is she supposed to be happy like yongsun asked her to be, when her happiness and the only person she’s ever loved is gone? how is she supposed to find someone else who could make her happier than yongsun had, when the only person who’s ever made her happy is gone? how is she supposed to continue living like nothing has changed, when everything has changed in the blink of an eye? when her lover, her happiness and her everything is gone? 

together with yongsun, her happiness is torn away from her, her world is shattered, her everything is nothing. together with yongsun, she is gone as well. she will never be the same, because the little flame burning inside of her has finally extinguished after all these years of fighting. she is exhausted after all these years of holding the cracks in her life together. deep inside of her, she is gone, and she knows it. yongsun leaving had been the final blow to her chest, it had pierced right through her heart and left her lifeless, empty. 

she is more broken than she has ever been, yet she can’t find it in herself to hate yongsun. because the crazy thing about love is that no matter what, she still loves yongsun, she once loved yongsun, and she will always love yongsun. 

wheein curls in on herself, as if that would make the pain go away. the overwhelming pain she felt since she read the letter, which has now fluttered to the ground beside her. she cries, silently. she cries and cries until is hoarse and the tears stop coming. but even then, the pain doesn’t go away. even then, she still stays on the ground, and she doesn’t stop crying. the tears come back, her eyes are almost swollen shut and she’s a mess, but she doesn’t care. she doesn’t care about her red, bloodshot eyes, or her tear-stained face, or her sore throat. or even the fact that she’s lost her voice crying for god knows how long. she doesn’t care about anything else, except that she misses yongsun. she misses her so much. she doesn’t care that she’s been on the floor for hours, that her muscles are aching. she only knows one thing ; that she loves yongsun. she loves her so much, she will always love her so much. 

she can’t care enough to drag herself back to her bed, so she stays there on the floor, the piece of paper that had broken her beside her. she cries till she finally falls asleep, her heart thudding, barely beating, tears still streaming down her face even in her sleep. she lays there, a lonely and broken figure in the dim moonlight. she lays there, a worthless figure who wishes she could stop breathing, a beautiful broken angel who wishes her heart could stop beating. 

and anyone that saw her would think she was just broken, which she was. but she was not only broken ; she was in love. because that is what love does to you. it makes you smile. but it also makes you hurt. and that is what wheein does since yongsun leaves. she does nothing but hurt, feels nothing but pain. and that was the beauty of love. 

their love ruined them, and everything beautiful that they ever had together. 

fin.