There is something fascinating about how a man's head starts to feel dizzy, then everything becomes cloudy, and finally becomes completely dull from alcohol. It's a wonderful feeling when you're losing control over your brain and you have no power over anything. So it's not your responsibility anymore. So you can't blame yourself for anything you do at that time. Because you are irresponsible.

That's why I liked to drink alcohol. That's why I always did. That's why I escaped into this condition, where nothing was my fault. No one could point at me if I screwed something up, saying "You did this! That's your fault!” I never had to hear those words again or feel that miserable feeling. Because I was not in a position to make reasonable decisions.  I no longer knew that condition.

And I loved it.

I grinned into my glass and drink down the whiskey. It burned my throat, the strong smell overwhelmed me. The glass slipped out of my hand and knocked loudly on the glittering counter. The lights from the ceiling shined through the glass and painted interesting gold-colored patterns on the wood. I put my chin on my hands, watching the strange but nice patterns. It was much more interesting than the brawl behind my back.

"Eun-Soo, give me another glass!" I yelled, not even looking at the bartender girl I knew for a thousand years; no wonder, for over a year, I was a regular guest at Seoul's filthiest pub; but a sane man would never darken its door. This also proves exactly that I was not sane for a year. Not only I wasn't sane.... I haven't been sober for a year.

I mean... while I was sleeping the day through after a hangover I didn't drink a sip so we can call it soberness, can't we?

As long as I was stoned, at least I was not a howling saliva machine that was crying all night. My pride was gone, if I ever had it. Crying... it's a shame. Disgusting what has became of me. And because I was disgusted with myself, I didn't even want to know about myself. Alcohol was my sympathetic companion in self-loathing and supported my idea of ​​trying to be drunk for at least eighteen hours out of twenty-four.

"I think you've drunk enough today, Sungkyu," Eun-Soo's voice came from somewhere far away.

I grabbed my glass and lifted it, but my head wanted to fall, so I didn't raise it.

"Don't make me beg, Eun-Soo! Fill my glass full!"

Eun-Soo had this bad habit of looking after me. She wanted to decide when alcohol was enough and when I should have gone home. She was a pain in the neck. I didn't want her to care about me, and I especially didn't want her to indoctrinate me. Home... come on! I had no home for a year. I had only a hole where I went to throw out what I've drunk after a rough night, then fell asleep until I decided I'm too sober again for the real world.

Home… the memories of home made me drink until I get alcohol poisoning and my liver rots.

I had a home once too. There was someone who was waiting for me every night, and there was someone I could wait for. Who I went to bed with after a long day, who hugged me on cool nights and I buried my face into his neck and covered with kisses until we fell asleep, or just started to do something else… I also had a place that meant more than a single home. I had someone who was waking me up every morning, whispering, "Wake up, sunshine!" and kissed me until I gave myself to his lips. I also had someone who weakened me and for whom I would have done everything.

Then scerwed it.

"Bring that damn whiskey, Eun-Soo, until I ask you nicely!" I screamed, but my voice crashed three times and sounded as if I had swallowed sand. I was still not drunk enough if I could think of these s. I need booze, but right before I lose my mind.

"You better if you don't yell at her," said a quiet voice. It was so quiet that I almost didn't hear it, but just before the music stopped on the radio. Freaking slowly I turned to the boy who sat next to me, because the counter began to move up and down, and I felt as if the chair was throwing me right and left. My stomach started to talk back. It was hard, but I managed to focus on the guy who sat next to me.

"Sorry, Min-Kyu, but your chick is doing a bad job. It would be to…" - Hikk! "... give me what I ask."

"If you get alcohol poisoning, she will be held accountable. She's doing her job very well" the cold answer came.

"Well, when it comes to satisfying guests, she has still a lot to learn," I grinned in a daze, with eyes closed. If you knew how your chick kissed me when I was drunk ... It was like crap. It seemed like I would have been head-butted by a tree. I've been kissed better…

The next moment my head fell back and I fell from the chair. I toppled over onto the floor like a flour bag. But I didn't even have time to figure out what the hell had happened to me, and I already felt the hands grabbing my collar and pulling me up. At that moment, I realized that my nose had broken and something warm was on my face. This little slapped me. Damn it, have I said those things out loud?

"You son of a !" Min-Kyu hissed and hit me again. I realised only a few seconds later that my head hurt like hell. Another good side of booze: you only start to feel the pain seconds later. Min-Kyu beat me in vain with his fist, my head started to feel as though it was splitting only ten seconds later. Blood covered my face. When Min-Kyu sattled down  he grabbed me again and pushed me down to the ground like a cigarette , and I fell just like one.

I tried to lean on all fours, but my stomach was trying to get its content back into this world. I didn't dare to make a sudden move. I loved drinking, vomiting less.

"You shouldn't beat me," I grunted with a bloody mouth. I spewed the pulpy wet on the floor underneath me. "Your girl started. I didn't want anything from her."

I looked up at him, but I only saw a vague, swirling picture in front of me.

"You know very well that there is only one person for me. I wouldn't want to touch her, even if she had the last hole in this dirty bar."

I couldn't shut my mouth again.

I saw in the gloom as he moved and tried to grab my neck; I was ready for the blow. It can't be worse than that. Although, if they take me to a hospital, I may have to stay sober for a long time.

However, the blow was gone.

I blinked in a daze, trying to figure out what stopped Min-Kyu from hitting me, but only blurry spots danced in front of my eyes, and everything was spinning and spinning and spinning. I had to swallow big so I didn't vomit. I closed my eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, blinked a couple to clear my vision.

Of course he could not tear my head off when somebody snatched his throat and pushed him away from me as far as possible. The stranger was too well dressed to belong here. We all had ripped and dirty clothes, our face was pale and colorless, and we reeked of alcohol. But he… He wore black trousers in which he tucked his white shirt into, his sleeves were rolled up, his veins bulging slightly on his brownish skin, which made me need to swallow big. I almost my lips. I didn't see his face, but his hair… his hair was as black as night, and it was disheveled. His scent filled the pub, superseding the smell of alcohol and vomiting. His shirt clung to his muscular back, and his was so shapely in those trousers that it made my mouth water.

I didn't know I can be drunkenly. I didn't even know it's possible to get sober in a minute because of a single glance at a perfect . I was gaping at the guy with his back to me, who just rescued me from getting sober in a hospital with a thousands of scars on my body. He deserves a thanks for this.

"If you hit him again, I will break your fingers one by one and stick them up your !"

I froze how I was: half-seated, half-vomiting, with a mouth open. I couldn't swallow, I couldn't blink, I couldn't think. My brain… my brain gave up to think sensibly. Everything was frozen as if the time had stopped. My heart alone... it was only my heart that reacted right away. It began to race as if it wanted to escape from him. Shock, fear, trembling and pain passed through my body. Pain was the strongest of all. It clanced my heart so badly that it felt like splinters were hitting my chest, and I doubled up.

And then, as my lips trembled, the boy turned his head toward me.

My heart stopped.

His beautiful, black colored eyes catched mines. They were greedily caressing my face, as if they were starving for a thousand years. He looked at my bloody, drunk face as if it were heaven for him. My colorless eyes were looking at him in the same way.

"Woohyun." The name, like a prayer, left my mouth. It sounded like a drowning man as he begged for air and prayed for life as dying. It sounded like a lonely, broken boy speaking out the name of the only man who could keep him alive.

Woohyun let go of Min-Kyu's neck, who had no intention of hitting him anymore. Instead, he stared at the unknown boy with eyes growning wide. Min-Kyu saw him for the first time, but he knew everything about him. Everyone knew him here in this pub. They heard countless times as I told the story drunkenly, unconsciously.

It was about two boys, whose smile - when they looked at each other - the world was envious of. Who hugged each other as if there was no tomorrow and kissed each other's lips as if life resided in them. Whose hearts were pounding because of the other as if the world was really beautiful.

Until one of them screwed up and destroyed the beautiful world in which they lived. Until the other went away and never returned. One mistake, one misunderstanding, and that glaring world around them fell into pieces.

This story ruined me.

Maybe it ruined Woohyun too.

"Sungkyu." he whispered, my name rolled down his lips as if he had been waiting for this for a thousand years.

Slowly, without taking his eyes off me, he crouched until our face was in line. We felt the breath of each other, the smell of each other, and we heard the heartbeat of each other as they were pounding to a the same rhythm.

Woohyun raised his hand, his fingers hesitantly, uncertainly touching my bloody face. With his soft skin he wiped the blood off me. I was staring at his face with wide eyes and a racing heart, wondering how much alcohol I could drink to hallucinate such a beauty.

Woohyun, as if he had realized what he was doing, pulled his hand back. But I, who was no longer interested if it was just a hallucination or not, took his hand. Woohyun glanced at me uncertainly as I put his hand on my face again, buried it into his soft, warm palm.

"Just a little more… this illusion is so beautiful."

Woohyun laughed softly, pleasantly, and I shivered at the beautiful sound that I had longed for for a year.

„But I'm here! I'm really here.”

I smiled, closed my eyes, let Woohyun's warm skin to warm me up. I only opened it when he pulled his hand and grabbed my wrists.

Our glance connected as if it had never broken apart. The warmth moved back into our body as if it had never disappeared. As if all the terrible horrors hadn't happened, as if the two of us had never parted.

When Woohyun glanced at my lips, I felt my chest explode from the desire to embrace this boy; who devastated me.

I put my hand on his back, pulled him closer to myself, and when he did not resist, my lips touched his. A shiver went through my whole body because of the pleasure as Woohyun kissed me back, his hand touching my body as if he had never forgotten it, as if he remembered every single part of me. The familiar feeling moved through my veins, heating my blood, making my dead heart beat again. Our body was squeezed, our lips joined, we held on to each other thirstily. Apology and forgiveness... All of this we didn't have to say. Desperately, trustingly I hugged the boy who ruined me and then put me together again.