hongki laughs a lot, everyone knows that. but few people know that he doesn't often laugh truly. and only a few people in this world have the power to always bring a real smile to hongki's face.

'hyung!'

and here one of them comes now, smile as dazzling as the sun on a cloudy day. 'hyung, wai--'

'holy , slow down.' hongki rushes forward, just in time to catch the boy as he stumbles. 'i'm not going anywhere.'

the boy looks up at him and smiles, brightly, sheepishly. 'i'm scared you will.'

hongki's lips curl up, and he presses a kiss to the boy's hair. the boy struggles away, standing back up. 'ah, hyung!'

'you know you love me.' hongki grabs his hand. 'so tell me, what did you want to tell me so badly?'

'nah.' the boy shakes his hair. hongki notices that he doesn't retract his hand. well, that doesn't surprise him. 'i just wanted to, you know.'

hongki has no clue what he's talking about. 'i don't know.'

the boy shrugs, and hongki lets go of his hand. 'we haven't talked in a while. just us.'

that brings another smile to hongki's face, and he grabs the boy's arm, clinging to his side. 'awww, that's so cute of you! i wuv you too.'

'hyung!' the boy whines again, but he's laughing too. 'hyung, that's disgusting.'

hongki only raises his eyebrows seductively. 'you want to go for a drink?'

***

'sometimes, it just feels like no one really cares.'

the boy is drunk. it seems like he needed to get drunk. 'i still feel like... you don't really like me.'

'bull.' hongki throws back his soju. 'if we hated you, we wouldn't have lasted so long. you're the one who kept us together. you're a ing... a godsend.'

the boy shakes his head once, frustrated. 'no, like... it feels like... i'm not...'

hongki takes the boy's face in his hands. 'no, listen to me. listen to me, song seunghyun. you are my dongsaeng, my best dongsaeng, and i love you. we all love you. no one hates you anymore, not for wonbin. okay?'

seunghyun melts into hongki's hands, and hongki is shocked to see tears welling in his eyes. 'hyung, i just feel so ing useless.'

'shh.' hongki gathers the boy into his arms, even though he can barely reach seunghyun's shoulder sitting. 'shhh, baby, it's okay. it's okay.'

seunghyun just cries, his tears soaking hongki's shirt, and hongki just sits there, running his hands through his hair, trying his best to comfort him.

finally, at some point, seunghyun falls asleep. hongki can't do much more than lean back against the wall and let his dongsaeng sleep. it's been hard on him. hongki knows that he still feels left out sometimes, like he doesn't truly belong, even after all these years. he counts the amount of time that he's been with them, for 's sake. if that's not insecurity, what is?

when he first joined the group, seunghyun was 18. he was a shy kid, introverted, awkward, just needed someone to protect him. hongki was barely 20, already had three kids under his wing, but seunghyun..

seunghyun caught hongki's attention. maybe it was the fact that the others were still hung up on wonbin, or maybe it was just his aura. hongki still remembers, there was something special about seunghyun, about this kid who had just joined and was the of everyone's frustration.

hongki took him under his wing, completely. he needed to protect this child, this child with so much sadness in his being. it wasn't until much later that hongki found out why, but by that point, he'd already fallen under seunghyun's charm, and he would have done anything for the kid anyway.

even now. seunghyun stirs slightly, and hongki his hair. this kid. he grew up well, hongki will admit that, but he'll never lose that childish quality that he only shows with the members. he looks to the hyungs, especially when he thinks that they won't notice, but hongki always notices. he notices the way the boy will look at him sometimes, like he's the only light in his life, like he's the only person who matters.

'because you are,' seunghyun admitted once, dead drunk. 'you became my entire life, when i joined. it was always you, still is, and i love you.'

he didn't remember a single thing the next day, but hongki did. hongki remembered everything, and it made him appreciate the boy just that much more. he thinks about those words often, when he's feeling down. he's someone's entire world. someone genuinely depends on him so much. he can't quit. he can't give up. he's got kids to support, dongsaengs who look up to him. love him, even.

and hongki loves them too. hongki looks at seunghyun like that too, he'll admit. the boy grew up well, with his deep double lids and soft cheeks, and he can't help but admire him. he makes fun on the boy a lot, calls him ugly and , but , if he couldn't see that squishy little face every damn day, hongki would go crazy.

seunghyun whines in his sleep, and hongki feels something wet on his shoulder. it's definitely not tears this time. hongki presses his lips together and tries not to laugh. damn, he lets seunghyun get away with too much . it's always been like this. whenever seunghyun said something mildly irritating, hongki would just not react. if minhwan said the exact same thing, hongki would have kicked him. same with formal language. hongki allows seunghyun to drop the formalities sometimes, especially when they're drunk, but it to hell if anyone else does.

hongki even laughs at seunghyun's jokes when they're not funny. he smiles, at least. and when they are funny, hongki's always the one who finds them the funniest. seunghyun deserves the best, and hongki dotes on him, satisfies his every little request. he loves the kid, would do anything for him, and he only wishes that seunghyun would trust him more.

the boy's had a hard life, hongki knows, and that's why he takes care of him like he does. he tries to go out with him, try fun stuff together, encourage him, not make fun of him as much as he does the others. he makes sure to focus on him whenever, and sometimes, the others ask. 'hyung, are you gay?' no, jaejin, hyung is not gay, hyung just loves seunghyunnie very much. yes, , hyung is gay, are you ing blind?

but only for seunghyun.

'i'm gayyyy,' hongki whispers now, right into seunghyun's ear. 'hyung is gay and he loves you very much.'

'how long have you been gay?' seunghyun mumbles, and it's right then that hongki wants to throw the boy off of him and bolt right down to the street and hide in the sewer. 'i've been gay ever since i met you.'

hongki's sure his entire face must be red. seunghyun's eyes are open now, and he blinks up at hongki cutely. 'hyung, i hope you were honest, because i was, and it's going to be hella awkward if you weren't.'

'hyung is always honest, seunghyunnie.' hongki's not often quiet, but he is now, as he pushes the hair off seunghyun's forehead. 'hyung is ing gay. and only for you.'

'as expected.' seunghyun presses a kiss to hongki's neck, making him start. he didn't even know the boy knew his sensitive spots. 'hyung only goes for the best.'

'that's too much, isn't it?' in revenge, hongki reaches down, and seunghyun squirms. 'stop moving.'

'i'm not humble, you know that.' formalities are all but gone now, and hongki lets out a huff of amusement. 'hyung...'

'what?' hongki drops his voice to a whisper, adding a rough edge. 'you started it. you didn't have to wake up and hear my confession.'

'i've been awake,' seunghyun whines, pushing himself away. 'i was falling back asleep too.'

'so why didn't you? you could have fallen asleep and we could have avoided this mess altogether.'

seunghyun's trying to gather whatever dignity he had left. he pauses in the midst of trying to find his shirt, and hongki his head. 'hm? did i say something wrong?'

'is it not good, that this happened?'

seunghyun is closing himself off again. hongki can see it in his eyes. he panicks, grabbing the boy's wrist and pulling him down onto the bed again.

'no, it was good.' he traces a finger down his face and swallows. 'but did you want it? i always feel like i'm pressuring you, or something, and i never want that.'

but then seunghyun reaches up, grabs his face, and hongki thinks he knows the answer.

***

there's a reason why hongki always dotes on seunghyun, why he looks at him like he never wants to let go.

it's because hongki loves him, and he never wants to let him go.