EIGHT

Donghae does not get off the train at the wrong stop anymore. He does not walk past the sweet shop and buy candies he does not want from somebody that he does want.

Instead he disembarks at the subway station in the plaza opposite his work and arrives at the clinic on time. Then he greets the staff politely (including Mrs Kim who is still acting quite distant to him) and his day begins.

It’s been a whole week and he’s only excused himself twice to have a quick emotional breakdown in the privacy of the bathroom.

His boss, Dr Jung, calls him to his office on Wednesday.

‘Listen, Donghae,’ he says, and he looks weary. ‘I appreciate that you’ve been on time every day this week, but the absences and whatever you have going on with Mrs Kim have to stop.’

‘Mrs Kim?’ Donghae asks, bewildered.

Dr Jung sighs.

‘Donghae,’ he says. ‘You’re a good dentist, and I know you’re planning on opening your own clinic one day. But you’re so distracted lately, and your behaviour has been erratic, and it worries me. We’d really hate to lose you-’

Donghae’s eyes fill.

‘And I’m in no way planning on dismissing you,’ Dr Jung hastens to add, ‘But is there anything going on that I should know about?’

Donghae shakes his head.

‘Do you enjoy working here?’ Dr Jung prompts, gently. ‘Is a career in a clinic like this what you are really passionate about?’

Donghae nods again, eyes still glassy, but it’s hesitant. He stares at the polished wooden desk and think about his mother, and how pleased she will be once he finally opens a successful clinic of his own.

‘I know you’re working extra at the Emergency Room too,’ Dr Jung says. ‘But Donghae, maybe you should really think about what it is you want to focus on.’

Donghae trudges back to his little office and its secret stashes of candies.

Even now, the only thing he can focus on is Hyukjae.

Siwon calls him the following Friday. Donghae has been ignoring his messages, too sunken in his own gloom to want to hear about the parties Siwon had been attending or the exclusive clubs he could get them into, but on hearing how upset Donghae is, the other man turns up at his apartment.

‘So you’re saying he already has a boyfriend?’ he asks, making himself a coffee and grimacing at the unwashed mugs in the sink.

‘I don’t know,’ Donghae says, lying flat on the sofa with one of the expensive ornamental cushions over his face. ‘He- this other guy, I got a really bad feeling from him, but when I tried talk to Hyukjae, he just- he said I was nothing-’

Siwon has heard this part several times already. He moves Donghae’s feet so he can sit at the other end of the sofa and then pats his knee reassuringly.

‘And he hasn’t messaged you since?’

‘Just once,’ Donghae tells him, still muffled. ‘A day or two later, he said he was sorry. Sorry for what? Having a boyfriend already? Telling the guy I was just a customer?’

‘Why didn’t you ask,’ Siwon says, exasperated. ‘You are just a customer, and the only one you can blame is yourself!’

Donghae doesn’t say anything, but there’s an audible sniffle from somewhere beneath the cushion. Siwon sighs and pulls him up so he can give him a hug.

‘Maybe we should have dated during university,’ he says. ‘You’re really bad at this, Donghae.’

It shows how depressed Donghae is that he doesn’t even respond. Siwon squeezes him comfortingly. They’ve had an unconventional relationship from the day they first met; Siwon, shirtless, muscular and a little too affectionate, Donghae in the middle of his I think I might be attracted to boys crisis. As roommates, it had been too easy to get physically involved. For a while they thought they might be in love, but Siwon could not- would not date Donghae and risk his own considerable family fortune, and Donghae’s pride was too great to accept being anyone’s dirty secret.

They’d decided to stay friends instead, but with the intense pressures of their studies as well as the risk of discovery if they dated other people, it became a comforting routine to fall into bed with each other in the privacy of their own room. They lost count of the nights spent touching and discovering, moans muffled by pillows since the walls were thin.

When they graduated, Siwon’s connections had ensured him a position at a prestigious private clinic straight away.

Donghae’s first job, however, was in a mobile little clinic which went around to rural schools.

Within their first year as independent adults, Siwon had bought himself a Cadillac and several Rolex watches, while Donghae had learned how to make butterflies out of cotton balls, and how to escape the chomping jaws of a screaming five-year-old.

The benefits part of their friendship died a natural death, but they remained fond of one another.

Siwon sometimes looks at Donghae – handsome, caring, independent and funny – and feels wistful about what might have been.

Now is not one of those times.

‘Come on, Hae,’ he says, squeezing him. ‘Sitting here crying about it isn’t going to solve anything.’

He grabs for a mostly-empty box of tissues and presses them into Donghae’s hands before sitting him back at his end of the sofa and making him drink some coffee.

‘From your description, the other guy at Hyukjae’s sh