THIRTEEN

‘What do you mean you went to the gym?’ Siwon’s voice booms incredulously out of Donghae’s phone. ‘You’re telling me you left a gorgeous, y, willing man in your bed because you wanted to work out?’

It’s taken Donghae about half an hour to catch Siwon up with what’s been happening. He feels a bit bad; ever since he messaged that Hyukjae was in his bath, Siwon has been calling and messaging.

‘It didn’t occur to you that you could have been working up a sweat in your own damn bedroom?’

‘Shut up!’ Donghae says irritably. Almost two hours at the gym have done nothing to get Hyukjae’s kisses out of his mind. Those soft lips, the warmth of the other man’s body, the way he’d wrapped his arms around Donghae’s shoulders and angled his head just right...

‘I don’t understand,’ Siwon is saying. ‘Isn’t this what you’ve been wanting for six months?’

‘Of course it is! But he’s injured, Siwon. He’s my patient too, and-’ Donghae hesitates, unsure of how to explain how Hyukjae somehow seems to distract him each time he tries to ask about the night he got beaten up. ‘I don’t want to take advantage,’ he says lamely.

‘It sounds pretty mutual,’ Siwon tells him. ‘Donghae, it’s not like you’re hard on the eyes, especially once you get your clothes off.’

Donghae ignores that.

‘I want to help him,’ he says. ‘But Wonnie, he doesn’t want to get the police involved. Do you know anyone else who might be able to do something?’

‘Nobody I’d want you involved with,’ Siwon says. ‘Anyway, is it really any of your business? How well do you even know the man? I know you think he’s cute, but who knows what he’s involved in.’

‘He’s not involved in anything!’ Donghae snaps. Siwon has a lot of connections and Donghae had been hoping the other man might at least know some gangsters or something, men who might be convinced to loiter around Hyukjae’s shop as protection.

‘You don’t want to make things worse,’ Siwon continues. ‘Right? Especially if it’s his boyfriend beating him up.’

‘It wasn’t his ing boyfriend!’ Donghae doesn’t know if he’s angrier at the thought of Hyukjae having a boyfriend or the idea that someone in that coveted role might raise a hand against him. ‘If you’re not going to help then give me Heechul's number.’

Siwon sighs.

‘Aren’t you overreacting?’

‘You wouldn’t say that if you saw what happened to his shop! Or what happened to him.’

‘I don’t know any gangsters, Donghae.’

‘What sort of chaebol son are you?’

‘The dentist sort,’ Siwon says calmly.

‘What am I supposed to do now then?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Siwon says sarcastically. ‘Go back to your apartment and make the man some breakfast maybe? Who knows, he might talk to you.’

Donghae is actually already outside his own apartment, trying to get the nerve to go back in.

‘On second thought,’ Siwon says. ‘Don’t make him breakfast. He’ll never date you if he sees you making one of those disgusting smoothies. Take him out and buy him something nice. What does he like?’

Again, Donghae is silent. It’s difficult, but he’s having to admit to himself that he and Hyukjae do not really know each other at all. After so long crushing on the sweet, friendly confectioner, Donghae really felt like he knew him well; it sort of hurts to realize that he doesn’t.

That’s not Hyukjae’s fault though.

‘I’ve gotta go,’ Donghae says, and hangs up on Siwon’s annoying encouragement.

Maybe the other dentist is right. Maybe he and Hyukjae can get breakfast together and Donghae can find out if Hyukjae likes scrambled eggs or pancakes or something more traditional, and if he takes sugar in his coffee or if he likes it bitter and black like Donghae does.

If Donghae doesn’t even know that, how can he expect Hyukjae to open up about more serious things?

Siwon places his phone on the glass-topped table he’s sitting at, half amused, half exasperated by Donghae. He sips his own expensive, freshly ground coffee and thinks for a while.

Personally, he thinks Hyukjae was probably involved in some sort of domestic incident. A boyfriend or angry family members, perhaps.

But Siwon doesn’t want Donghae to get involved in anything more serious accidentally.

He checks the time and then dials Kim Heechul.

When Donghae finally lets himself into his apartment he is met by an elderly ball of orange fluff, yapping enthusiastically and bouncing around his feet.

‘Whoa,’ he says, bending to pick her up. ‘Slow down there, old lady!’

He brings her up to face level and she’s in the middle of lavishing him with wet, slightly smelly doggy kisses when he sees Hyukjae.

The other man is dressed and ready to leave, getting up from where he’d been sitting on the arm of the sofa, the bag of things Donghae had gathered for him packed and ready at his feet.

‘Hi,’ Hyukjae says, with an awkward, rueful smile.

Donghae’s heart sinks.

‘Are- are you leaving?’

‘Um, yeah.’ Hyukjae says. ‘I uh- sorry, Donghae. I didn’t know if I should have left straight away or if you’d want me to wait, so I-’

He stops and rubs the back of his neck awkwardly.

‘Of course I want you to wait,’ Donghae says, putting Choco down. ‘I’m sorry if- if I made you uncomfortable with, uh, with what happened earlier. I just- I’d wanted to do that for a long time, and if it was too fast, I’m sorry. Please don’t leave because of that.’

‘You wanted to kiss me for a long time?’ Hyukjae has come closer and is standing in front of Donghae now. ‘And don’t be sorry. It was me that started it.’

He hesitates.

‘Donghae, can I ask you a very personal question?’

Donghae nods, feeling even more anxious. Is Hyukjae going to ask why he lied about his job? Or how long he’s had this stupid crush? Or if Donghae would have stopped kissing him if Choco hadn’t barked?

‘Donghae,’ Hyukjae says. ‘Are you bi?’

Okay that wasn’t what Donghae expected.

‘Uh,’ Donghae says. ‘No?’

Hyukjae stares at him for a moment, and then it’s like Donghae feels him withdraw, even though he doesn’t move an inch.

‘Is- is that okay?’ Donghae asks, which is a stupid question, but he’s really confused now. ‘Are you?’

‘No,’ Hyukjae says. ‘I’m not.’

‘That’s uh- that’s good?’

Hyukjae smiles tightly.

‘Well then,’ he says. ‘I’m glad that we didn’t go any further.’

‘Oh,’ Donghae says, and hopes his disappointment is not showing on his face. He feels like he has definitely said the wrong thing, but he cannot work out what.

‘I’m going to go,’ Hyukjae says, and he’s already gathering up his things. ‘Choco, come here baby.’

‘Wait.’ Donghae hasn’t showered, hasn’t done anything, but he’s not letting Hyukjae leave like this. He grabs his coat and pulls it on over his gym gear. ‘Wait, Hyukjae! I’m coming too!’

For a moment it's like Donghae's bewilderment and frustration is reflected in the other man's eyes.

Ten minutes later they enter the subway together. Donghae swipes himself through and then, finding himself alone, realizes that Hyukjae has no cash with him and no T-money card.

‘Um,’ Hyukjae says from the other side of the barrier. ‘I was meaning to ask you if I could, uh, borrow a few thousand won to get home?’

‘Of course,’ Donghae says. He fumbles for his wallet and throws it over to the other man. ‘I’ll wait for you here.’

Hyukjae flashes him a grateful smile and disappears into the nearby underground convenience store, Choco under his arm.

It’s only once he’s gone that Donghae realizes that his own gratitude that Hyukjae had waited to say goodbye at the apartment was perhaps a bit misplaced.

The other man literally could not leave before Donghae got back because he had no way to get home.

No, Donghae tells himself fiercely. Don’t be so ing cynical! Of course he wanted to say goodbye too!

He’s remembering, though, the way Hyukjae had distracted him with a kiss when Donghae asked him questions he didn’t want to answer.

What if he doesn’t come back?

Donghae feels a stab of panic, even though it’s stupid. Of course Hyukjae will come back, he won’t just leave Donghae standing near the subway entrance, he won’t just-

Leave.

A train pulls into the station behind Donghae and he’s caught up in the crowd, the press of people reminding him of his nightmare and making his heart beat fast in sudden panic. He looks around desperately and he’s trying to fight against the tide of people, when someone grabs his arm.

‘Hey,’ Hyukjae says, a bit breathless, handing back Donghae’s wallet. ‘Sorry that took ages. Have we missed it?’

Donghae shakes his head, taking Choco and hugging her tightly. He hates himself for doubting the other man even the tiniest bit, because Hyukjae is sweet, and kind, and good.

‘Quick!’ Hyukjae is pulling him along now, and they only just make it before the carriage doors shut. There’re no seats left and they stand together, the bump and sway of the train an excuse for closeness although both of them are too experienced with city transport to need it.

At Hyukjae’s stop, the doors slide open and passengers stream past them towards the exit.

Hyukjae blinks but doesn’t move.

‘This is where we get off,’ Donghae says. Hyukjae nods. Donghae is just about to say they don’t need to go if Hyukjae doesn’t want to, but then Hyukjae’s smiling at Donghae as brightly as ever and they’re walking upstairs and onto the grimy street.<