[NEW] Sunday Noon & Distracted

what's up danger

[title: heavy in your arms - florence + the machine]
[7k; gif from x-exo]

[warning for spicy scenes! no explicit or anything but it is implied.]


16.


“I should—I should go?”

Her words echo throughout the apartment, settling between them like the beginnings of a wall she really does not want built between them. They spent so long getting to know each other. She’s finally so comfortable with him. But now, there’s tension. The silence grows between them after her words.

Irene is long gone. The dinner was a quiet affair on Sunhee’s part, though Irene kept up a steady stream of quips and insults that Baekhyun took in stride, throwing some back at her. It was normal for Baekhyun and Irene, but Sunhee noticed the way he seemed to keep her at a distance, his demeanor different from before. This time, Sunhee does not feel discomfort at Irene and Baekhyun’s interactions, in fact, she finds Irene amusing almost. Sunhee just feels…overwhelmed. Maybe even a little lonely. She isn’t quite sure how she’s supposed to process all the information Irene gave her, how she’s supposed to reevaluate Baekhyun, especially when she thought she knew him pretty well already. She isn’t sure she likes feeling like Baekhyun is beginning to shut her out. She doesn’t like the prickly feeling growing in her chest, where her heart is. She doesn’t like feeling so exhausted.

Irene had eaten her food, changed into a pretty dress, ignored Baekhyun telling her to wash the dishes, and flit out the door with a wave of her hand and a flick of her hair before Baekhyun could even try to ask Irene to wash her dishes a second time. We’ll be in touch. Have fun! Irene had called out, with a flirty, exaggerated wink tossed in Sunhee’s direction and a half-assed peace sign thrown in Baekhyun’s direction before she left in a flurry.

Now, they are alone in Baekhyun’s apartment and an awkwardness falls over them that wasn’t there before.

She swings her arms, fiddling with her fingers, unsure what she’s supposed to do. She looks up and Baekhyun is leaning back against the counter, arms crossed over his chest. His hair falls over his steady gaze, his lips pursed, and he does not relent in his staring. It makes her nervous, makes her grip at her fingers. His gaze is unrelenting, unreadable.

The silence stretches on uncomfortably long and Sunhee wonders if that’s her queue to just leave. She isn’t sure what she’s supposed to do. She’s never felt this…vulnerable before, not under such normal circumstances.

“You don’t have to go.” Baekhyun’s voice is low. It barely carries through the kitchen. Sunhee would have thought she was imagining it, if it wasn’t for the fact that she watches his lips move in time with each syllable. Something about the way he says it sends a twinge of pain right through her heart.

Sunhee thinks about that house, about possibly seeing Seulgi there. Sunhee doesn’t want to go. She almost wishes she didn’t listen to Irene, didn’t allow Irene to dump the weight of her world on Sunhee’s shoulders, planting the seeds of doubt Irene has into Sunhee’s mind, as well. Sunhee doesn’t want to dwell on any of it, doesn’t want to face the realities of who exactly Baekhyun is, doesn’t want to feel guilty for not trying hard enough to get Seulgi away from Kai. The Sunhee from before would have heard Irene’s story and decided Baekhyun was not to be trusted. It would have been easy to process everything, easy to separate the people in life into two neat little categories, black and white, good and evil, trustworthy and not. Now, everything is just muddled, exhausting.

“You know what’s crazy about this?” Her voice is a tiny tired thing. The small laugh that bubbles up from her lips is everything except amused. “I thought we were friends. I thought I was beginning to know you.”

She should sound accusing, but she just sounds sad, even to her own ears. Resigned.

(To accept that you don’t really know anyone – it’s ing terrifying, Sanha had said to her. His words had burrowed itself a home in Sunhee’s thoughts and she can’t stop thinking about it. She thinks it is terrifying. It’s a visceral terror, the kind that sticks to the collective unconscious, triggers that inherent fear of the unknown that every human being has.)

Baekhyun’s eyes soften, melting into a dark brown that reminds her of the Earth after rain. It’s almost comforting. Almost.

He responds, “We are friends.”

Warmth curls up at the pit of her stomach at that. But she thinks of Yixing, his best friend. She thinks, will being his friend make a difference, when push comes to shove? Is she horrible for thinking that way?

She hugs herself tightly at the thought. She feels so small in Baekhyun’s kitchen, under his scrutinizing gaze. She feels lonelier than ever. She notices the way he skipped over her last sentence, her arms tightening around herself, “But, I don’t know you at all. I never did.”

“I don’t know what she told you.” Baekhyun takes a deep breath, pushes his pretty fingers through his hair, eyes falling to the floor for just a moment before they lift back up to her face. “But everything she said is probably right. Irene doesn’t sugarcoat , especially not when she’s talking about me.”

She blinks at him, fingernails digging into her upper arms. She can’t help the helpless, exasperated expression that flickers over her face. “She told me you were the reason why the love of her life, your best friend, is dead. That you promised to protect her, but you didn’t. Please, please, tell me that isn’t true. Please, Baekhyun, please.”

Surprise and pain flickers through Baekhyun expression. He closes his eyes, brows furrowing, and Sunhee wants to cry, suddenly. How is she supposed to trust him? How is she supposed to believe he’ll always be there for her and support her, when he couldn’t even do what he promised his best friend? Baekhyun opens his eyes and it’s steely, guarded. It’s scary, she thinks. “I can’t.” He’s quiet for a long moment, watching her shoulders slump, watching her grip tighten around herself. “I’m sorry, Sunhee.”

A few months ago, she would have walked away. She would have decided, right then and there, that she wouldn’t speak to Baekhyun ever again. But, now, she doesn’t see things in black or white anymore, not like that. Now, she’s whispering, “Tell me why I should accept your apology.”

He holds her gaze, keeps her there, steady and firm. He says, “You know I can’t make that decision for you, Sunhee. You know you shouldn’t accept anything I say.”

There is self-loathing there, resignation, and her chest tightens.

She knows, in some ways, he’s right, because he is one of them, he works alongside Kai and Suho, even Seulgi. And they’re all the same, in so many ways, aren’t they? But, she’s spent so long getting to know Baekhyun. He’s kind and careful and stupid and ridiculous and opinionated about his movies and television and—

“I—I need to go.” Sunhee drops her arms to her side, backs away for a moment. She should go. But, she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t want to go back to that house, doesn’t want to see Seulgi, to remember that Seulgi understands Sunhee won’t leave her to rot alone, doesn’t want to admit aloud that she feels more at home here than she does in her own bedroom. Sunhee stumbles, stepping back, but Baekhyun’s voice makes her freeze.

“Don’t.”

She freezes.

For once, Baekhyun isn’t all steady eyes. He is not an unaffected pillar, leaning against the counter and watching her attempt to hold herself together. He remains still, unmoving, his eyes drifting to his intertwined hands, curled up together in front of him. When he finally meets her gaze, his eyes are glassy, vulnerable, anciently weary. For once, he is the vulnerable one.

Slowly, he shakes his head, hair falling into his eyes.

She stares, breath caught in .

His fingers tighten, until his knuckles turn white, white, white.

He whispers, “Don’t go.”

Her fingers dig into her own skin, sharp, reminding her that she is there, present and alive and existing. “Why?” Her voice is barely audible.

But, he hears it. He seems to be thinking over his words.

After a moment, he lets out a soft breath, “If I let you walk out of here now, we’ll never speak again.” He pushes off the counter, closes his eyes briefly, adds, “I can’t let our friendship end like that.” When he opens his eyes again, there is determination glinting in his dark eyes. Something flips at the pit of her stomach when he says, “So, please don’t go. Not yet.”

A strange feeling eats away at her insides. She doesn’t quite know what the emotion is, but it causes her to let out the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

She just lets out a small sigh and nods.

~.~.~.~.~

It’s strange, how quiet they are. It makes her realize just how easily conversation would usually flow between them. How comfortable they are with each other. Now, it’s bordering on awkward.

But, Baekhyun mentions that there’s ice cream in the freezer. She doesn’t respond and he just nods, asks moments later if she wants to watch anything and she finds herself silently nodding her agreement. She finds herself on one end of his couch, strangely aware of Baekhyun settling onto the other end, a gap that feels like an entire ocean between them. The lights are dimmed and the drama drones on quietly. Sunhee tries to pay attention – it’s a show she and Baekhyun have been meaning to start together, just not under these circumstances – but it’s hard. Her mind is reeling, her thoughts running at full speed. She can’t stop thinking, can’t stop doubting. She wants it to stop. She just wants answers. She wants to stop doubting.

Her eyes dart away from the television, landing on Baekhyun’s face. His lips are pressed into a thin line, his brows furrowed, and his gaze settled on his lap, on his fingers. He plays with his fingers, tugging at one of the rings on his pointer finger, and the sight makes her insides churn. He just looks so small right then.

He looks up at her, as if he can sense her eyes on him. Their eyes meet and, for a moment, all that remains his Sunhee and Baekhyun, Baekhyun and Sunhee. Sunhee can’t help but notice the resignation in his eyes, the anticipation, as if he somehow expects her to leave.

(He does, she knows, because he had said, please don’t go, not yet. Not yet, not yet, not yet. As if he expected her to leave eventually. It is a strange thought that lodges itself deep inside her, makes her wonder.)

She blinks at him, once, twice, three times. He does not waver in his gaze, but his shoulders remain tensed, waiting, waiting, waiting.

“I’ll take that ice cream offer now.” Her quiet voice drifts between them, intermingling with the drama droning in the background.

He frowns at her words, confused.

Finally, she manages to tear her eyes off him, clearing as she shoot to her feet, running her hands down her thighs before she swivels on her heels. She can feel his eyes on her back as she makes a beeline for the kitchen, taking two pints of strawberry ice cream out of the freezer, wincing slightly at how cold it is. She busies herself with looking for two spoons, digging through three drawers before she finds them. She’s making too much noise, as if that can somehow drown out the quiet tension that has descended over the two of them.

She returns to the living room, acutely aware of the way Baekhyun is staring at her. Still, she holds out an ice cream pint and a spoon and hesitates slightly before taking it. She can still feel his eyes on her, boring holes through her skull, as she plops down on the couch, an arms-length away from him.

She focuses too much on opening the ice cream, on eating the ice cream rather than meeting Baekhyun’s gaze again. Her resolve had crumbled a little, but the silence stretches on too long and she doesn’t want to keep thinking.

All she ever does with Seulgi is overthink all her actions. All she does is think. She never says anything.

All she does is wonder of the what-ifs and accumulate regrets.

In silence, thoughts fester, like an open wound, and she is growing sick of it.

She digs up a huge chunk of strawberry in her ice cream while she says, “Do you want me to stay?”

She does not know why that’s the first question that slips from . She wants to ask more. But, somehow, his expression urges her in a completely different direction.

“It’s up to you.”

“That’s not answering my question.” She snaps back, staring at him, ice cream forgotten.

Baekhyun puts the ice cream and spoon down on the coffee table, sighing, “It doesn’t matter what I want, Sunhee. Besides, if I were in your shoes, I would have ing walked out that door ages ago. I would hate me now, too.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“You should.”

Her heart twists. “Why do you keep talking about yourself like that?”

Baekhyun blinks at her, his jaw locked. “I’m just telling you how it is.”

“An hour ago, you were insisting on us remaining friends. I thought you wanted to talk it out. But now you’re—I—do you want me to hate you? Do you want me to call you horrible names?”

Like Irene does, she thinks, realizes, her eyes widening at the revelation that she had been present long enough to realize that not only is that exactly how Irene treats Baekhyun, but he just lets her. Maybe even expects it.

This time, Baekhyun looks away, eyes flickering around the room, landing on everything but her. He doesn’t say anything, and the silence is…it causes something to shift inside her.

“I don’t—I don’t hate you. I just don’t know what to think of you anymore.” Her fingers curl in her lap and she admits, “I’m just disappointed, Baek.”

“Oh.” An unreadable emotion flashes through Baekhyun’s expression.

“Yeah.” She breathes.

She realizes, right then, that she doesn’t know where to go from here. She’s never spoken up like this before and that realization feels like a punch to the gut. She’s really lived so long in complacency, in a friendship that blurred boundaries so badly, she has no idea what she’s supposed to say next. It’s so ing depressing, even a little terrifying. She can feel the panic bubbling up in her chest, the urge to backpedal coming on a bit too strong.

But, Baekhyun speaks then, “I am sorry, Sunhee. I also…I promise I won’t break your trust like this again.”

Sunhee raises a brow, blinking rapidly at him. “You won’t?”

“Of course.” He nods, pursing his pink lips as he drags his pretty fingers through his dark hair, “I definitely owe you a trauma-induced break down now.”

Sunhee lets out a tiny snort of laughter, unable to keep a straight face. Baekhyun smiles, gently, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Still, she murmurs, “You don’t have to tell me everything. Only when you’re ready. I just…don’t want any more surprises.”

“Agreed. No more surprises It’s just…” He blinks, hesitating, both relief and trepidation clouding his features. It breaks her heart, just a bit. He says, “I’ll need time to tell you about…more about Yixing.”

She nods. “Okay.”

Baekhyun’s eyes sparkle, just a bit, the warmth returning, though the wall that sprouted between them is still there, still looming over them. Much the same way her doubts about Baekhyun are still running so rampant in her head.

“Still,” Baekhyun’s grin is a dazzling thing, “Can I make it up to you?”

She tilts her head, murmurs, “It’ll take a while.”

She’s only half joking. His eyes are so very serious, despite his lopsided grin. He dips his head, murmurs, “I’ll wait as long as you need me to.”

Her cheeks heat up at the sincerity radiating off him. She just swallows the small lump in – she doesn’t know why it’s there – and she nods, returning to her melting ice cream.

(They still sit at opposite ends of the couch, but he offers commentary and she adds onto it with comments of her own and she thinks maybe everything will be okay. Maybe, it’s okay to be firm and set boundaries. Maybe, she will be okay.)

~.~.~.~.~

“Hey.”

Sunhee glances up briefly from her laptop, not even bothering to pause her movie. She hadn’t stayed the night at Baekhyun’s, only because she felt she needed space. She isn’t quite sure why. Still, space and alone time is always good idea. But, about halfway back to the house, she’d wondered if she really wanted to go back.

She’d rather sit in awkward silence with Baekhyun than return to that stupid house and the possibility of facing Seulgi. But, she was already more than halfway back and it’d be pointless to turn around. She could just shut herself in her room and hope Seulgi didn’t notice she was home.

But the muffled voice behind her closed door tells her otherwise.

Sunhee makes it a point to ignore it, pinning her attention on her movie.

“Sunhee?” Seulgi’s voice is quiet, muffled, but it’s there and Sunhee can hear it and she hates that. She really does. Because the movie drones on and on – Sunhee doesn’t even know what going on anymore – but Sunhee is still hanging onto the silence, waiting for Seulgi to fill it. Sunhee wonders if it’s telling that Seulgi continues, that she can probably hear her movie but assumes that Sunhee is listening anyway. “I’m sorry for the other day.”

Sunhee can imagine Seulgi sitting with her back against the door, legs sprawled out, head turned, as she speaks to Sunhee. She’s done it so many times before. They’ve never been good at talking things out straight to each other’s faces, so they always did it through closed door in the middle of the night. Fights, breakups, family deaths; every time, they would pour their hearts out like this.

(Sunhee remembers a couple years ago, when she sat on her knees, as if she were kneeling for prayer, leaning heavily against Seulgi’s closed door. Remembers Seulgi’s muffled voice, just like this, at the other side of the door, whispering, always whispering.

“I never had the best childhood.” She had whispered. “Grandma Kang – she’s everything to me. Everything. She took me off the streets and she raised me and I’m not even her blood and now she’s…she’s gone…and…”

Sunhee remembers just how 0much it broke her heart hearing Seulgi’s broken sob. It’s haunted her for years.)

And a part of her feels that same heart wrenching pain in her chest. That need to open the door and pull Seulgi into a hug. However, a bigger part of her keeps her frozen to her spot, listening, eyes settled on the closed bedroom door.

“You don’t have to forgive me. I don’t want you to forgive me, honestly, because, frankly, I’ve been a ing . But, it’s just – I don’t want to lose you too, Sun.” Seulgi’s voice hitches around Sunhee’s name, but she continues, “I know that’s selfish of me. I mean, I dragged you into all of this in the first place. But I’m losing myself in all this, Sunhee. The things I’ve seen, the things I’ve done, the ing things I want to do – I’m losing myself and I’m so ing scared, but I see you and it, like, grounds me. You keep me from losing myself completely and, god, that sounds so selfish, but it’s true. If I lose you, then I’ll lose myself. I’ll lose everything. When you said…when you said you wished you could hate me, it just…I wish you could hate me, too. It’s only fair, but, Sunhee I’m so ing scared. I’m so scared. I don’t want to lose you, too. I can’t.”

Sunhee’s heart is . A part of her thrives off the vulnerability, the feeling of being needed by Seulgi, a part of her sings. Another part of her wonders, briefly, why even Seulgi’s apologies are so self-centered; selfish. Yet another part of her is confused, scared that drifting away from Seulgi, leaving her, will leave her to a horrifying fate. Sunhee can stop it, can keep Seulgi from slipping over the edge. Sunhee is, in part, responsible for Seulgi’s well-being. Sunhee, briefly, wonders when she had agreed to such a magnanimous job. Was it because Sunhee is Seulgi’s best friend? Was it because Sunhee is in love with Seulgi? Why?

Sunhee hears a tiny sniffle, shuffling feet.

“I love you Sunhee, and I want to sort this out. Please come find me when you’re ready.”

~.~.~.~.~

The next morning, as she’s rushing out to get to work on time, she nearly trips over a cardboard box. Sunhee glares at Seulgi’s closed bedroom door before she glares down at the box, has half a mind to pick it up and toss it in the trash unopened, but something stops her, has her do the opposite. She knows what that something is, but she doesn’t wish to acknowledge it. Instead, she kneels, opening up the smushed lid. A few cookies are broken from her stepping on the box, a note rolled up between the crumbs

After a long moment of hesitation, Sunhee plucks the note out the box. Her eyes widen significantly when she recognizes the handwriting.

It’s not Seulgi’s.

I got your favorites from that bakery you liked. I hope you like them! – B

A part of her is disappointed that it isn’t from Seulgi’s. The rest of her is glad it’s from Baekhyun and not Seulgi. A smile tugs at her lips as she slowly picks up the cardboard box, tucking it under her arm as she heads out for work.

She makes sure to text Baekhyun a quick thank you.

She adds, cookies for breakfast? you’re really pulling out all the stops huh?

She’s settled into work half an hour later when he responds, never said I wouldn’t stick in a couple incentives to convince you coupled with an obnoxious emoji.

She laughs too loud, her coworkers frowning at her while Sanha rolls his eyes. The tangled, tight feeling in her chest that she’s felt since Seulgi spoke to her loosens just a bit.

~.~.~.~.~

From: XXXXX

Hey sweetheart it’s Irene. Definitely snooped through Baek’s phone for your number and would love for you to know that he saved you as the trashcan emoji and if you want me to beat him up for that I am 100% down.

From: Bae Irene

Anyways I probably should have let you know that I’ve started Operation Ruin Kai’s Life last night after I left the apartment! Saw the perfect opportunity and took it lol but just a heads up that your girl looked like she was going to cry! Whoopsies haha! I’ll keep you updated and let you know if I need either of you to help. Doubt it since you’re both clearly very incompetent at this. But still :)

From: Irene

Btw I stole this stupid selfie off Baek’s phone while snooping. Do with it what you will :)))))

[1 Photo Attached]

~.~.~.~.~

“Can you hold this for a sec?” Moonbin doesn’t wait for Sunhee to answer, shoving his gun into her hands.

She yelps, fumbling with it, nearly dropping the bag of chips in her lap in the process as she cringes into the sofa she’s sitting in. “I don’t want to hold this!”

Moonbin rolls his eyes at her, kneeling over his shoes as he laces them up. “It’s just a gun.”

She splutters. “Just a gun?!”

Moonbin snorts as he straightens up, towering over her. He takes the gun and her bag of chips from her limp hands. “You’ve lived here long enough to get used to it, haven’t you?”

She blinks at that because he’s right, isn’t he? Moonbin’s smile falters though, and, for a moment, he appears sheepish. She’s noticed he’s been acting like that around her ever since that night, ever since he saw Baekhyun bring her home. Moonbin’s been…nicer, or at least as nice as he can be to someone. “Sorry, that’s insensitive. You’ve never used one of these, right?”

Sunhee nods.

Moonbin purses his lips, eyes serious as he traces a finger along the barrel of his gun, “You should ask Baek hyung to teach you.”

There’s an edge to his tone that makes her pause in her initial instinct to dismiss his suggestion, peering up from him. “Why?”

“You might need it one day.” He shrugs, then, the serious look in his eyes melting into a teasing grin and eyebrow raise, “I’m sure he’d love to teach you anything.”

She kicks his leg. She doesn’t want to tell him that she hasn’t even seen Baekhyun in days because she knows he’ll only more. He cackles even as he howls in pain, spraying chip crumbs all over the place. She shrieks, “Gross.”

He just laughs, flopping down on the couch beside her, too carelessly when he’s holding a loaded gun in his hands. His laughter, however, dies a little too quickly. She glances sideways at him and he’s cradling the gun in his hands, looks too serious for someone so so young, his head tilted back, his eyes on the cracking ceiling.

“Seriously though.” He sighs, “You should learn.”

She stares at him. Moonbin meets her gaze, eyes distant. He smiles, cat-like, sweet, tired, tired, tired.

~.~.~.~.~

During one of those meetings she’s not allowed to listen in on (despite the danger she put herself through to help them on one of their stupid ing assignments, she apparently still hasn’t even earned the right to leaving her room during these meetings), she needs to pee.

She knows she’s not allowed to leave the room until she gets the go-ahead from someone (she’s voiced her opinion on how ridiculous that was because she doesn’t care about what they discuss during their meetings and she just wants to make dinner or use the bathroom when she wants), but she really needs to pee. She’s held it in for hours now, and her fear of D.O. holding a gun to her head quickly falls to the wayside.

So, during one of those secret gang meetings, she leaves the safety of her bedroom, creeping down the hall on the balls of her feet, as quietly as she can, to use the restroom.

When she’s done, she readies herself to make it back to her room as quietly as she can when she hears voices, too close to the bathroom and too far away from the living room where they hold some of their meetings.

She sighs, leaning heavily against the bathroom door, because this means she’ll have to wait it out until the coast is clear or someone else wants to use the bathroom and figures out she broke the rules.

“…don’t care, Junmyeon!”

Sunhee startles at the sudden shout. She recognizes Seulgi’s voice instantly and she doesn’t want to listen in because she doesn’t care. She isn’t supposed to care. But their voices are loud. They’re right ing there.

Yes, you do. I know you do.” Junmyeon hisses back, his voice just a tad lower than Seulgi’s, but still too loud.

No—”

“This person knows things about Grandmother Kang that only we –”

“I said shut up.”

There’s a loud thud that makes Sunhee jump, blinking at the door. The stretch of silence is eerie in its length, the hairs at the back of Sunhee’s neck standing on end as it stretches on and on.

Finally, Junmyeon snaps, “It’s your fault, Seulgi. You know that, I know that, this person…”

His footfalls fade away along with his words, maybe back to the meeting room. There’s another slam, of a door this time, and Sunhee wonders if they took the argument to Seulgi’s room instead.

Sunhee mulls over the words, wonders how Suho knows Seulgi’s Grandmother. The way he said her name, with familiarity and reverence, sticks with Sunhee. What is Seulgi’s fault? What the hell does Seulgi’s grandmother have to do with anything?

Sunhee’s mind runs wild as she opens the bathroom door, distracted.

She’s startled out of her thoughts at the sight of her bedroom door slightly ajar, just barely. The jolt of fear that strikes her settles quickly, because she knows, despite everything, no one in this house will sneak into her room and actually try to hurt her. She’s about ninety-nine percent sure. That one percent, however, still lingers, and she approaches her room in caution, slowly slipping into her room.

She’s surprised to see Baekhyun sitting with his knees drawn to his chest, arms encircling his knees, head settled back against the wall, right beside her door. She slowly shuts the door behind her, turning to take in the sight of him. His sweatshirt is too big and his red socks too bright against his dark joggers. He looks especially small on her floor, curled up like that while wearing such baggy clothing. It reminds her of the few times he would seek refuge in her bedroom, during other meetings. This time, it feels a bit different. Maybe it’s because she hasn’t seen him in a long time.

They texted quite a bit between that night he apologized and now. He’s left food outside of her door so often she wondered if she was breaking his bank. They started from the beginning, and sometimes, he called her when it was nearing past midnight, as if he knew she couldn’t really sleep in that house. He talked to her until she spoke herself into exhaustion.

He was trying.

But seeing him now, in person, is different. The longer she looks at him, the more the week and a half without seeing him becomes glaringly more apparent. She notices his hair is different, shaved close at the sides and a little longer at the top, no longer falling into his eyes. An undercut that suits him well. She can see more of his face – she hasn’t seen him in a long while, not since the night he apologized to her. There’s a prominent bruise on his jaw, blooming purple, red, blue, and green.

She’s missed him, she realizes, faintly, and it’s strange. It’s not this longing ache, the way she would miss Seulgi (still misses her because she’s stuck in her bad habits and it’s hard, so hard, to dig herself out, in fact, she doesn’t know if she ever can). It’s the sort of missing one does when they’ve spent days coming across little things that remind them of the person, memories, anecdotes, jokes, thoughts, that they file away at the back of their head so they can share it with that person when they meet again, starting where they left off as if time never slipped in between them.

It isn’t a visceral, painful sort of missing. It’s gradual and happy and it doesn’t hurt.

For the first time, she asks.

She sits on her bed, murmurs, “Are you okay?”

She thinks he’ll brush her off, like he usually would when he comes into her room in the middle of meetings, claiming he needs a break. She thinks, maybe, this, too, would be another surprise in the making.

But, he opens an eye, head still tilted back against the wall, and he shakes his head. He murmurs, “I’m not.”

The look in his eyes is ancient in its sadness. She’s been so utterly hyperaware of how much Baekhyun tries to help her through her emotions, her issues, and she wants to do the same for him. She wants to reciprocate. She doesn’t want him to keep giving and her to keep taking and taking. She wants this to go two ways. But, she has no idea how to comfort him.

She hesitates, murmurs, “How can I help you feel better?”

He doesn’t say anything. She panics – she’s good at comforting when it comes to Seulgi, but she’s not good at it with anyone else. Seulgi was easy to please – just sit there and listen and hold her tightly – but Baekhyun looks so coiled up, his fingers curled at his sides, his jaw clenched, that she’s worried he’ll burst at the smallest of touches.

She points at her laptop, “Do you want to watch a drama? There’s a new one out with IU that’s really good?”

He’s watching her, but he doesn’t say anything.

She fumbles with her laptop, dropping it back on her nightstand, biting her lip hard, “Uh, how about food? I can order food. I know we’re not allowed to get takeout delivered here, but we can both go get it and the fresh air can help you?”

He’s so quiet, just watching her flit back and forth, and it makes her panic a little more. She slips off her bed, laptop in her hands anyway, and she settles next to him, in front of her closed door.

“Would a joke make you feel better? Or a funny movie? Maybe a rant? Like you can just sit here and about whatever you want and I’ll just –”

Sunhee cuts herself off when Baekhyun wraps his long fingers around her waving hands, pulling them both together and down to his lap. He’s sitting cross-legged now, smiling slightly, eyes twinkling, “Breathe, Sunny.”

“I am breathing.” Sunhee grumbles. He lets out a small laugh. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “I just. I want to help, Baek.”

“I know you do.” Baekhyun is quiet. “I know.”

His fingers are warm in hers, but his eyes are so ing sad. As the silence grows, pressure grows in her chest. She doesn’t want him to be sad.

“What can I do, Baekhyun?” She pauses, wonders if this is how he felt when he saw her so sad on her birthday, when he said he could help her get over Seulgi with the smallest hint of seriousness. She wonders, even as she says, “Do you want a distraction?”

For a moment, it’s so quiet, one could hear a pin drop.

Baekhyun’s fingers still around hers. Her gaze lifts from his fingers to his eyes, and they darken a bit, almost masking the sadness.

A cold shiver runs straight down Sunhee’s spine at the way he looks at her, but she doesn’t pull away from his gaze.

She doesn’t think he’ll say anything. Her heart slams against her ribs and she swears he can hear it.

He murmurs, “Are you asking because you want to or because you think I want to?”

Sunhee nods, quickly, and she thinks this is the most honest she’s been in a while. She’s always found him attractive. She murmurs, “Because I want to.”

Baekhyun nods, untangling one of his hands from hers, warm, pretty fingers lingering, featherlight, against her cheek, her jaw, until it rests at her neck, a light pressure that has her heart beating fast. His thumb presses against her bottom lip.

She breathes, “Do you want this because I want it or because you do?”

A small smile flutters across his lips as he says, stare burning, “I want this, too. I’ve wanted this since I first saw you in that robe with the bat.”

“.” Sunhee laughs while his other hand slipping under her shirt, trailing goosebumps along her bare skin.

“Oh, absolutely. Just wait and see.” Baekhyun nods, eyes twinkling as his thumb presses further against her bottom lip.

She snickers, pressing her own fingers to his thighs. His grip on her waist, her neck, tightens significantly, and he wastes no time pulling her up on his lap until she’s straddling his thigh, her stomach filling with butterflies at their proximity, the way his thigh flexes right under her, even as he own fingers dip down.

She’s grinning, leaning down to bite marks onto her neck because she can, until he crowds her, rocking her against his thigh, her hair spilling from his fingers, leaving open mouthed kisses along her neck, her chest, and then he’s grinning and she’s thinking she really missed out on starting this a long, long time ago.

Only later, much later, she curls up into his side in her bed, his arm draped over her waist, and she wonder why she’s noticed that the whole time, he never kissed her once.

~.~.~.~.~

“Hey.”

Baekhyun grumbles against her shoulder, arms tightening around her waist.

She shoves his head with the palm of her hand. He just grumbles louder, shoving his face further into the nape of her neck.

“Baek, I’m hungry. Get off.” She shoves his head harder.

This time he opens his eyes, glaring at her, before he grumbles, “I’m comfy.”

“I’m hungry.” She copies his tone.

He huffs, but maybe he sees something in her expression or maybe he just remembers he’s hungry, too, because he sits up, hair sticking up all over the place, and he stretches, yawning.

She watches his shirt stretch over his back, watches as he sleepily rolls out of bed and casually picks up his sweatshirt and joggers from where the two of them tossed it. He even picks up a sweatshirt she left on her desk chair and tosses it at her head.

Sunhee can’t help it when she asks, quietly, “Are you feeling better?”

Baekhyun’s head pops through the head of his sweatshirt and the smile gracing his features is a little off kilter. Still, he nods. “Yeah.”

Sunhee smiles, “Okay, good.”

~.~.~.~.~

“If you want to be Iron Man, that means you just want to be rich.”

“I mean, yes, who doesn’t want to be rich?” Baekhyun waves his spoon around, “But he also gets that cool glowing thing.”

“But he has no superpowers!”

“He’s smart!”

“So, you definitely can’t be him.”

“Yeah, I mean – wait, hey!

Sunhee laughs while Baekhyun splutters over his breakfast. Baekhyun’s grinning, smile wide and reaching his eyes, until he’s not.

His gaze freezes over Sunhee’s shoulder, his smile wavering.

“Hey, Baek. You stayed the night?” Kai’s voice drifts through the kitchen. Sunhee looks over her shoulder, annoyed. Kai grabs a mug, filling it with water, before he saunters over to the table, pulling out the chair between Sunhee and Baekhyun, plopping down without invitation.

“Yeah.” Baekhyun’s expression morphs into something steely. It reminds Sunhee a little of the way he looked before she got to know him. His jaw ticks.

“You know, I always thought you and Irene were a thing. She even showed up the other day. What a coincidence.” Kai is smiling, leaning back on his chair, an aura of nonchalance that gets right under her skin. She remembers his demeanor, remembers quite vividly how he threatened to out her to Seulgi with such an easy smile tugging at his lips.

Baekhyun rolls his eyes. Kai turns to Sunhee, “You know Irene, right?”

“Yes.” Sunhee bites out. Kai looks surprised, for a split second.

Then he sighs, sipping at his cup, before he tilts his head, mutters, “Hmm.” Kai looks at Baekhyun, changing the subject suddenly, “Anyways, shouldn’t you be packing for the trip?”

This time, Sunhee’s caught off guard. She looks between Kai and Baekhyun. Kai’s grin widens at her confused look.

Baekhyun sighs, “There’s something…big going on with the group. We’re all heading overseas for a couple weeks.”

Sunhee blinks, “Oh.”

“We’re leaving the day after tomorrow.” Kai interrupts, still smiling so easily. He looks her right in the eye, raising a brow, somehow managing to be both insolent and suggestive, and he adds, “Maybe you can spend your nights with Irene. I’m sure Baek wouldn’t mind.”

Jongin.” Baekhyun’s tone is sharp, angry.

Kai – Jongin – snorts, raising his hands in mock surrender as he gets up, his chair scraping loudly against the tiles. “Whatever, it was just a suggestion, since they seem to be friends.”

Silence settles between them long after Kai leaves.

“I was going to tell you today.” Baekhyun murmurs, looking sheepish.

Somehow, Sunhee isn’t exactly mad. She’s just…sad. She doesn’t know what big entails when it comes to a gang. She doesn’t know what leaving overseas means. Most importantly, she doesn’t want to be alone. She murmurs, “I know. I just –” She tugs at her fingers, “Is everybody leaving?”

Baekhyun’s gaze drops to her fiddling hands, “Jinwoo’s group is staying, so they might come by occasionally, but everyone else is leaving.”

“Do you…” She scratches her nose. Baekhyun’s eyes follow her movements. She wants to ask about Seulgi, but her words are stuck in . She wants to ask if he thinks Seulgi would have told her. Seulgi hasn’t spoken to her since that night through the door. “Never mind.”

“You can stay in my apartment. Until we get back.” Baekhyun’s voice is quiet, careful. “Irene will probably come by sometimes, but you won’t be so…alone.”

Sunhee nods and she thinks, with a heavy heart, that maybe this is the first step to leaving.

~.~.~.~.~

“Can I ask you a question, ma’am?”

Sunhee looks up from her phone, in the middle of texting Baekhyun back. She’s at the bus stop, alone, since Sanha called out sick. A man with a face mask pulled over his nose peers down at her. He gestures at the bus map, brows furrowed in confusion. She pulls out her headphones, nodding, “Sure, what do you need help with?”

He points at the bus routes, says, “Can you explain how this…works? The bus systems aren’t nearly this complicated back home.”

Sunhee steps closer to the map, tracing the bus routes with her finger. She opens to respond when the hairs at the back of her neck stand on end, a chill running straight down her spine. She notices, just across the street, a stalled car. She notices that no one’s out. This particular bus stop has always been relatively deserted, since she worked in a quieter part of town. She never noticed just how quiet and empty it was, until now. Before she can step back, away from the stranger raising goose bumps all over, her knees buckling at a sudden knock to the back of knees, pain blooming. She yelps in shock, but the grip on her arms is tight. She thrashes, tries to scream, but a wet rag is pushed over , her eyes watering at the smell invading her senses – sickly sweet mixed with a hint of ethyl. Her grip on the arm around her slackens with each passing second, same as her vision, and she can barely register just how frightened she is before her world goes dark.


a/n: oof sorry I've been gone for so long! There's been a lot going on TT. I just wanted to say that since this is about a secondary character's life, something bad has to happen to her for the betterment of the main character lol. Baekhyun is...confusing here but he's just a mess. They both are and it's kind of fun writing absolutely messy characters. I hope you guys like this! I haven't written in sooo long I feel so off. Thank you everyone for your support and love as always I love you!!!!!!

x

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lightglowing
#1
Chapter 16: I love this so much! Goshh i'm soo curious to know full story! Whats wrong with kai tho? Ughh i hate him now.

I know that its been years but i really hope miracle happen that you make a comeback loll
mustaches #2
i can’t believe it’s been two years and not a day goes by where i don’t think about this fic and ur stories.. imy 🥺
homubodi #3
Chapter 16: I remember the first time I read this story, I read it all in one go because it was that good. Rereading this up to this point has done nothing but to confirm that this is one of my favorite story on this website! I can't stop thinking about it... I just absolutely adore the development and connection between Sunhee and Baekhyun.

I am so so so so much looking forward to the next update!
candypark #4
Chapter 16: Damnnn this is so good!! I love the character's development and the mystery between them. Your idea is so fresh too, I usually didn't like mafia!au because almost all of it have a similar plot and it's getting boring. BUT NOT THIS. Ah, I hope you didn't neglected this story, author-nim T_T I hope you still have the motivation to continue this fic. I'm waiting respectfully.
potatoface7894
#5
Chapter 16: Holy I can't believe I take THIS long to start reading this story *cries* It's been in my To Read list for awhile now and GOD I'm so happy I finally read it!! I actually binge-read the whole 16 chapters like a crazy woman I DIDN'T EVEN SLEEP LAST NIGHT WTF— and lemme tell ya I REGRET NOTHING lmao

This plot's so damn good I literally don't know how to explain how much I love it, dude *cries a bit more* I usually like MafiaAUs but this one's so DIFFERENT— not only the characters and their motivations (they're INSANE and so original and the way u describe Sunhee's feelings and mind's so AMAZING and REAL), but also the way they interact with eachother!! Everything's so unique and thrilling and WELL WRITTEN I'm THIS close to lose my lolol No, for real, I enjoyed every minute of it and I was so shocked when noticed u weren't updating it anymore??? Like WHY?! *panics*

I really REALLY hope u decide to start updating this great story again!! *prays* I'll be excitedly waiting for it, hun, probably biting my nails like a psycho JUST SO U KNOW lmao Till then??? Tysm for your work here, take care! ♡♡♡