[title: declaration - ateez ; oltremare - ludovico einaudi]
[8k]

12.

Bang!

Her eyes fly open at the sudden sound and she barely registers yelling. She mumbles something incomprehensible, burying her face into her warm pillow, intent on going back to sleep. Except the pillow moves and her head lands on what she belatedly realizes is her actual pillow and—oh.

She lifts her head—there’s a dull pounding at her temples, but she ignores that in lieu of the current situation—and she locks eyes with Baekhyun first.

He was her pillow.

Huh.

He’s sitting up, balanced on his elbows. She follows his gaze and—oh no.

Seulgi stands at her doorway, a cake balanced in her hands. Her eyes are wide, and she keeps glancing between Sunhee and Baekhyun, her face pale, lips pressed into a thin line. She is disapproving, as Sunhee might have expected. The most surprising thing about this, she thinks, is Kai hovering behind Seulgi with a bunch of balloons and a party hat stuck haphazardly to the top of his head. In any other situation, she might have found the sight before her funny.

Right now, she’s just wary and confused, a little on edge, especially as the silence stretches on and on.

(Still, the sight of Seulgi intending on surprising her with a birthday cake warms her, despite everything.)

She opens , searching for something to say, anything to break the silence, when—

“Aren’t you going to sing?” Baekhyun tilts his head, eyeing the cake in Seulgi’s hands before his gaze flickers up to meet Seulgi’s eyes. His lips quirk up into a sideways smirk, his eyes twinkling with mischief. Sunhee jabs the side of his thigh under the blanket, as if to ask what the hell he’s doing. He just grabs her hand and pulls her hand out from under the blankets, grip firm around hers. Seulgi’s eyes bulge out her head at the sight and Sunhee thinks she’s going to pass out. Kai just blinks—he genuinely seems speechless and it’s strange.

“What—”

Baekhyun carefully threads his fingers through hers, making a show of it, and Sunhee cuts herself off when he turns to face her and gives her a very genuine smile. Seulgi and Kai can’t see his face, but she’s sure they can see hers. His eyes soften, but they are reassuring, even as he says, “Looks like I’m intruding, so I’ll head out. I’ll see you later, right?”

“Uh…yes?” Sunhee blinks, searching Baekhyun’s face for an explanation. Baekhyun’s expression twists into one of utter amusement and she attempts to pinch his hand. He lets out a breathy little laugh at her attempt, before he leans in and gives her a quick peck on the cheek.

Her cheeks heat up, as he declares, “I’ll text you.”

And then he’s slipping off the bed and out the door, sidestepping Seulgi and Kai on the way out. The three of them are blinking after his back, until Seulgi suddenly swivels on her heels to look at Sunhee. Kai lets out a low whistle, murmurs, “Damn, Shin.”

Sunhee is just surprised Seulgi hasn’t dropped the cake yet.

Sunhee throws Kai a glare. But, Seulgi is the one to interrupt with a shrill whisper, “What the was that?”

Sunhee frowns, “It’s my birthday.”

Seulgi makes a face, “So what? You asked him over for birthday ?”

Sunhee splutters. Kai starts to cackle. Sunhee narrows her eyes at Kai, jabbing a finger in his direction, “I don’t want to have this conversation with him around.”

Kai raises a brow, glancing at Seulgi, as if looking for confirmation from her. As if Sunhee basically demanding Kai to get out of her room isn’t enough. Seulgi nods, the movement subtle. Kai shrugs.

“She’ll tell me after anyway.” Kai says, letting go of the balloons in her room, allowing them to float to the ceiling. He barely looks at her as he pats Seulgi’s elbow before he swivels on his heels and lets himself out, shutting the door behind him. Sunhee’s blood boils while she watches him and she thinks this isn’t fair. None of this is fair.

She turns back on Seulgi, snaps, “So what if I did?”

Sunhee suppresses the horror bubbling up in her chest because she did not mean to just go along with Seulgi’s assumptions, but she’s angry and she’s—

“You did?” Seulgi shrieks it this time and a sharp spike of pain shoots through Sunhee’s head. Seulgi looks about halfway to passing out and Sunhee is too hungover to care. At least that’s what she tells herself but concern still finds a way to settle in her chest.

Sunhee sighs before she gestures to the bed, “Maybe you should sit down for this?”

Seulgi grimaces, “I’m not sitting there. You didn’t even wash the sheets yet.”

“At least put the ing cake down then.” Sunhee snaps, once again, rubbing her temples in annoyance. Seulgi’s eyes widen, taken aback, but she listens to Sunhee, placing the cake down in front of Sunhee. Seulgi doesn’t sit down, though.

There’s a beat of silence before Seulgi’s voice cuts through.

“Okay, what the hell has been going on with you? You’ve been acting so moody and since—oh.” Seulgi blinks and Sunhee watches as the gears in Seulgi’s mind starts to fit together, her eyes lighting up in realization. For a moment, panic fills Sunhee’s chest, because what if Seulgi knows and their friendship— “Do you like Baekhyun?”

Sunhee startles. “I—What?”

“I mean, he would have stayed for the cake if you two were actually dating.” Seulgi taps her chin, gaze unrelenting. Her face lights up as she continues, “So obviously that means you two have only been hooking up. And you’ve been so moody and off lately…that must mean one thing. You caught feelings for him, didn’t you?” Seulgi grins, as if she’s proud of herself for figuring Sunhee out.

Sunhee wants to know why Seulgi assumes all her feelings and problems revolve around men.

“I mean, now that I think about it, whenever he came around, you started acting weird.” Seulgi continues, tapping her chin as she begins to pace the floor.

“I don’t like him.” Sunhee blurts out, frowning. Seulgi pauses, raising a brow, totally in disbelief.

“You’re my best friend. I know when you like someone.” Seulgi says, speaking slowly.

“I—” Sunhee doesn’t know what to say, fingers curling into fists at her lap. Seulgi glances down at her hands, before she sighs, dragging a hand through her hair.

“Look, Sunhee. I know he’s hot or whatever, but,” Seulgi frowns, “Baekhyun isn’t a good person. He isn’t good for you.”

Sunhee almost blames the defensiveness bubbling up in her chest on her hangover, but she knows it’s not fair to dismiss her need to defend Baekhyun like that. Baekhyun has genuinely been there for her every time she needed it. Besides, Sunhee has never taken kindly to anyone badmouthing her friends. She was the same with Baekhyun when he tried to badmouth Seulgi, long ago. But, now, it’s the other way around and Sunhee isn’t sure what’s changed.

She blurts out, “How would you know that he isn’t good for me? That he isn’t a good person? I’m the one who spends time with him.”

Seulgi sighs, looks genuinely exhausted, as if Sunhee is a child throwing a tantrum. There is something strange lingering in her eyes when Seulgi murmurs, “Well, I’m the one who works with him.”

“So what? You work with Kai, too, but you don’t avoid him. You clearly don’t think he’s a bad person. How is it any different?”

“I’ve seen Kai at his best and his worst.” Seulgi sighs, drags a hand over her face, and Sunhee thinks is the first time in a while where she’s seen Seulgi look so candid. “He’s seen me at mine, too. Plus…Kai and me…we click. Neither of us are good, and that’s what makes us work. We’ve been through a lot together, Sunhee. So ing much. And we understand each other. But, you and Baekhyun?” She shakes her head, dragging a hand through her hair. “Look Sunhee. You’re…I’m telling you this because I care about you. You and Baekhyun can’t work. You always know what’s right and wrong. You’re so smart and kind and so ing good. He is not. He’ll ruin you.”

Sunhee is reminded, then, of Suho, of how he said if you’re half the person I think you are as if he thought her good too. Sunhee is reminded of too many things that she does not want to be reminded of on her ing birthday, right then. She wonders why everyone has to put her up on some pedestal, while treating her like absolute . She rubs the underside of her chin, absentmindedly, and she can still feel the cold gun Suho had pressed there. She stares at Seulgi’s sincere expression for just a moment before she mutters, “You’re saying I can’t be with Baekhyun because I’m too good for him?”

“Yes.” Seulgi doesn’t hesitate.

Sunhee should bite her tongue, but she doesn’t. She says, “By that logic, we shouldn’t even be friends then.” She gestures between Seulgi and herself, “I’m too good for you, too.”

Seulgi blinks. Opens once, twice, before she shuts it tight. She doesn’t refute Sunhee’s statement, her eyes hard, full of stubborn resolve.

Sunhee’s heart pounds as her voice rises in volume, “You work with Baekhyun, you said. And with Kai. But, you’re dating him. You’re in a gang with him—no, because of him. If I’m not allowed to be around Baekhyun—because that’s what you keep saying every single ing time his name comes up—then what about you? What about Kai? You keep telling me Baekhyun’s bad for me, that I shouldn’t see him, as if you have any ing right to do so? You never listened to me once when I told you the same about Kai, but you expect me to listen to you?” Sunhee takes a deep breath, realizes she’s been talking faster and faster, throwing out words she never really meant to say out loud. She can’t help it though, when she adds, “At least I know Baekhyun’s real ing name, Seulgi.”

She wants to ask though, why their lives must revolve around boys? This fight isn’t about boys, not for her. Sunhee wants to shake Seulgi by the shoulders and talk about them, about the distance that has been growing between them, about the way Seulgi ignores everything Sunhee ever tells her, but expects Sunhee to drop everything for Seulgi. Why hasn’t Seulgi had a confrontation with Sunhee until now, until she found a boy in her bed?

Seulgi stares at Sunhee, as if Sunhee has grown another head, as if she is seeing a different person. Maybe she is?

“Look at you.” Seulgi whispers, tone sharp, “He’s already changing you.”

Sunhee wants to scream. Wants to cry. Wants to know if Seulgi had heard anything else that had left . Wants to know why the hell she still loves Seulgi so ing much.

Instead, Sunhee says, tone bitter, “At least we can go on double dates now, right?”

Seulgi blinks, her lips twisting. She looks angrier than ever, for just a moment. Seulgi crosses her arms over her chest.

Sunhee just sighs, can feel the guilt beginning to creep up under her skin. Her heart feels like it’s in a vice-grip. Sunhee reigns in her own anger just enough to mumble, “Thanks for the cake, Seulgi. You can go now.”

Seulgi gives Sunhee a long look before she spins on her heels and slams the door shut behind her. Sunhee groans at her growing headache and guilt.

~.~.~.~.~

“Hey.”

Sunhee jumps in the dining room chair, the hairs at the back of her neck standing on end immediately.

It’s Suho. He’s dressed in a white t-shirt and comfy joggers and she unconsciously notes that this is the first time she’s seen him so casually dressed. Somehow, it doesn’t detract from threatening aura he radiates.

Suho leans against the entryway, arms crossed over his chest. She puts down her spoon, soup long forgotten. All she really wants to do is go back to her room—she’s been very, very good at avoiding Suho since the Incident and she’s been intending on keeping it that way.

“Heard it was your birthday.” Suho steps fully into the kitchen.

It takes her a minute before she can formulate a response, “If you’re here to give me a gift, here’s some solid advice: don’t. I’ll just burn it. Now leave me alone.”

“I’m here to apologize.”

She blinks, eyes snapping up to analyze his expression. “I—what?”

Suho sighs, dropping his head back. She does not detect a single hint of amusement in his expression. He looks completely serious. He states, tone too serious, “I should apologize. The whole warehouse thing was…not cool.”

“I think that’s a bit of an understatement.”

He ignores Sunhee’s comment completely as he barrels through, “I was worried about…some things…earlier. It’s still no excuse. I should not have threatened you or put my hands on you in any way. I am sorry. You don’t have to accept my apology—”

“Don’t worry. I won’t.”

Suho glares at that, faltering in his speech, before he takes a deep breath and settles on a careful expression and a determined, “I am still very sorry.”

There’s a pause, long enough where it starts to get a little awkward. Sunhee breaks it first, “Is that all?”

For a moment, Suho seems flustered. He uncrosses his arms, shuffling from foot-to-foot, before he settles on a look of annoyance and a noncommittal grunt.

She expects him to leave, but he doesn’t. He just stands there, expression stoic, but body language a little unsure.

After another long minute, she finds she can’t stand it. She waves her spoon, frowning at him, “There’s, uh, cake in the fridge. I don’t want it, so you can have some.”

Suho blinks, surprised. She is more surprised when he says, “Okay.”

~.~.~.~.~

“This is…weird.” Suho mumbles around a spoonful of cake.

“Only because you keep trying to talk to me.” Sunhee responds, not once looking up from her phone despite the way all her instincts are on edge, shouting at her to run. She keeps reminding herself to unclench her jaw, to remain nonchalant, unbothered.

“No, I think it’s because I’m eating your birthday cake.”

“Seulgi bought it. Think about that and maybe it’ll taste better.”

“I not—I don’t care if—”

Sunhee watches as Suho nearly chokes on the cake, watches as he scrambles for his water. She just watches, not even bothering to help him while he flails, tears filling in his eyes as he hacks off cough after cough. It takes a moment for him to catch his bearings. After he gulps down a glass of water and catches his bearings, he glares at her. He scowls, says, “I was choking, and you just watched.”

She snaps out, “Unfortunately, it didn’t kill you.”

Suho rolls his eyes, wiping at his mouth. It’s amusing, she thinks, watching him attempt for elegance and dignity when she had just seen him hacking up cake. It detracts from the terror she’s been feeling regarding him, though she still doesn’t think she will ever forget or forgive him for threatening her and putting a gun to her face.

“No wonder Baekhyun likes you.” Suho mumbles.

“Baekhyun?” She raises a brow at that, narrowing her eyes at him. “Did he put you up to apologizing to me?”

“No.” Suho lets out a small sigh, “I…Jinwoo mentioned you’re friends with his brother.”

“Oh, did he?” She purses her lips, suppressing an eye roll as she says, “So what? Now you feel bad about attacking me?”

“More so for Sanha’s sake then yours. Sanha’s a sweet kid, even if his friends are insufferable.” Suho replies, with a shrug, stuffing another spoonful of cake into his mouth.

“At least you have some semblance of a conscience, I guess.” She scoffs, not even bothering to hide her eye roll this time.

“Unfortunately, I am human, too. And Sanha’s a kid.”

“Ha, you’re a real model citizen.” Sunhee stabs at her cake, sneering at him.

“God, you really are super ing annoying.” Suho grimaces.

“And you’re in love with my best friend. I think you win the most annoying award here.”

Sunhee half-expects Suho to choke on his cake again. She also expects anger, like last time. She stiffens when his hand twitches. Instead of attacking her, though, he calmly puts his spoon down and looks Sunhee right in the eye. His expression is serious, eyes clear.

Each syllable that leaves his mouth is sharp and clear, “I am not in love with her, Shin.”

She falters a little at how adamant he is, before she responds, “Then what is it?”

“I thought she would have told you by now.”

“Seulgi doesn’t tell me a lot of things.” She can’t keep the bitterness out of her tone.

Suho snorts, says, “Why do you put up with it, then?”

Sunhee doesn’t say anything.

Suho tilts his head, pointing his spoon in Sunhee’s direction, “You’re loyal. No wonder she doesn’t want to lose you.”

Sunhee blinks, “She said that to you?”

Suho eats the last bit of his cake before he says, “People like us are all the same, Sunhee.” He gestures around the kitchen, “We value loyalty over everything else. Some of us, we see goodness and we drown ourselves in it because then we can pretend we’re good, too. When really that goodness never belonged to us in the first place. The rest of us, though, we like to burn it all to the ground, stamp out all the good until there is nothing left.”

“Which one of the two are you calling Seulgi?” Sunhee bristles—she and Seulgi may not be on the best terms now, but she doesn’t appreciate what Suho is implying.

"The third option.” Suho replies, nonchalant as ever.

Sunhee scowls.

Suho laughs at her expression, all-encompassing and loud, a bark of thing that makes her stiffen.

Suho continues, before she can say another word, “What you should be asking is which ones Baekhyun and Kai are. Which one I am. Which ones Jinwoo and Moonbin and Chanyeol and Chen and Eunwoo are.” Suho tosses the spoon in the sink, hovers at the threshold as he glances over his shoulder, smile stretched across his handsome face, ruining it, “Happy birthday, Shin.”

~.~.~.~.~

“Explain.” Sunhee crosses her arms over her chest, blocking the entrance to the house.

Baekhyun blinks down at her. She thinks he looks especially cozy dressed in an oversized sweater and sweats. He’s holding two plastic bags, one in each hand, hands full, and she feels a little bad for making him stand there and carry all that weight. Still, she blocks the entrance. She wishes she remembered to wear socks and a sweater because it’s cold out, but she stands her ground. She can hear Jinwoo and Moonbin speaking in hushed tones in the living room; they’re waiting for the rest of their team, weapons she hadn’t asked about laid out around them, and she hopes they’re too preoccupied with whatever assignment they have to listen in.

“Explain what?” Baekhyun shifts the bags in his fingers, raising a brow as he stares down at her, “The food?”

“No.” She shakes her head, the movement rapid. She ignores the heat rising in her cheeks as she speaks in an indignant tone, jabbing a finger at him, “The hand holding thing this morning! Every single person in this house thinks we’re dating.”

“Everyone’s just nosy.” Baekhyun snorts, “So, what did you tell them?”

“Nothing. I just run off and hide in my room every time someone brings it up.” She mumbles.

“Then tell them we are.” He shrugs, pursing his pink lips. His tone is slow, pointed, as if what he’s saying is the most logical thing in the world.

She sputters, “I—what? No!”

“Why not?”

“Well, first of all, we’re not actually dating?” She frowns up at him, exasperated.

“And?” Baekhyun matches her frown, eyeing her as if she’s being an idiot. She opens , but nothing comes out. She clamps shut and throws him an incredulous glare. What isn’t he getting? Why is he so—

“Hey, this is all very, very interesting, but can we get in?” Sunhee clamps shut, eyes sliding over Baekhyun’s shoulder. She jumps in surprise at the sight of Eunwoo, Rocky-slash-Minhyuk, and a very angelic looking boy she’s never met before hovering right behind Baekhyun. Her face reddens at the thought that they’ve been standing there listening this whole time.

Baekhyun makes a move to sidle right past her, but Sunhee places a hand on his chest, fingers splayed, and pushes him back. She’s highly aware of the way Eunwoo raises his brow, the way Rocky’s gaze flickers between them, the way Baekhyun blinks down at her hand. She gestures at the other boys with her free hand, standing aside as she waves them in, “Go ahead.” She turns her attention on Baekhyun, narrowing her eyes, “But you’re staying here until we’re done talking.”

Baekhyun pouts and it’s cute. She almost gives in. The other boys slide past her and she hears loud laughter moments later, which she’s sure is Eunwoo’s evil telling Moonbin and Jinwoo what they’ve just witnessed. She doesn’t have it in her to care right now.

“These are getting heavy, though. And cold.” Baekhyun mumbles, shaking the bags in his hands.

Her frown deepens, though, ignoring him as she crosses her arms over her chest and looks Baekhyun right in the eye. “Seriously, Baekhyun, I don’t get it.”

“It’s basic science. Thermodynamics, Sunhee.”

“I’m not talking about the food.” Sunhee throws her hands in the air. She doesn’t take her eyes off Baekhyun’s warm brown ones. Baekhyun doesn’t take his eyes off hers either. She notices the way they grow slightly serious, the longer she stares. Her stomach flips a bit at the silence that stretches between them, the slight tension settling over them. It subdues her, quells her annoyance to something manageable. She is quiet when she adds, “You know what I mean.”

For a moment, the world falls away and it is just the two of them regarding each other. She isn’t sure what he’s thinking, right then, but she really wants to know.

Baekhyun lets out a loud laugh that sounds too breathless, nervous, for just a moment. But, then it’s gone, that imagined moment of vulnerability is replaced by a wide, amused smile. Her heart skips a beat and she isn’t sure why. Baekhyun’s voice cuts through her thoughts, “Let’s talk about this inside, okay? At least so we can get away from their nosy asses.”

He nods towards the living room, behind the door Sunhee is holding open.

Sunhee had momentarily forgotten about the boys in the living room. She blinks before she waves a hand, automatically defending them. “They’re not nosy.”

Baekhyun snorts, using his foot to shove the door further back. The resulting thud is hard as it slams into something. Or rather someone. There’s a chorus of painful groans and loud crashes.

She blinks in surprise.

He raises a brow at her, tilting his head towards her bedroom.

She sighs.

Baekhyun adds, in a softer, kinder voice, “And you look cold. Let’s go in before you catch a cold.”

He waits patiently for her to give in—which she does much too quickly. She sighs again as she steps back and shuts the door behind Baekhyun. She glances at the living room, where the boys are staring too intently at their weapons. Rocky looks up and waves, looking sheepish. Moonbin, on the other hand, makes kissy faces at her. Jinwoo’s expression is stony, intent, and she isn’t quite sure why. She glares at them, for eavesdropping, because she see the redness on Rocky and the angelic one’s foreheads very clearly, before she spins on her heels and follows after Baekhyun.

As she steps into her room, her frown deepens at the sight of Baekhyun laying out a towel on the floor and unpacking the takeout. There’s a casualness to his movements that settles right at the pit of her stomach. Her frown stretches and deepens and—

“I just thought it would help you get over Seulgi and explain why you’re with me so much.”

It takes her a moment to realize that he’s giving her the explanation she asked for earlier.

“You’re my friend. Shouldn’t that be explanation enough for her?” Sunhee rubs her bare arms, suddenly cold. She is hyperaware of the goosebumps lining her skin. She’s still standing by the door. She continues, “Besides, you left too fast and now she thinks I have a one-sided crush on you and that we’re hooking up.”

She doesn’t try to sound too disappointed that a certain part of what Seulgi thinks isn’t true. She still remembers his hand on her skin—how could she forget? She was drunk but not that drunk. She remembers how badly she wanted to be selfish.

“Don’t sound too disappointed there.” He laughs and it sounds too much like a cackle.

She glares at him, huffing, ignoring the heat rising to her cheeks, before she plops down on the floor. She grimaces, “At least then I’d be getting something out of all this.”

“Hmm.” Baekhyun hums, sitting cross-legged across from her, eyes twinkling as he tilts his head a little, eyes searching hers for a moment. It takes a moment before he speaks, before he says, “We could…do that, you know. Hook up, I mean. Pretend we’re dating for s and giggles.”

She freezes, “I…what…?”

Baekhyun stares at her, as if he is seeing straight into the depths of her soul. Her face feels like it’s on fire. She is unable to tear her eyes off his. The tension in the room runs so high, she thinks it’s almost suffocating. She certainly is finding it hard to breathe. For a moment, all she hears is the thrumming of her heart in her ears and all she sees is Baekhyun.

But, then, Baekhyun speaks, tone too nonchalant, dismissive, as he lifts a hand and begins to list off, “You’re not ugly. We’re both sober enough to give our full consent. We already spend a ton of time together. Nothing else would have to change and it can be easy to do.”

(That tension dissipates at his words, his tone, as the way his pink lips pull up into an easy, boxy grin.)

“Is that the best thing you can say about me? ‘You’re not ugly’?” Sunhee crosses her arms over her chest.

There is a moment of silence and she wonders if he’ll let it drag, if he’ll let it become something awkward. But, Baekhyun bursts into laughter, sharp and loud and so full that it nearly startles her. It’s contagious, though. Sunhee joins him, one giggle spilling from her lips at a time, until they’re both giggling over themselves and the tension from earlier is completely forgotten, until the laughter slowly dies down and they settle into a comfortable silence. Still, she’s unable to stop smiling.

There’s another silence, until he is the first to break it.

“I mean, the other option is actually dating me. Do you want to actually date me?” Baekhyun asks, quiet now, but friendly, amused.

“No way.”

Baekhyun throws her an offended look. She cackles. He looks like he wants to throw something at her, but he rolls his eyes, lips pulled up into an amused little grin.

“Then,” He raises a brow, says, “What about making out with me? We could around, too.”

“A little bit, yeah. I guess.” She ignores the way her cheeks heat up at his bluntness.

“You were much more enthusiastic about it last night, Sunhee.” He grins, all teeth.

“Shut up.” She blushes, probably right up to her ears, opting to roll her eyes at him.

“Look at you.” Baekhyun presses a hand to his chest, sighing loudly, feigning offense, “You really only want me for my body, huh?”

She only reddens more, spluttering out something incoherent that has Baekhyun chuckling, still clutching his chest. She avoids his eyes.

Baekhyun doesn’t let her avoid his gaze for long, though. He tips forward, tilting his head until he is in her line of vision, until she cannot look at anyone but him.

Strangely, his eyes are suddenly quite serious, soft almost, as he speaks in a careful, firm tone, “Jokes aside, I need a yes or no, Sunhee. Don’t feel pressured to say yes, either.”

“I…” Before all this, Sunhee would have needed months just to think this over. She would have needed months to overanalyze everything to the point of no return. But today is her birthday and, well, she’s been a little touch starved. She hasn’t dated anyone in a while. Besides, she remembers her thoughts last night, remembers Baekhyun’s touch on her skin. Maybe, being with someone else will help her forget Seulgi completely. Maybe, she’s allowed to be a little selfish, for once. Maybe she’s allowed to stop being good. Maybe if she were to pretend to date Baekhyun, she’d finally get some answers from Seulgi. Maybe she can’t resist Baekhyun’s little pout and serious eyes, maybe she feels safe being vulnerable around Baekhyun, especially in that way. Maybe this can be fun.

“Yeah.” She says, finally. Her voice cracks at the word, at first, and she coughs before she tries again, voice steadier, though quiet, “Yes.”

Baekhyun studies her expression. He smiles, tilting his head as he asks, “Okay?”

“Okay.” She takes a deep breath, “Okay, yeah.”

He laughs at her expression, nodding, “I guess we’re doing this, huh?”

She nods slowly, unable to help the small laugh bubbling up from her lips. She feels a bit awkward, so she picks up her chopsticks, focusing her attention on the food. She glances up at him briefly as she tacks on, “I have one condition for this, though.”

Baekhyun waves a hand, though his eyes do not leave hers, “Okay.”

She takes a deep breath before she murmurs, “No catching feelings, okay?” She sighs, “It’s just…I’m so sick of dealing with love. I don’t want to be in love anymore.”

Her eyes drop to her lap at the last sentence because it’s something she’s never admitted out loud and it’s scary to think that she has feelings that control her more than she can control them. It’s terrifying to really truly admit the amount of power Seulgi has over her, no matter how many times she does it. She glances up, briefly, and Baekhyun is looking at her. She can’t read his expression—it’s blank, analytical, all-seeing really, before he rubs the back of his neck, looking away first.

“What is this, Sunhee? Some cheesy rom com?” Baekhyun’s snicker cuts through the brief tension, through the anxiety curling through her. He takes a big, sloppy bite of his food and she watches him, unable to help the small smile playing on her lips.

“You’re the one who was suggesting we fake-date-slash-hook-up-as-friends-or-whatever-the-. I think you’ve been watching too many cheesy rom coms.” Sunhee points out, grinning now over her chopsticks.

“Damn, yeah, you got me there.” He grins right back.

They settle into eating and talking, Baekhyun steering the conversation back into known territory. The awkwardness dissipates completely as they slip into a lengthy discussion about the latest Sky Castle episode.

While they’re cleaning up the food, though, Sunhee is the one to reach out and curl her fingers around the sleeve of Baekhyun’s sweatshirt. She returns to the subject first as she murmurs, “Baekhyun?”

He looks up from the plastic bag he placed by the door, his eyes growing serious, concerned, as they flick from her grip on his sleeve to her face. “Yeah?”

She bites her lip, hesitant, before she speaks, “We can’t let this change anything, okay? I…like our friendship. A lot.”

Her voice is barely a whisper, vulnerable again. She hates displaying her vulnerability so often to him, but it’s the truth and she thinks Baekhyun deserves nothing but the truth. Baekhyun is quiet for a moment, his gaze flickering over her face and she is fascinated by how different he looks when his features are no longer sharp and terrifying, how gentle he looks when he is all soft eyes and careful smile.

“It won’t change anything.” Baekhyun holds out a hand, casually hooking his fingers through her limp ones before pressing their thumbs together firmly. A promise, she realizes, staring at their intertwined hands. She is vaguely reminded of her university days, of the way she and Seulgi would lock hands like this and make promises to each other as well.

She looks up at his face, just as he says, voice firm, “I promise this won’t change a thing. I like our friendship, too.”

Relief crashes over her like a tidal wave. She breaks into a smile, still holding his hand. He grins right back.

~.~.~.~.~

A week later, she is sprawled out on her bed, focused on the details of the ceiling—she’s become very familiar with her ceiling these past few months, enough for her to be able to confidently conclude that whoever painted the ceiling did an absolutely job—waiting for the meeting she’s not allowed to listen in on to finish up so she can have dinner. Her stomach growls, for the umpteenth time, when suddenly her door slams open.

She yelps at the sudden loud bang, flinging herself upright as she grabs the first thing in reach to use as a weapon—her pillow, unfortunately. She must have forgotten to lock her bedroom door and she silently berates herself for her carelessness because she still remembers when D.O. had barged in last time, loaded gun in hand.

She startles at the sight of both Suho and Seulgi at her door, Seulgi with a placating hand on Suho’s forearm and Suho scowling. She can see Chanyeol looming over them from behind, Kai, too, but her eyes land on Baekhyun. He looks angry, jaw clenched, eyes filled with a sort of intensity that makes her stomach churn.

Suho opens his mouth, his eyes on hers, but Seulgi cuts him off with a press of her palm to his chest. Suho looks down at Seulgi’s hand, slowly lifting his gaze to her face, and Seulgi shakes her head, an imperceptible movement that Sunhee would have missed if it wasn’t for the fact that Sunhee can’t tear her gaze off them. The pillow slips from Sunhee’s grasps, landing on her lap, and remains kneeling on her bed, body tensed.

Then—

“We need your help, Sunhee.” Seulgi’s voice is gentle, soothing, and her eyes are locked onto Sunhee’s. They are reassuring, promising, and Sunhee knows, right then, that she is so, so ed, because Sunhee could never deny those eyes.

“My…help?” Sunhee repeats, her voice rising an octave.

She doesn’t like all the eyes on her, the atmosphere, the obvious fact that she’s just been dragged into one of those meetings she was never allowed to sit in on. Her heart slams against her ribs when Seulgi crosses the threshold and into her room, into the only remaining safe haven Sunhee really had from this stupid ing gang. Sunhee’s fists curl around the pillow in her lap, crumpling the material between her fists.

Seulgi’s voice is smooth as honey, words even sweeter, dripping, running. “It’s super small and you’ll be safe. I won’t let you get hurt. It’s just—you’re the only one who can do this. Please, Sunhee. Please do this.” She pauses, adds, “For me?”

Sunhee’s heart constricts in her chest and her gaze flickers past Seulgi’s face. She searches for his familiar eyes, though she doesn’t know why, and her chest constricts, tight, painfully tight, when she sees his jaw clenched. His eyes fall on everything and everyone but her.

Her gaze flits back to Seulgi, back to her soft features and pleading eyes and Sunhee knows she can’t say no. They both know it. Perhaps everyone hovering outside her door know, as well. That despite everything, she can’t ever ing say no to Seulgi, not seriously, not when it matters.

Sunhee stares at Seulgi’s outstretched hand, now, and her hesitancy doesn’t go unnoticed by Seulgi. Seulgi takes another step, almost crowding Sunhee on her bed, her eyes growing a little darker, an intensity swimming there that Sunhee almost doesn’t recognize. She looms over Sunhee, Seulgi’s knees knocking against the side of Sunhee’s bed. She bends, slightly, one knee bent over the bed, hand still outstretched.

It takes just another moment for Sunhee to move. Slowly, Sunhee takes her hand.

Slowly, a grin stretches across Seulgi’s face.

Seulgi’s fingers are cold as they curl around Sunhee’s.

Seulgi pulls her off the bed and Sunhee lets her.

Seulgi drags her out of the room, elbowing past Suho and Chanyeol and Kai and Baekhyun, their faces a blur as she blinks at the back of Seulgi’s head.

Sunhee lets it happen.

~.~.~.~.~

Sunhee stands in Seulgi’s bedroom, taking in the changes Seulgi had made – the high-waisted shorts, the lowcut crop top, the heels, the straightened hair, and the heavy, sultry makeup, the rundown of where she was supposed to stay at all times to maximize safety while she lures their target out, the urgency, the mention of one of the younger members being in serious danger to overwhelm Sunhee’s hesitancy with the need to help, Seulgi’s emphasis on how they needed a distraction – and she thinks she looks good, like she belongs in this house and these meetings. Like she isn’t as good as everyone keeps telling her she is.

There’s a light rap at her door and she responds with a just as light come in.

She looks up just in time to see Baekhyun slipping into the room before shutting the door behind him, his back pressed to the door, his arms crossed over his chest, his expression stony, expressionless really.

She can sense a certain tension rolling off him, one she can’t quite pinpoint the emotions behind, so she just lifts her arms, waving them slightly to lighten the mood. She says, “How do I look?”

Her skin heats up at the way he appraises her so slowly, gaze dropping from her head to her toes and back again, pausing every now and then. She swallows a bit under his scrutiny, glancing away when he finally meets her gaze. He says, “Like you’re making a very stupid decision.”

She doesn’t expect him to sound so pointed, so annoyed. Still, she responds, “Seulgi said you’d be there with me. That he doesn’t know your face either.”

He lets out a low sigh. For a moment, she feels burdensome. She wraps her arms around her torso while he speaks, “Which is why I don’t understand why they think we need you to help. I could easily take care of this.”

“Suho said you make things messy.”

“This is messier. Actually, this is ing reckless.” Baekhyun snaps, suddenly, his voice rising slightly.

She startles, jumping.

Baekhyun sighs, dragging a hand through his hair as his head falls back against the door. His eyes are still on her, his chin lifted, throat bared to her, Adam’s apple bobbing as he sighs loudly. He drags a hand over his face, “Sorry. ‘S not your fault. This is just…bringing up bad memories.”

She raises a brow at that, “Bad memories?”

Baekhyun lifts his head off the door, facing her head on. There’s a distant look in his eyes. His expression is guarded, stiff. She notices how he keeps looking at her outfit, how exhausted he looks. He can’t entirely hide the sadness sitting just below the surface, no matter how hard he tries. His voice is a low murmur, “Real bad.”

Sunhee wants him to elaborate, but she also doesn’t want to push him. So, she opts for a joking tone when she says, “Did I finally unlock that trauma-induced breakdown you promised?”

Unfortunately, her joking tone lands flat, even as she takes a tentative step forward. She reaches out for him, fingers slow, steady, easy for him to avoid if he’d really like to. He doesn’t smack her away, like she expects. He doesn’t even flinch as her fingertips land on his elbow. Instead, he drops his hand from his face, still slumped against the door. His eyes search her face for a long, long time. So long that she wonders what exactly he’s thinking. What do his unreadable eyes see in her? What is he thinking?

All she can really see is that there’s a flip in him. One moment, he opens his mouth, looks as if he really will spill his deepest trauma to her, as she did with him. The next moment, his mouth clamps shut into a thin line.

His voice is still so low though, so quiet, causing a small tingle to run right down her spine. He murmurs, “Not yet, Sunhee.”

She doesn’t miss the implication that a time will come eventually. She doesn’t get to dwell on it though, because Baekhyun is pushing himself off the door, crowding her suddenly, so close she has to take a step back, her fingers still situated on his forearm. He lets out a low chuckle, eyes twinkling.

The vulnerability, the distance; it’s gone. It’s been replaced by a sideways grin and mischief. Baekhyun reaches up and taps the tip of her nose with a pretty finger. She blinks rapidly, startled as she cups her nose. He snorts at her reaction as he says, “Just be careful, okay?”

He doesn’t even give her time to response, spinning on his heels to open the bedroom door, hand outstretched for her to take, eerily similar to when Seulgi had held her hand out. She takes it, ignoring Suho pacing the hall outside the door, ignoring Seulgi and Kai sitting side-by-side and speaking in hushed tones. She takes Baekhyun’s hand, without hesitation. Her gaze flits to Seulgi. Seulgi is staring at her, even as Baekhyun pulls her into his side and throws an arm around her shoulders, pressing her against him.

Baekhyun speaks, eyes trained on Seulgi, of all people, and he bites out, “If this goes to , it’s on you, Kang.”

“You’re going to be there.” Seulgi snaps back. “It’ll be on you, too, Byun.”

Suho rolls his eyes, as if their bickering is an everyday thing. Sunhee wouldn’t know. His gaze cuts to Sunhee, though, and Suho calls, “You ready, Shin?”

Sunhee nods.

a/n: omg what goes on?? I've literally been soooo busy and haven't had time to write so I thought I'd hit yall with a slightly longer update for this. I love u all very much and I'm sorry for being so MIA!!! also i've accidentally gotten more into ateez (i need to fill the hole exo is leaving in my heart sOMEHOW) so lmk if you want me to write anything for them?? I would DIE for Hongjoong, let me just put that on the record right now. And I know everyone and their mom says wooyoung reminds them of jimin but tbh personality, smile, and chaos-scale wise wooyoung reminds me soooooo much of baekhyun, we love chaotic but loving demon babies TTT

Also Jongdae congrats on your marriage AND baby lmfaoooooooo mans said he's gonna start the new decade out with a bang (literally). anyways i love u all thank youuuuuuuu

xoxo