Ludus \lūdus\
infatuation, early days of romance, playful

"Don't you think love is better with a little bit of playfulness?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like when you first fall in love, how do you think it feels?"

"I don't know."

"I do," Jongin said as he poured himself coffee. It was the third one in one hour and Luhan didn't understand if maybe he should step in and stop the boy from taking any more caffeine into his body.

"You do?" Luhan asked, deciding that he will let Jongin have his coffee. It was not his place to judge him. If he needed it there was nothing Luhan could about it.

Jongin nodded as he took a sip. Black coffee.

"First love is more like a game," Jongin said, "Of pulling and pushing. Like a chase."

"Have you ever loved before?" Luhan asked curiously.

"Yes, I have," Jongin's eyes darkened, "I still do. And he loves me too."

"Then why are you doing this?" Luhan asked, surprised, "Why make a cello to make anyone fall in love with you if you already have a lover?"

"I'm leaving in a few days, very soon," Jongin said, "I'm just not happy and I never will be here. And the cello?" Jongin sighed and smiled at Luhan, "I don't feel sympathy for you but I've seen you at school. You're like me before I met Kyung-" and then he stopped as if he had said too much.

But Luhan won't let it go now, "Tell me."

"Kyungsoo," Jongin said sadly, "That's his name. I love him and he loves me."

"Where is he?"

"He's not here now," Jongin simply said.

"Are you going to see him in a few days?" Luhan asked, "Is that was you mean by chase?"

"Maybe," Jongin shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know why I told you about the cello. It was his idea you know. It was Kyungsoo's idea. He left the notes before he went. When I started noticing you at school, I knew you were like me. A desperate soul in this wild world. That's why I decided to pick those notes up and help you."

" Do you regret it now? " Luhan asked slowly, scared for the answer he was going to receive.

" No," Jongin said shaking his head and taking another sip of his dark coffee," I am glad I did. You're even better than I expected."

"How did you expect me to be?"

"I picked up you were a poet," Jongin said, telling Luhan of how good of a stalker he was, "I knew you expressed yourself through words that you wrote in small notebooks. I saw you looking at people. I saw the longing in your eyes when you looked at Sehun. I have never spoken to him, he's younger than me, but he seems nice. That day I saw how you looked at him and the girl and could almost feel your heartbreaking," Jongin said," I was uncertain at first, because the time was limited, but then I told myself I have to help you. For Kyungsoo."

Luhan took every word inside and made a sense of it, "How am I better than expected then?"

"It's easy to choose the right person with you," Jongin finished his drink and threw the cup to the side, "I describe to you what Kyungsoo wrote in his notes about the different kinds of love and you know exactly who to choose."

"I've been silently observing everyone being happy from the sidelines," Luhan said looking down, "I tried to look for a meaning of life. Why they were happy and laughed. Why they spoke to each other. Why they had mother and fathers and sisters and brother. Why they had friends. Why didn't I have anything they had? I had nothing."

"I have nothing now too," Jongin said but he had learnt to not make it about himself when someone confided their problems to him, "But you will have everything you never had. I can't say why life was made that way for you, but you will get better. You'll be happy."

"What about you Jongin?" Luhan asked.

"I told you to not worry about me," Jongin laughed.

"Tell me more about Kyungsoo, then."

"I will tell you when the right time comes," and with that Jongin got up and stood near the window.

Luhan was getting stiff of sitting on the wooden chair so he got up and moved next to Jongin.

They looked at the early morning sun and how peaceful the sky looked.

"You know how you were saying about the starting of love?" Luhan asked and Jongin mumbled a yes.

"It's like infatuation, no? I've read about it in books."

"The first steps of love. Innocent maybe a little bit playful. The feeling of butterflies in your stomach, heart beating faster, hands getting sweaty, a feeling of bliss."

"You have felt all of this, haven't you?" Luhan looked at Jongin's face but he was expressionless.

"I have," he simply said, "It's about first jealousies. Chasing. Pushing away one another, just to come together again."

"You know Xiumin?" Luhan suddenly said looking at the sky. The boy was resting in peace now. 

"Who?"

"I mean, Minseok."

"Oh yeah, how can I forget him so soon?" Jongin said sarcastically. 

"There was a boy always around him," Luhan thought about it for a while to get his thoughts clear, "Kim Jongdae."

"What about him?" Jongin asked raising an eyebrow. 

"Jongdae was always teasing Minseok," Luhan said, "Making him jealous but then he would always go back to him."

"Can you bring Jongdae then tonight?" 

"Yeah," Luhan said, "He will be sad if he lives anyway, without his Minnie," the